nearly a week and a half going through withdrawals... Some unexpected parts of my personality are back... oh I forgot that I talk incessantly, and I laugh loud, and I cry over e-mails about lost pets, and I get really mad over injustice. I wonder if Andy is going to like this new intense version of me? He is used to the half baked stale personality that I thought was my real one.
OK, paxil makes the Dreadfuls go away. But with every cure there is a curse. Paxil takes passion, personality, the sense of injustice and the need to argue away too. I liked that, I don't like to argue, not really... But it makes whole wheat nut bread turn into wonder bread. After a time you get used to it, you think your getting old anyway, you don't need passion anymore. I am thankful... but I am kinda sad, mad, disappointed. Why do I have to trade being able to face each day and leave the house for having no life?
I will let you know a few months down the road, when Paxil free, the dreadfuls come back to haunt me. WHO am I anyway? The thought occurs to me that I am not going to allow myself to be over taken by chemicals, but will is not always enough.
So lately I have thought that if I can't see through it, I don't want to eat it either. Most food makes me feel bloated and crummy.
Today I made bean Threads with Cucumbers, celery, herbs, and seasoned rice vinegar. I feel better when I eat light. I put up a picture its quite lovely,ha ha.
