Doctor A. said I have a type of amnesia, I am not just A. D. D. I have another thing going on.
Do you know? I know it, I gave up explaning it.
He thinks it is the result of head trauma... and how many times have I joked that I was dropped on my head too many times?
How many times I also joked that I had a wire lose in my head.
A person knows when things aren't "quite right."
I am also intelligent. Family memebers think, "Drama Queen" I have learned to keep it to myself.
The hours lost driving through familiar places but not remembering where I am going, or who I am exactly. I don't get upset, I know my memory comes back... randomly.
A long time ago, some doctor tried to say I was having Panic Attacks. I really hate to disagree, but I was never panicked, it has happened most of my life, and I know that it fades away. In the back of my mind is a tiny niggly fear that it won't go away next time, that I will remain in that pleasant feeling of not knowing what is going on. Up till now, it has always passed. I told Doctor A. that even after all our visits I still don't know how to find the door out, but I Fake it pretty good. It is embarrassing trying to go out a door you have gone out many times before, but you still don't know where it is.
I have learned to write everything down, even where I parked the car. I have managed to do this and survive. The only thing that is hard to hide is that my mind wanders off during conversations, I get labled "air Head" and I joke about that as well.
Sometimes I wish people could crawl inside my head and be me. It isn't so funny being the butt of the jokes, but then again.. it is.
I am glad Dr. A found me, because its been many years living with this, and hiding it, and pretending I am just "odd". Trying to explain to people that I don't remember how to get down town is hard. I have maps folded in my car, sometimes I don't understand them either. Please don't sigh in resignation, just give me a little space and time, I will get it, I promise!
