It's a Kitten Thing

Caspian is one of the oddest cats I have ever met. He pulls the thumb tacks out of my bulletin board and scatters my papers all over the floor. The last few mornings I have woke up to a line of rubber Duckies on my bed room floor. They are all parked nose to tail in a row of three or four. I cannot imagine how they got there. THEN... I saw him, he had a duck in his mouth and was carrying them from upstairs to my room and setting them on the floor in my room.. WEIRD CAT. This morning I woke up to a strange noise. Sounded like gnaw gnaw gnaw, then Clunk.
The cat was pulling my spoons out of their rack on the wall and dropping them to the floor. He has to balance on my closet to do this feat of amazing dexterity.
Now after waking me up early in the morning, he is having his nap... stupid cat.

What if?

What if I didn't really exist? What if I get to say whatever I want whenever I want?
Jeez I might as well, daughter number two has a bee in her bonnet over a CAREFULLY MADE COMMENT I made to her about her and "the Donald" moving to Ok, with a girlfriend from high school and new husband..(Who she hasn't seen in years)
I had my proof readers carefully go over the letter with a fine toothed comb looking for any signs of insult or patronizing. I thought it was a nice letter full of Motherly concern. I added a gentle touch of humor and I get back, "HOW RUDE!" from daughter two, who is acting like NUMBER TWO.
To make matters worse, she told the enemy (ENEMA) all about it. The ex.. Ex best friend who is married to my ex.. SHIT! Then tells daughter number one,'We are in town, tell MOTHER we really want to see her." Daughter number one who cannot be caught up in any family dynamics says, "Tell her yourself." SOOO I figure in ten or twelve years when daughter number two pulls her head out of her ass, and I hear it all the way from Oklahoma, I will give her a call, maybe. HEY I didn't start it.
Communication.. I said, I was interpreted to have said, but I meant....