coping is not enough

I seriously don't care about anything. I have assignments to do, things to clean.
Dr put me on some more stuff, I told her, I don't really want to be medicated, I just want feel normal. She said some of us don't get that choice, you have to accept it.
Accepting isn't a strong point. Minor things blow me away, I am overwhelmed and upset.
I want to curl up into the fetal position and pull the covers over my head.
Sherman stinks, Daine has a tummy ache, the dishes need put away, all this is just little things, and I am feeling OVERWHELMED.
I used to be able to handle day to day things, what the hell is the matter with me? I am sick of feeling like this. I wasn't going to give up, I was fighting it, but here it is like a dark stinky cloud over shadowing everything I try to enjoy.
Bruce asked me what I want for Christmas, I told him I wanted to go "out" I wanted to dress up and fix my hair and go somewhere, maybe a play or a movie.
When he gave me a hug at our thanksgiving dinner, I felt like I was home, and I know that I am not allowed to feel that way about him. He likes waif-like women who are too young for him. I like him. Sadly it isn't going anywhere, and I think it could. However I am a sturdy woman, with that bubble butt that my gramma's German heritage shared with me. I don't mind myself as I am. But wish a certain man would grow up and see past that body image crap.

I like sunday till I have to go to work

At least I am working with grumpy Bruce today, he amuses me with his crankiness. He should feel so blue. Today I feel nearly normal, I wish I could every day. Tomorrow History Class resumes, and I also had better get that art project done for art class, man I have been slacking.
It brightened me up to see the child support money was in the account. All 100 dollars of it, however this does mean that my checks won't bounce as I had feared they would. I just can't seem to budget enough gas money for two weeks.
I live pay check to pay check, and its not pleasant. Today though, Daine and I are skipping church, getting caught up on laundry and house hold chores, I enjoy this routine for some reason. I promised him next week we will start going to church again regularly.
Aaaaaarrrgg.

OK, ad for bookswap.com

Do you have any used paperback books lying around? I did, and I finally found a great way to share them with other people.

It seems that a few guys were sitting around one night talking about all the paperback books that they purchased over the years when they traveled on business. Each of them had a stack of books that they had read. So they decided to set up a web site http://www.PaperBackSwap.com/ that allows all of us to swap paperback books with each other. Now it's grown to include ALL books--hardcovers and audio too!

Let me tell you how it works because it is so easy. I listed a bunch of books on the site (you have to list at least 10 books to get in the club) and I got 2 free book credits to get me started. So you can order 2 books right away - free of charge and have them mailed directly to you. No strings attached. No gimmicks. No spam mail. Nothing! You just have to love reading.

Then when another member selects one of my books that I have listed, I mail it to them. Yes, I pay for the postage. But then I get a book credit and I can select a book that I want. So another Club Member returns the favor and mails me one of their books free of charge. For every book I mail out, I get another book in return - a true shared system!

And when someone requests one of your books, all you have to do is print a two page document on regular paper from your printer, and use them to wrap the book. The wrapper includes the mailing address and the amount of postage. Then drop the package in the outbound mail. Hey, most of the time you don't even need to go to the post office!

Right now the annual club membership is FREE! Eventually the founders will ask everyone to help contribute to pay for the upkeep of the web site, but for now the annual club membership is free. The annual dues will probably be between $10 and $20 based on the number of people in the club. But again, right now you don't even have to pay any dues for one year if you become a Charter Member.

You really need to check this out! And if you do sign up, please list my email in the referral section because then I get another free book. This is a great club http://www.PaperBackSwap.com/

Best Regards,

Glena