Enigmatic

There is very little I can do, and I am avoiding calling people to tell them I am a dead beat. I don't want to talk to anyone.
I talked to Armen today, I felt better. I always do, he said there might be a way out, but I know that those rarely materialize.
Hatch put gas in my tank, I can make it to school tonight, and work on Saturday and Sunday. YAY!!

all reasons

He was in the hospital working on a heart attack. I had a feeling about that.
However our relationship is so fragile right now, anything could send it toppling down.
I want so much more, he has no more.

From William to Glena

I reach out to grab her hand

and pull her back to reality.

She has believed in someone but is being deceived and used,

but she is listening to her heart and not her head.

All those promises and lost moments of love,

has made her sink into obscurity.

Will she look up and see my hand?

Will she see me smiling at her, wanting to hug her

to laugh with her and to kiss her?

Can life be that simple as to close your heart to one and open it to another?

Or am I stupid for thinking of the possibilities of being happy with someone

that may not have closed her heart to another?

Morning Morning

I woke up at four, nothing to do but get out of bed, dress and clean house.

I walked the ungrateful dog, and of course petted James.

You cannot avoid petting James.

Were you to call me last night, or am I mistaken?

I got out of class at six thirty, contemplated going out to relieve some need for adult company, changed my mind, and came home instead.

Drank half the bottle of wine we were to share. I am feeling lost and abandoned, but I know the way out of this maze. I know the way.

I will hate that I wrote this later

How many more evenings alone will tell me that this isn't the right way to go?
Alone, drinking the bottle of wine we were supposed to share to celebrate my new apartment.
He won't drink with me, he is secretive, for her or for me, I don't know, possible both of us.
Thought it was love, maybe just indigestion? After a passionate half an hour he looked deep into my eyes and said, "your fun".
WOW.
No words of love were spoken.
I know what the mirror of disaproval says, I know what people would think... I do not know what is truth and what is what I want to believe.
AM I stupid?

James

Lying on my keyboard so I cannot type. Sitting on Daine's coloring poster so he cannot color. This is a loving annoying cat. We really enjoy his antics.