scared

Under fifteen percent survive over five years. Nodules usually means stomach cancer.

Dist in cases

I don't want this to be one of those "famous last word" statements. But remember in the nineties when the doctor was 100 percent sure I had Multipleschrosis? It turned out I didn't have it, just fibermyalgia and over active nervous system.
Now it appears I may have stomach cancer. Just a note, if I end up living my last few months in a hospital bed wasting away from cancer, I am not going to be a gracious patient, and I am going to be a big drama queen and I am going to be difficult, they will drag me to the grave kicking and screaming. I want a recount! Dammit, and if I meet God on the other side I will explain to him about my lack of faith.

Terrible Job review

******** It was based on opinion and not fact. The good thing they said was Paper work is always finished and turned in on time. I am friendly and get along with my co-workers and my clients are genuinely cared about.
I guess they had to say the nice stuff or there would be no reason to keep me on. I am only a few points above termination.
They said I am not assertive enough, and I acted like I feared the client I had several months ago... Yeah the one that went to prison for his anger issues, the one that spontaneously wants to jump out of my car and pound on the window of the woman in the car in front of us. I just eased through our sessions. I said it was like having a rope attached to a hurricane standing on a cliff. I meant him. I was not trained to take him around for sessions. He was a scary person. What do they expect? I really want to live a long life.
They weren't happy about my paper work skills, and they said, "I don't ask questions if I don't know I am doing something wrong." To which.. even though I had promised I would keep silent during the review I said, " I wouldn't ask if I didn't think I was doing something wrong, would i?"
She said was there anything I wanted to add. I said No. she said, ARE you sure? I said NO. I left feeling dejected, and I knew that anything I said would not be taken into consideration, I was very sure about that. Especially since I had gone to one case manager several times because EL's goals weren't helping him, and she wrote on my review that I didn't go to her when I Thought things weren't working. Hmm? is that why we had the big meeting and they asked for my impute and we changed his goals, BECAUSE OF ME>>>>> and yet the review said I never asked for help.
That's whey I didn't bother to write a rebuttal on the stinking review. After that why give a shit, I am going to LOOK for work, there has to be another company out there that I can work with. These guys are not what they say they are.

EGD with Biopsy

The test went well, no evidence of Hiatal Hernia. Vocal cords appear to be healed, Appearance of Chronic gastritis, Nodules in stomach, pre-pyloric. I don't know what that means, they did a biopsy of the nodules. They want to do another study called a Ambulartory PH monitoring.
I even got photos.. yucky

The Coming storm------------------21897

I don't believe I have ever cried for a place like I have Brookings. When I lived in Elko Nevada I tried for 1 and 1/2 years to get back. I wish things were different. I don't want to be old to be where I want to be.
I am glad for the experiences that I have had in other cities, I am glad for the people I have come to love. I am thankful for my Grand Children so near, and my daughters so dear, but I want to go home. If I had a reliable car Daine and I could go for a few days, just to walk on the beach and hear the call of the birds and smell that salty air.

Magical Charm-----------------21894

Short term, I want a better job, a reliable car, it doesn't have to be new, just able to make it to the coast and back.
Short term I want to get rid of stuff I have collected and paint all the shelves in my house white, I want to clean up my porch and get plants out.

Long Term, I want to go home where the waves crash on the rocks and you can hear the seals barking at night. Home where it rains a lot and is warm. Home where you can go down to the dock and pick out your dinner. I have been gone too long.

Oh for the day! and I see it coming.

If I could say what I truly feel from the deep down darkness of my hardened heart, if I could impart to you my sincerity and honest way of thinking,I would. Then it occurs to me I don't give a flying rats behind about you pecker heads anyway.
I know by instinct who I can trust, and who I can reel out a little information, and who is in this world for themselves only. Who is frightened and who is evil, and who is stupid, and who is wholehearted.
I do not see myself in the mirror of your impression of me, I see myself for who I am. The last one standing has the last laugh.

Sunday========21705

Where did my weekend go?
Yesterday was spent in the delightful company of five kids, missing were 8 year old Olivia staying at a friends house, and 2 year old Ruby in the hospital trying to get re-hydrated after being sick for several days.
Ruby is home now and looking plumped back up.
I haven't anything earth shaking to write about at five AM. The dog woke me up at three ringing the bell on the door like a mad thing, he must have had some tummy distress from all the food he scored from the grand kids yesterday. He pays for it every time he helps himself to people food, but he continues to do it.
I had a cup of tea, not such a great idea for my stomach either. I am similar to the dog, I know what I like and what my stomach will allow are two different things. Yet I continue to do it anyway, at least on a small scale.
The Easter Bunny has arrived, I put the basket up high so the dog doesn't get sick.
I am going back to bed for awhile. NO MORE BELL RINGING DOG!