It was true about idle hands being the devils tools, her hands just happened to be resting on the keyboard while she was shopping on EBay.
She knew the kids would notice beans for dinner again, she spent her grocery money on ...things. It was only things, but they seemed necessary.
She paused in reflection; her latest was a Celtic brooch. It was a lovely filigree design set with green semi precious stones.
The brooch was double the money she would have paid if she lived in the UK. The pound was worth more then the US dollar now. She sighed; she really should be working on the endless pile of laundry. She had hit the "refresh" button forty times, she wanted to win the brooch. The auction had three more hours left. Really, she would not bid higher, so it did not matter if she sat posed at her computer screen for another three hours. It was probably her way of wasting time. She liked to avoid mundane tasks.
She pushed back her chair and headed for the kitchen.
“I am boring" I need something else beside on line shopping, house cleaning and work.
It was going to be a hot day, the coffee was hot and she began drinking it as she thought about her busy day ahead. She called to her sons Dane and Mark. “Hey you guys are taking so long to get dressed you will miss breakfast.”
The boys came out of their room looking mildly irritated. Their Mother had a tone in her voice that could wake the dead. The boy’s Father had always said so. Over time, their Mother had learned to dislike their Father and his amusing insults very much.
He was a good father if a lousy husband, and he would be taking the boys away for three weeks. “Historical Excursion” he had called it. She thought thankfully that it was not a hysterical excursion. This brought a snicker. For her it was three weeks of not worrying about what her boys were up to while she was at work.
“What is for breakfast?” Dane asked, always thinking about his stomach. She pointed at the counter where a generic box of cereal sat. Mark Groaned. Mother was not a gourmet cook. For that matter, even a cook. She thought opening a can of green beans was a cause for celebration.
Dane and Mark looked at each other with dismay, it wasn’t even good cereal.
“Jeez look at the time! Your father is going to be here any minute and I need to get Patchouli locked up.” Exclaiming as she searched for the antique Labrador. Calling out loudly the stinky animals name, rarely brought him out of seclusion. Patchouli’s hearing was good as when he was a young dog, but he feigned deafness at any opportunity. He was hiding under the stairway this morning with a Labrador type grin on his face. He would bite the intruder if he were allowed. He knew her ex husband well, had even been around when they were still married. Patchouli’s opinion was goodbye to bad rubbish. You could never change a Labrador’s mind, even if you attached a juicy steak to the idea. Patchouli was very set in his beliefs, and one of them was, some people should be ignored, others should be growled at. He rarely bit anything. However, he might.
Galen searched and called for the animal, feeling impatient. She smelled him before she found him. Jeez what had the boys been feeding him. Some of her great cooking no doubt.
“Come on baby.” She began coaxing and dragging him to the front door. How much did he weigh? She figured he was topping the ninety-pound mark. Eating dry dog food did this, she would remember that for future reference.
“Come on boy, I think you can go to work with me this morning, no one is going to be there.” She laughed to herself thinking that the dog probably heard, “Patchouli! Blah blah blah.”
Too late, she heard the sound of a car driving into the driveway outside. The reluctant Labrador suddenly became very active. That man was never early for anything, except today.
She felt a sense of trepidation as the dog charged for the door. Her ex husband who was never worried about politeness, opened the door without knocking. Patchouli lunged.
If she has not been so scared at this moment, she might have admired the grace in which the old Labrador flew through the air. She did not admire it. Neither did her ex. Patchouli hit him right in the chest and knocked him on his behind. The boys laughed and yelled, “Hey! Good one.” Soon realizing that the dog wasn’t going to bite him, but only pin him to the ground, she lost her fear and then began to laugh.”
Stephen did not find this funny at all and said, “This is a new sweater, and I think he snagged a huge hole in it. Now get him off, call him, do something.”
She replied, “If you are going to yell at me, I am going to walk over here. See me walk? I am not looking at you or Patchouli.”
Patchouli knew he was in disgrace and reluctantly got off the intruder. He wouldn’t dare bite him, he remembered before what happened if he was disobedient. Stephen’s hand was a rough one, and he did not spare discipline. Galen on the other hand was too soft on the dog. Most of Patchouli’s discipline problems were lack of training from Galen. Galen readily accepted the blame as she did for everything else. She was a responsible person if something was wrong she was responsible.
“I am sorry Stephen, you know what a bad disciplinarian I am.”
Stephen said, “Yes I know, and I wanted to talk to you about that.” She could feel the other shoe getting ready to drop. A tight clenching of fear grew in her stomach. She was sure what he would say next, and she had no defense against it. She should have let Patchouli bite him while she had had the chance. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself for what Stephen would say next.
Stephan began, “I know you are constantly in debt, barely making enough to survive, even with the child support I send you, it must be very hard. What would you think if I took the boys and helped, you find a smaller cheaper place to live? One that would allow pets.” He gave Patchouli a sour look. Patchouli gave him one back.
She felt the tears come before she could stop them, and she felt weak as well, like she had already lost the battle. It wasn’t that the boys would not be better off, but they were her whole life, she adored them. She did not even date because every moment she had she spent with them. She repeated to herself, she adored them. She felt queasy, she could never win a battle with Stephen if he set out to have something. Everything from the day they had met and fallen in love.
It had been his idea to make love, his to live together, later his to marry and then to divorce. She did not think she had ever done anything that he hadn’t told her to do. WEAK she thought, I am weak. She heard a big sigh and a thump, Patchouli had lain down on the carpet behind her, and was blinking his eyes at her. She often times wished he was human, he would probably have a lot to tell her. She turned her eyes back to Stephen. He already looked triumphant, as if he had won. This fueled a little bit of fight in her. She said, “Though we know my faults are many, I am a good mother, and I love our boys, I think this is also a bad time to talk about it. Why don’t you let me think on it while you are on your excursion? I can give you a better answer when you come back.”
Better answer she thought… Rat Poison, car bomb, faulty brakes, house fire, fatal dog attack. She looked hopefully at the Labrador and got a wink for her effort.
Stephen looked irritated, he was used to getting his way right away, he did not want to negotiate or even discuss it, he merely wanted his way. His new girlfriend thought it would be wonderful to play “Mommy” to two handsome rambunctious boys. He had not mentioned that she would be going with them on this trip. She was a sweet bit of fluff with little common sense, just the type of women he could control with ease. A few gifts here and there a pat on the head, and Tiffany would do as she was told. Much like Galen had been, only far more beautiful then Galen had ever been.
Stephen managed a charming smile. Galen knew that smile, and pretended it still worked. “I will see you boys in three weeks. God’s Speed Stephen.” She turned her back on him. In his world of control that was the worst insult, anyone could give him, turning their back dismissing him. He really wanted to hit her, but he was a man who controlled his emotions, even his passion.
He turned to his boys, “Come on then.” Mark and Dane had their duffel bags ready, and headed out the door, giving their mother a nervous backward glance. She could be odd at times and unreadable. They loved their Dad, but he was not real, everything was carefully ordered in his household and even his hugs and words of praise were hollow as if rehearsed. Mother on the other hand lived life with the volume turned up loud. She felt everything. She was generous and funny. Neither boy would ever dream of living with their Father full time, it just wouldn’t feel like home, even with the luxury and opportunities of living a better lifestyle.
Galen whispered, “Bye boys” Patchouli thumped his tail when he heard the word boys. He had a well-ordered household as well, though know one would know it. Galen had spaced off that she was supposed to go to work, and hurriedly looked at her watch. The brief discussion with Stephen had taken no more then ten minutes. She felt shaken, and unsure what to do next, so she grabbed her sweater, and the dog’s leash. She handed the leash to Patchouli, he would walk himself, as long as he had a leash in his mouth he thought he was under control and would behave accordingly, you couldn’t teach a dog that, they just knew.
On the way to work she pulled into Mc Donald’s and bought Patchouli a big Mac, it was the least she could do for his dumping the ex on his ass. She praised him as he gulped down his treat. “ You are a very good dog.” He disgraced himself with a loud belch.
“Jeez take breath in-between bites, hound dog.” She now felt she was in autopilot, leave it to Stephen to ruin a perfectly nice day.
She kept driving as she passed her work place. She didn’t really have to be there today if she didn’t want to, and now she knew she would never focus on the projects waiting for her. She would take Patchouli to the beach they both needed a walk.
There is a special place she liked to go. Sometimes she could only go there in her mind. Nevertheless, today she was there in person, not spirit. Patchouli’s ears perked up as they drove near the seashore. Galen looked at him suspiciously, she has thought he was hard of hearing. They park the car, and walk toward the crashing surf. Patchouli is still holding his leash in his mouth.
The mist touched her face and hands as she stretched them out toward the surf. She could hear the sea when she closed her eyes.
The sun had come out she and Patchouli are alone. She begins walking to where the Chetco River meets the ocean. She feels the light breeze on her face. Patchouli sniffs the air. She thinks, “I am getting rid of anchors in my life. I never doubt my sanity when I am alone. I cannot look back at myself in sorrow. Everything I have done has been with best intentions. Sometimes I was not equipped to run with the wolves in this life. I did what I could with what I had learned. I have love enough for three, dreams enough for one, and it is all I will ever need. I am heading back, retreating. People expect so much. I find my best times in solitude. I know all at once who I am and what I am capable of... anything! I am growing my own garden, nourishing my own soul. Here I am like it or not, it's me.”
Patchouli begins to act like a younger dog, his tail is up, his ears are perked and he barks happily at sea weed that has drifted to the shore.
“What am I thinking? Letting that asshole win another battle?” The judge had determined that they boys would have limited custody with their father, there was a reason for that, she had never known for sure, but the judge had known Stephen Johnson from another time, and he was unyielding that Galen would have the Main custody of the boys. Odd she had thought, with all of Stephen’s money he should have won that little battle, but being Galen, she had promptly forgotten it, and counted her blessings that the boys would be with her most of the time. For all her quirks, she figured she was the best parent after all. There was something cold and calculating about Stephen, like a lovely snake, one should always keep their distance and admire from afar. She was not complicated enough to understand him.
She knew she would change some of her flaws and be a better parent. She could find a cheaper place to live on her own, she could keep the custody as it was. She could take a cooking class, she could quit shopping on E-bay. She had allowed her self to slump, today had reminded her that she should fight sometimes. She knew when Stephen came back with her son’s there would be no question of him taking full custody. She looked down at her shoes, the ocean had seeped through them as she was contemplating. She took a step back from the tide, as Patchouli ran up to award her with the present of stinky dead snake.
Yes, some things never changed, and some things did. She would fight.
