Editing

Just like that, you can edit, change, and decide to make a detour. I re-invent myself several times in a lifetime.
Abuse, hostage situation, survival of the fittest, rape, betrayal, liars.All these contribute to one's ability to trust, but my instincts are good. If someone lies in little things they have no discrepancy lying in bigger things.
Lie they do, and strive to figure me out ,deciding I have anger issues. Yeah? I might after being helpless for so many years, I might have a few things to work out, but I don't think I am alone in that. I also don't think its so bad, especially if I make a mistake, I admit it and try to make it better, if I can't make it better piss on it!
I don't really want a player in my life. Someone honest with nothing to hide is what I am looking for. I don't have to find him anymore. Its easier not to find anything. Its easier to exist in the careful cocoon I have made for myself.

Winter Solstice

Yule is the ancient holiday celebrating the winter solstice time when the sun is at its weakest and the calendar is coming to a close. Although most customs beginning with saturnalia have to do with light, prosperity, and luck for the New Year, many of us find ourselves at odds with the manic party energy surrounding the holidays.
Celebrate Sabbat the longest night of the year, by aligning ourselves with the dormant energies of winter. begin this spell after dinner, turn all TV, radio and electric lights off. Dress yourself in your favorite pajamas. If you have a fireplace build a fire, if not light a stout red candle. Gaze into the flames and empty your mind of worldly concerns. Breath and look into the flames with a soft focus. Images will begin to suggest themselves to you. Give yourself an hour of quiet time.

you did you did, you know you did.

Peter S. Beagle wrote a sequel to the last unicorn. The Unicorn Sonata. I started it, as usual he sucks me inside and I don't want to be anywhere else.
In between walking the road he sets before me and hearing my youngest daughter's latest soliloquy and being un-able to do more then sympathize,and waiting for the phone to ring. I took matters into my own hands and called, "the company" no news... So I kick myself, I talk to Taunie, I talk to Janelle, I talk to Scott, and I talk to Sue. Sadly none of which I really want to talk to. HOWEVER... "The Phone Call" arrives and I have the job. They believe I will bring something special to their company. First thought is... Yeah I sooo aced that interview with my bullshit, second thought is.. I really want to work for this company, I want to make a difference, and I am so grateful for the job. Bullshit aside, I really meant what I said, I nearly always do.

The pesky upstairs neighbors appear to moving out, Godspeed to them as well, they will not be mourned when they are gone all the trouble they have caused us hapless near-nates. I know for one the red headed gentleman and his quiet wife will be glad to see the back of them.
Maybe I will have a full nights sleep again?
Kevin and I go out Saturday, I am to pick the movie. He wants to see the second vampire movie, New Moon. Roger Ebert hated it, and I never saw the first one, I know there is something else I would rather see, but as usual I cannot think what it is. Teenage Vampires in love, doesn't sound like something I would like. OH gawd and not the "Blind Side" either, I hate tear jerkers. Specially based LOOSELY on a true story, very loosely we think. 2012..Too scary, maybe Ninja Assassines? That sounds like my cup of tea.
Scott has asked me out this weekend again, I have a feeling it will be a very low budget evening where I cook and we watch rented movies at my apartment.