...and this too shall pass. We make it on four hundred a month. My rent is paid up for several months with my college money.
If nothing comes up we do ok, something always comes up. I have been spending a few dollars here and there at second hand stores. Daine's Christmas will be a few used books and a second hand sweatshirt. He will be happy with that, and I will feel slightly guilty. Time goes on, and I haven't done the things for him I wanted to do. Poverty sux rocks.
I have to keep my eyes forward and realize that it will get better. I could give up college and start working full time? but that never worked in the past, my goal is to get an education and get better jobs that pay more money. Daine wants martial arts, Daine would like music lessons, I cannot fit that in my meager budget. I have never had a manicure in my whole life, some women think its a necessity. I have never owned a new car, been able to pay a vet bill in one visit or even buy something for the whim of it. I am not complaining, I just think sometimes people would understand better about being where I am at if they were there too. I wish we had socialized medicine, its very easy to fall deep into debt from a few doctor bills. Glasses? I need a special lens for my right eye, the lens itself was 200 dollars ten years ago, I have no idea what it would cost me now... thats just for the lens not the other lens and the frames and all the other stuff involved in a eye doctor visit. I haven't had my teeth checked in ten years. I haven't had a hair cut in a year and a half... My son would prefer I didnt cut his hair anymore, so I have to figure out where I can get 15 dollars for him to get his hair cut. services? we are a proud family, and sometimes in the past I have signed up for a Christmas present for Daine from some charity group or another.. Problem is the group shows up with a cardboard box and several cardboard smiles and hands over the loot for my son, while looking in our home in curiosity.Sometimes the gift for him is so cheap, that it breaks before it is even opened, sometimes it is used things that smell of ciggarette smoke, I always felt worse about getting those gifts then getting nothing.
Then I wonder to myself, am I going in the right direction? what has happened to me? I never thought I would be alone at fifty trying to raise a young son on my own and wishing for the money for gas to go to history class today. I only have enough gas to get to Boise and back once today, so I have to skip history class. ( I have Art tonight in Boise) This means I have to find the movie Europa Europa, the class watched on Monday and today, there will be a test on it Friday.
Pay day is tomorrow, I am crossing my fingers that I did not write One check too many and make my checking account in the red, if I did, there goes the whole pay check.And romance? don't even get me started on romance, I have a better chance of being struck by lightening three times then meeting the right man OK< I suppose this sounds a lot like whining... Its just so hard sometimes. AND I wonder why I get depressed... sorta like Dr. Armentrout says, "sometimes your life really is shit."
