Bees

Official Grades
COMM 101 Fund of Speech (B)
COUNSELING 294 Workshop (A+)
COUNSELING 494 Workshop (B)
SOCIOLOGY 230 Multi-Ethnic Studies (B-)

I am not going to mention Pre-Algebra.... vile

Dancing in the shadow of the dark

I am confused. For one never allowed in your life, or in your home, has no rights to you, then you have no reason to expect me to wait by the phone? as I have.
and you ended the conversation without saying anything that I could understand. Do you want to move on? You must do what you think is right, as I always try to do as well.
Then why do I feel like I have missed something very important?
Just so you know, I am trying as best I can, and I never meant you any harm, but I will accept what verdict you come up with.
I was sure it couldn't go on for long anyway.I do not lie, but you do not trust me.
Too many things are always left un-said, and I do not like the dark.
One who is night blind must always travel in the light.

Jammin!

you know, I am feeling a little down right now. Then "Jammin" by Bob Marley comes on. No matter how yucky I am feeling this song always brings a smile to my face. I don't know what it is, but the sound of Jammin, makes me think of people dancing around in their jammies, and I feel better. I have a pair of Gawd Awful ugly pink flannel jammies with kittys on them. I would wear them to work if I could get away with it. I'm Jammin!

mink

Hard to read, swept away by conflicting emotions, it's a possibility that I am wrong. Again.
I don't want this, can I have a user manual, or a rule book something? Please.
I cannot figure out what I am supposed to do. If I tell all the truth, do I lose eveything? If I lie, how do I feel? I know... bad. I don't lie easily. if even at all. It is easier to be alone. It is easier to close up my feelings and not worry about anyone anymore.

Phook Yooo

It is Sunday. I called walmart to see if they have any recipe card files. I am going to copy all my favorite recipes down for my Chelsie girl. I did it for Janelle a few years ago, and I don't even know if she uses them, but Chelsie has asked for a few recipes lately, like how to make rice, and my coffee cake etc..
walmart put me on hold. I held... I was listening to Phish, so I held longer... finally after twenty minutes I was pretty sure no one was getting back to me. So I called again, I asked the same question, I mentioned that I had been on hold a long time waiting to find out if they had recipe card files. She said, "ok, I will put you on hold..." Still listening to Phish... still holding,I gave them ten minutes this time. I called Walgreen's. The answering machine gave me two choices, cosmetics, or Photo's. I picked photos... the gentleman that answered was very nice. He put the phone down and ran down the aisles to look for Recipe card files. He came back in five minutes, he said they didn't carry them. I was just thankful that someone tried.
On to K-mart. K-mart is having a huge sale, they are busy, but still they have people in there running cash registers and helping customers. I found what I wanted in a few minutes, I went directly up to the check out and was out of the store in 15 minutes. Amazing. It would have been an hour at the dreaded walmart. Walmart REALLY does suck.
Renews my policy to never never shop at WALMART.
they might do an IQ check on some of their customer service representatives... oh they might have to fire the whole staff.

Blizzardly

Dream like, drifting, slick, and I am home making chili. Not too hot, I don't like things too spicy, and I have to feed the boy, boy's do not like spicy food for sure.
I took down the christmas ornaments, I put up my bird houses where the nut crackers had sat.
I know this is all so enlightening. I want to say something about dating, but too many people are reading this sucky blog now, and I am stuck keeping half my thoughts to myself.
Cesar. wake up and smell the coffee buddy!

well it was satisfying

The grand children are happy, the turkey was perfect, the gravy wasn't lumpy, and I enjoyed myself with my family.
I had a glass of wine and took a nap, I am such a light weight.
Tomorrow is work, and take down the decorations, I am ready for what little space I have to be back.
I didn't talk to Cesar much today, it was noticeable. I missed him. I talked to Sue several times, and I texted my friends on the cell phone. It has a cracked screen and I cannot always read what they text me back.
I ate too much, Linda's Salmon cheese spread was great, I made it with a few variations.
I put the parsley in the spread instead of rolled it in it. It was good that way and I left out the horseradish.

So, OMG! what was I thinking?

Left over mashed potatoes, and animal crackers from my stocking... that is what I ate for breakfast. I am not a kid anymore, my stomach is planning its revenge.

Dusky's Pets have Christmas

we got snow

This means I have to drive in it to work. HOWEVER it's an adventure at least, I do hope I don't end up in the snow bank or worse. The studded snow tires on the front do not help as much as I had hoped, I really think you need four of them, not two.
I am permanently cold. I wear flannel to bed, I wear long johns under my jeans, I wear gloves, and I am still cold. I do however have new boots to wear finally, yes yes, this was the high point of our mediocre day. such is life in the fast lane you know.
Daine's presents are wrapped, Sherman's will be wrapped on Wednesday night just before we unwrap them. I forgot to buy something for my stocking, the boy expects my stocking to be full like his is. Santa puts a present under my tree for me too, the lazy ass didn't even wrap it for me this year. (Santa) I suppose this is one of those funny family traditions that the children will remember in passing years long after the crazy old bat is gone.

Walmart sux, Walmart Sux, la la laaa la laaaaa

I found a pair of boots in my size for twelve dollars. they happen to be Turquoise suede, this might look very interesting with my scarlet coat with the black fox fur collar.OR.. I might look like a slightly faded trollop of the night. Cesar says if I can bake cheese cake he might forgive me. I can bake cheese cake, but one should really try my baked keylime pie, to die for!!

I still don't have any boots

STILL, I have avoided walmart for days, but it looks like that is where the boots are hiding out. I liked the red ones I saw on biz.com, but on sale for 150.00 is still no sale for me. sigh.....Walmart it is.

I YAM Hungry

Not that it matters, but SHIT it's nearly four thirty, hours since I had breakfast.
I have to quit the creative bent I am on and get cracking on that present wrapping that I was distracted from earlier.
Next three days I work, and boy is home, I need to get those presents wrapped now.
(he is still at his sisters')
Earlier, I wanted a new pair of boots, my pink plaid rain boots do not cut it in the snow, in fact they are down right chilly. I went to Ross's all they had were those high topped pointy heel things, sure to leave me feet up in the ditch somewhere. Sherman doesn't care about fashion sense, he merely wants to walk fast to the park and jerks the leash hard for a little dog. I could see exactly what would happen if I wore those kind of boots. I NEED winter boots. Apparently so did everyone else, there was limited supply of winter boots, except the dumb high heel ones affore mentioned.
I am still bootless in Boise, its nampa, but that doesn't sound as cool, Bootless in nampa...

The Morning after Let Down

Ya Know... that was one of the best times I ever had. Totally innocent and sweet. Simple enjoying the company of someone who is as un-complicated as a child. Makes me want to hand over the world without a backward glance. Now I am quietly contemplating four loaves of cranberry bread baked fresh this morning, a rug that needs vacuuming, dishes that need to be washed, laundry that needs to be finished, and business with Cesar that needs to be handled. I had a sad letter from him this morning and I do not know how I feel about that actually. I answered him back with honesty and temperance. Such as I can, I am so blunt at times. BUT I did mention a few things that have remained un-said. I don't do "UN-SAID" very well. Everyone knows that. Don't ask Glena anything unless you are prepared for the unvarnished truth.

I knew you long ago

I will take you anyway I can have you baby.

I will cheat

I will dance in front of the full moon. Fill a champagne

glass with moonlight, and drink it while whispering your name.

I will draw your name in the sand and let the tide take it out

I would, to keep you with me.

I would make a pact with the wind, and renounce my beliefs

I know we knew each other before somehow,

because you feel like home to me

this comes from my heart,

I am not good with words

I don't understand poetry.

I don't have to.

Green Eyed Wolf

OOOOH No, don't say it.
Fat little blue birds and green Eyed wolves do not mix well.there is no hope. I do not want to go there.
Can't people just portray who they are without all of the regalia? Come on, as far as I know I am just Glena Jean, she who waits, but the wolf even said, "You were not meant to be alone." and the truth is, I was not, I am very passionate. who wants to sleep in my feather bed and listen to novels of dragons and magic? who wants to drink wine and grow flowers and walk late at night, and dream of the sea? WHO? Who wants to drink wine invoked with love spells, and heal the sick, and be free? Free to be me. I dream, but I dream alone.

All along the watch tower

There must be some way out of here, said the joker to the thief, there's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Oddly I am thinking of escape, and listening to Dave Mason's version of the watch tower. I can't get no relief, and I do not have much patience, and I do not know what the future holds, and I am afraid to look into my crystal ball. It sits collecting dust next to the sea shells and pictures of the sea. The crystal ball sits on brass dolphin tails, it waits. Time is relative, I do not know the year, but I know that I too gather dust.

aerial, airy, diaphanous, gauzy, gossamer, sheer, transparent, vaporous, celestial, delicate, divine, empyrean

SOOO Freaking not suprised

What starts out as a good connection, an interesting meeting ends in silence.
Contact is cut off, and expectations are halted. Bite me Weazle Boy! Because that is what you are.
I had no designs on your person, come on! What did you think was going to happen? I would fall madly in love with you and hang onto your heals and slow down your foray into the wild world of singleness? I am still seeing people, and you are not top of the list.

Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.
Albert Einstein

Homemade Orange Liqueur

Homemade Orange Liqueur

Indgredients:

1-1/2 cups sugar
1 cup water
1/2 cup grated orange zest
1-1/2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lemon juice
1-1/2 cups 80 proof vodka

Bring the sugar and water to a boil and dissolve into a simple syrup over medium heat. Stir to keep from scorching. Remove from the heat and allow to cool until it is just warm to the touch

The syrup into a clean 1 quart (or larger) jar with a tight fitting lid. Add the zest, juice and vodka. Cover and shake well.

Store in a cool dark place for a month. Shake weekly.

After a month, pour liquid over cheesecloth into a clean jar, discard the solids. Filter again into the liqueurs final container by pouring through a fine sieve or strainer.

This is AMAZING when kept in the freezer and served ice cold!

Enjoy! And if you would like to search for more recipes for cordials, liqueurs, brandies and wines that you can make at home, visit me at the farm! www.farmatnanticokecreek.com

Have a great Thursday and do something delicious! (like make Orange Liqueur!)

Colleen

www.foodwineartdesign.com

Finally

I am meeting Penny and Sue at the west campus to study for the Communications final on Wednesday, it is going to be a hard test.
Tuesday night is Ethnicity Sociology final. YEAH, I am done. Andyroo said he would put my winter tires on for me, I was wondering if I should watch and make sure he puts the bolts in too?
He isn't what he seems you know. Not a man of his word, not a good man. I actually want the tires, but I don't want to see him. I dislike awkwardness. and it will be awkward.
On a happy note, I met the most interesting person. She who waits shall wait some more.

She who waits...part two
Here I go again, trying to define what I think is missing from my life.
I think I nailed it. I was talking to my friend Tom, and it suddenly hit me everything is so temporary. I am tired of temporary, I want to be doing what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life, not these shitty little jobs to pay the rent, or not as the case may be.
NOT, rent is two months behind now.
I am not getting what I need intellectually, not spiritually, and making the best of a bad situation is becoming tedious.
Girls just wanna have fun!!

WeDnEsDaY
One more trip to Boise, then my hours are cut to ten a week, of course we know this will not do. HOWEVER the other evil is they will probably find me someone even more vile then the last people.. PEOPLE? make that entities.

I think I have two more weeks of classes, then I am off for six weeks.. I think, its been four years and I am not sure how things go every semester end, because I have the attention span of a gnat.
I am good, no melt down, just lack of interest. An Apricot Ale and I am off to bed.
Nighty Night

Trying for compassion, murder is on my mind.
interestingly, this was one of the worst days of my life, the Alzheimer's patient I take care of, somehow snuck outside and got on his riding mower and was going to run roughshod all over the neighborhood, when I ingeniously pulled out the key, he is so mad, he tried to hit me and called me several unflattering names. I called his family to let them know that he would like a replacement.

BLAH

I work the next 12 hours. Then tomorrow another 12 hours.
Monday after class I go to Boise, then home to take Daine to Karate.
Tuesday, Boise, then class at night.
Wednesday looks like Monday.
Thursday, I work 630AM till 830AM, then 5pm till 830PM
Friday,the early morning, then class, but I am skipping Boise, then I work five till 830.
SOOOO Burned out.

I think the doctor knows what he is talking about
WE just have to follow all the rules and get Daine back on track, he will be fine.
Daine and I put up our tree and Christmas ornaments on Sunday. The cats... the cats...



I figured they would be bad. Santa is hanging dangerously over his sleigh, like he had a bit too much to drink and needs to toss his cookies.
The reindeer are laying down like a great hunting accident...strangely Kiwi hasn't been hanging off the tree like Tarzan, she has left that alone. I have outdoor lights, but I haven't braved putting them up yet, I am not really looking forward to circling my tiny patio with a few lights to look festive. I can be such a Grinch.
I have money worries as per usual, and I am mad at andy for breaking his word yet again. Time to turn the power off on his hopeless ass.
SIGH< Merry Freekin Christmas.

today is managed


We check Dain into St. Lukes Pediatric hospital today. I am not fully aware of what they are doing to him.
The kid has suffered for months, no one is listening to him anymore except me.
I hope they find out what is wrong so they can help us make him better.

I am a fat little blue bird. Shiny objects attract my attention. I am easily distracted and I am very chatty.
JEEZ... Fifty one years old, I still don't look it, and I am essentially very happy, and simple things fill me with great joy.
The last few days have been worth writing in a memory book. They all involve my son.
I am very blessed to have him in my life.

I am

Fatty Fatty Boom ba Latty
I lost twenty pounds, you can't tell. Another twenty might show up.
I went out and sang karaoke with a new friend last night. What fun, and I didn't suck too bad.
OK to brag, just an itty bitty bit, I had a standing ovation, and when I sang "lights" by Journey, most of the floor came up to dance, then stood around and applauded.
My date decided to take me to another bar that had Karaoke, so I could sing the songs over and over, it was very flattering.
He bought me roses and treated me like a lady, his kind is rare.
He asked to come over tonight, so we are making Bobolis Pizza and watching movies.
HE is bringing the vodka, and I am making Sea Breezes.

Still employed
Seems my luck isn't as bad as I thought, but I still feel like I am rolling down hill.
Picking up speed too.
Money is all I need.
I got a part time job, but 70 bucks a week ain't going to pay the rent. THE need to run is prevalent in my brain.
BUT I am planted here for the time being... for the time being.

AHHHH What to do!
I think I am about to be fired.I just am not working out with this job as a home health provider.
Strange, I was always good at this, but I think I had too many problems too soon.The woman that I was having so much trouble with, told the office not to send me over yesterday, that was 8 hours I got screwed out of.I semi applied for a correctional officer job in Orofino Idaho, I just got to get out of here. I am tired of school, tired of nampa, people that surround me in work and school, don't really "get" me. I feel alone and scared, and I only took two classes this next semester because I have to work and its hard to fit school and work in together.Economy is bad around here, I don't even know if I can find another job, if I get the job as a correctional officer, I will quit school, I am struggling anyway. I don't want to struggle, I just want to have a good life and raise this child. He is phenomenal you know, and all my stress is hard on him.

the old man turns ninety
here is a picture of him caught with his mouth open. Probably too tricky trying to get a shot with it closed.
My brother Ronny is on the right.

Seaweed Soup on sparkpeople.com

http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=437878

I started entering recipe's on Spark People.com
Most are recipe's that I have devolped myself.
*Developed* snicker, I sound so snobby!
I added the sea weed soup recipe' this morning. Daine and I cooked it last night. I was in the mood for comfort, things seem a bit hard lately, and I am keeping my chin up, but at times I feel like saying, "Dammital" and giving up.
1)The knight in shining armor had feet of clay, I Really liked just about everything about him, but when he stood me up twice, I got the hint. I never pursue sprinting men, they outrun me.
2)I think I was rushing things because of Andy leaving me, I would like to be in a real relationship, not one like I had with Andy, but a real adult type thing. Do they exist?
3)Zap boy just wants to seduce me in his hot tub and leave my boy home. I told him last night, that I just don't sleep with strangers, and I don't like leaving my son home alone while I go frolicking. DON'T men get it? the way to a woman's heart is through her children.
I don't want to be taken out on a lavish date while my son sits at home eating peanut butter on crackers. I can't enjoy myself. My children are too important to me, and they always will be.

Glena of the damned




Ghost whisperer made me cry last night, but it is so dumb. They got rid of several of my favorite characters so they can go to other shows, I guess. The one time professor dude took off to some foreign country, but don't you think he should have been notified that Melinda's husband Jim was accidentally shot and killed, by the distraught cop who was grieving for his beloved step daughter that just recently died of anorexia? and they had a new woman to play Melinda's dead husband's mother, DON'T think we don't notice CBS!! AND, what about all the new characters? I don't even like the stupid side kick that can hear the dead too.
The following previews of next week's show look equally lame. He jumps into the newly dead car wreck casualty and comes back alive as Jim, Melinda's husband, only he has no memory of her. LAME...
Even my son Daine said, "Mom let's don't watch this." It had become a cry fest, only I feel so manipulated, so.. so... Violated.

OH OH here it comes!
Glena's in love. Damn don't you just hate me? I cannot help being a spontaneous sort of unit.
I know all the rules, and I won't say it, I must not scare off the prey.
Part two.. I HATE MY JOB, she is such a cow. She was raising her voice and being demeaning last night, I just took it. I know that THE deer in the head lights look that I paste on my face doesn't help "HER" mood much, but its a defence mechanism, it keeps me from smothering her with one of her many pillows... I called her the pillow queen the day before yesterday, but I think she is the queen of something else. STOOOPID cow... I will have to resign soon, this makes me think my thoughts of good will t0ward humanity on a big level.
YUCK.

The Cutest Blog on the block
Stolen fair and square from Crabass Mom.
Fanks Kimmie!!

Living in Paradise.
I said, OMG! I need money. The universe provided me with a job. I said, I don't want to do this alone. The universe showed me a man, who just might "get" me. Too soon to tell, you know I always jump and look later, but this one has a different feel about it. And I guess I am ready this time. I am at peace with Glena Jean, I like her, and even though my job sux big time, I can stick it out and take the verbal abuse and know that it is not ME, it is THEM. who knows maybe by this time next year I will be living in a house with a snuggly bear in my bed. Who Knows?

EWWW me in Scrubs again it ain't pretty.
I got a job, naaah na na na naaaaa I gotta job... (insert musical notes here)
So I am not just a waste of ass hair. Andy be damned. Even if he doesn't pay rent, I will be caught up by January. SOOO I see the light at the end of the tunnel, Finally.
NOW what to do about Daine, I only get Tuesday mornings and Saturday off. He doesn't cook. How can I Get him to Karate Twice a week?

Tarot Card
(Equivalent of "5/21/1957")
The High Priestess: A pure, exalted and gracious influence. Education, knowledge, wisdom, and esoteric teachings. The forces of nature. Intuition, foresight, and spiritual revelation of the most mysterious and arcane sort.


Rune
(Equivalent of "Glena Jean Dusky")
Ken is the rune of light and knowledge, driving away darkness and ignorance and revealing hidden truth. This rune also brings forth images of friendship and comfort. Ken is the light of inspiration, the light of imagination, and a beacon in the darkest hours.



Public Role
(Equivalents of "Glena")
Words that embody your presence are "Angel, Art, Candle, Greed, Mate, Pagan, Rat, Sable".

Words that embody the people or things that you interact with are "Crucifix, Harvest, Outside, Passion, Saturn, Tolerance".

Words that embody things that you may be a part of are "Freemasonry".

Words that embody people or things in your periphery are "Astronaut, Butterfly, Electricity, Enthusiasm, Transformation".

I should always always have plan B



Haven't I learned that people I associate with are not as dependable as I am?
When Andy agreed that it would be a good idea for me not to work and focus totally on my school, I should have at least socked some money away. I never think about tomorrow, and now I am stuck again thinking about tomorrow. Its not going to be easy, but it is not impossible either.
That feeling of relief is now creeping in. Andy is weak and makes bad decisions. He gives to users and neglects the people in his life that care about him.
I wish he knew, but I think it is a lost cause. The neighbor said after hearing that he had left, "Well, it was obvious that he had been kicked around a bit, and was not good enough for you, not really."
But Ya know, at fifty one the pickens are kinda lean. Not that I have to be with someone, I just wanted to be part of a team. Andy never tried to like Daine, that was a big mistake, Daine is one of the most facinating people I know and he is only eleven, can you imagine what he will be like when he gets older? Everything will be as it should be.

Gemini

by Astrology.com

You're feeling a bit low-key right now and should certainly take a break from the hustle and bustle, if that suits you. It's a good day to reflect and possibly to make momentous internal decisions.


So it's going to feel like a long time. There isn't enough room in this relationship for Stephanie and me.
Don't even want to mention that toxic bitches name, she doesn't deserve honorable mention.
Andy is a fool to choose deceit over me. I washed all his clothes and brought them to him plus his movies, and the birthday present I was saving for him.
Can't bear to look at his things. I thought he and I were in for the long haul. Guess not.
I have been to the Dept of Employment looking for work, I am about done in.
He left me with no rent money. I am fighting the blues.


and he's gone gone gone

Scavenger

Just dinking around in the computer lab at college. I should be reading the boring book assigned in Ethnics class, but I can tell its going to be a double yawn.
I am going to take math again, I feel it in my bones, this is a big time disappointment. this allows me to understand cause and effect according to the book on Glena.
Try as hard as you can, study as much as possible, and you will still be taking the damn class again.
No Justice!

The trumpet shall sound

When I type English into my Title bar it changes to a foreign language. I have checked the settings on my tool bar, I don't know why it is doing it, but it is one more annoying thing I don't wish to waste time on. Daine's computer is slow, and my computer is landfill fodder by now.
I have put a Bold Letter Computer code in there, that seemed to thwart the evil language changer.
I was going to talk about when Andy came back with a beautiful brass trumpet for me.
I like the song lonely bull by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana brass.
It was brought to my attention, because I would surely have missed it.
Andy is very into me. He pays attention to small details about things that other people miss. I should feel very privileged. I probably will.
He took off again, this time I went and found him and told him how I felt about it, eyes blazing. I was thinking about letting the air out of his tires. It sure cleared the air, now I know what needs to be done to improve family relations
around here. OK I admit I am lousy with large amounts of money, I Think it should go farther then it does. Just like majic, one thousand dollars should be a hundred dollars twenty times. I know it isn't on some level, but I spend it like it is. I get very excited about paying bills and helping people. Then I am in the red, and Andy see's red. He runs off and leaves me in the mess. WELL I will just turn over the bills to him, what a relief!!
Shocked him I think; that I was so willing to let go of that little control. I do great with small amounts to manage, large amounts NO.

Boom

I don't know how it happened. I don't know how things got away from me, but they did.
That stuff, you know, things beyond my control. Andy took off and never came back, I understand he is upset and cannot communicate very well, however he has taken things too far. I am going to look for a job and when he comes back, it is up to him what he wants to do about our "relationship" Because I am tired of this game, I don't play it. For the first seven days he would not answer my calls or text messages, so I was beginning to figure out that perhaps he didn't want to talk to me. This after he left with a warm smile and a wave, and he would call me when he got "THERE" what a lyer he is. I talked to Dear Dr. Armentrout yesterday, he thought since Andy was raised by wolves I should handle him with care and let him come back on his own time if I wanted to continue the relationship. I am never going to get quite what I am looking for from Andy. BUT now I think Andy is being a selfish baby, and I think I can live better on my own. I have never felt so together as I have these last few months. I am un-medicated, and living on my own perceptions, and the dreadfuls seem far away, even though my life is far from perfect. I do hate living in limbo, I would like Andy to make up his mind and quit this game he is playing. In fact I am starting to feel angry. I have been very good to him. I have expectations from life as well, and he isn't even in the big picture, more like the little smudge in the corner of the comic book.

नोट सो प्रेत्टी picture

I am grateful for so many things it is hard to focus on one thing. The feeling of gratitude washes over me with a tingling feeling of sheer happiness. Today as I lay on the bed thinking about my youngest daughter’s attitude toward me I felt sad. I cannot understand how one can do so much for a child only to have them tell others a totally different story. It wasn’t the happy depiction that I had pictured at all. My daughter was unquestionably rude to me; she decided to go home early and wanted me to drive her “this very minute.” She told her friends that I did nothing for her. This is interesting since I have bought her two cars, paid for six months of insurance, brought her and the babies’ home and waited on them hand and foot while trying to do my homework. My reality is different then hers, I don’t understand this. My oldest daughter and youngest son were there also, they didn’t see things the way the new mother had. They saw me working hard to please someone that wasn’t being reasonable. What causes this discrepancy in perception? How does she see it so differently then the rest of us? I know she isn’t lying, but she is so off the mark of what really happened here.
Anyway, what I am really grateful for is THEY are gone. The new mother, the new baby and the two year old. Peace is in my home again. I love it.

Bryce

Bryce

Bryce

Happiness

We are responsible to help those who don’t get the same privileges in life. I am not talking those users and abusers that create their own hell and enjoy living in it. Those who did not ask to be in suffering, we should help them.
I have a problem with the higher power thing. It helps a lot of people, so I am careful not to refute it. Not because I fear people coming down on me in anger over my lack of belief but because I would not like to lead anyone astray. I am responsible for me, I do not need a higher power to keep me good and faithful, I am that already. I am a mixture of many things, but they are not because of a higher power.
Death is the end, that’s it, Zippo baby, you are done now. This is why we cling to life; did anyone notice that most people don’t seek to die? IF the afterlife is so wonderful, let us all go there now? HUH? Not me, I am here to live and enjoy everything to the fullest of my ability.
a. What gives your life meaning?
b. How do you make sense of all the suffering in the world (why do you think people suffer)?

“Construction of meaning through engagement” was one of the most tedious pieces of information I ever tried to wade through, it was broken up by constant references to other work, and I found my mind wandering. I read it to family members out loud so that I would keep focused on the reading, they, including the family dog fell asleep while listening to me. This is no reflection on the quality of my reading voice, I might add.
What I did manage to get basically and forgive me if there was more information I might have missed, is a person has to make their own meaning in their individual life. It is different things for each. I loved the quote by William James, and I plan to research him later, “My experience is what I agree to attend to, only those items which I notice shape my mind.” We get what we get. Prime example is this reading; someone else might find it uplifting and informative, while I found it annoying and my ability to concentrate squashed by the tediousness of the work.
Well? What gives my life meaning? I think it is the little every day things. I was deeply religious and thought that everything, good or bad was from God, whether it was supposed to be a learning experience, or a blessing. In later years especially after taking a philosophy class with Dr. Schrödinger I questioned that thinking. I questioned it a lot; I lay awake sweating about God and the afterlife. I thought perhaps since we don’t have a place before we are born, we don’t have a place to go afterwards either. Like a candle we are snuffed out and that is all there is. In the not so far away past, I placed everything happening in my life as part of “Gods Will” This way of thinking, though maybe taken too far, left me quite helpless. I didn’t have a job, I looked everywhere, I was declined several times for jobs I was qualified for. I knew my personality was bright and cheerful, and I was careful not to be too talkative on interviews. So it seemed, “GOD” didn’t want me to be employed and pay my rent. This thinking made me bitter. After all I was a struggling single mother, I went to church, and I was a basically good person. I followed the religious rules so to speak. I couldn’t pay rent; I couldn’t think out of the box, God was going to provide the money for rent. Why would God provide the money for rent? Because I had followed the rules of prayer, I had asked in his name, and I asked with all reverence in the direction of his (God’s) amazing power. This was not the first time that I asked for something and it was denied. This had been a pattern of proceedings in my life, and even the helpful, more spiritually gifted people would comment, that perhaps I hadn’t asked right, or maybe there was another lesson involved… or the big one!! I was not following God’s selected path and therefore was being punished for this. Ok, you can see why this thinking got on my nerves. It’s like there is a magic combination for having one’s needs met, and I didn’t have the right arrangement. When it became up to me, I was less anxious then waiting on God. I do not believe some people are chosen to have all their needs met, while others suffer from hunger and deprivation, I believe life is a series of random events, and you prepare yourself for what ride you find yourself on. I get true meaning from learning new things, growing my garden, playing with my grand babies, and helping others that need a hand up. If it is in my power at all, I will lend a hand or tell someone what I have learned in order to help. I think the true meaning of life is living as a group, we are all connected to each other, and people can share a new way of thinking that can change the world in a matter of minutes. I believe that our limitations are what we are given to work with. The Changes in Beliefs… reading was wonderful. There is meaning in life, but it is simpler then we think. Strangely my basic happiness levels lifted when I gave myself more credit and left God out of the quotient.
b) Why do people suffer? We cannot think on this in the middle class viewpoint. Children tortured and starving cannot be God’s will in any way, I cannot apply the happy Christian teachings to that type of suffering. They did not deserve it; they did not ask for it, they survive day to day not even daring to hope for reprieve. There is no greater good when people suffer. I would include starvation, torture, earthquakes, floods, disease. There is evil and good in the world, unfortunately the evil collides with the good and makes these things happen. There would be some people who would say it is the sins of the father (past generations) visiting the next generation. I say Horseradish! We do not pick where we will be born, or what color our skin will be. It is random. We do not choose wealth over poverty; we have to learn how to achieve it if we are starting from ground zero. Some come from privilege, others do not. Many things go into the making of one person.
Suffering of others makes me far more then sad. I don’t quite know how to explain it, but I feel the connection and regret to others who have hardships more then my own. As human beings it is up to us to help when we can. Some religious organizations such as the Catholic Church in Boise, gives food to the needy. Some of the elderly people in the church are gifted gardeners, and they bring home grown potatoes, tomatoes, zucchini, apples and other things from their garden. They live advantaged lives, their personal needs being met. They share the harvest of their gardens and good will. This true giving on a small scale doesn’t get recognized nationally, there is no write up in the local newspapers, there is no great reward for all they do, but they do it anyway. I knew a woman who re-located to Boise with her children, and she was having a hard time finding a job. She just needed a little help, she went to that church and they loaded her car with fresh veggies and fruit for her children. She was able to give them healthy food to eat. But not only that, she felt that human connection, that feeling that there is more then just me and you, there is an us. When communities get together to help it makes us all connected in a good way.
This is why when there is suffering and wrong in the world, the United States sends help. Some people say, we need to help our people in our own country. I say yes we do, but we need to help other countries with the gifts that we have been given. I am thinking poor countries where there isn’t enough to eat, and children and women are used as sex slaves, we have to help stop it. Wrong is wrong, and it is not imposing our kind of beliefs on other cultures if we help stop what is wrong.
I suppose it would be good, if I just answered the question. Why do people suffer? Because it is not a perfect world, so I believe we must strive to protect those who cannot protect themselves, and try and lesson the suffering in the world.