Daine and I put the Christmas tree up yesterday.
After a sign from God, I decided to skip lights this year.
(I plugged them in and they blew a fuse, and exploded the lights.)
Daine reminded me in his quiet gentle way that I can be very anal.
We were hanging up ornaments and I was explaining that you have to place them
a certain way and all facing the front. Perhaps I got a little over zealous with my
instructions?

Daine said "Mom your going to spoil my Christmas if you don't stop"
The cat is delighted, Olive is delighted, and Kayla is in constant trouble for touching
the tree!!
SIGGGGHH
Christmas!

We don't like Pumpkin Try explaining to a five year old, that you cannot save pumpkin for next years' Hallaween. He insisted I cook his pumpkin which (I'll get to it later Mitchell) didn't get around to carving with him and the Empress. She (Igtilm) host's Naked pumpkin carving every year, but this year her school and Dwain maintance took time away from her.Hallaween came and went, and we have two pumpkins left.
She gets her organizing abilities from me.
The Viking decided that he didn't like pumpkin after all and would save the other one for next year.
Vikings are not known for listening to reason. Actually men in general.
But I digress. We have pumpkin cooked. We can feed it to Olive, make pumpkin bread, or feed it to the Viking anyway. It won't be the first time he ate something that he was not fond of. We are soaking the seeds in salt water, next I bake them in the oven till they are crunchy.
After several hours of work we get a handful of seeds ready to eat, the kids eat them and say, "WOW why don't you do this more often?
>:((

Lucy is quietly standing up finishing the left overs from Daine's dinner Daine is playing Ninetendo. I am writing on the blog, and all the maids are in the garden hanging up the clothes or something.... FUCK.

Dinner with the German
He soaked the turkey in a brine of One gallon of water, 1/2 Cup of salt, 1 Cup of brown sugar One orange quartered and squeezed into the water.
Soaked that bird for 12 hours.
Then he baked it at 500 degrees for about 35 minutes. (It smoked, so did he! whoo hooo)
then he took it out, covered it in foil and baked it at 350 degrees till nearly done, took off the foil turned up the heat a bit. and baked it till done.
The white meat was just like butter, it melted in my mouth.
I was most impressed, but I would hesitate to tell him, that he over salted everything.
Big time over salt, it spoiled the flavor of the gravy, but to each his own.
he served it with a vile concoction of cooked purple cabbage doused with cinnamon.
My stomach was going to remind me about that cabbage later.
I asked him if I could do the dishes, and he said "NO", and went off to do them.
I sat in a chair watching some violent movie I didn't want to see, and drank my wine.
Apparently too slow, he came back and sat at his computer, and gave me a weary look, "I go to bed in an hour." He said.
I felt like apologizing suddenly.
Sorry, I had eaten his dinner, Sorry for the condition of America's insurance plans, Sorry for our poor medical coverage, Sorry that I was breathing air that was necessary for his survival.
I said, "Oh thank you for the lovely meal, I was just leaving."
He gave me a tight lipped smile.
I was still offended that earlier when I asked to use the bathroom, he said very stiffly, that he didn't have a bathroom for my use, that I would have to go upstairs to my room.
It did not compute, so I said "where do you go? outside?"
he was not amused.
He said, "NO I have one in my apartment."
He was annoyed at having to explain himself.
So I went up the stairs to pee in my motel bathroom, I was a bit bewildered, but then I thought perhaps he has a severed head in the sink and doesn't want me to see it.
Or maybe he thinks we vile lazy greedy Americans have cooties?
However it was nice to have a room for free, and a good meal, and even the dog was invited, I just couldn't figure out how I went from date to Unwanted pest.
Some things are best not explained, just left.
I enjoyed some of the day, the rest doesn't need to be pondered.

Heart of Hearts. One call, and it is good. Love, oh useless love. It will never be brought to fruition, he is the reason I will be alone for the rest of my life. Passionate nature squelched. No one knows the real me. Only one there will only be one great love in my life, he just happens to live in Scotland. The reason I can write with such sickly sweet clarity. Oh heart of hearts. Still.....

My Son Says"just because I am not going to miss you doesn't mean I don't love you forever." He is leaving for Boise Idaho with his oldest sister tomorrow. I don't like it. I have never been separated from him for more then an evening. Saying, "I don't like it." doesn't even begin to explain the overwhelming dread I am haveing. The feeling that my precious gift will never be returned. Say you will be home soon, back into my arms, My baby boy. The gift of my heart. The love of my life. They are only ours a short time, and we raise them up, hopefull that can conquer the demons that we could only hide from.

awow i didn't know you had this thingy for so long ... . interesting... i thought it was new

I am where I am, from a long walk through pain. I neither want to cause pain nor feel it anymore. Sometimes I feel like I am withdrawing, with every dissapointment, I think "Well I am certainly not going to be in that position again."
Every kissed frog remains a frog.

Welcome back to work

I am home, sick today. I almost enjoy it, cause I am HOME. I like being home. Unfortunatly I think of many things that I could be doing, but I am too sickly to do....
The cat likes this, she says if I am not doing anything I can just pet her.

So, I met a pinnipedasaurus today. Gentle man. Kinda like what I had ordered the first time when I got David... You know? Too soon to tell. I refuse to obsess on this. Spent a day with him, and just enjoyed the heck out of it. I have no idea what he thinks about me, I dislike it when I can't read people. But as I said, I am not gong to obsess. I like him and it wasn't a wasted day.

Awoke in the night by a burp I opened one eye and the dog was grinning at me. DISGUSTING.
She had got up for a midnight snak and had some beans. Bless her inquisitive dog heart, she was booted outside in the night.

well the curse is broken, I survived Monday.
I am trying to analyze why work sux so much.
(1) Prima Donna Drama Queens allowed to run the office.. that would sum it up.
(2) Using scape goat methods to control other office personell.
(3) changing the rules on a daily basis.
(4) witholding vital information that I require to do a good job.
(5) Refusing to leave the office and take breaks, not trusting other team members to do their job...
(6) Fuck it. it's like a bad marriage, one can only endure, one can never improve the situation unless one LEFT the premises and moved 700 miles away.

Monday morning. Didn't we just do this? Sitting here drinking yesterdays coffee, cause I hate to waste anything.
Daine and I made oatmeal cookies last night. Interesting thing is you open the container of Old fashioned oats, the kind that takes hours to cook, ;) then the recipe says......use QUICK oats.... Right.... IF I had quick oats then I would have been reading the recipe from there. Anyway... chewy oatmeal cookies are kinda nice.

http://duskydawn2.tripod.com/

My Computer is Lonely Tonight
(and I am not answering the phone)
OKAY, just bored then. Where is my entertainment?
Things I did today...
Took Daine to a birthday party so he could ride a pony. Took a shower. Did a load of laundry,
laughed with my daughter...a lot.
Listened to her complain....a lot.
Painted my two end tables pink. I knew that would impress you.
Made popcorn for dinner, and home made lemon aid.
ooops I promised Daine I would teach him how to make oatmeal cookies, and I forgot.
I requested a cyber bug for my website, its name will be Louis....hee hee, and it's pink.
ok, I am crazy about pink. However I am wearing a pale sage green button up shirt.
I usually wear green.
Today my hair doesn't look half bad. Guess it settled in. Hair does that.
candles are lit and I am listening to Alan parson's project.
Nice Change actually.
HOPE your day was full of good things.
Just me

Friday Friday!! doing the happy dance. Daughter and I took a walk on the beach with the little ones. Kayla and Daine dragging sea weed around like pets.
The dog knew. When I got home she gave me a reproachful look and sniffed the salt spray on my jeans. I think she was saying, "How could you go to the beach without me?" I like to take her when I don't have to keep my eye on two little ones heading in totally oposite directions which the five year old and the two and a half year old are likely to do.

Subject: Daine's Letter to Alan, his own words 4 1/2 years old



Dear Alan,
Mom is typing this. She says, I cannot say that I like you best because you send me stuff, she says, that is rude.
I looked at fishing stuff yesterday, mom would not buy me anything she said, MAYBE for my birthday.
I am going to go fishing some day. I caught a worm yesterday, Mom said I could not bring it in the house, that is okay, I lost it somewhere, I couldn't find it after I brought it in the house.
I got my socks wet in the sand box. I took off outside, but I could only find one of them.
Then we went to Cliff's work, and mom typed on the computer, I was bored. I can shoot rubber bands into the wall. I like to run the chairs on wheels into the wall too, but Mom said No.
I want to send this letter now.

Daine Bennet Dusky 8-O

Moody Blues will Play, but not for me....sigh...

Moody Blues Concerts.
When ever I rely on other people, plans fall through.
David was going to fly me to Las Vegas for a visit in October. Well blah blah, things came up, and then he got a new job etc. SO he says January.. I am sulking now. MOODY BLUES ARE GOING TO BE THERE!! OH MY GAWD, like I am still in love with Justin Hayward.
Anyway, if you get a chance, go, and tell me all about it, while I sob miserably in my tea.
I was 15 when I first heard them, and the love affair began. I was 35 the first time I saw them in concert, and it was awsome. I had to wait 20 years to see them in concert. now its been another 10 years, is it my imagination or is time flying by? I keep looking around, and yeah, I am getting old.It was without my permission.

This is just to get in touch with someone that you want to talk to.

Improvise.... but what I use is as follows:
(1) Red candle,(2) two red headed pins ( I even took two white headed pins and painted the tops of them red.)
(3)Patchouli or rose oil, or your favorite High vibration oil.
(4) Lighter...of course...(5) open mind.
(1) Anoint candle...dip your fingers in the oil, upward stroke, downward stroke Clockwise around the candle.
(2) Light candle
(3) focus on the one you want to call you. While you focus Repeat these words while Crossing the two red headed pins into the flames making an X, but do not put out the flame.
SAY:
"It is not only this flame I mean to stick, but Allison's heart I mean to prick, whether she awake or sleeping be, I call her heart to come to me.
So mote it be
So mote it be
So mote it be"
Then snuff out the flame with your fingers. Do not blow it out.
I wet mine first.
it has been my experience that the person focused on calls in twenty minutes or so.
The witches said five minutes, but it took longer for me.


Usually James Dean would call and say, "I heard you an hour ago, but I couldn't get to a phone."
Then he would tell me to knock it off, he didn't believe in that stuff.

blogger.com

Monday, Gawd how I dislike Mondays. the beginning all over again, trying to take it one day at a time. Well of course that is all we can do... but STILL why wasn't I born rich instead of usefull?
My son is on one today, very amusing...not. Five years old and glaring at me, because I didn't remember to let him hit the start button on the microwave.... SORRY.
It is seven o clock P M and I am beat. Long day, started at 5 AM. Later Gator.

Saturday, January 13th, 2001 7:45 PM 6.0
I feel kinda bad, because I sat on my ass most of the day, lamenting not getting anything done. I have bills to pay groceries to go get, and I don't feel like leaving the house. Danced with my grandbaby, and made her laugh, smoked my last cigarette on the porch in the rain. Had meaningful conversations with my three year old. all and all a up and down kinda day.


Friday, January 12th, 2001 7:39 PM 6.0
After work, I went to sit with a depressed friend. Could feel the energy getting sucked right out of me. I wanted to make him feel better, but I wanted to be home with my two kids. We are all we have. I am going to help him clean his house on Sunday.


Thursday, January 11th, 2001 5:18 PM 7.0
some good some bad, My son was assessed by the state, he is advanced on his communication skills. I noticed some areas that I need to improve on as a parent. He is three, I am single and work, I am tired.


Wednesday, January 10th, 2001 6:48 PM 6.0
evil looks, and smug thoughts do not make up a good day, I have to deal with one of my co-workers getting her comeupance. Wish I wasn't so close the situation.


Tuesday, January 9th, 2001 5:42 PM 6.0
Well I got my wish, the one employee who was making my job harder, got to do my job today, since the managment could see that she wasn't doing her part. I felt guilty, but was free to accomplish much more today, while she was overwhelmed and swamped, like I have been the past several months.


Monday, January 8th, 2001 4:56 PM 7.0
I get a little overwhelmed at work on Monday, I feel like I am one of the few employees that understands team playing, and the good of the whole work place. Two of my co-workers have their own agenda, and prevent me from getting my other things done, because they don't answer the sales phone, I am looking for solutions and better communication with them. But I secretly feel that they are nothing more than prima donna's and don't care about the whole picture, only themselves. Came home to my adorable three year old, and the world seems right somehow.


Sunday, January 7th, 2001 7:19 PM 10.0
Started the day with my kids, went to the beach with all of them and friends to dig for clams. We didn't find any clams but had a good walk and fun day. Got home to find the cat still stuck in the tree, so we climbed up and saved him. We had dinner at McDonalds.


Saturday, January 6th, 2001 9:42 PM 10.0
Had nightmares all night, woke up to a baby a cat and a dog asleep next to me. After getting ready, I went to breakfast with my daughters ages 21 and 18, my 3 year old son, and 9 month old grandaughter, we had a blast. Took a walk on the beach at sunset with a friend and my three year old son