I have been told over the years, that when you are finally satisfied with who you are to a certain point, you no longer require others to verify, or validate your self worth.
Finally I think I got it.
I am in charge of my own happiness, not some wonderful man who must rub my feet, and tell me I am gorgeous every day.
I already KNOW!
and I got a little plastic thing with nobs on it and I can rub my own feet.
I buy my own roses, and if I don't like something about myself, I work on changing it.
And if somebody doesn't like something about me, I don't care a heck of a lot.
I really don't spend evenings wondering why nobody likes me. They don't have to.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
What did I say?
Did I say, let the Terror begin?
Last night was beyond all comprehension. At least I had a fleet of nice officers with me till 3:30 AM.
That cut down the customer level for awhile.
ABC Cab driver tried to kill someone in our parking lot.
I saw the guy clear the fence, running. One would have to be really mad to try and run over somone. THERE were times I wanted to run over my ex.
Mmmm Ok, on a happier note,
Sandcrab's Photo Site.
Much better to look at his amazing art, then talk about the VILE WORK PLACE.
NEED I say Dave Bennett is a genius? see for yourself.
http://www.outdooreyes.com/list/thegallerys.php3?photoid=1209&first=first&wh=1
Last night was beyond all comprehension. At least I had a fleet of nice officers with me till 3:30 AM.
That cut down the customer level for awhile.
ABC Cab driver tried to kill someone in our parking lot.
I saw the guy clear the fence, running. One would have to be really mad to try and run over somone. THERE were times I wanted to run over my ex.
Mmmm Ok, on a happier note,
Sandcrab's Photo Site.
Much better to look at his amazing art, then talk about the VILE WORK PLACE.
NEED I say Dave Bennett is a genius? see for yourself.
http://www.outdooreyes.com/list/thegallerys.php3?photoid=1209&first=first&wh=1
Friday, July 15, 2005
In case of fire, break glass!
Man!
I am so opinion-less today.
ME? I mean the one that talks about everything...
I have nothing to say, I am even writing about nothing, nothing at all.
I am bemused, bewildered, analytical... but OPINIONLESS.
Listening to Toto in the background, listening to the neighbor child scream, does he need help? does she need help?Oh it's not the neighbor at all, it is Daine watching something on TV.
Caspian is home from his surgery and bouncing off the walls, he gave Shadow a big hug and bite on the neck He smells of surgical soap, and medicine.
Nothing slows the kitten down, I wish I had some of his energy, my high point of the evening will be shuffling into the kitchen to make something for dinner.
I will be working into the early morning hours.. unfortunately this is Friday night... the terror will begin.
I find out tonight, what the schedule is for the rest of the week. (she puts the weekly schedule together on Fridays.) I am hoping Monday is the last day I work.
I am hoping I get this apartment packed up soon, and onward to the new place.
I am still flying to Florida in august, I think the tenth or eleventh. I will see Kevin, my old room mate from Oregon, and Anna, my online friend for the past five years.
I hate to fly, I usually wrap my arms around the seat in front of me and hyperventilate.
Too proud to show up drunk, perhaps this time I should.
I don't really want to go, though I look forward to seeing Kevin again, and meeting Anna for the first time. I try to tell myself I can fly without the fear thing, but I know from the past, that it happens whether I want it to or not.
I wasn't meant to fly, I have no wings, even though you say I am an angel.
We both know I am something a bit more earthly then that.
I am so opinion-less today.
ME? I mean the one that talks about everything...
I have nothing to say, I am even writing about nothing, nothing at all.
I am bemused, bewildered, analytical... but OPINIONLESS.
Listening to Toto in the background, listening to the neighbor child scream, does he need help? does she need help?Oh it's not the neighbor at all, it is Daine watching something on TV.
Caspian is home from his surgery and bouncing off the walls, he gave Shadow a big hug and bite on the neck He smells of surgical soap, and medicine.
Nothing slows the kitten down, I wish I had some of his energy, my high point of the evening will be shuffling into the kitchen to make something for dinner.
I will be working into the early morning hours.. unfortunately this is Friday night... the terror will begin.
I find out tonight, what the schedule is for the rest of the week. (she puts the weekly schedule together on Fridays.) I am hoping Monday is the last day I work.
I am hoping I get this apartment packed up soon, and onward to the new place.
I am still flying to Florida in august, I think the tenth or eleventh. I will see Kevin, my old room mate from Oregon, and Anna, my online friend for the past five years.
I hate to fly, I usually wrap my arms around the seat in front of me and hyperventilate.
Too proud to show up drunk, perhaps this time I should.
I don't really want to go, though I look forward to seeing Kevin again, and meeting Anna for the first time. I try to tell myself I can fly without the fear thing, but I know from the past, that it happens whether I want it to or not.
I wasn't meant to fly, I have no wings, even though you say I am an angel.
We both know I am something a bit more earthly then that.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
The Cure
Watching Me Fall
The Cure
WATCHING ME FALL ~ yeah I'VE BEEN WATCHING ME FALL FOR IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS ~ WATCHING ME GROW SMALL, I WATCH ME DISAPPEAR ~ SLIPPING OUT MY ORDINARY WORLD, OUT MY ORDINARY EYES ~ yeah SLIPPING OUT THE ORDINARY ME INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE ~ INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE... ~ THERE'S A THIN WHITE COLD NEW MOON AND THE SNOW IS COMING DOWN ~ AND THE NEON BRIGHT TOKYO LIGHTS FLICKER THROUGH THE CROWD ~ I'VE BEEN DRIFTING AROUND FOR HOURS AND I'M LOST AND I'M TIRED ~ WHEN A WHISPER IN MY EAR INSATIABLE BREATHES ~ "WHY DON'T YOU FOLLOW ME INSIDE?..." ~ yeah THE ROOM IS SMALL, THE ROOM IS BRIGHT ~ HER HAIR IS BLACK, THE BED IS WHITE ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ IS ALWAYS YOUNG... ALWAYS YOUNG ~ THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG... ~ yeah I'VE BEEN SEEING THEM STRIP TO THE BONE IN THE MIRROR ON THE WALL ~ SEEING HER SWALLOW HIM WHOLE LIKE IT'S NOT ME AT ALL ~ SHE HOLDS OUT HER HANDS AND I FOLLOW HER DOWN TO MY KNEES ~ AND THE SUCKING INSIDE INSATIABLE SMILES ~ "YOU WILL FORGET YOURSELF IN ME..." ~ yeah THE ROOM IS SMALL, THE ROOM IS BRIGHT ~ HER EYES ARE BLACK, THE BED IS WHITE ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ AND THE NIGHT GOES ON AND ON ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ AND THE NIGHT IS NEVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER... AND THEN IT'S GONE ~ AND THEN IT'S GONE ~ yeah THEN IT'S GONE... ~ yeah IT'S A CRUEL MEAN COLD NEW DAY AND OUTSIDE THE SNOW IS STILL COMING DOWN ~ AND IN THE BLOOD RED TOKYO BED I WATCH ME COMING ROUND ~ SHE PULLED HIM DOWN FOR HOURS ~ DEEPER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN ~ AND AS I FALL IN THE MIRROR ON THE WALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ yeah I'VE BEEN WATCHING ME GO FOR IT MUST BE YEARS ~ WATCHING ME GET SLOW, I WATCH ME DISAPPEAR ~ AND ONE DAY, yeah I KNOW, I WON'T COME BACK AT ALL... ~ AND ALWAYS OVER AND OVER IN HIS ORDINARY EYES ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL
The Cure
WATCHING ME FALL ~ yeah I'VE BEEN WATCHING ME FALL FOR IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS ~ WATCHING ME GROW SMALL, I WATCH ME DISAPPEAR ~ SLIPPING OUT MY ORDINARY WORLD, OUT MY ORDINARY EYES ~ yeah SLIPPING OUT THE ORDINARY ME INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE ~ INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE... ~ THERE'S A THIN WHITE COLD NEW MOON AND THE SNOW IS COMING DOWN ~ AND THE NEON BRIGHT TOKYO LIGHTS FLICKER THROUGH THE CROWD ~ I'VE BEEN DRIFTING AROUND FOR HOURS AND I'M LOST AND I'M TIRED ~ WHEN A WHISPER IN MY EAR INSATIABLE BREATHES ~ "WHY DON'T YOU FOLLOW ME INSIDE?..." ~ yeah THE ROOM IS SMALL, THE ROOM IS BRIGHT ~ HER HAIR IS BLACK, THE BED IS WHITE ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ IS ALWAYS YOUNG... ALWAYS YOUNG ~ THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG... ~ yeah I'VE BEEN SEEING THEM STRIP TO THE BONE IN THE MIRROR ON THE WALL ~ SEEING HER SWALLOW HIM WHOLE LIKE IT'S NOT ME AT ALL ~ SHE HOLDS OUT HER HANDS AND I FOLLOW HER DOWN TO MY KNEES ~ AND THE SUCKING INSIDE INSATIABLE SMILES ~ "YOU WILL FORGET YOURSELF IN ME..." ~ yeah THE ROOM IS SMALL, THE ROOM IS BRIGHT ~ HER EYES ARE BLACK, THE BED IS WHITE ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ AND THE NIGHT GOES ON AND ON ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ AND THE NIGHT IS NEVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER... AND THEN IT'S GONE ~ AND THEN IT'S GONE ~ yeah THEN IT'S GONE... ~ yeah IT'S A CRUEL MEAN COLD NEW DAY AND OUTSIDE THE SNOW IS STILL COMING DOWN ~ AND IN THE BLOOD RED TOKYO BED I WATCH ME COMING ROUND ~ SHE PULLED HIM DOWN FOR HOURS ~ DEEPER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN ~ AND AS I FALL IN THE MIRROR ON THE WALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ yeah I'VE BEEN WATCHING ME GO FOR IT MUST BE YEARS ~ WATCHING ME GET SLOW, I WATCH ME DISAPPEAR ~ AND ONE DAY, yeah I KNOW, I WON'T COME BACK AT ALL... ~ AND ALWAYS OVER AND OVER IN HIS ORDINARY EYES ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Your part
life will take us where it is supposed to, the part we play is to keep our eyes open and learn what we can.
After that... PARTY!
After that... PARTY!
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