wet wash rag

Professor Emery was fired. I wonder what horror they will put in her place. This means I will actually have to work in Lit class now. I was hoping for an easy A.
Today Dwain turns thirty, Daine is spending the night over there and I am home alone with the ungrateful dog that ran away this morning. He nearly got hit by a car, he just stood in the middle of traffic with an enthusiastic expression on his face. He eventually ran to an apartment complex and a nice gentleman caught him. Daine was nearly in tears, we did think the dog was going to be hit by a car. Part of me hoped it would be a quick death. Stupid Dog!
Armentrout saw me yesterday in his new office. He said, Hatcher was gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe, scuff him off and go on about my business. Good advice. Depression continues to drag on, a glass of wine and early to bed, tomorrow is a new day, the more time that passes the better I will feel eventually.
I have a history test on Monday and an Art test on Wednesday, I really think tests should be banned. Tests are unreal. I am going to change my major, I just don't know how to go about it yet. I have to find out. I am going for a degree in elementary education instead of Psychology. I am losing interest in addictions and counseling, perhaps when I feel better again?
Bruce invited me over tonight, but after nine o'clock PM, and I think I will be in bed by then. I declined the invite, an earlier night would be better because I have to get up at five thirty tomorrow to get ready for my lovely day at DTV. I wonder why Mr. Hanson didn't call me as he said he would? He is missing out on a chance to meet a great person. I find I lose interest pretty fast in people who don't keep their promises. Hatcher all over again, The woulda's coulda's and shoulda's begin to add up to a big nothing.

six days

And it doesn't matter much anymore, does it?
Art class is interesting and a challenge. Some guy sat next to me and started up a conversation, so I invited him into my study group with Christy and Kelly.
He did think he was excruciatingly interesting and insisted on adding his comments to the study guide put out by the professor. He was cute, he hinted his bike was broke down and gave me a patient look. I gave him a blank look and said, "thats a bummer." Baby boomers rule in cunning... He is probably about ten years younger then me and not as cunning.
I was not taking the hint of driving him home. My car was parked a quarter of a mile away from the university, and I didn't know him. Charming cute and odd. Why me anyway? freekin weirdo magnate.

Forget

It is Tuesday, five days later. I had a toasted cheese and ham sandwich, is it a sandwich with only one piece of bread?
I am listening to Alien Ant farm, I love the understated anger.
I am planning on skipping Lit this afternoon, I can't skip Psych in Boise tonight. I got Dain's pay as you go phone re-charged with money so he could come with me. His mood is like mine and I know it's my fault he mirrors my depression, he skipped school today, he said he needed a day off, his company has helped me lift up. We do daily tasks, cleaned the fish bowl, picked up our living space, washed rugs walk the dog, it goes on. I see Dr. Armentrout tomorrow.
I am beginning to feel angry. I won't do anything about it. Took me five days to feel it. Wishing all kinds of maladys to befall the insignificant other. Douche bag.

spell of light

I was trying to write something positive something beautiful and it wont come out.
I am haunted by what I lost and haunted by what is to come.
Haunted by what never was,
there comes a time when we must ask ourselves if we wish to remain unhappy and depressed. Do we want to wallow in self pity, or truly enjoy life?
OH Fuck it I just need a good lay and perhaps a drunk to go along with it, not laying a drunk however.
He never answered my questions, and perhaps I know the answers with out having to ask, but I ask anyway, because I waste time, to waste time is to put on hold the grim reality that I was not loved and I am easy to forget.
I want to be thought of as special and unforgettable. He was the wrong one.
Still the pain persists, and I feel like a blob.
Tomorrow I will do better. I promise.

Quit yer bitchin

I knew a lady that sang the blues, I asked her for some happy news, she just turned and walked away...(the day the music died)
JEEZ I am sick of myself. I don't like unanswered questions and the doubt that I feel, but that is the way it's going to be. With Steven there was always doubt, and I didn't quite trust him, is this how I wanted to live? You cannot be happy with something you have to hold on to tightly.
The guy at work that I started to ask out the gave me a horrified look? well he came up to me yesterday and made a point of saying "Hi Glena." he even knew my name, I am not interested though.
Butch says he would like to go to the Billy Joel Musical playing at the Morrison Center. I can bring Daine. I think my son would like it.
Eww I just looked at the tickets,65 to 40 dollars each, I think we might be listening to old Billy Joel Cd's at home and drinking beer, not Daine...
I have a history test tomorrow and if I don't start reading that chapter I will certainly fail, and I am not going to let Steven's memory interfere with living anymore. I MEAN IT!