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Saturday, June 14, 2003

I am overwhelmed. I keep waiting for the police to take me away. Where will they put Daine?
The Beaver tried to have me arrested on assault charges tonight
He told the nice officer that I had come after him with a knife... IT was a cake server, and I didn't come after him, I threw it. I have a rug burn on my face where he shoved me into the carpet. HE has missing hair. well he is going bald anyway. I always thought that women who brawled with men were white trash..... and still his horrible after shave laces the air... including the new added feature of bug repellant, which didn't improve it as much as I hoped.

Friday, June 13, 2003

I was so proud of myself. Holding it in, biting my tongue. keeping my knowledge of his actions to myself.

THEN, he grabbed Daine out of bed, pulling him toward the bathroom. Daine had left a toy in there... I said "Hey wait a minute Jim, what's this about?" He told me to mind my own fucking business....right?? did he realise that DAINE IS MY BUSINESS! I saw the look of resignation on Daine's face and my brains screamed NO NO NO! I promised he wouldn't touch Daine again. Then... whatever it is inside of me took over, I had no recoures but to separate from myself and watch. The Red Haze of temper taking charge of me. I told Jim if he even looked at Daine again, he was going down. But I couldn't stop, I went on and on, everything had been holding in for the past month. I told Jim I had filed a police report, and if he so much as breathed on Daine I was calling them in and haveing his ass arrested, I said, "YOUR days of abusing children are over You shit eating worm." OH but I couldn't stop even then. I told him I was out of here, I told him I knew about his phone calls to assorted women, I told him that I wrote them all and revealed what a jerk he is. Somewhere inside my brain I was telling myself to stop, but I couldn't, I had to go on and on. Jim told me to get out, and I told him I would stay here as long as I dammed well wanted to, that he stole this house and had no more right here then I did, and he better leave me and Daine alone or else.... I was shaking so hard, and I think my neck hurts from my head spinning around like a scene from the exorsist.
He then got on his computer and emailed his latest conquest, "KATY!! Come back to me, my ex girl friend broke into my house and trashed my computer1"
OOH jeez what a worthless lyer he is. NOW I have to get out quickly, burning bridges with expert aim.... My son looked at me last night with the most amazed expression. I have never let loose like that before, and I blame Jim for that too.
My son knows that I am evil now, I had hoped he wouldn't find out till he was older.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Its like bowling for friends lately, I lost three in a week. ONE might suspect the problem lies within me.......NAAAAAH
Probably the friends I choose. Self involved, judgemental, rule making bastards that secretly wanted the Glena Booty, ample as it is...
Jim made a rude remark about my bubble butt... I said, "Look here, Many have killed for this ass." Always stuns him when I don't get defensive. I like my bubble butt. so there.
He made a move for Daine last night. I stook up, and gave him the green eyed look, his hands fell to his side. I will kick his scrawny ugly little body off the porch if he EVER touches my son again. HE IS GOING DOWN!

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Goodbye, he says Three years.. of judgement, withdrawal. guess it is time for goodbye then.
I haven't a lot to say, I am too busy trying to keep my head above water, and I am more than a little afraid. Those people who call themselves friends, have conditions, regulations, contracts, rules, I don't call that frienship.
If you love someone you must accept them. Funny, many people don't get that.
Love has Rules one must follow. True, we shouldn't push to the limit. All I asked is acceptance, support. I feel very free, lately. When everyone goes, and I am left alone, I still have my self respect. I still think I did the best I could do. Next time, I should pull out the crystal ball before I jump into a new situation... SHIT I did it again, oh well Roseburg here I come. My best friend is coming with me. The one that I Fight for, the one I will always love the best. Baby Bennet.

Monday, June 09, 2003

Would you prefer I sell my soul instead of my body? Would you prefer the good fairie came down and gave me a place to live?
Money doesn't appear, jobs don't fall into my lap. Things break down, child needs to eat. Dog gives me reproachful looks.
I am in trouble. I am without, and no, I did what I thought was right, I was wrong, but it doesn't mean I deserve this.
All those that judge and point at me, can go flush themselves down the toilet.

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