Burn out the day, Burn out the night...

I'm not the one telling you whats wrong or whats right.
However... When you live amongst thugs and idiots there are certain rules that apply.
Yesterday I was up early, thank goodness really. Walked my dog in the dark, looking out for lurkers. I prefer to face my foes on open ground then cowered in a corner. I always come home and lock the door. I got so spooky when I was a security guard. I always feel safer walking the perimeter of a building rather then walking halls in the darkness.
Oh yes I digress, this is about the idiots upstairs.
When I got home around seven Am, I heard a loud pouring noise, like a water fall. I thought OH NO not again, the last time it was the toilet spraying water out under the tank top. So I ran in there, but it was literally pouring out of the ceiling vents. Pouring in a stream. The floor was already a few inches deep in water, the sink and counters soaked. I thought, "she's died in the tub and no one is there to help her." So I called the apartment office and left a message, then I called maintenance, then I called the police for them to do a welfare check on miss piggy upstairs. She has the ambulance out on a regular basis, I don't know if she likes their company or if she is really having something go wrong. I do know she takes way too many drugs. I know because she can barely complete sentences, and she showed me her bag full of pills one time. LOTS and I Think she mixes them up and takes more then she is supposed to, I think she is going to kill herself sometimes soon. There is nothing I can do, I have talked to her, but I don't make any impression on her. She thinks if its prescription medication she can take how much she wants.
Well imagine the teenage daughters surprise when the cops and Maxine broke into the apartment at seven forty five? She was sitting in the bath tub. The water was flowing over the sides and onto the carpet, and down the hall, and she did nothing but sit there and let it. The maintenance man had to bring up a shop vac and clean up their floors, I think he should have made them do it. I Think of the police breaking in on them as my little "Gift" I have a very clean bathroom now,nothing like a complete hose down to get things very clean. JEEZ thank goodness I Was home when this happened, if it had happened on Saturday or Sunday it would have done a lot more damage.

A basketfull of stuff I will not do.

Today, I will not pay bills. If I turn up the radio, I can't hear the funky noises my car is making. I am looking for work, I have been looking since April. I usually don't have the gas to go far, I didn't qualify for unemployment when I was laid off. The department of labor, as they so joyfully call themselves, since "unemployment office" sounds so negative...said I didn't make enough money to qualify for unemployment. I was going to BSU, I used the money to pay my rent and get caught up on bills and buy a few months supply of cat food. I am running out. Rent is due in November and I still don't have a job. I quit school, I couldn't do it anymore, and BSU, rightfully wants all the money back that I used to pay back rent. Rightfully so, but it doesn't make it easier by any stretch of the imagination. I cannot answer my phone anymore, creditors. I haven't been able to get the mail, more creditors. I have nothing coming in. Sometimes a friend puts gas in my car, and I use food stamps to buy food, plus vinegar and baking soda for cleaning. I don't have money to buy cleaning products. I had ten dollars to buy my son used school clothes at Deseret Industries.
I started going to a resource called, "working Solutions" oh they have solutions all right. Someone is paid a lot of money to tell us that we can network while we are waiting in line for the show, or while waiting for a machine at the health club. They obviously don't get it. Who is going to the show? Who has money to work out at the club? It was similar while I was reading a Martha Stewart magazine at the Doctors Office.I was seeing the doctor about my depression. She was giving tips on how to move. It was so lovely, I laughed and laughed, Martha says, when you move, have a company come in and do it for you, then they can take it to your new house and move it in there. She doesn't know about empty boxes from the liquor store and crayon marking the box, "Kitchen" nor does she know about my friend's pick up truck. OR what I plan to do with the used couch. She doesn't get it either. I heard on the news that people have to cut back, everyone must do their part, starting with going out to eat only once a week, and cutting down on their entertainment fund. What? I wanted to call the TV station and ask them if they know about 75 cents a pound bulk dry beans at winco, or if they consider buying canned soup a luxury? I am sorry I know I sound bitchy and negative, all I want is a job. I am a good employee, I work hard,I am dependable, I have no drama, I have forgotten what I am good at anymore.
When I go to Working Solutions to turn my paperwork in, I see people who are as bad off, I think some are even homeless, which is where I am headed. After November my kindly apartment complex is not going to want me to live here for free. I made a promise to my pets that I would take care of them. I have to contemplate giving my cats to the shelter. I have had them for years, I don't think a cat box in the car is a good thing. What do you do?
There was a bright spot in all this turmoil. A little company called, "dress for success" I was referred to them by Working Solutions. I had a bad attitude about going I must admit. I thought, I got used clothes in my closet, what can they help me with? The idea was to give us unemployed people a nice suit to wear on "NONEXISTENT" job interviews. The two women running the show were upbeat, knowledgeable and full of positive advice. I couldn't believe what I ended up with. I got a lovely suit, new shoes, make-up and even jewelry to wear. They told me how to conduct myself in an interview and what type of makeup is best. They knew their stuff. After I finished with them I felt like maybe I could get a job, I have the right tools. However I don't even get an interview. I have put out at least three applications a day, and still I am not working.
It is an employers market right now, they can treat us hopeful applicants anyway they like. I have seen positions in the paper offering far less money then they used to pay, and they do it because they can. Right to work my... behind.
The recession is supposed to be ending, work is supposed to be out there. Not for me, and not for a lot of people. I ask, "what can we do?"
I want a job, for my cats sake, for my son, I am not asking for a lot, just the right to be independent, and not have to jump through hoops put out by health and welfare for food stamps, I know that it is a gift, and not a right, but I would not use them if I didn't have to. I guess I am down, but not broken.

Nightmare

I was driving Chelsie's Maroon van. The landscape seemed to be Brookings. For some reason the city was filled with 2C drivers. There were three cars, one was a van, and they jammed into a blockage that I could not get around. I knew this, I had no choice but to crash into the van that had its side facing me. Instead of crashing my van went over the three cars, except time stopped. When I came to I was on the grass in front of the house where we lived with blood and grease on my hands. I panicked I started looking for the children that I had had in the van. The children were playing, and they didn't have a mark on them, I wondered if they had even been with me. I started to tell Chelsie about the wreck, I assumed her van was parked in the driveway, I told her we would have to have the suspension checked, because I had came down hard. I thought I had, that was the only explanation, but I couldn't remember anything about the crash. Then I thought maybe I am dead, everyone but Chelsie was ignoring me while I talked. Chelsie said, "no you are not dead, I can see you." Then I heard the sirens in the distance, getting closer. Then I knew that I had left my body when the van crashed in order to survive the crash. While I was out of my body, it was used in a murder. The blood was still on my hands. The police were coming to arrest me because I had left evidence at the crime scene. I could not remember anything. I thought it was so unfair that I didn't do anything but something used me to do something. STORY of a life out of control.

Bird Brain

I fed the Hound roasted chicken last night. DID I think it would pass by un-noticed?
Poor thing. I woke up at the usual five Am. (no rest for the wicked)and noticed the said dog was not in his usual place at the foot of the bed. I looked down the hall into the living room and I see that he is in his little fuzzy bed. Very bad sign.
When entering the living room the smell hit me, and I turned on the light not wanting to step in the source of the smell.
POOR THING AGAIN! It's all my fault. I scrubbed the carpet with baking soda and dish soap, and I burned incense, and I walked poor puppy in the park, where he proceeded to be even more disgusting.
If I was that dog I would disown me.
NO more chicken for Sherman, Bad Glena, Bad Glena!

House invasion today

I think I strained my back lifting the fat baby out of his crib. I don't get work man's comp. I don't even get sympathy.
I survived the weekend, and I thought of calling you, however I know you have other fish to fry, so I wait and think... but I know men and you will soon forget all about me.
I get the Grandsons at my apartment today. Chelsie's baby-sitter's kids have swine flu now. SO I get the little blessings on my home turf. My car is making funky noises I am not sure its going to survive more drives to Boise. I had to cancel Doctor Armentrout for my usual Monday appointment.
Part of me really doesn't care about that. IF he was going to offer me a job I would be there. I think I am past the therapy stage of my life. Talking doesn't change anything I have found out. I was going to suck it up and apply at jack in the box today. I won't because of the boys. Amazing how anyone goes anywhere with two toddlers under three years old. They are all hands in the store and manage to grab everything in reach.
I have already hid my east indian beaded lamp. the last time, Quinn unstrung a few rows of beads. They are too tiny for me to fix, I can barely see them let alone string them.
I was quite put out. I told him, "WE don't mess with grammas lamp." and he said, "OK" which Quinn says to everything. Ok... and he doesn't mean it.
I think I will feed them beans and send them home to their mother this afternoon. Never let it be said that I don't have a little mean streak.
Let me know when you would like to go out again. Maybe the Zoo, or the art museum. Or you could come over here and have dinner. Into the spiders parlor so to speak.
Are you going back to work today?
I dreamed I got a job last night, Damn.. now my dreams are filled with job hunting. I would rather have a science fiction or fantasy dream, not work.
Eventually someone has to give in and hire me. Its not like it used to be, there are hundreds of people applying for the same job, and most of them have experience and years younger then me. Though I am charming in a job inteview, I am still OLD and I Think that is what plays against me sometimes.
ANYWAY I am up very early in anticipation of the house invasion to come at five thirty