Friday, October 30, 2015

Facebook drama

I didn't mean to hurt Your feelings over your stupid plastic spoon tree. Obviously tonya has spoken negatively about me or you wouldn't have jumped my shit on facebook when you don't know me.
No I don't feel like making a tree to see if mine is better, how stupid! I think they're garbage so I won't waste my time. No I am not going to put all my craft ideas up for you to judge. I have many failures and I can laugh about them. Also I can tell you are a piece of shit and not worth the space it takes to explain all this to you.
Thank Goodness I don't have to deal with you ever again.

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

Kracky the Krackhead

   Parasitic Dead green eyes,that look out with little emotion. she says what will get the most sympathy from her victims. Her Story changes minute to minute. She Does not ever apologise or accept she has ever wronged anyone.    She feels entitled to what she takes.  She seems to be about 13 years old, but is actually over 50. I feel compelled to update you on facts. I am upset that Chelsea thinks she can judge Andy's actions. Kathy showed up at our house high. I told her I love her but I have a No tolerance for drug's on my property. I watch my grandkids here for petes sake!   i told kathy, Andy would take her anywhere she wanted to go, but she could not stay at my house as long as she is using. One does not get cancer of the sciatic nerve. One does not get shipped to Utah for surgery. One does however get boils on her back from shooting drugs in there to hide needle marks. Big surprise, Kathy lies again. We have helped Kathy. Fed her, took her supplies, bought her TWO trucks, just to name a few small things, but she will never live with us.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Random Oddness

Robbie Burns Night. I didn't plan a big family dinner this year. No haggis. Listening to Bananarama on Pandora,ate a bag of pretzles I don't even like them. Made a bead necklace for an old Barbie doll from my youth. and..I think I should get off my butt and take a walk, but my walking buddy is with Andy. Pandora plays too much Depeche Mode.

Monday, November 10, 2014

as time passes

Time may seem to pause,but it merely passes.You find you are in your late fifties pushing sixty with the dreams of a twenty year old wondering "what the hell"?
 You learn more about yourself.Stuff you would have found useful when you were young, but must be grateful you know now. Useful stuff like never loan out things you want to keep.Otherwise the shock wears off.

Sunday, November 09, 2014


Cranky secretive forgetful arguementive changeable undependable distant unloving short tempered BORING.
I am not talking about me. I can live like this because he is not cruel. Something is going on with him, but I don't know what it is. Thank YOU Bitch Otter we don't have health insurance because of you.
Andy needs to see a doctor or a coroner.

Thursday, July 03, 2014

Thursday, April 24, 2014

maybe I shouldn't have done that.

oh yeah it's permanent.
Thankful that I am not job hunting. The Chorkie was upset, I thought she was going to bite me. I thought dogs were color blind??

Audrey see's purple and she doesn't like it.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

it is the lament of my old age.

I am ready to do what I want. I have kids five days a week, and this generation, has poor English skills, poor hygiene, no gratitude or empathy. Are a real drag. This generation will not outlive their grandparents.
I haven't decided the cause of their demise yet.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

I'm in an Oregon state of mind.
Missing the sand and the sea, and wondering if I will ever live there again? Today I thought about looking for jobs in Newport. I am sure the prospects would be slim, coastal town, and me being an antique.
Might look anyway.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

gawd it's May

trying to  post from my kindle. it's a royal pain picking out  letters with a stylus,and it keeps correcting me. changing my words in a helpful manner.

Sunday, March 03, 2013

I am not productive

Partly its the leg pain, partly its my gut not feeling right today, maybe the incessant rain, the dust that needs removing, the floor needs vacuuming, the kitchen needs mopping, the bathroom too. I want to create something beautiful, I don't want to spend Sunday cleaning yet again... maybe I should take a walk.
I had been turning the light bar on every morning at six AM. This weekend I just got out of bed instead, and I think... maybe it had made a difference to run the light bar for fifteen minutes before arising. CUZ I'm blue. But work sux, there is a bad vibe, one client who was especially difficult in a manipulative way has been reassigned and I wonder if I am getting bad press at work. sometimes its not what you do or how you are it is what THEY think you are and how they think you act, often no facts are needed for their opinions.
I got contraband chickens too, they are not slum lord approved, if we get caught he will ask us to remove them, and I would rather move with the birds secured in a box to a new place then get rid of the girls. Mary Jane, Ruby, Apple and Max. Max thought she was a rooster for awhile but seems to be acting more hen-ish now. The girls are making a big production over laying and egg, this does let the neighbors know there is a small chicken farm in the back yard. I told them to keep a low profile.
NO one listens to me including birds, and I am most often right.
I am going to take a warm bath and see if that improves my mood.

Sunday, February 10, 2013


In March Sherman, will be eight years old. He wants to visit the Ocean like we do every year. I am leaning toward weezling out, but I think Andy wants to go. Last night Andy put a recording of the sea on Youtube, and played it for a half hour. Sherman sat very still with a dreamy expression on his face. He loves the sea nearly as much as he loves me.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

November Sky 2011

Newport 2012

August Morning 2012

Brookings Beach 2012

November Moon 2011
Newport 3, 2011
Redwoods 2012

Friday, July 13, 2012

WHY I hate customer service

I set up automatic bill pay last month, I was certain it would work. Today I find that the Century link bill for internet is still not paid, so I call customer service and got someone in Idaho! YAY.
She was very helpful she set up auto bill pay for me and gave me a number to show it had been done
C24170602 Verification Number.
She said, “I cannot pay your bill but I can put you into the auto service that is free of charge and you can pay your bill there. I got through and I typed my account number into the system as it requested, then it said, I am sorry; I will put you through to customer service. Then I get grumpy Gus who would obviously be out riding his skateboard if he did not have to deal with annoying customers, he specializes in passing the buck. He did not wish to help me pay my bill, it would be an extra four dollars, and he would put me through to the automated service…again. The auto service as I tried to type in my account number into the system, yelled, ‘I’m Sorry!” and put me back to customer service, who cannot help me pay my bill because it will cost another four dollars…
SOOO lets try online, we can get into my account from that point. I think. Anyway, I “Clicked” here to get the chat, but that wouldn’t open, I clicked on my account so that I could set up auto-pay as it shows that I am NOT set up for as said earlier… BIG SURPRISE!! Chat puts you into the help yourself asshole weblink, I GAVE up and paid my bill, two days late, and Century link you can kiss my ass, I have wasted 45 minutes of my morning playing with you.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

I don't like new. I like simple, this new blog format is a pain in the ass. Ten minutes I am out the door, I wanted to drop a quick note, instead I get caught up in all kinds of online delights, faerie houses, vintage glasses, art projects for the criminally insane, things to do to your cat, and so on.
I have officially gone around the bend. Wish me luck.

Friday, May 25, 2012


Another birthday gone by.
Fifty five.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Wow, it's march, and I am wondering where the time is going. The days march on, I am wondering how to quit my job and still thrive. I need to rid myself of stress, this means I don't want to surround myself with toxic people, most of them live around the job site, most of them feel entitled and on the side of the RIGHT. I think they can get along quite well without me, no one wanted my impute anyway. It is tiring flying under the radar. There is so much I would like to be doing.
Today Andy and I are going to freddies to buy a little green house, I am ready to start seeds and get my hands in the dirt.
Today is my beloved pet's birthday. Sherman and Phantom James are both seven years old.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

And other Shtuff

I thought I should leave the house today, but something holds me back. I think I am going to nest today, maybe make some of those cake balls that I have been meaning to make, meanwhile, I am hungry, what's for lunch?

Friday, November 18, 2011

Sammie Burgers

Pantry Food
‎14.75 oz can of Pink Salmon
1 cup seasoned dry bread crumbs
1 small bunch of chopped green onion
1 clove garlic (smooshed)
2 eggs
3 T. Mayonnaise
1/4 t dried lemon
1/4 cup dried onion
1 T parsley
2 t Dill weed
2 T olive oil
1/2 Cup of dry sherry
sprinkle of sea salt to taste
ground fresh pepper
Several thin slices of Jarlsberg Swiss Cheese.
Drain the salmon, mix all ingredients in a bowl. Get the skillet hot with a dab of olive oil. make small patties, fry till golden on each side, the slice Jarlsberg Swiss cheese thinly and place on each patty, let it melt

Time Warp, and I am my Mother

It was odd going to Robert's funeral, his daughter was my best friend  through school since the third grade. We lost touch in later years, her mother died from cancer, I was trying to survive being married to Michael.
Her youngest sister told me that their dad had died and the funeral was at 11 AM on a Friday. I told Andy I thought I should go, I never told anyone I was going, its a small town and I just wanted to slip in and leave un-noticed... Good Plan in theory anyway.
Dianna the friend I had known since I was 9 years old, saw me from a distance, and she came running down the hill from the graveside, and started talking rapidly to me, I didn't understand what she was saying, nor did I recognize her. She had always been skinny, but food had been good to her in later years. she said, she was in a state of shock, she had thought she had seen a ghost, she thought Jean had come back from the grave to say goodbye to her Dad.
She was visibly shaken, I forget sometimes that I look "that" much like her, as I didn't think I looked like her when I was younger.
I had my hair pinned up in front and long down the back, dyed a subtle blondish shade, I was wearing a bright suit jacket and black slacks, and I thought, she probably would have worn the ensemble as well SIGH... I have turned into my mother.
The hardest part for me at the funeral was I had known most of the people thirty years ago when they were young, and it was like a time warp, I suddenly in the future with all these old people that I had only known when they were younger then I was now.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Green Boy

\A'tuin -Thanks to Becky from work for bringing him to me to take care of. Her husband found him walking down the highway and knew the turtle must be saved. I thought it was a tortoise, but after giving him a soak, he turned very green with red streaks on his cheeks, HA! Red Eared Slider.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

My big Happy

Pumpkins and fall colors, puppies, and cats. Halloween, and Samhain, The fresh smell in the air, the shorter days.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Oh how I dislike, embrace CHANGE

I am smothered, I am craving creativity, I want to be the person I imagine myself to be.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. 
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !! 

Monday, August 29, 2011

Time is a wasting

We always say in our family that funerals are family reunions. Makes us remember to visit those people we think of Now, instead of later

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

bad to worse

Something I didn't know; My dog was vaccinated by the Meridian Animal control in Feb. of this year, and she has nearly died of Parvo this week. My vet thinks the shots may have become room temperature before they were administered rendering them ineffective. I called Animal control and left a message, they have not returned my calls. I told them it wasn't about money, its about innocent dogs and owners suffering. If I had known that she wasn't safe, I would have had the vet vaccinate her, and I wouldn't have taken her to the dog park twice a day. Lucy can't keep anything down, I was giving her teaspoons of live bacteria yogurt and water, but if the dog cannot keep food down, the only thing is a tube with saline and electrolytes in their veins.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

What is new

We moved two doors down. Daine and I were living in a 550 square foot apartment, I felt like a hoarder, books and movies piled systematically on overbearing book shelves, but the matter is remedied. After animal sacrifice and voodoo the hag moved out of the house and I asked the landlord to carry our lease over. He agreed. It's over 1100 square feet, and everything is now fitting nicely. Wished I hadn't given away several hundred books in the last move, ha ha. (Exaggeration)

We have a new dog named Lucy, she is half Lab and half Dachshund. We call her a doxydor. Sherman the cocker is five.
Then we have Phantom James (25 lbs) Nodkin (15lbs) and Geilais (8lbs) Cats.
    Yesterday I went to Boise Psychologist Dr. Scott Armentrout for a follow up on Daine's I Q tests. He said Daine is the highest IQ that he has ever tested in his whole career. A 100 is normal in the range of verbal communication and understanding, on that alone Daine scored 149. Armentrout says Daine will probably not do well in school because of the way he is wired, he remembers everything but is disorganized and doesn't like to keep a journal as required by school personel. Daine does difficult math sums in his head, reads on a college level, and gets placed in gifted and talented classes, which he doesn't pass. They want me to sit on him and make him do his homework, I will not, Daine must make his own choices.
I am trying to get him into an alternative school called Idaho Arts. I worked there five days a week with an aspergers kid a type of autism) who was 6 years old at the time. I like the fast pace and the teachers who think out of the box, I knew it would be a good fit for Daine. 
Otherwise its going to be another four years of hell keeping him motivated in regular school. So far he is a brilliant happy kid, but is prone to depression and a feeling of being overwhelmed. He writes his own blog on Video games that he tests. Last year he was about 4 ft 11, this year he is five foot 11 and still growing, I think he is going to be over six foot tall by the end of summer.


Monday, May 09, 2011

My Saturday

I need a little cheese with my WHINE. I think it was Elaine Boozler who said, : "Housework if done properly can kill you." I say this as I try and type with my left hand and three fingers on my right hand. Everything is NOT in sync. I decided to eradicate mold on Saturday, I took all the curtains down and cleaned the windows with bleach and water. After the curtains were washed I slid Daine's curtains back on the metal retractable rod. It was stuck. I push and pulled I got a screwdriver. I thought, "Oh this isn't a good idea the screw driver could slip and cut me." Famous last words, the rod slipped and sliced through my finger at the knuckle. Blood sprayed everywhere, I chanced a look, I could see blue and white things, I felt faint. Daine was busy typing on his keyboard. I yelled "Band aid" Lesson number two...of which I didn't state lesson number one. One should NEVER and I repeat NEVER keep the first aid kit where no one else in the house knows where to find it. After that, it all got a bit hazy, however Andy came and took me to emergency, I vowed I would clean up the mess when I got home, knowing full well it would be there when I got back. four hours in the was national druggy day, and there were several of them faking migraines so they could get pain meds. I felt impatient with them.. I had stopped the bleeding but at this rate the doctor would have to reopen the wound to stitch it. When an EMT came into the waiting room to look at the wound she said, "OH! I only see a hairline scratch." Then she pulled it open and gasped... she said "I see the tendon." I said that was ok I wasn't going to look, it made me whoozy. It was finally stitched up around Five PM. four stitches. I had been there since One. Ahh well, Drug Addicts need love too, but I was not feeling very kindly toward them, neither was the Doctor that stitched me up. "Hazards of the job" she said, "it's always a party on Saturday, next time hurt yourself on a weekday." I thanked her for the advice and went out and waited for my ride to show up. Three days off work and a week of light duty... Can't afford this... BUT I am scared about re-opening the wound. So I will obey Dr.s Orders. The Norco had kicked in and the Tetanus shot hadn't started to hurt yet, so when I got home, I finished hanging the curtains and decided to take the trash out, I can do that with one hand. The assholes next door are cutting down all the lovely 30 foot catalpa trees, and have left branches all along the path where I walk to take the garbage to that alley. I surveyed the path carefully, I can do this... I tripped over a branch and down I went,landing on my face and arm. I could see the jerks up in there cherry picker barely concealing their joy over my fall. I thought about removing bolts on that thing.... However I picked myself up, gathered the garbage and continued to the back alley. Sunday and Monday my injuries have kicked in, I am so stiff I can barely walk and the tetanus shot has made my whole right arm stiff. I can't walk my over exuberant dogs. Andy did the dishes for me....Daine changed the cat boxes. It could always be worse I suppose

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

My favorite Child

Janelle you are my favorite because you are truthful and loyal. You are my first, you are my teacher and my return to reality. Your humor keeps me going, I loved you at first sight 30 something years ago.
Chelsie, you are my favorite because you were my baby. You are the child of my heart, the one who finished my sentences, the one with a huge imagination and plots to conquer the world and all its trolls. You are sunshine and gladness.
Daine you are my favorite because you are the child of my old age. You keep me young and open minded, you are so smart and witty, it blows me away that you are my little boy, not so little anymore.
You are all my favorite.
Love Mom

Saturday, April 09, 2011


It is Saturday night, and I am deceptive. Two scotch's down, and I wish my stomach would permit two more, it will not.
Deceptive because I pretend to care about things that I do not care about. I spent money today that I should have saved for bills, and I am not remorseful, however... getting a ticket from Nampa PD was unfortunate. there goes the extra dollars, that I was hanging on to. He said on the ticket I ran a red light. I did not run it, I just didn't sit at the stop sign as long as the NPD likes... I guess, anyway, this time I go to city hall and fight the ticket.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

friday, what a day

Started out my day like I always do, finish a few household errands, and run off to pick up client at his school. The gas light was on, and I knew that client would like to eat his lunch in the car, so I pulled up to the Chevron on Amity a few seconds from clients school. I called Janelle on my cell phone and jokingly said, "Do you think that the static electricy from the cell phone will ignite the gas pump while I talk to you?" we talked for a few minutes, I put a little over forty dollars in, told Janelle I would call her later, put the debit into my wallet, shoved wallet into purse, screwed the gas cap back on tight, and headed out to the Nampa Library with my kid firmly buckled in, and happily eating his lunch. This was around 11:00 AM. The client and I spent our time together, then I took him back to school, picked up Client number two, who's parent had forgotten to tell me that she was at a different location then usual, so I was five minutes late, no big deal. We went through our usual list of things to do, then went to Fred Meyers. She didn't want to shop anymore, and I told her she could play with the game boy for a few minutes then we would go into Fred Meyer and get a cookie, then to the library. It had started snowing outside, and I was glad to be sitting in the parked car's warmth. I thought I would get on facebook for a few moments while my client was watching sponge bob square pants on the game boy. Very odd, there was a message for me, it read, "I Found your debit card at the chevron, is this you?" I sent a message back that YES it was me, and gave him my phone number and told him to call me. I waited most of the afternoon, he didn't call. At first I thought, how odd it was that he kept my card, why didn't he just turn it in to the clerk at chevron? So I called the bank and had the card cancelled. there was another 99 dollar charge on my card, but the bank thought it was chevron checking to see if I had funds before allowing me to use my debit to put gas in.. which didn't really make sense anyway since it was after I had filled my car for forty dollars. 
At this time, I had noticed that I had left the headlights on while client and I were in car. The battery was now dead, and it was snowing outside. I called a towing company to come give me a jump. He did that in a few minutes, and then we were on our way. I got a new debit card at the bank. Finished Before I knew that I had been robbed 100 dollars, after work I took Lucy; the new dog to Petco for a collar and dog tag. She loved riding in the cart, and was a pretty good dog while the cart was moving, when we stopped moving she jumped out. when I went to the counter to pay for the items, she jumped out of the cart and into their treat dish on the counter, and proceeded to graze happily on dog biscuits. SO I fumbled with money, dog and leash etc. The clerk gives you tokens to make the tag in the store. I went over to the machine with dog then put on her new collar and dog tag. Then discovered that I had lost my keys. It was getting late, and I was worried that the store would close. I asked the employees, I traced my steps, but still no keys. I asked the young crack head if he has seen them, he didn't give a shit, I asked the guy with the shaved head that liked my dog if he had seen them,and he found them in one of the carts. WOO!! I went home, I thought with all the brain farts I was having I had better just go home and stay there where I was safe... for the time being.
Meanwhile I still hadn't heard anything from the guy who messaged me on facebook.\ Sunday afternoon he finally gets back to me with an elaborate story about accidentally charging 99 dollars to my debit by filling up his truck. Well I didn't buy it, I think he thought he was going to get away with using the debit, then thought about it and decided to come clean. the story doesn't wash.
After telling me this, he doesn't get a hold of me for several hours. I grow weary of this and call the Nampa Police Department. I get some stupid wet behind the ears woman detective who decides that no crime has been committed since he said he would pay me back. This of course made me angry, and I told her, you don't think un-lawful use of a debit card is illegal? "Well" she said, "he is going to pay you back." I said, "WELL, he hasn't yet, has he?" I didn't like her one bit, I think she was a fool. She called him and thought he was a nice guy. SHE has ways to get his phone number, and was very proud of that. I still hadn't heard from him by five PM.
After I talked to GD and Tonie, I texted him on facebook one more time. I said, "When were you planning on paying the money back? It is now after five o Clock, if you don't contact me in one hour I am taking measures."  That got his attention and he said, "Can you take a check?" I SAID "NO I cant take a check, they take three days to clear, and my rent will be coming out of that account, if it hasn't already." He said he was just checking.... and would meet me at a gas station with the money. He gave us the wrong address, and then when we went to the correct gas station he wasn't there. Finally we found him, driving his big gas hog dodge pick up that was filled with MY funds. He ran up to the window with his hat on backwards like the dumb ass that he is, and handed me the debit and the 100. in cash, I made a point of counting it. He said, " I really am sorry." And he yelled it, like he had hearing damage or something, I said nothing, and Sherman stuck his nose out the window to size him up. Stupid punk was all I could think.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

its not April

It seems like April. Wet cold, freeze, snow, sunshine. Odd weather.
I am seriously needing an Oregon trip. Tired.
I took a chance and asked for part time hours this summer. After all the complaining about not getting enough hours at work, I am ready for less hours.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011


I feel so wistful today, I can barely think of anything to say. I had to run number one son to Boise today for the consultation with the foot specialist. I walked in at 8, because I forgot the appointment was at 8.. I was thinking ten-ish. The office staff had to pull the, "Deeply disappointed in you," Routine and would we like to re-schedule because droves of people are waiting in line to get in here and you have caused the domino effect. I pulled the "We are trashy people on medicaid, fuck-off" routine. I won. Anyway after they punished us sufficiently for twenty five minutes they got us into an exam room for more waiting. There were no droves of people that I could see. In fact the office was rather dead, it was just a game as I had suspected. After ex rays and expert opinion, and a plug for the local sports shoe shop, we found this is going to cost us plenty for orthopedic shoe inserts. My poor kid has to have them, and I have to find the money for them because medicaid doesn't cover the cost of that. Why? Not sure,
ahem, looks like that hundred I had tucked away for emergencies will go to good use for baby boys' feet.
Wish me luck, I am tiring of bullshit lately.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Lost Sunday

Its a good day to be with people who love you and have similar interests. In this case we all love "Kipper the Dog" and we ordered chinese delivery, and some of us had naps.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Don't leave home without me

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 We love to hate them. I need to eat therefore I work. The air surrounds me with hostility. The rumors fly, the dirty looks are generated toward me. I continued to project helpfulness and humor, I hoped the problem would go away. I thought maybe I should hunt down the rumor makers and give them something to think about?? That wasn't all, some of the tech trainers were gunning for me too. Co-workers and Bosses disliking me... Makes me feel paranoid.
I got a note in my box about being positive, not confronting people at work, and being your own P.R. agent. I took that advice to heart, it was good advice. Work is not life, you cannot apply the rules of life to people above you in the work place. I wanted to say on several occasions, "Don't talk to me like that? What is the matter with you? I am trying to do everything you ask." Instead I said, "Yes thank you for that information, I will continue to try hard."
Blah blah, I follow the rules, I behave myself, and I am still treated like a child, hunted down, observed several times a week, then there are the teenagers that gossip. WHY hire teenage girls? They have turned this company into a high school popularity contest, and they get rewarded for their tattling. SICK to death of this bullshit. The bad get raises, the good either get reprimanded or fired. I have not been fired, but only because several parents of the children I work with believe in me. Because of their belief, i still have a job. But only just.

I talked to the good Dr. about this situation. There are several trainers who pick pick pick, and who publicly humiliate or drag down the techs. They do this in front of the children, other techs, and the parents of the children. Do I have to say? This is very unprofessional. It happened to me this summer. The child's relatives were present twice when (R) chased me down and started browbeating me. The company I work for was called, and (R) was told to leave me alone. I never said anything or did anything, but I feel a cold draft on my neck when (R) walks in a room that I am occupying. She doesn't strike me as the type to give up her quest to conquer evil (ME) so easily, but perhaps she has bigger and better plans for dealing with me, the insubordinate employee. In the words of Sarah to the Goblin King, "YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!"
Shame on me for quoting Labyrinth.. yet again.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Low self esteem and the damage it does

It's a life time problem. You put up with more crap then anyone else, you wonder where your boundaries are, you wonder when you are supposed to tell people to stop! You read self help books, you go to seminars, you know you are a good person, but ...still you think you have issues. People you know complain to you, "YOU Just need to work on your self esteem." You know that, and you know more then anyone else what a good person you are and that you take too much shit. You just don't know how to change yourself. You have grown over the years, you have come to respect and appreciate yourself.
At work you are the scapegoat. You project helpful friendliness, you trust people before they have proven themselves, you get burned again and again. You consider being a hermit and telling the world to go screw itself.
You work on saying "No" and meaning it, you wonder why it seems so hard.
My suggestion, don't do anything for anyone that they wouldn't do for you, and rule of thumb, look into the mirror and practice the word No with no explanation, the more you explain the more you get talked into.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

The Road

The road we are on, the roads we travel.
You might say I pursued education and enlightenment. The more I know myself the more I realize that I have been striving to be considered normal for the better part of fifty three years.
There are things I wanted as much as education, a place to grow things, a home of my own, unlimited animals to care for, freedom to sing or paint or decorate… or cook. I wanted to try new things; I wanted to experience clarification without being judged. Not that being judged ever changed my opinion, it only made me more cautious and sadder. Why cant people accept others’ differences? Then I think, because people fear what they do not understand. I try not to be guilty of fear. Fear puts a guard up.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Ahhh the peckerheads!

I may have made a mistake buying a record album from Italy, that now they say is shipping from France. Doggone it. Just when Gerry Rafferty died, I found his album from 1972. Stealer's Wheel -Ferguslie Park. I had owned the album when I was 15. I don't know what happened to it, I think it was when I got very religious and at the encouragement of a dear Baptist Minister I sold all my record albums to keep the devil out of my home. Poor gullible fool that I was.
The first red flag was the shipping was advertised as 4 dollars, but became 16 after I won the bidding. So I paid 36 dollars total for an album I had originally paid 5 bucks for. Then I e-mailed the company and asked how I could track the shipment. they said I couldn't. I shall write a scathing review.
Anyhoo, the third thing that irritated me was them saying they sent it out, but they didn't actually send it out until three days later. Estimated time of arrival is January 21. It isn't here... OK, I do not trust them to start with because they misrepresented the facts three times. In baseball terms, they would be OUT!
So I wait.. I hope I get it, I want to listen to "who cares" over and over. I find I can still sing it.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

All I can say....28523

Your children will never be this age again. I wanted to do so many things. Provide dance and piano lessons, get them to try out for plays, spend time at parks, take them on adventures. They grew up and we didn't accomplish many of those things they would have been so good at. They were not privileged, they mostly had to wait for their needs to be fulfilled.
I was depressed most of their childhood. I tried to accomplish a few things every day, I tried to go through the motions of happiness. Some of it was due to hormones, some of it due to exhaustion, poor health, a great deal of it was being married to a selfish jerk. I could never rise above what he did to us on a day to day basis. He managed to tear down anything the children and I built. He had his own agenda, I guess his goal was making sure everyone was miserable, he fed off of drama. All these years later and I can almost remember the day to day pain, almost but not quite.
Today there is one left in the nest, due to poverty, work, poor housing condition, I am back wishing I could do more for my son.
Music lessons, let him try out for plays, maybe voice lessons... He curls up in a tiny ball of un-sociable, that I know he inherited from me, I am getting old, he is too young to feel so old. I am done thinking something good will happen, I am done waiting, I make good with the now that we have.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Gerry Rafferty - Get it Right Next Time (recode)

Goodbye Gerry Rafferty (January 4th)

Who Cares ?--Gerry Rafferty
You get so tired of chasing dreams, you think that nothing's true.
You start to question everything, everything you do.
Feeling scared but you don't know why, so you tell yourself you're doing all right.
You're sick of all the empty days that make you so afraid of the night.

And if you try to read a book and get between the lines,
It doesn't matter where you look, you're only wasting time.
When you meet somebody else and you try to think of something to say,
Even while you stand there talking, you know your mind is drifting away.

You get so tired of chasing dreams, you think that nothing's true.
You start to question everything, everything you do.
Feeling scared but you don't know why, so you tell yourself you're doing all right.
You're sick of all the empty days that make you so afraid of the night.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Winter Solstice

It is the longest night of the year, to me this means that spring is closer, it means that there are only a few more months of cold darkness and light will settle on the earth again. As we know the more things change the more they stay the same, it is a constant circle in which we have no choice but to follow. Follow it around and around year after year, yesterday I was twenty, tomorrow I will be sixty, I have no control over time, I shall enjoy each day as best I can. I shall enjoy in spite of negative opinions from people who do not understand me, people who do not care to understand me, it is of little importance, I simply am.
I rejoice in the understanding that has made me who I am.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Well Amazing 28274

I lament too much, I need to live in the now, like Phantom James. He knocks things off my shelves, eats my plants, sits on the kitchen counter when I am trying to prepare dinner, and we all love him anyway. He has no worry about if he insulted us or not, he is loved, he knows it is that simple. Only lamenting humans complicate things.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

you were my brother 28067

I have a few things I would like to say to you, but they all begin with "Kiss my ass" and end with "F+++ Off!" So I will leave it at that. You have always believed your were right by some Divine providence, you think you are god's chosen one to spread the news of your righteousness. I allowed it, I loved you. When you started sending me "Gun toting redneck mentality laced with righteous racism" on my email I was dismayed. Then the hate mail against anything that didn't follow your regime. Then I hear from a friend that you discussed me negatively with him. Do you know? Joe doesn't subscribe to your point of view either, and he said it must have been very hard growing up with a brother like that. The sweetest most decent christian man I know I brought over to meet you and you folded your arms and refused to talk to him. This is another prime example of your christian love isn't it?
I am finally through with you Keith, you are narrow minded, mean spirited, judgemental hateful jerk, and I don't care about you or your stupid opinions anymore.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

mundane and weird and I don't know what. 27900

Well even I can smell change coming. Nothing simple, nothing easy, I feel dread for the up-coming doom. Shudder Shudder

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Gramma! My crack hurts!

Me: "oooh, OK, well (explanation about hygiene practices) and do you need some lotion on crack?"
Ava: "yes gramma that is what I need."
after the operation of lotion on crack, Ava announces "Gramma my crack still hurts."
Me: "Go to bed darling, I am sure it will feel better in the morning." Is this what they are calling it now?
I laid on couch till 1;30ish and watched cartoons with Daine. He fell asleep, and when the girls got home I went and got Andyroo and we had Jack in the Box at 2:00 in the morning.  Chicken Pita with peach ice tea. Acid reflux can handle Pita bread, and potatoes. So I eat a lot of that.
I think I am still losing weight, I am sad about my ass, its becoming flat like and old lady.....HEY!!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

it is it is it really is THURSDAY!

I had this wonderful soliloquy running through my head earlier, of course I can't remember a word of it. I am resistant to change this I know. I will embrace it later on and think what a great idea change is, but in the beginning I am against it. I NEED another job, I am un-able to pay all the bills... big sucky.    My son is slipping through the cracks, waiting to hear from the good doctor A. Dain needs to see the good doctor. Dain needs my foot up his behind, but frankly after dealing with difficult children all day and being under paid for my services, I have little patience left over for the child of my old age. Should I give him away to a good home? The results of the poll are not back yet.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Can I go now?

Done done done... Really I smell the fog in the air, I think of new possibilities, and I dislike what I am doing now. Its time to go.
Dainish is messing up in school again. I told him to straighten up that computer and cell phone would become possession of the dictator, and he could quit making faces at me, my sight may be dim, but my intelligence isn't yet, and he is really making me mad. More faces and now he says he is sick. I wrote a letter to the teacher who emailed me that he isn't doing his work. She had said, how do we encourage him? Last year I had said a well placed boot up the butt, but she hadn't responded to that remark last year. So this year I said he needs to motivate himself or go to school till he is twenty. He has to take responsibility and suffer the consequences for his laziness. THE END.. dratted kid.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Ok, it is September

The time of year that fills me with deep longing. My feet want to move down the dusty path, my mind wants stimulating, and my heart longs for beauty.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I think

I think why am I so exhausted? My arms feel like lead, I can barely move.
My hours got cut again. It can't be helped, but I do not wish to get behind on rent yet again, H E L P !!
Universe hear me, I am a good person, honest and true, I deserve an f-ing break for petes sake.
You get your P H D, how happy you will be when you get a job at wendy's and are honored with employee of the month!! I think never is enough.. yeah never is enough.... Bare Naked Ladies.
In spite of Reflux I am and the dog are going to have a glass of Reisling for dinner. Dainish can have a frozen burrito, preferably thawed first.

Monday, August 30, 2010

I am feeling, "good thing I have a sense of humor".
I am feeling, that I finished the place yesterday! it looks great, though a tad bit tight. A big person wouldn't be able to manuever around the tight corners I have made for us.
It all shall pass, so I am not going to waste a single day on what might have been.
My friend Andy took off to Portland Oregon, he is supposed to be my boyfriend, but he behaves in an un-boyfriend-like manner. So sometimes I call him the un-boyfriend. Sometimes ratassbastard too. Only he is a kind hearted person, just doesn't understand my standards. I try not to be so hard on him, but it is difficult. He has his own secret life, and when I needed help he left me on my own. So I never feel that I can depend on him when it is very important to depend on him. This leaves me to believe that I can do as I damn well please. Perhaps I will.


Sunday, August 29, 2010


ok, I will wander off now and feed the viking.... I wish he was three and I was still in Oregon, and Idaho is only a bad dream I had because I ate pickles before bed. I wish I didn't know what I know now, and I wish I still had faith.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

tell me something beautiful

WELL inspite of everything, I still feel optomistic and happy.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I think never is enough, I never want to do that stuff!

We are in a 550 square foot apartment, and yeah, somehow I made it fit. I might even like it here, except for the Sea Hag. AAAARHHHGG MATEY! How many cats does she have? She says about me. The answer?! ONE, he changes color, very rare. In the mean time I have a stuffed cat and a carved bear in the window, trying to throw her off the track. She isn't too bright, so it might work. Sad, she is ugly, mean and stupid. I wonder what made her like this?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Nothing is never enough

Adventure number 9076 I think. The partial payments that I have been paying on rent are no longer to be accepted and I was told to be out by the weekend. I of course cannot be out by the weekend, but I don't know how long I have legally.
Domino effect, I got a ticket yesterday for making a right hand turn at a red light. There is a sign that says not to do it, but I didn't see the sign... hmmm that sounds prophetic. 85 dollars for that seems a bit stiff.
Andy is being a wooose again. SO BE IT! My animals is my biggest worry, I don't want to give up my kitties. What can be done for them?
AND insurance cut off my nexium again. I am not healed yet, I wish I could eat fresh fruits and vegatables, but we don't have enough of anything right now, and Daine doesn't leave the house, I fear he is very depressed. I don't know how much more I can handle. BUT... I always say that. This too shall pass, somehow, some way.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Today didn't suck so bad...26747

WELL I spent the rent money on car repair, and the manager of the complex says she thinks I am getting booted out,so I asked a friend if we could hole up at his place, and he said no. So I am thinking what should I sell and what should I store? I have had enough of hand to mouth, one little unexpected unforseen event and I am out on my ass. Sick to death of it.
IF only, but there you have it, I had to fix the car; without car, no job, no job can't pay rent anyway, HELLO!~
I was getting caught up slowly however it was too slow, I still owe 688.00 and the next month is right around the corner, why do I whine? this is the sort of thing I can expect working for 8 bucks an hour.
AND... I don't care, I don't care.
I got through monday, I am subbing this week, and some of the kids I get are hard to handle, today's presentation wasn't half bad. I had warnings of violent behaviour and swearing, and it never happened. Perhaps the honeymoon period? You can never tell, but we went to a rodeo at the Idaho center, and swimming for the later half of the day, didn't get our goals done, I told her tomorrow we really have to make an effort.
Tuesday looms ahead, and I was trying for positive, what the hell, I can always expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised.
I didn't see Cruella Deville once today, that makes the day even better.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I don't know why you are on my facebook, I can't stand you.

It's Sunday again! EEEp. I have so much fun in store for me that I can't believe my self.
The apartment is finally clean, I have put off scrubbing the floors for weeks, now it feels better in here.
Since our last chat, I have a new car, and I have been seeing andyroo. Right! I don't know, nothing gets better then sitting on the couch watching PBS with four pets. No car chases, no crude jokes, no dummy down my intellect.
Ahhh alone-ness has its glamor.
Kevin, morbid curiosity is a dumb idea at this point in our lives, I should just forget and move on. Dave, it looks like we aren't going to plan that trip in the near future.
Sherman! you are my number one friend, just live a long time and I will keep feeding you Iams and taking you for long walks.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

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