15023 New Years Eve

Curses and blessings, may everyone get whats coming to them...

She was what she was

An acquaintance of mine died on Christmas day. I grew up with him, he was one of the wild boys from Headquarters Idaho that came to Pierce elementary school.
Garth was nice to me, he gave me a fancy ring to wear on my left hand in the fifth grade. I lost it and when he asked for it back, he never believed that I didn't have it hidden away somewhere. It was a one of a kind ring set with rows of glass jewels,it cost nearly five dollars, and he no doubt wanted to give it to the new girl on his list of favorites. All these years later I think.. "Garth I really did lose that ring, I never kept it." In fact.. come to think of it, I was showing it to a girlfriend and that's when it disappeared. I never would have suspected my friend of keeping it, but that's probably what happened. I was so very honest, and I thought that everyone else was too.
An anonymous person wrote his obituary. Nothing was said about what took him away from this life. Obits would be more interesting if they stated the cause of death. I heard it was throat cancer. I thought about an anonymous person writing one's Obit. What has life got to say about us if there is no one to write how we lived? What were our passions, are failings, and who did we love?
I was thinking as my mind took the morbid turn, who would write my obit and what would it say?
It occurred to me, that it would be my oldest daughter Janelle and she would put on my tombstone. "Here lies our beloved Mother, she bitched a lot." So I was thinking if Garth gave me a gift it was that of reflection and maybe I better change my ways so that my tombstone doesn't say that... oh yeah, I am getting cremated anyway.

Family Corner Earth Eggs

Easter Sunday falls on April 4, 2010. It is the first Sunday after the full moon following the vernal equinox; I think we will make earth eggs this year.
Click on Family corner for amanda's instructions on how to make Earth Eggs. Used by permission.

Equinox

Equinox is the one of two times a year when the Sun crosses the equator, and the day and night are of approximately equal length.
One at Easter and one in September.
Winter Solstice is the longest night of the year.
Summer Solstice is the longest day of the year.

14928 Ready for some heat!

Winter Solstice Dec 21 2009 12:47 PM EST

Vernal Equinox Mar 20 2010 1:32 PM EDT
Summer Solstice Jun 21 2010 7:28 AM EDT
Autumnal Equinox Sep 22 2010 11:09 PM EDT
Winter Solstice Dec 21 2010 6:38 PM EST

The adventures of Crumpet the Elf

David Sedaris: A Christmas Tale Worth Repeating : NPR
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story...

Sometimes, I am every bit as f'd up as people say I am

If you don't invite them in, vampires can't enter your home.
But never never walk in the woods at night all alone..especially on a night of a full moon.
OR.. bring the wicked cocker spaniel for safety.

14765 Good things

Daine had a concert last night, Melanie and Janelle went with me, and I really enjoyed their company and the concert. There was a little girl that sang so beautifully, I wanted to give her a standing ovation. I was conscience of the tickle in my throat all evening, I didn't want an attack, I thought about how it would disrupt the whole concert and people would run to me and try the Heimlich maneuver. Perhaps I need a sign..."I am not having an asthma attack, nor am I choking, give me a minute and I will get a handle on it." NAH no one would read it.
I have a lot of hope for the future, finally. I haven't had a breathing attack since Monday. I started taking Daine's acid blocker medicine. Until I Get mine from the pharmacy. GAWD! If this works, I can live without fear again. I slept on the couch with the vaporizer on, I hope I can sleep in my own bed tonight.

Laryngopharyngeal Reflux LPR

Looks like I will have it all my life. Every time I get sick, stomach acid splashes the vocal cords and my body produces excess mucus to protect me, I am literally drowning, then the spasm hits and I am supposed to breath out? I flap around like a wounded pigeon and make a strange barking noise. Now I know the barking noise is the involuntary noise of my vocal cords spasm. I am to take a stomach acid blocker and learn the technique to stop the spasm. To tell you the truth it scares me to breathe out when I am out of air. Inhalers open the bronchial tubes. This is not related to asthma or bronchitis, though I have had bronchitis when I had this. The vocal cords actually slam shut and spasm making a barking noise. It has been misdiagnosed for years because it looks like an asthma attack. I even got a prescription for an inhaler. What worked was not the inhaler, but me trying to breathe out before inhaling the inhaler. Oddly. All I can say is my family practitioner is a genius. The speech therapist said regular doctors misdiagnose this all the time. However Dr. Keif checked my lungs and they are clear, she knew immediately what it was, and sent me to the speech therapist. 12 years later I get a correct diagnosis.
I don't have heartburn, thats why I never gave that information to a dr. It might have helped me get a correct diagnosis earlier. Even two weeks ago, I young doctor gave me a breathing treatment and a prescription for an inhaler. All treatments are in-effective. Most LPR patients require a proton-pump inhibiting drug,it totally makes sense. This is what we are going to try. I would like to lose another fifty pounds too, seems being overweight causes a host of problems.

Vocal Cords

Three nights on the couch with the vaporizer going all night. The wet carpet has revived smells best left un-revived. Monday was my last breathing attack, today I visit the speech therapist, I am still on pins and needles, I don't know when I am going to have a cessation of air, it just happens like a glass being put over my lungs. I am afraid to sleep, when it wakes me up disorientated and panicked, I usually run through the house making that horrible noise that means lack of air. The dog runs and hides in his crate, it must really frighten him. There is nothing like that sound of lack of air.
I hope I never have this again. I will do everything in my power to avoid this, I would like to sleep in my own bed again, and I would like to live normally without fear.

bullseye on the butt again....

400 dollars in books netted me 40 bucks from BSU. Sux. I was hoping for more of course, I was hoping I would be able to get Daine presents for Christmas with the money from books.
Saturday someone knocked on the door and when I opened it there was a box with food and gifts for Daine and me. I have no idea who, Sherman headed out the door, he was going to apprehend the evil perpetrators.

I went to the Dr. today, my client that I was supposed to meet canceled, so I haven't started work yet.
The doctor said I had a virus go into my vocal cords, that's what causing my airway to shut down. She is sending me to a speech therapist on Wednesday. I never heard of such a thing, but she said it will be a recurrent problem if I don't strengthen my vocal cords. I said I would do anything, I don't want that to happen again. It usually happens when I am asleep or when there is oil in the air, like microwave popcorn, or dryer sheets. I can't get air,and I make a barking noise, she said I would pass out, and then my throat would relax. I don't think that sounds very reassuring. I fight for air until I can get a breath. Scares Daine half to death. I slept on the couch with the vaporizer going with salt in it. She gave me a breathing treatment today with saline. So I guess my idea of salt and vaporizer was what I should do.
I just remembered that living in Brookings I would walk along the beach and inhale salt air, and it would help my bronchitis.
I hope the speech therapist can help.

I'm Going in!

I hope I don't get thrown off the school grounds today. I am meeting K from past math and sociology classes and successful hair expert. She is small but fierce. She says if BSU won't buy back my books, she will sell them under her school number.
I think I have a handle on the bronchial spasms. After several bouts of coughing and not being able to breathe, I Think the inhaler and antibiotics are working. Scary experience. I don't ever want to feel like that again. You can't cough because you can't get air so you make a barking seal noise and gasp and struggle. I had a dentist appointment yesterday, I was afraid it would happen in the chair. I had an atack at 2 AM that day, and it was fresh in my mind. Running through the apartment struggling and panicking. I found the inhaler and did my best to suck it in with no air comming in.
LIKE I said I don't want to experience that again. I turned off Scentsy and the candle melter and put a vaporizer on with a touch of salt in it. Seems to be helping. I Hope so.

Avoidance

Why is it I don't trust you? Why do I expect you to mislead, why should it matter? I remind myself it doesn't matter at all.
I had my first day of orientation yesterday, I am going to like this company. They are so concerned with the children that we get a lot of training. I transferred my police back ground check to AFI. Now I wait for the tech that's going to train me to call. Wish they would get off their ass and schedule me! I am ready.
its 8 bucks an hour, and my first pay check won't be until December 31st. I am not sure what to do for Daine's Christmas. I have $1.25 in my checking account. His father didn't put the 100.00 in there either. However if he did... I still have to pay phone bill 50.00 and Internet 50.00 so that still leaves me with 1.25 in the account.
OOH dammit, I Forgot I have some school books in my car to sell back to BSU. I only wonder if they will pay me for them as I am officially kicked out of school. GAWD I am officially kicked out. Hard times count for nothing, BSU cuts me no slack for shit happens.
BUT... being Glena I find a way to work around the bitter disappointment and feeling of failure. I do not have self loathing as some people say about me, I really like me, I just wish I was smarter then I am about predicting trends. I seem to go the wrong way, say and think the wrong thing, and figure it out too late. Apologies aside, I understand that people are not as forgiving as I am, because maybe they don't realized that THIS is all there is. and I am a slow learner you know?

Oh he is

He said we needed to celebrate me getting a job. He took me to Chapella's. He said that I was very intelligent, but lack confidence. He said smart people are patient and like to hear what I have to say, stupid people are mean to me because they can be.
I told him when ever he tells me something like that, it's like he has given me a gift. A little key that unlocks hidden knowledge. Now I know, play it cool with the idiots.
Tomorrow is orientation. Tomorrow makes me nervous.
IT is butt cold out there. I have walked the dog twice, but I know I have to brave that stiff breeze again.
One more time.
I made tartar sause for the fish fillets. Daine said "better write it down mom."
several klausen dill pickles;chopped, dried onion, teaspoon of fresh garlic, teaspoon of honey,dash of lemon pepper, juice of one small lemon,and one cup of mayonaise. Oh Yeah!

Editing

Just like that, you can edit, change, and decide to make a detour. I re-invent myself several times in a lifetime.
Abuse, hostage situation, survival of the fittest, rape, betrayal, liars.All these contribute to one's ability to trust, but my instincts are good. If someone lies in little things they have no discrepancy lying in bigger things.
Lie they do, and strive to figure me out ,deciding I have anger issues. Yeah? I might after being helpless for so many years, I might have a few things to work out, but I don't think I am alone in that. I also don't think its so bad, especially if I make a mistake, I admit it and try to make it better, if I can't make it better piss on it!
I don't really want a player in my life. Someone honest with nothing to hide is what I am looking for. I don't have to find him anymore. Its easier not to find anything. Its easier to exist in the careful cocoon I have made for myself.

Winter Solstice

Yule is the ancient holiday celebrating the winter solstice time when the sun is at its weakest and the calendar is coming to a close. Although most customs beginning with saturnalia have to do with light, prosperity, and luck for the New Year, many of us find ourselves at odds with the manic party energy surrounding the holidays.
Celebrate Sabbat the longest night of the year, by aligning ourselves with the dormant energies of winter. begin this spell after dinner, turn all TV, radio and electric lights off. Dress yourself in your favorite pajamas. If you have a fireplace build a fire, if not light a stout red candle. Gaze into the flames and empty your mind of worldly concerns. Breath and look into the flames with a soft focus. Images will begin to suggest themselves to you. Give yourself an hour of quiet time.

you did you did, you know you did.

Peter S. Beagle wrote a sequel to the last unicorn. The Unicorn Sonata. I started it, as usual he sucks me inside and I don't want to be anywhere else.
In between walking the road he sets before me and hearing my youngest daughter's latest soliloquy and being un-able to do more then sympathize,and waiting for the phone to ring. I took matters into my own hands and called, "the company" no news... So I kick myself, I talk to Taunie, I talk to Janelle, I talk to Scott, and I talk to Sue. Sadly none of which I really want to talk to. HOWEVER... "The Phone Call" arrives and I have the job. They believe I will bring something special to their company. First thought is... Yeah I sooo aced that interview with my bullshit, second thought is.. I really want to work for this company, I want to make a difference, and I am so grateful for the job. Bullshit aside, I really meant what I said, I nearly always do.

The pesky upstairs neighbors appear to moving out, Godspeed to them as well, they will not be mourned when they are gone all the trouble they have caused us hapless near-nates. I know for one the red headed gentleman and his quiet wife will be glad to see the back of them.
Maybe I will have a full nights sleep again?
Kevin and I go out Saturday, I am to pick the movie. He wants to see the second vampire movie, New Moon. Roger Ebert hated it, and I never saw the first one, I know there is something else I would rather see, but as usual I cannot think what it is. Teenage Vampires in love, doesn't sound like something I would like. OH gawd and not the "Blind Side" either, I hate tear jerkers. Specially based LOOSELY on a true story, very loosely we think. 2012..Too scary, maybe Ninja Assassines? That sounds like my cup of tea.
Scott has asked me out this weekend again, I have a feeling it will be a very low budget evening where I cook and we watch rented movies at my apartment.

Pink fuzzy sweater

It fits I'll be damned.
AND... I am not going to think about you one bit, you are gone for three months, and you won't give me a second thought.
Adios...
Talk to your ex girlfriend indeed.
Tonight it's tequilla and zombie movies with the girls. I have to drag Dain along, the kid doesn't mind watching movies with the girls.
Today is Dr. Keif, she didn't like to hear about my shoulder and told me to get right in.
I am in PAIN. even so I dragged the fifty pound bag of cat litter inside the house. Who else will do it?
I am hungry, I don't know what to do about lunch. Probably instant Miso soup. Sherman would appreciate a walk, but I find myself fresh out of energy and tolerance.
Ok, I can't quit thinking about you.
everything else is just a distraction. Joga

Yesterday

Dr. A was right on. I think he is a psychic. He said if I told Mustache man how I felt about being rushed with things, that "HE" if he had any self respect would get the hint and move on. He called me and took twenty minutes to tell me why he wasn't ready for a relationship yesterday. I was so relieved. Freedom Reigns.
He said origially he was pissed at me for telling him that I thought he was trying to rush into things. Which goes to show that my warning bells were right. I Thought he pretended to be far nicer then he really is. Anyone who can say, 'My wife died two months ago, but I am not really grieving." creeps me the hell out.

Aim High... what's the worst that can happen?

Ramble On!

An exhausting day yesterday but surprisingly rewarding. Quinn by the end of the day was minding what I said,and the baby was turning wild.
When I laid the baby down for a nap after breakfast and kissed him on the forehead he said, "GankGoo" his version of "thank you" it was so adorable.
Scott offered to come over and watch a movie with me last night. Nice offer, but I knew I was going to be asleep by 9:00. I watched the movie, "the ugly truth" it was better then I thought it would be, and I was in bed and asleep by 9:00.
Sadly I like being on the couch watching a movie in my Jammie's... alone.
I do not know when this happened, probably somewhere between hysterectomy and Andy leaving for the last time. Andy was never really here for the most part. I got used to being on my own without any input. AND I like it.
I will tell R that when I get my tax return he will be the first person that I pay back. He paid my rent, and I thought he and I were going to be a couple, but initially the attraction started then faded and is no longer there. I tried, but you cannot make your heart go where it will not go, and you cannot force 'Like'. I never could and I am far worse then when I was young.
I expect a baby or little boy to pop out of my room any minute. Chelsie brings them over at five thirty AM. we lay them in my bed. I hope they sleep till nine, but they rarely do. The later Quinn sleeps the better day he has because he simply will not nap here.
The baby will nap, but only after I put him back to bed fifteen times. My right shoulder is very sore from all the lifting yesterday, but it cannot be helped. Quinn will not eat, I fix him whatever he will eat, because he is thin and had a bad start on nutrition with his lazy father not feeding him properly.The baby Bryce will eat anything that doesn't walk away, and with gusto and enthusiasm.
I hear murmuring coming down the hall, looks like the baby is up!

Shocking thoughts of GjD

I always thought that you and I should not have to work. We deserved to be Goddess' however the rest of the world did not comply with our wishes. SUX I have to work and nobody really wants me anyway.
SIL had a crisis on thursday, I ended up calling an ambulance for him and taking care of the four girls.
Friday C is haveing a crisis, and I get the boys for 4 days.
Gawd maybe that is making my karma bad? Complaining about my loving family. I think they would figure it out better without me. C doesn't really like me anyway.
I know this deep in my heart, but I Don't ever say it out loud.
I don't know why men pick me up. Sincerely... if they are attracted to me they have a screw loose, and this one does. He is nice, but... I would rather kiss my cocker spaniel if you get my drift.
He just doesn't ring my bells, and he smokes, and he has a greasy mustache that is loaded with nicotine, and it looks yellow and slimy, and when he points his lips in my direction I duck!
I am sure that hurts his feelings but I have very little tolerance for the "ICK" factor.
SIGH... I am beginning to feel like an OCD bitch. I figured out that Daine and I live in peace and when you add anything else it messes up the balance.
I Don't have enough of a Harlot in my soul anymore to put on the dog. I could have a free place to live if I crawled into slimy mustache man's bed. I think my knees are glued shut.
I have already tried to figure out ways to get rid of him, and he is very nice... but the ICK factor is high on my scale.
OH I am such a brat.

She works at the doctor's office

I don't remember her name, but she has her nails done and she is very sleek and professional. That is until she sniffs me all over the place. She recognises that I have a dog. Strange, Sherman doesn't sniff me when I get back from the visit.
I am who I am he hinted. I will not be able to change or bring out the harlot in my heart. I will not be less then my integrity will allow me.
I know I am happy alone. He said I am not without self esteem even though I feel like dirt now, the pride still shows through, and I will find a job and I will prevail. RIGHT RIGHT...

Joy

I got the cortisone shot in my right shoulder. I felt that all the way to my knuckles.
I forgot about the tattoo on my shoulder. The doctor said I should get the tattoo finished while the numbing shot is working...

Casting Instructions for ' BANISHING A FOOL'

To Make An Un-Wanted Guest Not Only Leave Your House, But To Make Their Presence Seem Forgotten.
when starting the spell, make ok signs with your hands and say:

Ashes to Ashes, Dust To Dust
while saying ''dust to
dust'' put your hands (still in ok position) one by one at your sides.
then say
This I ask for is a must
turning and
putting hands in praying postion while saying
''must''
not a foot more, shall this fool set through these doors
covering your eyes and sheilding your mouth say:
neither his name nor his face, ever be seen or
spoken around this place.
This I ask for with all my might,
that this fool shall
leave my sight.

So Mote It Be!

HA!

Basically my life sux with good bits thrown in here and there.

Well well well, it is what it is.

AND it came as no surprise to me that Michelle the recruiter for Scentsy's temp employees called me Sunday. "This is very hard for me to say Glena...." I saved her the effort. I told her I knew that even though I was trying very hard, I was getting 55 emails out a day, while the kids were getting out 100. It makes more sense to get rid of the slow old farts and get more of those fast newer models. There are two positive things... I wasn't the first to get let go, and I have two weeks of pay coming to me.
Now what to do? I am thinking that I am just incompetent. What am I good at? I dropped out of school and it looks like I cannot go back, and I am unable to find work, or even keep a temp job putting in sales orders and e-mailing customers.
I am not fast, I am not detail orientated, I am not wanted anywhere.
Is there a government program for the over fifty and un-wanted?
On Saturday after working my ass off, I decided to put my pay check in the bank,(all 150 dollars of it) I didn't think that I would be able to do it during banking hours since I don't get home till six-ish. I waited by the night deposit box, and finally I decided that the gentleman getting money out wouldn't mind me putting my check in behind him as I appear harmless enough.
He turned and smiled at me. I don't even know how it came about but we introduced ourselves and he got my phone number and asked me out on a date.
We went to dinner last night and he brought my son home a burger from McDonald's (Big Points) He stayed and watched a movie that he wasn't very interested in. He is very nice.
Daine said,"Do you like him mom?" I said, "Yes I do, he is very nice." Daine said "Thank GOD!" what is that supposed to mean? Thank god why? but he wouldn't explain himself the little shit.

I could be a country western song about now

I got a job! I was so excited and nervous and the pay was amazing... I got up for my first day of orientation yesterday, ready to go, my eyes were itchy, so I grabbed the eye drops, don't want red blood shot eyes do we?
Something wasn't right, I knew instantly I had just poured super glue into my right eye.
I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse out my eye, but nothing worked, I tried soap and water, I even tried to put a little finger nail polish remover on the lashes, but I was so scared it would soak into the eye, and since I could not open it, I would be trapped in horrible pain.
What to do! I can't have this happen on the first day of work. So I drove.. I don't to this day know how I did it, because.. funny thing when one eye won't move neither will the other because they move simultaneously. So I could barely see out of the left eye, I had to turn my head, and each time the eye inadvertently moved it sent waves of pain through my whole head.The pain was so great it was giving me an Adrenalin rush. I was shaking uncontrollably too, like a drug addict needing a fix.
I told the job recruiters what I had done, the one said, that I needed to go home, better luck next time on the job, they would find another one for me. I put on the performance of my life, Not that I wanted to, but you know what I am facing. Eviction, finding homes for my pets, etc. I need this job, I cannot lose this job. So they let me go. It was training day. I didn't get much out of the training because I couldn't see, and it was getting worse. Finally after a break I asked someone to drive me to the hospital where I sat for four hours. And after Dr. Dumbass tried to pull my eyelids apart, then attempted to paste a bandage over the damage, which was like glass shards being pushed into my eye. They called a charity cab and sent me to the hospital in Boise where I was told I would probably have to have surgery.
The doctor removed all my eyelashes, and put a contact bandage on the cornea. My son in law came and got me in boise with all the grand daughters. They said, "Gramma, let us see your eye." when I turned around and showed them, there was stunned silence. It was pretty awful, the eyelids are so swollen that they are turned nearly inside out. The eye is very swollen and red. I look hideous.
The company said they were so impressed with my dedication that they want to keep me and will resume my training tomorrow.
Oddly I am still scared, I made a horrible first impression and I can barely see, but Dammit, I am determined to keep this job, its only 4 weeks anyway, but maybe they will keep me permanently.
However I know I don't really shine at anything but integrity, so it might be enough. there are thirteen other new hires, all younger, faster and smarter then me. So I get to be the drama queen. SHIT!

Burn out the day, Burn out the night...

I'm not the one telling you whats wrong or whats right.
However... When you live amongst thugs and idiots there are certain rules that apply.
Yesterday I was up early, thank goodness really. Walked my dog in the dark, looking out for lurkers. I prefer to face my foes on open ground then cowered in a corner. I always come home and lock the door. I got so spooky when I was a security guard. I always feel safer walking the perimeter of a building rather then walking halls in the darkness.
Oh yes I digress, this is about the idiots upstairs.
When I got home around seven Am, I heard a loud pouring noise, like a water fall. I thought OH NO not again, the last time it was the toilet spraying water out under the tank top. So I ran in there, but it was literally pouring out of the ceiling vents. Pouring in a stream. The floor was already a few inches deep in water, the sink and counters soaked. I thought, "she's died in the tub and no one is there to help her." So I called the apartment office and left a message, then I called maintenance, then I called the police for them to do a welfare check on miss piggy upstairs. She has the ambulance out on a regular basis, I don't know if she likes their company or if she is really having something go wrong. I do know she takes way too many drugs. I know because she can barely complete sentences, and she showed me her bag full of pills one time. LOTS and I Think she mixes them up and takes more then she is supposed to, I think she is going to kill herself sometimes soon. There is nothing I can do, I have talked to her, but I don't make any impression on her. She thinks if its prescription medication she can take how much she wants.
Well imagine the teenage daughters surprise when the cops and Maxine broke into the apartment at seven forty five? She was sitting in the bath tub. The water was flowing over the sides and onto the carpet, and down the hall, and she did nothing but sit there and let it. The maintenance man had to bring up a shop vac and clean up their floors, I think he should have made them do it. I Think of the police breaking in on them as my little "Gift" I have a very clean bathroom now,nothing like a complete hose down to get things very clean. JEEZ thank goodness I Was home when this happened, if it had happened on Saturday or Sunday it would have done a lot more damage.

A basketfull of stuff I will not do.

Today, I will not pay bills. If I turn up the radio, I can't hear the funky noises my car is making. I am looking for work, I have been looking since April. I usually don't have the gas to go far, I didn't qualify for unemployment when I was laid off. The department of labor, as they so joyfully call themselves, since "unemployment office" sounds so negative...said I didn't make enough money to qualify for unemployment. I was going to BSU, I used the money to pay my rent and get caught up on bills and buy a few months supply of cat food. I am running out. Rent is due in November and I still don't have a job. I quit school, I couldn't do it anymore, and BSU, rightfully wants all the money back that I used to pay back rent. Rightfully so, but it doesn't make it easier by any stretch of the imagination. I cannot answer my phone anymore, creditors. I haven't been able to get the mail, more creditors. I have nothing coming in. Sometimes a friend puts gas in my car, and I use food stamps to buy food, plus vinegar and baking soda for cleaning. I don't have money to buy cleaning products. I had ten dollars to buy my son used school clothes at Deseret Industries.
I started going to a resource called, "working Solutions" oh they have solutions all right. Someone is paid a lot of money to tell us that we can network while we are waiting in line for the show, or while waiting for a machine at the health club. They obviously don't get it. Who is going to the show? Who has money to work out at the club? It was similar while I was reading a Martha Stewart magazine at the Doctors Office.I was seeing the doctor about my depression. She was giving tips on how to move. It was so lovely, I laughed and laughed, Martha says, when you move, have a company come in and do it for you, then they can take it to your new house and move it in there. She doesn't know about empty boxes from the liquor store and crayon marking the box, "Kitchen" nor does she know about my friend's pick up truck. OR what I plan to do with the used couch. She doesn't get it either. I heard on the news that people have to cut back, everyone must do their part, starting with going out to eat only once a week, and cutting down on their entertainment fund. What? I wanted to call the TV station and ask them if they know about 75 cents a pound bulk dry beans at winco, or if they consider buying canned soup a luxury? I am sorry I know I sound bitchy and negative, all I want is a job. I am a good employee, I work hard,I am dependable, I have no drama, I have forgotten what I am good at anymore.
When I go to Working Solutions to turn my paperwork in, I see people who are as bad off, I think some are even homeless, which is where I am headed. After November my kindly apartment complex is not going to want me to live here for free. I made a promise to my pets that I would take care of them. I have to contemplate giving my cats to the shelter. I have had them for years, I don't think a cat box in the car is a good thing. What do you do?
There was a bright spot in all this turmoil. A little company called, "dress for success" I was referred to them by Working Solutions. I had a bad attitude about going I must admit. I thought, I got used clothes in my closet, what can they help me with? The idea was to give us unemployed people a nice suit to wear on "NONEXISTENT" job interviews. The two women running the show were upbeat, knowledgeable and full of positive advice. I couldn't believe what I ended up with. I got a lovely suit, new shoes, make-up and even jewelry to wear. They told me how to conduct myself in an interview and what type of makeup is best. They knew their stuff. After I finished with them I felt like maybe I could get a job, I have the right tools. However I don't even get an interview. I have put out at least three applications a day, and still I am not working.
It is an employers market right now, they can treat us hopeful applicants anyway they like. I have seen positions in the paper offering far less money then they used to pay, and they do it because they can. Right to work my... behind.
The recession is supposed to be ending, work is supposed to be out there. Not for me, and not for a lot of people. I ask, "what can we do?"
I want a job, for my cats sake, for my son, I am not asking for a lot, just the right to be independent, and not have to jump through hoops put out by health and welfare for food stamps, I know that it is a gift, and not a right, but I would not use them if I didn't have to. I guess I am down, but not broken.

Nightmare

I was driving Chelsie's Maroon van. The landscape seemed to be Brookings. For some reason the city was filled with 2C drivers. There were three cars, one was a van, and they jammed into a blockage that I could not get around. I knew this, I had no choice but to crash into the van that had its side facing me. Instead of crashing my van went over the three cars, except time stopped. When I came to I was on the grass in front of the house where we lived with blood and grease on my hands. I panicked I started looking for the children that I had had in the van. The children were playing, and they didn't have a mark on them, I wondered if they had even been with me. I started to tell Chelsie about the wreck, I assumed her van was parked in the driveway, I told her we would have to have the suspension checked, because I had came down hard. I thought I had, that was the only explanation, but I couldn't remember anything about the crash. Then I thought maybe I am dead, everyone but Chelsie was ignoring me while I talked. Chelsie said, "no you are not dead, I can see you." Then I heard the sirens in the distance, getting closer. Then I knew that I had left my body when the van crashed in order to survive the crash. While I was out of my body, it was used in a murder. The blood was still on my hands. The police were coming to arrest me because I had left evidence at the crime scene. I could not remember anything. I thought it was so unfair that I didn't do anything but something used me to do something. STORY of a life out of control.

Bird Brain

I fed the Hound roasted chicken last night. DID I think it would pass by un-noticed?
Poor thing. I woke up at the usual five Am. (no rest for the wicked)and noticed the said dog was not in his usual place at the foot of the bed. I looked down the hall into the living room and I see that he is in his little fuzzy bed. Very bad sign.
When entering the living room the smell hit me, and I turned on the light not wanting to step in the source of the smell.
POOR THING AGAIN! It's all my fault. I scrubbed the carpet with baking soda and dish soap, and I burned incense, and I walked poor puppy in the park, where he proceeded to be even more disgusting.
If I was that dog I would disown me.
NO more chicken for Sherman, Bad Glena, Bad Glena!

House invasion today

I think I strained my back lifting the fat baby out of his crib. I don't get work man's comp. I don't even get sympathy.
I survived the weekend, and I thought of calling you, however I know you have other fish to fry, so I wait and think... but I know men and you will soon forget all about me.
I get the Grandsons at my apartment today. Chelsie's baby-sitter's kids have swine flu now. SO I get the little blessings on my home turf. My car is making funky noises I am not sure its going to survive more drives to Boise. I had to cancel Doctor Armentrout for my usual Monday appointment.
Part of me really doesn't care about that. IF he was going to offer me a job I would be there. I think I am past the therapy stage of my life. Talking doesn't change anything I have found out. I was going to suck it up and apply at jack in the box today. I won't because of the boys. Amazing how anyone goes anywhere with two toddlers under three years old. They are all hands in the store and manage to grab everything in reach.
I have already hid my east indian beaded lamp. the last time, Quinn unstrung a few rows of beads. They are too tiny for me to fix, I can barely see them let alone string them.
I was quite put out. I told him, "WE don't mess with grammas lamp." and he said, "OK" which Quinn says to everything. Ok... and he doesn't mean it.
I think I will feed them beans and send them home to their mother this afternoon. Never let it be said that I don't have a little mean streak.
Let me know when you would like to go out again. Maybe the Zoo, or the art museum. Or you could come over here and have dinner. Into the spiders parlor so to speak.
Are you going back to work today?
I dreamed I got a job last night, Damn.. now my dreams are filled with job hunting. I would rather have a science fiction or fantasy dream, not work.
Eventually someone has to give in and hire me. Its not like it used to be, there are hundreds of people applying for the same job, and most of them have experience and years younger then me. Though I am charming in a job inteview, I am still OLD and I Think that is what plays against me sometimes.
ANYWAY I am up very early in anticipation of the house invasion to come at five thirty

Salt Dough Ghosts and Paper Bag Trees

I was visiting Disney FamilyFun.com and thought you'd enjoy this:

Salt Dough Ghosts

http://familyfun.go.com/halloween/halloween-crafts/halloween-decorations/salt-dough-ghosts-671167/


Paper Bag Trees

http://familyfun.go.com/halloween/halloween-crafts/halloween-decorations/paper-bag-trees-671161/

Mini Pumpkins for the kids to make

Saturday in the park

I had a date with Dave. It was ooh so nice. My daughter said, "your taking your dog on a date?" NAH he can wait in the car. We met at municipal park and visited the trout and talked about fish and environment, and tree huggers. He said I needed to live in Oregon. I am an Agnostic, Democrat, Tree Hugging, Pro-socialized medicine. I might as well stand outside of Bsu Bronco stadium and yell "GO VANDALS" My life expectancy isn't very good in conservative Idaho.
He made me laugh and I enjoy his take on things. I said, "I never dated a hot republican before" Just a silly line and I knew it, but he looked surprised then pleased, and he said, "I am not republican, I am libertarian, I will vote either way depending on the candidate." AT last!! I think someone who 'gets' me.
However my generation is lazy, and I am plump, these are all things against my favor. I know he liked me, he could even out talk me, this was an amazing feat to say the least.
AND... my dog did not piddle on his feet when I opened the car door to get inside and Sherman jumped out to greet Dave. Dave took me to the spaghetti station for dinner, totally spontaneous and unplanned. I had spinach ravioli, it was so good, and a glass of lovely red wine, I Don't remember the name, but I got a little buzz from one glass. Oh sorry.. I felt rather silly about that. Then I drove to Chelsie's to spend the night. She stayed home sick the next day, and I watched a movie with Quinn. I am becoming so attached to those baby boys, it is good that I can spend so much time with them.

JEEZ Stevie Nicks can caterwaul!

I cannot imagine why I ever liked her singing, it's lazy.
They play her too much on this radio station.
Today I have had about all I Can take of people whining. YOU guessed it, I answered the phone when Siko was calling me. SHE called constantly today, I was talking to my cousin for an hour and a half, and she called five times in that time. Her message... Oh too much.
AND about fifteen babygirls and sweeties and honeys later, I disengaged myself from the phone call. I asked her not to give me anymore advice. I said it nice, I DID! the odd thing is, I never asked her for advice, because she gives terrible advice, my twelve year old gives better advice then she does. ONCE again, I give her more chances because I know she means well. HOWEVER she is a woman that took the easy way out her whole life, using her twat instead of her brains, THERE! I said it. She pays the price and she has the common sense of a ground squirrel. GAWD how I dislike being called babygirl. I asked her not to do that too. AM I just a cranky old bitch? well probably, but I have been patient with her annoying drama, and I do not wish to be a part of it. I have some hard times happening right now and I am coping the best I can, and I could do without her crap. My oldest daughter thinks I should just write her out of my life, you know? I would like to. She wants favors all the time, and YES she will pay for my gas, but it's usually a whole day endeavor of un-pleasantness plus her smoking, I HATE smelling like a freekin bar after I leave her company. OH dear something good needs to happen to me soon! I am telling you.

In my dreams

I am successful, I am wealthy, I start a community center in a small coastal town. I hire my friend who dreams of being a dancer to teach dance. I employ people to run the center, I provide free daycare after school for the town. I am happy,and healthy. I have been decorating my new home near the beach. Then I wake up and it's stupid CSI shows that I find alarming, and boring sitcoms about sex... and woman trainers abusing fat people.
I used to be fun. I used to believe in tomorrow. Now all I do is look for work and worry.
I baked chocolate chip bars for Dain. Very good, but I couldn't save the roast that I put too much rosemary in. The eggplant was bitter this time, I have heard this happens, but it has never happened to me. So bitter eggplant and too much rosemary is a bad combination. I am going to cook beans and try and salvage the meat. This will probably ruin the beans.
Siko is calling me wanting a favor, I have had my fill of her. NOOO more. Hopeless helpless, needy, annoying, interfering. Two weeks ago, she called a place that I had applied for work and told them to put my application on top! The Nerve! I can kiss that job interview goodbye. I told her as kindly as I could, not to ever do that again, EVER. I will look for work on my own thank you. Her helpful hints are lame. I know she means well that is why I haven't told her off, but she is ON MY LAST NERVE!

Ethnocentrism

I am merely vapid and self involved, it is nothing to do with my country of origin

Scammer's anonymous

I have a job interview tomorrow in Boise. I bet it's another waste of gas to find out that I Have to invite all my friends to sell them something horribly expensive that they neither want or need.. let alone can afford. I will make eleven dollars for this effort.
SUPPOSEDLY, it's for a job as a part time receptionist in a temporary job agency. That alone sounds iffy.Also when they give you a time like 2:45, it sounds like mass interviewing. This is very demeaning and disrespectful to the potential candidate. I shine in mass interviewing, the one time in my life that I can keep my mouth shut. While others babble nervously, I sit looking like a professional. THEN the interviewer asks me a question and my facade ends.
Today I am to go to Meridian for "dress for success" this is a government program that provides used out of style clothes to people looking for work. I hope I get a job soon, more then just being able to pay rent, but that feeling of self esteem I need returned to me. AND I hate the cattle call of Working solutions. Another government program that pays the employees many dollars to give unemployed people stupid advice. I think I have bitched about their lame asses before.

OOOH JEEZ

You are going to spoil face book for me if you continue to use it as a political forum to un-load your racist, republican, commie paranoia crap on.
STOP IT OR BE DELETED.

Gladys Carp

I am getting calls from Allied Collections. Its called Zombie calls. There is no phone number (it shows up unknown on the id) and a recorded message comes on and tells you to call them right away to take care of "THIS MATTER" then hurriedly gives a number to call. I have never been able to write down the number. THEY keep calling for the previous owner of this cell phone number. I looked them up in a google search. I called them. Mohammad (no kidding) answered the phone. He didn't even say the company name, he merely said "Hello" in heavily accented english. I said, "is this Allied Collections?" he assured me that it was. SO I told him I am getting calls from them and I would like them to stop. He asked me for my phone number... I thought "shoot! here we go" but I cautiously gave him my number. then he asked me for my name. I hesitated only a moment, and I said, "GLADYS CARP" and I spelled it out for him, he said, "wait a minute while I research that name." then he put Abhaya on the line. Abhaya said he had to research the name... "he surmised that Gladys Carp was not in his data base. He asked me to spell the name again, then agreed that she was not in his data base. He asked me if I knew where the previous owner of the phone number went. THEY clearly don't know how phone numbers work around here. I tried to explain about how cell phone numbers are assigned and no one knows the previous user of the number... but he didn't understand. He did assure me most effectively that Gladys would not get anymore calls from them.
IF Gladys gets any calls, I will know they are a scam. Gladys is merely an invention of mine, like national weazle day.

it is NATIONAL WEAZLE DAY

AND.. my definition of Weazle is getting out of something extremely tedious. I got out of a ticket, and I got half the money back on the parking space I paid for... and I dropped school for my mental health. it is going to come back and bite me in the butt, however right now this moment, I don't have to write a bunch of papers in APA format, and I don't have to drive to BOISE, and I can look for work full time...YAY.
Dr. Armentrout sees me on Monday. I am feeling pretty fragile right now, but I can see the bright side of national weazle day.

Pissed off in Idaho

Dear Harold,
At this time I am using foodstamps and have no income. I am being solicited by debt collectors day and night.
My medical insurance has been cancelled and I have severe medical problems that I cannot get medication for.
My son has no father and I have to buy second hand clothes for him. I am unable to provide him with the things he needs.
I know that you are a scam, and it isn't nice to lie to people.
Espcially people as angry as me, kindly go fuck yourself
Sincerely
Pissed off in IDaho
“He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armor shouting All the Gods are bastards."

Terry Pratchett



--- On Mon, 9/21/09, Sgt. Harold N. Seabrook wrote:


From: Sgt. Harold N. Seabrook
Subject: Greetings!
To:
Date: Monday, September 21, 2009, 8:58 AM


Good day and compliments, I know this letter will definitely come to you
as a huge surprise, I am Sgt. Harold N. Seabrook, a Georgian soldier,
serving in the Infantry battalion, Iraq.

I am desperately in need of your assistance and I have summoned up courage
to contact you. I am presently in Iraq and I found your contact particulars
in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of
$8,750,000.00 USD to the states or any safe country, as far as I can be
assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here.
This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

Respectfully,
Sergeant Harold N. Seabrook
Special Troops Battalion (S5) Georgian Soldier
AL-ADEL VILLAGE IRAQ

Be careful what you wish for

What I think I want:
Stability, Job, No more classes, wellness, maybe a nice guy to enjoy activities with.
Nice things for my son.
Less Stress
More Self Esteem.

AND gregg legg

He sent me an email stating that he sees I have contacted his wife and he is not happy.
Of course this pissed me off.
I haven't thought of him in weeks, except to thank my lucky stars that he was leaving me alone.
He is paranoid. I told him that I hadn't contacted his wife and didn't know her name, and he said nice try... F>>>NICE TRY??? What the hell?
I just saw him two times, what does he think, that he made such an impression on me that I had to meet his wife? WHO he stated was his ex- and that is a lie.
I saved his paranoid e-mails in case he causes me problems later.
His name is Greggory Legg... Gregg Legg, ha ha haaaa. His parents must have known what a yuck he was going to be.

12850 and it all sux.

So the weirdi that sent my spidey senses tingling decided to drop me. "YOU don't even believe in GOD!"
Wow that is a good reason, I am proud of the little flake.
THEN the dude from wilder got on my yahoo messenger and asked me to call him. I thought I had that guy blocked, I cannot afford to talk to him... he probably is out of groceries again and wants me to shop for him. It was very expensive last time and he never paid for the gas. Besides Gun Toting creeps make me nervous. I just blocked him after telling him I was working on school projects.
He hasn't talked to me for a month, so YOU know he wants me to run errands for him.
He chose to isolate himself not me. I cannot forget that he watched me grab what he thought was a hot electric wire without even warning me. He is just too creepy for words.
Well the other Yahoo that was asking me what I looked like etc, decided I was coming over to his house in Meridian for drinks. I told him I was NOT going over to a stranger's house to drink. I told him we could meet in the park with a bottle in the bag and blend in with the yokels. He did not seem to appreciate that, and I haven't heard from him since.
I am thinking this is what is best, Just scare everyone off, they all expect something for nothing. Last night on 20/20 the story of 8 beautiful texas women who were dating one man exclusivly. They did not know about the other women, they thought they were in a monogamous relationship. Some had been with him for four years. He gave them ALL AIDS! He had told them that he was checked periodically and was clean. He lied.
They were older women, and thought they didn't need condoms because they were in an exclusive relationship and could not become pregnant. THIS IS JUST A WARNING! when it comes to your body, Don't trust anyone.
I cried when I watched that show last night. They were all goodhearted intelligent women. HE Murdered them, he should go to prison for life.
When the police would not, Could not do anything they staked themselves outside of his house and warned all the women that came to visit him. However several more women contracted AIDS before he was sent to prison.
He knew all along that he had it.
I think that anyone who knowingly has AIDS and infects another human being should recieve the death penalty.
And the latest, Sombody named Mike Peavey popped up on my yahoo messenger. He was not a contact, I Don't even know how people do that He offered me a job flagging, then proceeded to ask me what I look like etc. He gave me an email address to send my resume' and a copy of my driver's license too. I am not sending my drivers license, but I thought it couldn't hurt to send a resume' to. EXCEPT it has my address and phone number on the resume' OH WELL... anyway it bounced back, so I emailed him at his peavy e-mail and he sent me the correct e-mail to apply for the job.
AND it sounds like a scam to me, yes it does. He said we should meet in Boise when he gets to town. AND... why should we I wonder?
BASTARDS.

And then....

I am so small

I must keep smiling so the universe can think of more perverse punishment for being naive
The government said they can give me 200 dollars a month if I qualify. Anyone ever hear someone say, "Well they are on welfare, that's why they can afford that new car."? I have heard that stuff before. You know what? It ain't the life of Riley, I said, give me a job, I don't want 200 bucks of month that I have to try and leap my tired ass through hoops of flame for.
Anyone thinks government help is a bowl of cherries can kiss my ass.
Then... I got notice from the brilliant university that I owe them five hundred dollars because I dropped a class. JEEEZ Louize!! I called them. they said, I had to pay that back. I do not have it obviously.
I know!! they can take my 260 dollar parking pass and apply that to the bill, I think that parking pass is stupid anyway, I have to walk a mile to class, that's why I am too sore to go to class again tonight.
SOMETHINGS gotta give here, I am weary of all the set backs.
I am not going to get my social work degree, I am not going to get a degree, if I even survive the winter it will be a miracle.
I need something good to happen.
SO I joined this online dating site. It's called Plenty of fish. I found it by accident, I was looking for "the Voice of Reason" a Reggae band I heard at "art in the park" in Boise on Saturday. Don't ask me how that ended up being a dating site, but it was. ANYWAY, I have been getting a lot of the guys that want "something" for nothing. MAN men can be such assholes. So this nice guy starts talking to me online, and I am thinking... he is nice and he isn't asking me about my ass size. So he says, "Can I call you?" and I said sure, so we talked for over an hour. he sang songs and talked about music, and it was lots of fun. I noticed he asked the same questions over a few times... that's ok I thought; we all do that... BUT he asked me four times if I had a dog... THEN he went ape shit! totally ape shit about me saying I hadn't talked to anyone online from plenty of fish yet... he said, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP LOOKING FOR OTHER MEN GO AHEAD!! he was getting really agitated. I hadn't said that, but what if I had? I mean an hour conversation is not a life long commitment is it?
ANYWAY he wrote me a very rude e-mail and I answered him back, that he misinterpreted what I had said, but ANYWAY I don't see why he was upset.
SO THEN... I get an apology letter and he wants to be friends... I haven't answered him back... MY spidey senses are tingling...
I Don't know what his diagnosis is, but I bet it's got a long name, and I BET he is medicated for it.
Sooo this is the next truly WEIRDO I have met... that's three. They are either horny men wanting a quick jump in the sack, or NUTS... what is this anyway? People need to wear warning labels.
AND NOW this other enlightened human being wants to know what size I am... why is he planning on fitting me into something? I Told him my ass is so freakin huge that when I sit in my car it nearly tips over, and SOO Freekin huge that it hits me in the back of the head when I run. That should scare his shallow self off.

12594

SOOO I know I am not cut out to be a prison guard. yeah I know I would make a better social worker, better dog groomer, better babysitter, this I know. I just wanted a job, and I wanted to pull out of this funk I am in. I feel like the un-popular girl in highschool and nobody wants to choose me for their fuckin side. GDAMMIT. Poverty R Us, and I am getting so sick of it, my optomism is down the tube.

More insult to injury

Dear Glena:

Thank you for your interest in employment opportunities with Idaho Department of Correction and for the time and effort given to our selection process.

We have reviewed your background and qualifications and find that we do not have an appropriate position for you at this time for the position of Correctional Officer. We appreciate your interest in Idaho Department of Correction and wish you success in your job search.

Please visit the State of Idaho website to view future job postings at www.dhr.idaho.gov. Please note that you must submit a separate application package for each open position.

Best wishes in your job search and continued success in your career.


Human Resources
Idaho Department of Correction

I hate you!

Dear anonymous health and welfare,

I have called your office every day since I received my interview letter. The first two days I received a call back and was told that the information I sent was not in the system yet.

After that I did not receive a call back after I called and left my phone number and a brief message. Yesterday August 31, I received a call back stating that the health and welfare computers were down and I must call back the next day.

TODAY I have school, I called as soon as I was out, Today I received my cancellation letter in the mail because I have not been compliant with the rules.

I have been compliant, it is not my fault that your offices are overworked. It is not my fault that I have not been given an interview for food stamps, I sent all the information in two days after I received the re-certification notice. Which I might note have been coming closer and closer together. I am still a starving student trying to feed my twelve year old son, and I am still un-employed, not something that I want to be. I have sent out applications everywhere and have not found a job. You can be certain that when I do find a job I will alert your office immediately because I am too old and fat to jump through the numerous hoops that the H and W offices try to get me to jump through.

Kindly yours

Glena Dusky

Remember the time?

My daughter was in the fifth grade and was struggling to learn how to tell time. I have learning disabilities and was thinking I wasn’t the best person to teach her. At a teachers conference I mentioned to her teacher, Mr. Coe that Janelle was struggling with learning how to tell time, He smiled sweetly and said he would be happy to help her. I was very pleased, but not later on when I found out what his methods of teaching were. My daughter was awkward and very shy, we had moved from Seattle to Idaho, and the clothing styles were very different, and my daughter was already the scape goat of cruel jokes. I mistakenly thought that having the teacher on her side would boost her self esteem.
My daughter came home one day with tears streaking her face, I asked her what was wrong, and she said if she told me, I would probably tell Mr. Coe her teacher and he would make her life even worse.
It turns out that Mr. Coe’s teaching method consisted of making Janelle stand up and tell the class what time it was. Of course she couldn’t tell time, so he would make her stand out in the hall for hours and ask everyone that came up the stairs what time it was. This went beyond humiliation. I could not understand why someone entrusted in teaching children would be so stupid. I went to the principle of the school and he said that Mr. Coe had been a good teacher for many years and had the support of parents and other teachers and it was just my word against his. I was afraid that my child’s life was going to be even worse now that I had “told” on Mr. Coe. I did inadvertently solve the problem in my own spontaneous way. I really hate to admit that I did this, but here goes… After leaving the principles office feeling as down trodden as my little girl, I saw Mr. Coe walking to his car. There was happiness in each step and he seemed on top of the world, whistling a happy tune. SO I attempted to run over him with my little car. He jumped out of the way, and I hollered out the window that next time I wouldn’t miss. Actually I don’t think I intended on hitting him, I just wanted him to know the extent of my feelings. Oddly he never reported me, and my daughter was left alone after that incident.
My daughter is now thirty years old and a Neo-natal Nurse at St. Luke’s, Mr. Coe is in a drunk tank somewhere in Idaho. HA! Mother prevails
I am not really sure how this applies to Zonal Perspective, my feelings were very complex, Shock, Dismay, Betrayal. But I never tattled on Janelle to the teacher in order for her to be punished, I wanted her to receive help that I as unable to give her. She is very bright, and I didn’t want her held back because I was unable to teach her how to tell time.
The book Zonal Perspective states; that personality traits remain stable; this means I think that I am still basically the same person who attempted to run over a bad teacher. I go the correct route when faced with a dilemma, then if things don’t happen the way I think they are supposed to I have a temper tantrum. I have an over inflated view of right and wrong and what is fair, I know this about me, but I hope that I am more civilized then the young mother who showed her displeasure to the fifth grade teacher, who should not been allowed to train a bunch of poodles let alone precious children.
I am a social work major; I think sometimes because of my personality that I should give up going to school. My personality from early childhood has always been overly honest to a fault, a fighter for truth and justice, ( I should have a red cape) I don’t always think the rules apply to me, but I actually like rules because following rules makes it fair for everyone most of the time.
Knowing that personality is constant from childhood has filled me with hope and apprehension at the same time, I am DOOMED! Even recently when I was registering my twelve year old for the sixth grade he said, “Please Mom, I don’t want to be known as the kid whose mother threw a temper tantrum at the principle on the first day of school.” I was ticked because they sent me a letter with my name and address on it, and asked me to prove that I lived there in order to register my kid into school. We live in the same place we had lived for the past four years and now they want proof? Who thinks of this stuff? But I digress.

12320 Today!

Today I am going to feel positive.
Today I am going to do something about my school work.
Today I am going to expect good things to happen.

THE big WHINE

SOOO I thought I was perfectly clear to greggypoo. He called me the other night and started saying things like, "Sorry I pissed you off" I said, you didn't piss me off. Then he started talking about my email and how it had said all kinds of stuff. WHICH it didn't. I told him, he better re-read the email, it was a very nice email explaining that I didn't have time for a relationship (AS IF!!) and he needed to look somewhere else. He interrupted me and said, "Sorry I pissed you off" I re-iterated what I was trying to say, and told him I was overwhelmed by school and needed to hit the books. He asked me if he should come over?
WTF?? I said, NOOOOO....
Under Stupid in the dictionary we would find the name, GREG.
He proceeded to talk about his wife again, I said he needed to quit being a drama queen, and take his lawyer's advice, and quit boring everybody with the horror stories.
I think I am VERY clear. Then on face book he went on and on (under notes) about how he loves his wife and they should stop the divorce and she is hurting him etc... the whole thing is misspelled and sounds stupid as hell. I was going to tell him to MAN up. IF he is so interested in keeping his wife, WHY the hell is he on all the online dating sights calling himself, "Lets Cuddle" GAWD... He better not call me again, I am not going to be so nice.
He doesn't get anything straight that I tell him anyway.
I cannot believe how diplomatic I have been, when I don't give a shit. Practice for social work I suppose.
ANYWAY, this is now a NO whiner zone. Bitching is appreciated but NO WIMPY WHINY LITTLE MEN WITH LITTLE DICKS are allowed in here.

Risky Behaviour

Where do I begin? ok, got rid of Greg, and I didn't mean all the nice phrasing I used so that you would NEVER call me again. Truly, you are needy selfish self involved stupid and.... paranoid, you really need to get into a half way house before you consider dating, and... YOU are not even divorced, how dare you inflict your baggage on unsuspecting women? and... you don't even try to keep appointments, or your word, I cannot imagine being interested in someone as flighty as you.
NOW, the other one. GAWD!!! you asked me to come out and see you in Wilder. I said I would, I needed a day out of Nampa, one where people would quit asking me for favors... SO you call and you ask me to bring you a hamburger and milkshake on the way, OK, I said... then you call back and want it without pickles and onions and you want a CHERRY shake... ok... THEN you call and want me to go to Lowes and pick up some specialty light bulbs for you... THEN you call me while I am still reeling from getting the hamburger and thinking, how much I hate shopping and ask me to go to Walmart then winco to pick up grocerys.. you have a list. YOU asked me to bring my hydrogen peroxide to bathe two skunk sprayed dogs... the list is getting longer, Daine said, "lets just count our losses, take the burgers and go MOM">.. ooooh How I wished I had listened.
I said, no I wasn't going to do your shopping.I picked up the fucking light bulbs. BUT it ended up I drove you all the way back to Nampa, so you could do your shopping, and I bathed your two stinking dogs, and you wanted me to stay and shampoo your carpets too. DO YOU KNOW WHAT? I am totally flabbergasted, and I did not like your explanation of all the AK747's Automatic Rifles, sub machine guns, and how you could pick a neighbor off a mile away... YEAH I Think that this friendship is terminated before it began. I suppose I will tell you in a flowery way how I am NOT your type, I Don't want you to show up here with one of your machine guns.. JEEEZUS.
I used a 1/4 tank of gas and put over a hundred miles on my old car.AND While I was dropping Daine off at the apartment, you helped yourself to my bottle of enzyme cleaner. YOU SUCK!
AND why to you have 8 vehicles and none of them run? What are you some kind of psychopath?
OH and another thing while I am thinking about it, you watched me grab an electric wire. I asked you why??? you said you didn't know if it was hot or not!! YOU WATCHED ME GRAB IT, WTF?!! were you waiting to see me electricuted. YOU need to be on medication dude!

HE didn't

That night when I took my shower I found the tiny pill in my bra.
I hope I Never find out what happens if he gets a hold of a pill. He is such a baby, I have to watch him constantly. He is three years old now, he should have outgrown some of this.
Every morning I wake Daine up with a different description of his dog. Yesterday it was "Daine wake up, the alligator needs to go out." ( I go out with him, its our exercise regime) This morning it was, "Daine wake up! the french fried sea biscuit needs to go out."
Sherman rang the bell to go out late into the night. I told him after nine he had to put a cork in it. I had a surprise this morning on the carpet. When a person walks this silly dog five times before bed you think he would be finished!
Apparently he meant it when he rang the bell. Sometimes I Think its emotional black mail and he just wants to go out and sniff everything.

Welbutrin

Sherman had a welbutrin today. I dropped it when I was loading my little pill holder. The pills are so tiny, SOOO tiny that I can barely hold them in my large size hands.
I wasn't sure he had eaten it, I had dropped it. I got down on the floor as much as this hurts me, and looked for it eye level. I couldn't find it, I thought maybe I had dropped it in the sink, they desolve fast in water. I HOPED.
a few moments later I heard Sherman throwing up. I ran into the bedroom to check on him. It was just stomach bile, so it looked, but it occurred to me that it was probably the pill and he would probably be fine. I looked it up online, all I could find is that a welbutrin pill wont hurt a dog, I don't see how that could be as they could hurt a human.
He hasn't seemed any different to me. IF I had any money I would have run him to the vet, but our vets wont see a dog without cash in hand. I guess I don't blame them, but if I ever have an emergency, my dog is dead and I dread that. I love my dog, why should only the wealthy be able to have pets? DAMMIT.
I am hoping that there will be no life threatening effects later. He is eating and drinking like normal. I know I worry, but I don't want to lose him.

12202 We are lazy

My generation has loved and lost. Now we just want to play without emotional consequences. We learned somewhere along the way that relationships take work, and we don't like work. As retirement looms ahead, we find we don't have anyone permanent to share those alone times with. I call this the aloof years. I never chase men, but if I don't make a really big effort, they don't even attempt to engage me in conversation. The only time the old duffers really perk up is if someone too young for them walks by. JEEZ talk about fantasy world.
Here I am, fifty something and fluffy. I am becoming odd in my aloneness, set in my ways expectant of honesty and dependability. I have no idea if I will ever find it. I see myself, living alone with my cats and old movies on VHS. Maybe a scotch and coke once in awhile, but I will never go out, because I am night blind, have no sense of direction and am easily tired. FREEK I don't like the looks of this, I have to think of a better life for me in my old age.

its raining!

I get to wear my rain boots today. I started out with my pink reef flip flops, and after wet feet have decided to switch to the pink plaid rain boots.
I had a date last night, he made me what he calls spring rolls. Tapioca/rice wraps with shrimp,bean sprouts,green onion, bean threads,and hoisin sauce. OH my goodness I ate four of them. I brought Sherman with me, I always like to go on a date with Sherman. R L has two white poodles, and Sherman was very well behaved, he made me proud.
The company was grand, I really enjoyed myself, I left around 8 pm with two beers on. I was thinking as little as I drink this could be a problem, but I made it home safely and walked Sherman to the park. R L was so nice, I enjoyed the evening immensely.
R L takes a glass and puts a little sea salt and lime in the bottom, follow with ice, and a corona beer, follow that with sea salt and lime. It was very refreshing, I will make them like that for myself, the next time I can afford beer that is.
I paid attention to how to make the spring rolls too, but he said he has to drive to some far away place to buy those tapioca rice wraps. I have eaten them from the deli at freddys so I am sure someone nearby sells them. Probably an oriental market in Boise. I will find out for sure.

Oh how I wish it would rain

I like the lightly overcast day, and the coolness of the morning. I wish it would rain, its been hot and dry.
I have been having terrible body aches, I can get up in the morning and limp to the park with Sherman towing me. the rest of the day gets worse. I am seeing my doctor next week. I wondered if I had west Nile? I got a lot of mosquito bites when I was working at the county fair as a security guard. Or is it my thyroid? OR is it my fibromyalgia?
I have lost weight, though yesterday I ate half a bag of potato chips and they are the worst I have ever eaten. Today I will be better, something about being accountable for what I eat makes me want to snack, go figure. Spark People .com has a calorie calculator, I just enter what food I have eaten and it figures it all out. What I am eating too much of, what I need more of, and how many calories my fat ass should consume in a day. It reprimanded me about the chips. I thought it was funny. Its not something I do all the time, but when I do, I am very bad. I need some balance in my life starting today.

Isn't that the way? everybody's got their dues in life to pay.

Nobody loves you when you are down and out. Gyco won't hold my car insurance policy one more week... SHEESH I have been with them five years, this is the first time I couldn't pay the premium. It isn't very much money either, just a few dollars, and I don't have anything. 1/4 tank of gas, dish washer soap is out, TP is low, and its going to get very dark before the dawn.
No word from the feral cat, he never came for his things. I feel very good about this decision, not to mention the obvious fact that I have not missed him. I would have missed a man that had tried. I would have missed a man that had put a little effort into a relationship, He hasn't. WE know he hasn't and we have analyzed till we are blue in the face, and all I can drum up for him is pity. fuckinco-dependant-dramaloving-messedupscrewhead. The silly cocker has more common sense then andyroo.
I wake up at seven AM and have the morning to myself, my boy is asleep. Before he wakes its peaceful. When Dain is up, there is constant need for conversation, and he will talk my head off with information and science that I am not quite mentally prepared for. I love him to pieces but the quiet is good.
He got a small job poop scooping. Its ten dollars a week. He wanted to save for a play station three (can you imagine?) His friend Joe was having a birthday, Dain took his money and bought a gift for his friend. I felt sad inside, because I know that joe has everything he could ever want and my son does without, is this charactor building? I gotta know, because my kid has to work so hard for everything. I know that Dain does not feel sad, but I do, I wanted to give him so much more in this life, but perhaps I have given him the understanding that everything is precious?

L D my sis in law twice removed

I had a interesting enjoyable experience. You know we are connecting with people from our past on Face Book.
E was a kid I went through school with, he was my friend and always funny. He told me a few weeks ago, that I was an inspiration to him all these thirty years. He said, that I wasn't like everyone else, and I always stood up for what I believed in, he said he used that throughout his whole life when he was faced with a difficult stand to make, he just thought of Glena Dusky.
I was speechless and it made me feel so good. He dropped by yesterday on his way back to pierce and we laughed and talked for a few hours.
When E left I realized how important it is to tell someone if they have been a life long inspiration to you.
I just wanted to tell you that I feel that way about you. You always stood up for what was right, and you always supported me when I felt bad about myself. You are an angel from heaven, and if no one has told you that lately, I am telling you,
You are my inspiration Linda, thank you for everything.

JEEZ LOUIZE

Will the whining ever stop?
Cousin reached out to me yesterday via email. I used to love her dearly, I used to care about her, then she started treating me like crap. I am not sure that I can talk to her again, She said she had tried to call me but my number was disconnected.
Yeah, well she hasn't tried to call me in five years, why now?
She must be bored and wants to hear my latest ratty saga to fill her inner emptiness with joy.
She is like that, she gets joy from other's sorrow.
I am going to walk the dog, and think about talking to her, it was not me that broke the ties between us, it was her. That side of the family is like that. I don't like them much.

12099

It is Wednesday. This is not me, she who waits is back, I Prefer not to be "she who waits"
I want to be she who does.
Nothing coming in, no prospects. I even quit applying for all the state jobs, I am under qualified. I think I made about 240.00 for two days work at the fair as a security guard. Unfortunately I will see that around the time I get my college money. Two hundred dollars right now would go a long way.
Today I am grateful that I still have Internet and a cell phone. In three weeks I am getting a new phone new service and telling Andyroo it is time for him to get the power out of my name. No more connection, no more thought in his direction. He is a very sad un-disciplined,person of little moral character. I tried to look the other way, I tried to say it was ME being judgemental. However if you break your word with me too many times, I move on. A man is only as good as his word, and Andy doesn't keep his.
Sad person.

Never quite what I dream

I was hoping for a permanent weekend job. The other employees filled me in. They said I will be lucky if I get more work by football season. This was just a flash in the pan. I get paid next month for fifteen hours of work. This will be nice, but I really need money now. sigh...
The powers that be are laughing at me again, I keep getting optimistic.
I had a terrible time finding my way home last night. I was afraid this might happen, but I set bravely out with the map in hand, and still ended up going the wrong way. When I turned around I wasn't sure which direction I was supposed to be going, East? West? I did not know, but soon the landscape became familiar and I knew I was going the right way, a 20 minute drive took me nearly and hour.
Last night at the fair, a transformer blew up causing a power outage at the fair, the prison's power to go out and for some reason at that very same time I pedestrian was hit by a car. Ambulances, firetrucks and Emt's were everywhere, it was hard to tell what was going on, they got the power on in little more then an hour, but some fair customers were angry because many things were shut down and they paid a lot of money to get in.

Waiting and anticipating

Well I gave her two days, and I called. I got the job, saturday and sunday...
Security watching the gate at the county fair.
I am SOOO grateful.

Failure to communicate, secrecy, dishonesty....

The card at the top right represents how you see your partner. Falco (The Hermit), when reversed: Detachment based on fear, irresponsibility or naiveté. Self-imposed isolation from friends and loved ones. Listening to the wrong advice or ignoring good counsel. Concealment, disguise, and unreasoned caution.

12012

Boy those grand kids can sure leave a trace of where they have been in such a short time.
I forgot how much I liked the movies 'Ice age' and 'Little Bears great adventure' Now I want to watch the 'Emperors new groove' I especially like musical cartoons, baby Ruby gets her groove on. Its very funny.
Daine left with them when they left.... sigh... I will be glad when its him and me again. Miss the little blighter.

Och!

Glena,

Och Lass! Methinks mayhap a spell has been cast that ye no ken who ye be!!!!
Hence, I am duty and honor bound to remind ye!
YE BE SCATHATCH! YE BE A WARRIOR !
Me thinks that slow times have mad ye daft to be feeling sorry fer yeself!
A warrior needs challenges to survive Lassie!! Tis why life deals ye such! Do ye wish to just whittle away to naught as an ol' hag or do ye wish to meet your Lord with pride in the skills he's given ya?
I will hear no more of sobbing and ranting fer yerself Lass. Leave off yer arse and fight!
Mayhaps the man Andy kens he's not man enough for such a woman as ye. He has put his tail betwixt his legs and run as the coward he is!. Good riddence I say!
Ye need a man that meets yer passions not only in the bed, but in life! Tis fine to dally with such cowards as ye seek til ye find that which ye deserve. But mind ya, do not confuse the two together Lass.
Ye heeded the words of a soothsayer once and have let the words lead yer life hence forth.Leave off with these thoughts and live!
Ye will know yer warrior. He will challenge every breadth of your being. And he willna run from ya Lass, no matter how ye challenge him back.
Ye warrior will be looking for that which also matches his passions and desires. Think ye he sees that when he looks upon ye now? Nay, he will see a weak whinning Lass not to his liking. Think he will find ye huddled away in yer domain?
Be yer true self Lass, and that which you seek, shall also find that which he seeks also.
With all me Love and faith in ye Lass,
Cindy

11987

There is a way to speed up the demise of a relationship that you are not sure of. Introduce him to your family. It is not your family that causes the relationship to end it is the certainty of longevity. Most dead weights cannot stand the idea of tomorrow; day after day.
So they hop the next train to singles-ville without so much of a backwards glance.
Now you know.

there are many here among us that think that life is but a joke

Must be the forces that exist in this world know that I am here.
Yesterday after making my muscles very sore moving furniture around in my room. I discovered I was pretty hungry. Probably about nine hours since breakfast. Its HOT outside, and bout ninety degrees in here, I didn't feel like cooking, but I remembered the container of cottage cheese in the fridge. I ate it, I wasn't interested in creating a culinary delight, just taking the edge off my hunger. Man I was hot, so I laid down on the couch, feeling kinda crappy, waiting for the Gut Bomb to hit me,(Lactose intolerance) that I sometimes forget, sometimes ignore, sometimes cannot ignore...
And the cell phone rings, I answer it because I don't recognise the number. It is Sue, her foot is infected and could I drive her to immediate care? yeah, I wasn't doing anything too exciting just laying on the couch waiting. I pick her up and take her to the docs, the docs verdict is a bit grim and she needs to be on antibiotics immediately. She asked me if it was ok if we drove to Freddies for antibiotics, I said, CERTAINLY< I wouldn't have it any other way, and its really no trouble. She handed me five bucks for gas, which I normally would have turned down, but I haven't put gas in the car for two months, and its nearly on empty, and it doesn't look after four days that Androo, alias asshair is ever coming back.
We have to wait for the medication to be filled, so I ask her if she would mind if I picked up my groceries? I know how fast I can do that, even though I don't know freddies very well, but I got everything in twenty minutes, even after trying to find potatoes three different times... We pick up the meds and I take her home.
I am still thinking about how hot it is, and I am thinking that I will have steamed brown rice with chopped bok choi and some pea pods for dinner. I bought some Tahinni, so I can make Hummus if I am so inclined... and I thinking what a gourmet I am. I put the soy milk in the fridge and see that the cow milk has gone past date. (Daine has't been home in a few weeks to drink it on his cereal) SO I pour the milk down the sink, and it doesn't go. both sides of the sink fill up with milk and just sit there. I glance at the clock, 7 PM< so I know the apartment office is closed, this fiasco doesn't look like it can wait till Monday. I call the dispatch and the gentleman told me in a very disinterested voice that someone would be over shortly. So I walked Mr. Bell Ringer, he said he had wanted a walk for hours and where the hell was I, and how dare I leave the precious puppy home alone..? So I walked him and he had to sniff every bush and tree along the way, and he didn't go number 2 meaning he was saving up for later so I could walk him again, emotional black mail!
The apartment Maintenance man showed up fresh from the bar with his best pool partner. He was gracious enough about being interrupted in one of the best games he had played in weeks. Now the games really began. Fifty feet of snake wouldn't unclog my sink, he was telling me that it might have to wait till Monday, and I was mentally kissing my steamed rice dinner goodbye.
THEN there was a loud "GLURG" and sloooosh and everything happened at once, Spaghetti now decorated the walls of the laundry room, it was everywhere. WE now know that we do not run leftover spaghetti down the garbage disposal... HE RELUCTANTLY (right) left me with the mess and went back to the bar to play pool with his buddy. I looked at the mess with dismay, Sherman wanted to help clean it up, even the three cats were curious about the Glurg and Sloosh noise. I was sore, sweaty hot and really feeling resentful about spaghetti at that moment. An hour later I had it cleaned up, but it was pushing nine o clock PM and I was't in the mood for cooking dinner, and I needed a shower, so I proceeded down the hall to the bathroom... weird noise coming from the bathroom. I opened the door and the toliet was running over from the tank. The whole bathroom was flooded and I had no idea how to stop it. Did the snaking out of the lines cause the hose to pop off the toilet? Did the maintance man cause this when he flushed down some of the spaghetti? I pulled off the tank lid and discovered the hose was spraying straight in the air, kind a cool really. I mopped and mopped and got that mess cleaned up, threw the towels and bath rug in the wash, and I had my luke warm shower trying to wash off the nasty day.
After I was in my faded worn out uglier than sin jammies, Sherman started ringing the bell on the front door frantically. (ASS) I walked him around the back of my apartment, which is on a busy road, and I bet the picture I presented will bring lasting memory to a few people. Fat old grammie walking sleak black cocker in her jammies. He still wouldn't go, and I mentioned stapleing his butt shut if he pooed on the carpet during the night. I took a pill and went to bed.