Yesterday Seriously Sucked

My client required a nap, without knowing quite what I should do I chose to sit in the hall and wait for the teacher's summons if he began to act up. This was not a good choice I know now. One of the trainer higher ups appeared at the top of the stairs and raised her eyebrows at me, she asked me what I was doing. At the moment I had no idea who she was so I didn't know what answer she wanted. I told her I was waiting on T, but also doing some paperwork. She began questioning me on several procedures. ( I didn't know this was going to be a test!) I don't do well when I am un-prepared. I told her this was the first time he had requested lying down, and I wasn't sure what my course of action should be, I don't want to disturb the class but I also didn't want T out of my sight. She went on and on about how this was bad, and medicaid won't pay etc.. I could see this was about money. For me it's about not doing my job well enough. I told her in my frustration that there are times I don't know what I am supposed to do, I don't think there are enough guidelines. She said, "OH I AM SORRY." very sarcastically. I shut my mouth. This company underpays unqualified people to do a job that should require a license and MORE training. Only I don't think that should be the tact that I take when I get questioned today. If I want to keep this job I need to open my eyes more and open my mouth less. She lectured me for twenty minutes, and I answered as well I could. I just wasn't sure what to say, this was the first time I had sat in the hall, she didn't believe me, she asked me about the other tech, which I don't know anything about, only that Mrs. C the kindergarten teacher doesn't like Sabrina. I didn't tell my boss that, because it's only subjective and I am very good at inserting opinion when it is not asked for. I really felt like being unprofessional under the rapid fire questioning. I rather doubt I looked good. Then I walked away from her because I could hear T talking and he is my client. We went to music class where this Trainer interacted with the children and got them all riled up and dancing. I thought, "Is this what she expects me to do?" I avoid interacting for this reason, it only takes a moment for chaos to break out with five and six year olds. They were hugging her and showing off and she was eating it up. I thought, "FOOL!" I am there to keep T under control, not interact with all the clever children. I think in this case my instincts are correct and she was out of line. She observed me interact with T, which is a natural thing between us since I have been seeing him since December. I expect I am going to be written up for sitting in the hall. My only excuse is that I didn't think he would lie down for very long because he never naps. I really hate this company however. If they want us to be professionals they should give us some decent training, end of argument.
Later when I dropped him off at home, his mother told me she was aware of the situation and they are happy with me, and if I would only be more controlling in Mrs. C's class they would have no complaints. I thanked her, because now finally I know what is expected of me. NO one would tell me, do I take him out, do I settle him down do I risk a noisy meltdown? The Company just wants the job to be done,without any of the painful ways it has to be accomplised. I really think I should find something else, this has gone on far enough. I keep thinking every other week I am going to be fired. Then are are people like Hatboy, and texting girl, and goofy who gets employee of the week. I expect the company hasn't got a clue.

we made it to Thursday------19058

I put in my notice with MD, not for the right reasons, like my safety and the fact that he doesn't listen or take suggestions from me. Secretly I hope they put him with Goofy, or HatBoy. My reasons were that I haven't seen him for a month and a half, he cancels every day, and that leaves me with 18 hours a paycheck that I don't get. This isn't right, instead of them telling me, "Well we have to find someone else to take him on", it should be, he has breached our contract and he is out of here. WHY should I be punished for him being undependable? I never figured out what we are teaching people if we continue to let them get away with this crap.
HatBoy should not be a tech. He bribed his client with five bucks if client would complete his paper. Then HatBoy walked off and left client alone in the room. He didn't come back for fifteen minutes. Client asked me to lie for him and tell HatBoy that he did the work, and client produced a page he had done earlier. I told him, I don't lie, and I also don't bribe people to do what they are supposed to do. I was very unhappy with HatBoy. Then HatBoy came back and grabbed client and popped him un-gently in his wheelchair. HatBoy does not like this kid, and this kid is Abysmal, however he deserved to be treated with respect. Should I report what I saw? and who should I report it too...and what should I say? I don't have names only descriptions. I didn't see actual abuse only alarming tactics that I found distasteful. I am not certain AFI would rise to the occasion. Jeez the only person that I really trust right now is fearless leader, imagine that?

The graveyard in your soul-----------------------------18920

I was looking at the graveyard in your soul. It wasn't apparent when we were young, but I sensed its presence on a few occasions. I was too naive and trusting to suspect it could be there. I couldn't fathom its depth. I did not know what abuse does to a young girl over the years. No one for you to ask for help, knuckle down and accept your fate, with an almost christian belief. Though they never allowed you to be christian, you had more long suffering then the best of Christians. When we were older I sensed you wanted what I had. You thought by possessing what I had you would be better; somehow cleaner. You wanted my chastity and my wide eyed innocence. You wanted to trade me lives. Sometimes you hated me with an intensity that I could guess at but never pin down in my stupid self involved thoughts.
I wasn't bad, but how could I be good when I never suffered as you? Years later when your warped reality interfered with our friendship, I let you go. I came back, I always came back and reclaimed you as my friend, and tried to forget the past. You still don't really like me do you? You tolerate me for some reason, but you do not know that I know about the graveyard in your soul. You think me too shallow to understand. But now I Have suffered and I know more about your life then you would have allowed.

The simple things

Cream of wheat cooked in vanilla soy with a tiny pat of butter and sugar. It's lovely and it doesn't make my stomach act up.