Wasted

Have you ever felt like you were just a waste of air?
Man I do lately, I have become belief-less, and damned and indifferent with a tiny edge of guilt.
I need some time to ruminate, just like an old cow with a mouth full of hay to chew on.
I think that now is all we have, and I think that I am too cowardly to really have a relationship that matters, and I think I am in love, and I don't think he is the wrong guy either. BUT I think he is going to drop dead of a heart attack before I can claim him as all mine. I think...too much... I think its hormones.