Let it fly out the way it flu in

I got the flu. I feel achey and cranky. I digress into odd thoughts and half ideas that I cannot finish.
I think of Jeff Johnson, AKA Frog Lips. Now singing dreaded country western with a band named Cole train.
I have a lot of "what ifs" concerning Jeff. We should have been friends for a lot longer then we were.
I am here, and he doesn't search for me. I should have known that he didn't wish to find me or he would have.
He said he loved me to his cousin several years ago. Since that several years ago stint, I have been single eleven years, and had a baby boy, not in that order.
So, most of the time I am quite content with the life I have forged for myself, and most of the time I embrace the loneliness and count my blessings. The other times I think of Jeff and wonder why we cannot make our own destiny, then it occurs to me, we don't really want to.