one foot in, the other foot out

Half way is not better then no way. It would be easier to not be connected with someone then constantly being 'she who waits' I have been here before. Am I taken? do I belong? I don't feel it, I feel alone, more alone then before him.
I know I will accept this a little while longer, then lunge forward in a quick move that will surprise me and him, but it will happen. I feel taken for granted, and once that feeling sets in, it would take a major event to get rid of it. I know what Dr. Armen and Turner think, and I watch them carefully arrange their expressions, and say, "HOW do you feel about this?" I say, "why do you even ask? You know it sux, and you know its temporary, I will only be miserable as long as I allow myself to be." Each in turn nods sagaciously, and I think... how much does this cost the state to have these two gentlemen agree with me? snicker snicker.
---I turn fifty in May, something will happen by then I think. I am going out to celebrate turning "half a century", I want to dance while my knees still hold out, I want to sing, I want to love being alive.
Maybe I will go to Oregon for my birthday, I know my friends would show me a great time.
Maybe too good a time!
I will feel loved and cared for instead of at the bottom of the list, that is for certain.
HE; Mr. Wolfy means well, but nothing seems to come to fruition, and I am a now kind of person. I never asked God for patience, because I know what I would get.
I don't want patience, I want things NOW.
I suppose that if He doesn't do anything nice for my birthdsay, I can count on how it will be for the rest of our time together. I have to be worshiped, or at the very least respected by my lover. Starts out me the terrified one, but I think once I started petting and feeding this wolf, he turned into a Labrador puppy, and has lost his scary edge, good and bad.
I don't like being terrified, but I dislike being bored even more. Watch out Wolfy, your day is about done.