Someone take these dreams away

I wonder why I am writing this. I tried to resist, but the thoughts won’t go away, they hold me hostage, then I realize partly why. It is an anniversary. My meager psychology courses have taught me about anniversary dates for trauma victims. The anniversary date comes, the victim becomes increasingly agitated. I must now impose on your indulgence. I wish there was another way, but the voices are calling me, and I have to.
We watch the Movie, “The Crow” 1994, Brandon Lee. It all ties together with the song “Dead Souls” by Nine Inch Nails.
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/album/7818.html Interview. Originally released in 1994, Trent Reznor created THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL as both a concept album and modern day classic. This influential 90’s classic is Trent Reznor’s industrial cum-tragic opera view of the world and the soul’s sonically detailed fall from grace. The Downward Spiral delves into despair and anger with hard guitars and brutal beats. . .
That pretty much sums it up, “Despair and anger”. It is a victim’s song.
We talk, we rehash, and we wonder what we could have done to hold off the catastrophic event. There is nothing to protect you. You do everything you can to be safe, then realize the front door is unlocked, how futile how foolish we are.
Listen to the quiet desperation in the song, the steady beat, like a war march. It brings to mind that in spite of the event, nothing will hold us prisoner; we will do what it takes to get through this invasion of peace. The feelings of anger have resurfaced, so we need to work on them some more. We work on them again and again.
Perhaps I am a bad mother; I let the victim, watch the movie. It is not a child’s movie. Most of his life I have protected what he watched and carefully guarded what he read. After he was brutally raped and tortured, I thought his world of “Veggie Tales” and nursery rhymes had been dispelled. A victim deserves a powerful movie of violence and the weak winning. I was correct, he relates to the movie, and it opened doors for more discussion. I asked him if he understood why I let him watch such a powerfully violent movie. He said he knew. He knew because the good guy comes back from the grave and puts everything right as best he can. He likes the crow watching over the fallen hero, he likes the soul being carried to the grave after the evil have been punished. Then he asks me, how long will Patrick be in prison for what he has done? I do not know I reply, but he cannot find you here. We are safe, we are a big family. I check to make sure the front door is locked.
The little Viking is in counseling, he is fine the doctors say, he will grow to be a good man, he will not do this to others.
Yeah Yeah he is fine... he is NOT freaking fine. He slept in a nest on the floor for a year, and I had to get rid of his toys and bed, anything that he associated with the crime. WE are not fine.

Dead Souls, I wonder how many walk amongst us without warning labels. I wonder why the crime is not punished by death.
The line, “figures from the past stand tall”, speaks to me of the power the past can have over us, it can still hurt us. We grow, we become stronger, and we become smarter.
Dain is currently in the second grade, he moved here from a small coastal town in Oregon to be around his sister and family. He shows signs of brilliance and amazing sensitivity to others.
Patrick Peil is a predator, he is in prison, we do not know how long, but I fear that the powers that be are more concerned with criminal rights then the rights of the innocent.
When this all came about two years ago, I could not get the parents of the other victims to help me put the monster away, no one wanted to talk of it or be aware. I had to fight it myself, I went on a campaign to alert the whole town, I did it so well that for my son’s privacy we had to move.
I still ask, “Someone take these dreams away.” I wonder what the Viking asks for.