spell of light

I was trying to write something positive something beautiful and it wont come out.
I am haunted by what I lost and haunted by what is to come.
Haunted by what never was,
there comes a time when we must ask ourselves if we wish to remain unhappy and depressed. Do we want to wallow in self pity, or truly enjoy life?
OH Fuck it I just need a good lay and perhaps a drunk to go along with it, not laying a drunk however.
He never answered my questions, and perhaps I know the answers with out having to ask, but I ask anyway, because I waste time, to waste time is to put on hold the grim reality that I was not loved and I am easy to forget.
I want to be thought of as special and unforgettable. He was the wrong one.
Still the pain persists, and I feel like a blob.
Tomorrow I will do better. I promise.