A basketfull of stuff I will not do.

Today, I will not pay bills. If I turn up the radio, I can't hear the funky noises my car is making. I am looking for work, I have been looking since April. I usually don't have the gas to go far, I didn't qualify for unemployment when I was laid off. The department of labor, as they so joyfully call themselves, since "unemployment office" sounds so negative...said I didn't make enough money to qualify for unemployment. I was going to BSU, I used the money to pay my rent and get caught up on bills and buy a few months supply of cat food. I am running out. Rent is due in November and I still don't have a job. I quit school, I couldn't do it anymore, and BSU, rightfully wants all the money back that I used to pay back rent. Rightfully so, but it doesn't make it easier by any stretch of the imagination. I cannot answer my phone anymore, creditors. I haven't been able to get the mail, more creditors. I have nothing coming in. Sometimes a friend puts gas in my car, and I use food stamps to buy food, plus vinegar and baking soda for cleaning. I don't have money to buy cleaning products. I had ten dollars to buy my son used school clothes at Deseret Industries.
I started going to a resource called, "working Solutions" oh they have solutions all right. Someone is paid a lot of money to tell us that we can network while we are waiting in line for the show, or while waiting for a machine at the health club. They obviously don't get it. Who is going to the show? Who has money to work out at the club? It was similar while I was reading a Martha Stewart magazine at the Doctors Office.I was seeing the doctor about my depression. She was giving tips on how to move. It was so lovely, I laughed and laughed, Martha says, when you move, have a company come in and do it for you, then they can take it to your new house and move it in there. She doesn't know about empty boxes from the liquor store and crayon marking the box, "Kitchen" nor does she know about my friend's pick up truck. OR what I plan to do with the used couch. She doesn't get it either. I heard on the news that people have to cut back, everyone must do their part, starting with going out to eat only once a week, and cutting down on their entertainment fund. What? I wanted to call the TV station and ask them if they know about 75 cents a pound bulk dry beans at winco, or if they consider buying canned soup a luxury? I am sorry I know I sound bitchy and negative, all I want is a job. I am a good employee, I work hard,I am dependable, I have no drama, I have forgotten what I am good at anymore.
When I go to Working Solutions to turn my paperwork in, I see people who are as bad off, I think some are even homeless, which is where I am headed. After November my kindly apartment complex is not going to want me to live here for free. I made a promise to my pets that I would take care of them. I have to contemplate giving my cats to the shelter. I have had them for years, I don't think a cat box in the car is a good thing. What do you do?
There was a bright spot in all this turmoil. A little company called, "dress for success" I was referred to them by Working Solutions. I had a bad attitude about going I must admit. I thought, I got used clothes in my closet, what can they help me with? The idea was to give us unemployed people a nice suit to wear on "NONEXISTENT" job interviews. The two women running the show were upbeat, knowledgeable and full of positive advice. I couldn't believe what I ended up with. I got a lovely suit, new shoes, make-up and even jewelry to wear. They told me how to conduct myself in an interview and what type of makeup is best. They knew their stuff. After I finished with them I felt like maybe I could get a job, I have the right tools. However I don't even get an interview. I have put out at least three applications a day, and still I am not working.
It is an employers market right now, they can treat us hopeful applicants anyway they like. I have seen positions in the paper offering far less money then they used to pay, and they do it because they can. Right to work my... behind.
The recession is supposed to be ending, work is supposed to be out there. Not for me, and not for a lot of people. I ask, "what can we do?"
I want a job, for my cats sake, for my son, I am not asking for a lot, just the right to be independent, and not have to jump through hoops put out by health and welfare for food stamps, I know that it is a gift, and not a right, but I would not use them if I didn't have to. I guess I am down, but not broken.