Chatty

END OF FINALS
My computer broke down twice. I have been so tired, I am hoping that it improves, I can't get much done when all I want to do is sleep.
I am going to California tomorrow with Andy and Sherman, Daine is staying with Janelle. I hope that the manager doesn't find the contraband cat. CATRABAND. ok, I adopted another cat unapproved by the apartment Gestapo.
They have officially pissed me off. She called me a few weeks ago screaming that my dog had attacked another residents dog. My dog was attacked. I tried to explain it didn't happen that way, and she told me to be quiet, and go apologise to the woman. SINCE "the woman" is obviously a drama queen, I have no intention of talking to her, let alone apologising for HER dog attacking mine.
Also I am very tired of the company weazle over here looking for things to tattle about. So far, he has told about my gate attached to the porch, (that he helped install) he told that we had two cars parked here, when we didnt', he mentioned that I wasn't scooping dog poo, WHEN I was, and I can prove it by leaving the scooper contents in his van. He tattled about towels drying on my back porch. I took a walk around yesterday there are all kinds of rule breaking going on, and I don't think they get tattled on like we do. AT least I know what a weazle he is, and I won't be trusting him with any information, I am not going to tell them I am going out of town, because I know for a fact that he comes into my apartment when I am not home. Have you ever had that feeling when you walk in the house? that one that makes the hair stand up on your neck? then you notice things out of place. Your sex toy drawer half open etc.. and you know someone had been snooping in your stuff. I get that feeling every so often, so I know he has.
Sherman likes him unfortunately.... I would like it if he didn't.
WELL you know, "God save me from people who know what's best for me" I wish they would butt out of our business. We aren't big rule breakers, you know that kind of people who have un-authorised wet towels on their porch... OMG!!!

The children who slip through the cracks

Children who slip through the cracks


Children from low-income families often are left behind when it comes to serving their individual needs. Especially if the child is deemed unpleasant or unmanageable. Recently most problems that children have in learning and interacting with others were blamed on the parent’s then later society. Fumento, Michael (June 19, 1999). Investors Business Daily. Business Journal,
What if the problems associated with Aspergers were merely a result of nature?
It would be similar to being born with a clubfoot, or other slight imperfection. Parents with children born with Aspergers or other types of Autism often wonder what they did wrong. In the case of Kayla Ellen, it was several years of family whispering, “this child doesn’t seem quite right.” Her empathy and social skills are almost non-existent, but she seems so smart.
A Brief History of Aspergers
Aspergers Syndrome also known as Asperger’s Disorder, is a severe developmental disorder characterized by major difficulties in common contact and limited as well as strange patterns of concentration and actions. Hans Asperger originally described it in 1944. Increased interest in the condition happened later in the 80’s influenced by Lorna Wing. Lorna Wing was a doctor with an Autistic child and began research on Autism and related disorders.
Asperger’s syndrome was added into the DSM-IV in 1994 following a large international field trial involving over a thousand children and adolescents with autism and related disorders. Volkmar et al.,1994. It has such a wide range of behaviors that it is very hard to diagnose. Kayla Ellen’s parents fought the system of doctors, psychiatrists and teachers for five years before getting a correct diagnosis for their child. This was only the beginning of more problems for them.
Kayla Ellen was known for her disruptive antics by the time she was in the first grade. She feared toilets in the lavatory. She would sometimes eat soap to punish herself for bad thoughts. She could be very cruel and hurt other people without regard for anyone’s feelings. It was clear that Kayla Ellen hurt inside, but the problem was how to reach her, and could anyone reach her?
Her family went in for counseling at Warm Springs Children’s center in Boise Idaho. The child counselors set up behavior plans. They would like to try a series of rewards and consequences for Kayla Ellen. Kayla’s mother said that everything worked for a while, but eventually Kayla Ellen would move on to another phase of her behavior. (J Mitchell, personal communication, March 19,2008)
Her mother once said that you never know what you’re going to get next when it comes to Kayla Ellen’s behavior. Sometimes you can correct one type of action to have it replaced with something far worse. Kayla Ellen picked things apart: she couldn’t stand stickers on her toys, or a chip in paint. Certain types of fabric make her twitch uncomfortably. The family sometimes feared going to sleep at night, wondering what would happen when Kayla Ellen got up in the night in the quiet house. Kayla Ellen does not sleep very well and she fears many things, she also is very destructive. She has limited social skills and often pops out with sudden unexpected rude remarks or repetitive noises.
Kayla is lucky in many ways: her family loves her and tries to do what is best for her in the whole scheme of her life. It is not always easy to like a kid with Aspergers.
Eventually the elementary school that Kayla Ellen attends demanded that something be done. They were not prepared to watch Kayla Ellen every second. Kayla Ellen’s mother did not want Kayla Ellen to attend a special school for learning disabled children. She felt that Kayla Ellen has mimicked behavior and being around children who were severely disabled would set Kayla Ellen back in her learning. She knew that Kayla Ellen had rights, but so did other children in school. She went back to the family doctor and he prescribed medicine used in treating Hyperactivity. The school like Kayla Ellen medicated, she was no longer a problem, she sat silently in her chair and didn’t make odd noises or twitch. The family however was not pleased with this turn of events and tried several more types of medication. They didn’t want a zombie for a child, they wanted a child that could manage herself better but retain her own personality. Eventually, the family and doctor found a medication that seemed to do the best for Kayla Ellen. Kayla herself said that she could stop herself from doing things she knew were wrong. Whether this is true or she just said it to please family members no one is sure. Sherman elementary thought with Kayla Ellen’s official diagnosis from Dr. Armentrout that she would qualify for a behavior monitor provided by Idaho. Someone that would walk her to the bathroom, and outside on the playground. Sometimes Kayla Ellen would walk off the school grounds by herself. The behavior monitor unfortunately never happened. Kayla Ellen’s mother could never find out why, even after multiple calls to the school. She was told, not enough funds, or we are working on this situation. Another year has gone by and the child is in the second grade. Kayla Ellen would benefit by someone keeping an eye on her. Someone who would help her identify un-acceptable behavior. Kayla sometimes goes through the motions of how to act, but these emotions are not really true to her, she is just trying them on to see how they feel. Several phone calls from the school were placed to the mother and father asking if they knew where Kayla Ellen was. Both parents have full time jobs, and cannot keep track of their child when they are at work.
What is the cost if this problem is not addressed? Kayla Ellen is only one child and her symptoms are not as severe as other children with Aspergers. One problem is children are trying to learn and are distracted by the antics of the Asperger syndrome child. The other is the cost to families. A lot of money has been paid to the Boise Children’s Home, for therapy, diagnosis, and medication for Kayla Ellen. There is also the toll on families. Kayla Ellen has three little sisters, which see Kayla Ellen as a role model. The attention that Kayla Ellen requires takes away from the attention that should be given to the other girls.
Advocates for Inclusion – Nampa Idaho
Started in 2001, it was regarded as a ground-breaking remedy for children who fall through the cracks. These children are diagnosed with behavior disorders but are able to mainstream with other children in the Idaho School system. On paper, they claim “award Winning” programs that instruct and inspire. In reality, Kayla Ellen’s family found them to be un-helpful. Usually a very nice young woman would come over and take Kayla Ellen on an outing once a week. Kayla Ellen looked forward to it, and if the Worker was late or didn’t show it was very disappointing to her. They did not use behavior management skills; they merely seemed to be intuitive about problem children such as Kayla Ellen. Eventually the child’s parents fired the advocates because of undependability. No-shows and cancellations were common.
Me; originally my major at BSU was Psychology. I am interested in children especially. I had a child seeing a counselor at Boise Children’s home. I became acquainted with the problems of Aspergers children. When faced with the task of a service learning experience, I talked with Kayla Ellen’s parents. I was instructed on the care plan and procedures used to help Kayla Ellen. I have some background in early child hood learning and recognizing problems. I felt that I could do the job that Advocates for inclusion had failed at. I was optimistic about bonding with Kayla, and secretly I thought I would be that amazing teacher that would bring her back to reality. Oh yes I thought with love, understanding, and patience, I would have a great influence on the child.
Most of my meetings with Kayla, I secretly thought she was a pain in the butt. Not so secretly, she felt the same way about me. She thought it annoying that I would not let her climb on tables in the library, or make odd noises at people, or ask rude questions. I was really limiting her fun as far as she was concerned. Her mother agreed with me that Kayla was exhausting. I tried the suggestions outlined by her counselor at the childrens home (L Milleger, personal communication, March 21,2006). When Kayla was particularly agitated we tried squishy balls, these she would squeeze in her hands and it was supposed to calm her. Instead Kayla would pop a hole in them and goo would ooze all over the car. One day we decided to have lunch together as one of our shared experiences. She pitched an unholy fit. Screaming and drawing odd glances from the hapless diners in our vicinity. I talked low and quiet to her until she calmed down, and we continued our meal. Sometimes you can reason with the Aspergers child other times things that worked in the past no longer will work. That is why each new worker assigned to a child thinks they will go where no one else has gone before with the child. Much like me, they think they have some hidden talent that no one else has. They soon find out that it is hit or miss constantly. Many of these children learn to be manipulative and one must always be on their toes.
The thought behind Advocates for inclusion is right. We need to be aware of these children, address their needs and take them out on outings. The more they experience the more they learn what the correct way to behave. They simply don’t know what is proper behavior. One child might cry inconsolably about a missing book, but watch a dog get hit by a car and be fascinated by death without any sadness, another may seem to feel nothing at all. It is clear that more and more cases of Aspergers are popping up. I talked to teachers at Sherman Elementary that had Kayla in their classes. They both said that they see more children each year with behavioral problems, and do not know what the solution is.
All we can do is keep plugging away until we get it right. Advocates for inclusion, Asperger support groups, child counselors all need education. This may get worse before it gets better. Experts are not sure what causes Aspergers. Some think it is genetic and runs in families. There may be difference in the brain structure of people affected by Aspergers. Mayo Clinic, (2008). Asoergers Stbdrin. Link to CNN.com, Retrieved 4-23-2008, from http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00551.html Kayla Ellen’s family is beginning to suspect that their third daughter has it as well as Kayla Ellen.
My purpose was to learn more about Advocates for inclusion and how they serve the needs of the public school system. I think the need is greater then the supply of people provided. I think more research and more dollars needs to go into programs. Programs like this need assistance and public awareness. I am now pursuing Social work as my major, I can see on a first hand basis how sadly lacking our programs are. Children with special needs are often left for last. Gifted children either in book learning or Sports get a lot of attention. Lets focus on all children.

Bibliography:


Fumento, Michael (June 19, 1999). Investors Business Daily. Business Journal

Volkmar et al.,1994


Mayo Clinic, (2008). Asoergers Stbdrin. Link to CNN.com, Retrieved 4-23-2008, from
http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00551.html

Advocates For Inclusion. (Est 2001). Nampa Idaho: Laura Sandidge

(L Milleger, personal communication, March 21,2008)

(J Mitchell, personal communication, March 19,2008)

(Dr.S Armentrout, personal communication, April 2,2008)

(Dr. J Connelly, Personal Communication, April 2, 2008)

(H. Smith, Advocates for inclusion, April 8, 2008)

Kirby, B (2008). OASIS. Retrieved May 1, 2008, from Online Asperger Syndrome Inf.
Web site: www,ydek,edy/bkirby/asperger/aswhatisit.html

Andy bought his son a beer

Written on the back of the bottle:



Arrogant bastard ale:

This an aggressive beer, you probably won’t like it.

It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We would suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory/ maybe something with a multi million dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it’s made in a little brewery, or one that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal, perhaps you think multi million dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better, perhaps your mouthing your words as you read this.

Ahhh Oregon Coast

Daine took that picture with his new camera.
We took Daine, Kayla,Olivia, and Sherman to the coast for spring break.
I had delusions that the break from routine would be good for my oldest grand daughter. NOT!
I meant well as Andy says. Kayla managed to make most everyone miserable except Andy and Sherman.
My poor baby, I wish I could help her enjoy life better. I feel like I failed, however I know it's just the Asbergers. I keep expecting her to get better. She is the most beautiful gifted child, and so very unhappy most of the time....sigh...

YOU Guessed it!

Sherman went camping this weekend with Andyroo and his son.
Now Sherman has the runs and doesn't feel very well. He is refusing to eat his dog food. What can I say? I get mad but its like talking to the wall. A wall that smiles bemusedly while I am feeling unheard.
I warmed a tiny bit of butter and soy sauce and put it on the decrepit animals dog food.
That's what Andyroo is getting for dinner tonight. Sherman is not getting steak and moon pies.. Camping indeed!


The main phone call I got from Andyroo today was, "YOU took the dog." YES I took the dog, I didn't tell him, I need to straighten a few things out with the dog. He is a dog, he doesn't get steak and moon pies, and Lord knows what else he was fed on the camping trip.

Strange

Time is moving in slow motion which is good, I can now get caught up on my math and government and social work...or not, I believe a nap is in order.
The bad thing about having a man around is he brings home cases of moon pies and bags of candy.. Keep it up laughing boy, we will have to get another zip code just for my ass.

will the real me please stand up?

I don't want to think about homework. I will not think about work tomorrow morning.
Things are good around here. Andy is good for all of us.
Daine and I watched "Across the universe" The music was fantastic, all Beatles music, and the characters had names from Beatles songs. Prudence,Max,Lucy,Jude,Sadie.
Every singer on this movie is great, a pleasure to listen to, I would love to get the album from the movie. The character who plays Sadie, does a bang up job on "helter Skelter"
Daine had to rush over to the stereo and play Beatles music last night after the movie.
Andy isn't a Beatles fan, but he patiently waited us out.
How can you not be a Beatles fan? that's like saying, you don't care for fresh air.
One of the things that Andy bought me for Valentines day is a wooden stereo that looks like an antique radio. It also plays records. Daine is fascinated with the record player, he has never seen one before, so now he is playing all my old records. I think its funny that the old technology can be a thing of wonder for today's kids.

Brain Trauma

Ahh a crazy day. Stupidity seems to be on the rise lately. I am thinking it's just deserts for being such a pain in the ass myself.
I am waiting for the resounding pop of heads being pulled out of asses. Will it happen?
I shouldn't think I am the only one with a clue, but lately it seems that way.
I cannot even blame this on PMS< I don't have that anymore, just resounding hot flashes.
I would tell you everything, but people are looking over my shoulder reading my words, so now I have to sound mysterious and fill you in on another date, I AM SO FASCINATING>>>>>>

Is he smart? or stupid.

Andy was out Towing a car, then he went to his shop. He said Sherman leaped out and took off somewhere. Andy wasn't too worried because the dog comes back. Andy's glove was missing, he figured he had accidently kicked it out of the truck somewhere.
Sherman showed up breathless and covered in snow, thinking nothing of it, the two friends drove the wrecker off to retrieve another car, either stuck in the snow or ready for the junk yard. A few hours later they were back at the shop. Sherman again leaped out of the car and took off into the night. This time he came back with Andy's glove that he had burried in the snow. Andy thinks Sherman changed his mind or felt guilty and brought back the glove, there wasn't a chew mark on it.

Traitor Dog

CURSES!! the stupid dog has switched allegiance. He now thinks he is Andy's dog.

BLEH!

I like the snow, I like being a part of the bigger picture. I would like school if I had more time, I would rather be with Andy and Daine, and ... sherman and Phantom James. I would like to take a year off to be lazy. Oh yeah, I already am lazy.

The Viking

Such a sweet kid, my boy Daine Bennet

not james

Andy Says

Andy says my eyes are blue. (they're green)
Andy says my dog doesn't look both ways before crossing the street. ( I say use the leash (*($&($&(&@@@PP!!)
Andy says I cooked a good dinner. ( I say thanx for the KFC)
Andy says he better not find a doll in my room that looks like him with pins in its butt. ( I say, "YOU should have listened to me the first time.")
Andy says he needs a place to park all his cars. (I say, it better not have a wash machine on the back porch and a couch in front!)
Andy says Most people mean well, (I say most people show their true colors if you pay attention.)
Andy says You are a walking encyclopedia. ( I say I just know some stuff.)

the nature of baby Ava

It was a lovely evening, Andy and I took the kids out for dinner at I-hop. We were supposed to go to the Robbie Burns dinner, but the tickets were sold out.
Andy was sitting next to me, Ava was across the table from him. She stared at him suspiciously most of the meal. Finally the light dawned on her face. She had figured out what Andy was! in a growly bear voice she announced, "Grrrmmmpa" Andy was most dismayed, I was laughing my butt off and trying to get her to say it again. She doesn't usually perform on cue. She said it again and again, I think because she saw Andy's reaction. He tried to tell me he wasn't a grampa yet. However I reminded him, we had adopted him, so he was a grampa after all....

Flu Bug is going around

My cat keeps using the printer. My co-workers are getting sick.
I decided to join them. I called in two days. I work two days.
I cleaned the bathroom.... With Bleach... I ate Sonic Burger for dinner... I did not clean the kitchen.
I did not do my math homework.
I am going to bed.

BSU Resumes

Today is my first day of class. I have Social work at 9:15, and Math (yay)at 10:40.
Here we go again!
Wednesdays will be political science, and child psychology in Boise at 6:00 PM.
At least most of my classes are in Nampa this semester. I only have one class in Boise this semester.

MUHAAA HAAAA

Finally! I feel like me again.

Ruby Layne Joins her sisters

Kayla Ellen (7) Olivia Jean (5) Ava Rae (1 1/2)

Andy

The Newest New Year

Everything is kewl, the new Grand Daughter was born January3rd at twelve thirty Pm. Ruby Lane Mitchell. She is two weeks early, but doing fine. Janelle got an infection and had to stay a few days in the hospital with new baby. I don't think she minded too much, thinking about the three little girls at home makes her tired.
Ava Rae, 1 1/2 misses mommy and likes her new baby. I can see problems developing there already. She said "MINE" Daddy had to gentle pry the baby away from her, and she cried.
Did you ever meet someone and have everything click into place? His name is Andy, and he is the warmest person I have ever met, he pulled Dain and me into his heart and I think that's where we will stay.
I have never met a nicer kinder man and I am going to keep him. So the new year has brought pleasant changes for me. Wish me Luck!

Christmas - Glitter Graphics

Glitter Graphics for Orkut, Myspace, Friendster

You are loosing your marbles

Here we are, digging deep into December. My resolve strengthens, my attitude is improving. Bruce went and bought the boy some presents. I was kinda worried, even though I know that what I got him is probably enough, he gets so little compared to a lot of kids.And yes he gets a lot compared to some children. Why don't we just alleviate Christmas all together?
So the boy is getting books, a used sweatshirt in his favorite color and a digital camera I found on sale at walmart. He will think he has made it to heaven.
He wants to take pictures of everything, he told me he would love a camera so much, I am very pleased with myself. AND the good part, I have kept the secret, he doesn't even know. So that present is from Santa, because Santa works the Christmas magic that my small wonder still believes in.
On December 17th I am having surgery. I am not looking forward to it, but I am very sure its the right thing to do. I will have a less chance of getting cancer with this hysterectomy. I will be laid up a few weeks. Bruce offered to take me to the hospital and stay with me for awhile. I cannot believe how sweet that is. Scott offered to take me home to his house and take care of me. WOW! I of course would never impose on either of them like that.
Terry offered to ravage my body before the operation, I declined. I INFORMED him that I do not go home with every man that summons me.
I would be busier then I wanted to be if I did take people up on their offers to sleep with them.
AS for Al, Oh my goodness what a sweet shy man, I went out with him Friday night. Shy people are so hard to read, but I really liked him. He works graveyard the next few days, I may never find out how he feels about me. ALAS< I seem only to attract the fruits and nuts, the good men seem to shy away from me, perhaps that is telling me something about myself?
I long suspected that I might not be as down to earth and normal as I profess.
However I still crave the attention of a good man, and only one.

coping is not enough

I seriously don't care about anything. I have assignments to do, things to clean.
Dr put me on some more stuff, I told her, I don't really want to be medicated, I just want feel normal. She said some of us don't get that choice, you have to accept it.
Accepting isn't a strong point. Minor things blow me away, I am overwhelmed and upset.
I want to curl up into the fetal position and pull the covers over my head.
Sherman stinks, Daine has a tummy ache, the dishes need put away, all this is just little things, and I am feeling OVERWHELMED.
I used to be able to handle day to day things, what the hell is the matter with me? I am sick of feeling like this. I wasn't going to give up, I was fighting it, but here it is like a dark stinky cloud over shadowing everything I try to enjoy.
Bruce asked me what I want for Christmas, I told him I wanted to go "out" I wanted to dress up and fix my hair and go somewhere, maybe a play or a movie.
When he gave me a hug at our thanksgiving dinner, I felt like I was home, and I know that I am not allowed to feel that way about him. He likes waif-like women who are too young for him. I like him. Sadly it isn't going anywhere, and I think it could. However I am a sturdy woman, with that bubble butt that my gramma's German heritage shared with me. I don't mind myself as I am. But wish a certain man would grow up and see past that body image crap.

I like sunday till I have to go to work

At least I am working with grumpy Bruce today, he amuses me with his crankiness. He should feel so blue. Today I feel nearly normal, I wish I could every day. Tomorrow History Class resumes, and I also had better get that art project done for art class, man I have been slacking.
It brightened me up to see the child support money was in the account. All 100 dollars of it, however this does mean that my checks won't bounce as I had feared they would. I just can't seem to budget enough gas money for two weeks.
I live pay check to pay check, and its not pleasant. Today though, Daine and I are skipping church, getting caught up on laundry and house hold chores, I enjoy this routine for some reason. I promised him next week we will start going to church again regularly.
Aaaaaarrrgg.

OK, ad for bookswap.com

Do you have any used paperback books lying around? I did, and I finally found a great way to share them with other people.

It seems that a few guys were sitting around one night talking about all the paperback books that they purchased over the years when they traveled on business. Each of them had a stack of books that they had read. So they decided to set up a web site http://www.PaperBackSwap.com/ that allows all of us to swap paperback books with each other. Now it's grown to include ALL books--hardcovers and audio too!

Let me tell you how it works because it is so easy. I listed a bunch of books on the site (you have to list at least 10 books to get in the club) and I got 2 free book credits to get me started. So you can order 2 books right away - free of charge and have them mailed directly to you. No strings attached. No gimmicks. No spam mail. Nothing! You just have to love reading.

Then when another member selects one of my books that I have listed, I mail it to them. Yes, I pay for the postage. But then I get a book credit and I can select a book that I want. So another Club Member returns the favor and mails me one of their books free of charge. For every book I mail out, I get another book in return - a true shared system!

And when someone requests one of your books, all you have to do is print a two page document on regular paper from your printer, and use them to wrap the book. The wrapper includes the mailing address and the amount of postage. Then drop the package in the outbound mail. Hey, most of the time you don't even need to go to the post office!

Right now the annual club membership is FREE! Eventually the founders will ask everyone to help contribute to pay for the upkeep of the web site, but for now the annual club membership is free. The annual dues will probably be between $10 and $20 based on the number of people in the club. But again, right now you don't even have to pay any dues for one year if you become a Charter Member.

You really need to check this out! And if you do sign up, please list my email in the referral section because then I get another free book. This is a great club http://www.PaperBackSwap.com/

Best Regards,

Glena

Thanksgiving

I have a friend who is Native American. Their family doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving. I never thought of it before. I think of it as a day of thankfulness. I never thought that others might think of it as a day of invasion and betrayal.

The Skunk

Of course I won, I have no idea if its worth 10 dollars or not, but I have a feeling that Bruce will like it.
I think it looks unusual, I would keep it myself if I collected skunks, but I am not really a collector of anything but miscellaneous junk. I love my spoon collection, but even so I would not cry big crocodile tears if I got rid of it.

The First Snow

I was so thankful I don't have to drive to Boise today.
I had a meeting with the apartment manager this morning to get re-certified for my rent... YIKES! what if I don't qualify? the only thing that is changed is I am not working as many hours, but I paid my rent six months in advance with my college money.
She said the only thing that would effect me, is if I started making MORE money, no chance of that right now.
Bruce is coming to the kid's house for Thanksgiving, I am so glad, I really like his company, too much I think sometimes.
I am bidding on a skunk for him from Ebay, its a very unusual ceramic design, I found out Bruce Collects skunks, Watch Out!

Link to the video, "the wood spider

Sometimes unexpected wonderful things happen

Six months ago, Daine's brother in law got him a used computer. We never could get it hooked up to the Internet, several people tried. Last night a very nice man fixed it for free. When I told Daine this morning that his computer was working, he kept asking me, "really? really?" He is so happy about it, and now I can get him off mine, the downside is he will soon realise that mine is much faster, snicker...

its hard to type with a cat laying on your arm

...and this too shall pass. We make it on four hundred a month. My rent is paid up for several months with my college money.
If nothing comes up we do ok, something always comes up. I have been spending a few dollars here and there at second hand stores. Daine's Christmas will be a few used books and a second hand sweatshirt. He will be happy with that, and I will feel slightly guilty. Time goes on, and I haven't done the things for him I wanted to do. Poverty sux rocks.
I have to keep my eyes forward and realize that it will get better. I could give up college and start working full time? but that never worked in the past, my goal is to get an education and get better jobs that pay more money. Daine wants martial arts, Daine would like music lessons, I cannot fit that in my meager budget. I have never had a manicure in my whole life, some women think its a necessity. I have never owned a new car, been able to pay a vet bill in one visit or even buy something for the whim of it. I am not complaining, I just think sometimes people would understand better about being where I am at if they were there too. I wish we had socialized medicine, its very easy to fall deep into debt from a few doctor bills. Glasses? I need a special lens for my right eye, the lens itself was 200 dollars ten years ago, I have no idea what it would cost me now... thats just for the lens not the other lens and the frames and all the other stuff involved in a eye doctor visit. I haven't had my teeth checked in ten years. I haven't had a hair cut in a year and a half... My son would prefer I didnt cut his hair anymore, so I have to figure out where I can get 15 dollars for him to get his hair cut. services? we are a proud family, and sometimes in the past I have signed up for a Christmas present for Daine from some charity group or another.. Problem is the group shows up with a cardboard box and several cardboard smiles and hands over the loot for my son, while looking in our home in curiosity.Sometimes the gift for him is so cheap, that it breaks before it is even opened, sometimes it is used things that smell of ciggarette smoke, I always felt worse about getting those gifts then getting nothing.
Then I wonder to myself, am I going in the right direction? what has happened to me? I never thought I would be alone at fifty trying to raise a young son on my own and wishing for the money for gas to go to history class today. I only have enough gas to get to Boise and back once today, so I have to skip history class. ( I have Art tonight in Boise) This means I have to find the movie Europa Europa, the class watched on Monday and today, there will be a test on it Friday.
Pay day is tomorrow, I am crossing my fingers that I did not write One check too many and make my checking account in the red, if I did, there goes the whole pay check.And romance? don't even get me started on romance, I have a better chance of being struck by lightening three times then meeting the right man OK< I suppose this sounds a lot like whining... Its just so hard sometimes. AND I wonder why I get depressed... sorta like Dr. Armentrout says, "sometimes your life really is shit."

Class Schedule

Monday,Wednesday,and Fridays
Political Science 101 American Government
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Tuesdays and Thursdays
Social work 101, and Math 15
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Wednesday night
Psyc 309 Child Development
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I am already planning how much rent I will pay with my college money, I am thinking Six months, and then with my tax return another two months,that will take me into September when I get more college money. If I can do this, I will be able to continue working only weekends and spending the whole summer with my kid. I missed everything last year because I was behind on rent and had to work graveyard shifts, it seemed I was either working or sleeping, and that really sux, I don't ever want to miss a summer with my kid again.

Sunday ahhh Sunday

I have to go to work in one hour, YAY... Sarcasm.
We skipped church today and just had a family day, I loved it, I fixed blue berry muffins, sausage, and hash browns, I omitted the eggs, I knew nobody would have room for more food.
Wednesday I signed up for my classes, I managed to get three of them in Nampa. Psych-childhood development in Boise. That one is a three hour class from six to nine, which I hate, but its only one class this semester.

Foods that fight depression

Nutritional Blockbusters That Fight Depression

B vitamins. Believe it or not, a sweet potato or a spinach salad might help you beat the blues. Both are rich in folate and vitamin B6 or pyridoxine. Deficiencies in these two B vitamins, experts believe, can actually bring on the symptoms of depression. Vitamin B6 works by keeping your brain’s neurotransmitters in balance. These chemicals control whether you feel depressed, anxious, or on a steady keel.

Experts aren’t sure why folate fights the "blahs." But they do know low folate levels in your body can deepen depression, and high folate levels can help defeat it. You can find folate in most fruits and vegetables, especially spinach, asparagus, and avocados.

Eat chicken, liver, and other meats to feed your brain vitamin B6. Plant sources of the vitamin include navy beans, sweet potatoes, spinach, and bananas.

Depression can also signal a deficiency in thiamin, also known as vitamin B1. Stick with whole-wheat breads, meats, black beans, and watermelon to punch up your thiamin levels. These foods might help you feel more clearheaded and energetic.

Iron. Beating the blues might be as easy as eating iron-rich foods if you have iron-deficiency anemia. Over two billion people suffer from this condition and even more live with less-serious iron deficiency. A sour mood is a major symptom of a lack of iron. Other symptoms include pale skin, sluggishness, and trouble concentrating.

Iron-deficiency anemia often attacks pre-menopausal women, people who regularly take nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), and others at risk for chronic blood loss. It’s a good idea to visit your doctor if you suspect you’re anemic.

To get more iron in your diet, try meat for starters. The darker the cut, the more iron it has. If you’re a vegetarian, stick with legumes, fortified cereals, quinoa, kale, and other green leafy vegetables. And it’s a good idea to top these foods with a rich source of vitamin C, like lemon juice. The vitamin C will help your body absorb the iron.

Selenium. You probably heard selenium fights cancer, but you might not know the mineral banishes bad moods, too. People who don’t eat enough selenium-rich foods tend to be grumpier than people with a high dietary intake, according to recent research. Eat some high-test selenium foods — like seafood, poultry, mushrooms, sea vegetables, and wheat — and feel the effects for yourself.

Carbohydrates. If stress gets you down, a diet rich in carbohydrates might be just what the doctor ordered. Eating mostly carbohydrates during the day, suggests a recent European study, may make stressful situations more bearable for some people. The scientists fed people either a diet high in carbs and low in protein, or vice versa. Then the doctors put the subjects through a difficult mathematical task. The carbohydrate-rich diet worked to lower stress and depression in some of the subjects.

The carbohydrate diet appears to work by raising the level of tryptophan in your brain. Tryptophan is the amino acid your body needs to make serotonin, the "happy" neurotransmitter.

It’s important to remember not all carbohydrates are equal. Nutritionally speaking, carbohydrates from fruits, vegetables, and whole grains and cereals are best. They’ll save you from stress and boost your levels of vitamins, minerals, and fiber.

Omega-3 fatty acids. Don’t be offended if someone calls you a fathead. You’re in good company. Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Sir Isaac Newton, and Confucius can be called fatheads, too. That’s because fat makes up about 60 percent of the human brain. But you do have a choice over what type of fathead you want to be. You can keep your brain running smoothly with theright kinds of fats or you can gum up the works with too much of the wrong kind. It all depends on what you eat.

Sound fishy? As a matter of fact, it is. The essential fats found in seafood, called omega-3 fatty acids, play a major role in brain function. They may even boost your mood. You need them but can’t make them on your own. "Essential fatty acids only appear through your diet," says Dr. William Lands of the National Institutes of Health.

That means next time you’re feeling blue, dip into the deep blue sea for your dinner. New medical evidence suggests the omega-3 fatty acids found in fish — called docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) — can help drive away depression.

© FCA Publishing


Excerpt from FC&A’s Eat And Heal.

Glena's Turkey Stuffing

Glena’s STUFFING RECIPE


3 loaves of white bread
chicken broth
turkey giblets
2 bunches of celery
2 onions
1 tsp. sage
1 tsp thyme
½ ground pepper
1 pound of bulk pork sausage
water for giblets, bay leaf, ½ t salt and 1 t sage.

The night before, break the bread into small pieces (about 1 inch squares) into 2 huge bowls or pots. Let the bread sit overnight to dry out. The next day, after you remove the turkey's giblets, boil the heart gizzard and neck, bay leaf, ½ t of salt and 1 t sage in water in 2/3 qt. saucepan until cooked add liver the last fifteen minutes (about 2 hours). Remove giblets and chop for stuffing. Set giblet cooking water aside. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Chop onion and celery and place into food processor until minced. Meanwhile cook sausage in large saucepan. Remove sausage, and Sauté onion and celery in the drippings until heated through. Do not brown! Once cooked, pour the onion/celery mixture directly over the dried out bread. Pour sage, thyme, and pepper over bread/onion/celery mixture. Mix in Sausage, and chopped giblets. Using the reserved giblet cooking water, pour slowly over bread. The bread will shrink as you do this. Be careful not to pour too much water in. Mix thoroughly and smell/taste for perfect stuffing. If you need more liquid, open a can of chicken broth and pour over bread. If you need more spice, add more sage.

Once stuffing is of a consistency that it will stick together and does not look too dry, do not add more liquid. Either stuff in turkey to be baked in oven, or put in 9 x 13 pan. Bake in 350-degree oven for 45 minutes to an hour. You want the stuffing to have a nice brown crust on top.

The never ending-ness of it all

Sunday means, church, grand kids over for lunch then work. I work till midnight and I don't get home till nearly one o clock in the morning, then up early on Monday for school.
This continual cycle makes me nuts, I need a change, but hang on! Thanksgiving is coming I will have about a week off from school and I am not informing work about this either. I am going to cook thanksgiving dinner for my son in law (Janelle has to work). I invited Bruce over, I doubt he will come, but it would be nice if he would. There is talk about the grand kids going over to the Holiday hogs house. That means only the baby, Dwain and Daine will be there for dinner. If Kimmie says, DH, for her hubbie, I suppose I can say DEH for them... hee hee, see if you can figure that one out!
Anyway, DEH thinks that all the holidays belong to him and so I am left to my own devices every holiday... I mean all of them. Usually I celebrate Christmas Eve with my children, so DEH gets them Christmas day, but.. Easter, thanksgiving... OH WELL. I try not to make waves, I have been labeled bitchy. NOT however that I really care what DEh and ex best friend think, they have never let facts sway their opinions.

Crap its november already

Time just keeps marching on doesn't it?
Well Dr. Armentrout suggested some medicine for my A D D. I saw my regular practitioner and gave her the letter from Armentrout and she agreed with him. I am on Welbutrin, for A D D and depression.
Today I wrote a paper, and it was good, and it didn't take me all day either, I procrastinated most of the day but when I finally said, 'this is it' and sat myself down, I wrote it, and it made sense too.
I know this is partly the drug, because I could never do this.
my mood has been slowly improving, not by alarming levels, but slowly and nicely. I don't feel so dreadful the last few days.
I have assignments to do, and I am not feeling overwhelmed.
I hope this continues, I am starting to feel like I am normal. Didn't I say feel too much?
Its not over yet, I didn't leave the house today, and I wore the green "no fear" sweatshirt, this is a sure sign that I am fighting anxiety and depression. I wear it for comfort. you will see a lot of pictures of me wearing the big ugly sweatshirt. Its not even remotely pretty and its wearing thin in places so there are tiny little holes, but I still wear it, and feel better when I do.
For dinner today I cooked chicken breasts in olive oil, soy sauce, rice vinegar,and turbinado sugar. then I added cooked spaghetti. It was tasty, just like the chicken you get in the bento box at the Japanese restaurant.
The cocker spaniel, Sherman sat hopefully with great optimism under the table, but he was ignored. He is an opportunist at best.
Sometimes I think I should put him in another room while we eat, but then he would only scratch at the door, he has worn the paint off in several places. I have repaired the scratches with Spackle, but its never ending. When we move I will have a lot of touch up work to do thanks to him. He is relentless.
I drove to Boise and saw Bruce on Tuesday. Sherman jumped up on his Civil war model. Luckily I don't think he damaged anything. Then he hopped up into Bruce's chair and helped himself to Bruce's' glass of ice tea. Later that evening, he jumped on my table and took one of the pumpkins that Bruce had painted for Daine and me, and ate it stem and all. Today he is pooping seeds. What an amazing obnoxious pet he is.

Mercy

WOW! it's Tuesday already, how did that happen so fast? I wonder why the weekend goes so slow, and the week days go fast so the weekend is here once again?
My car is really acting up, but someone at work suggested maybe it just needs transmission fluid not a new transmission. So I called my trusty son-in-law Dwain. He said he would look at it, and I brought over bobolis and pizza sauce and made dinner for my grand kids,Dwain, and Daine.
Dwain put the transmission fluid in it, he said it was down a quart.
OH I hope that's it, I drove it home later last evening and it's still lugging out. I hope it circulates and starts to work, I cannot afford a big engine repair now, if ever.
Ahh its time for Daine to catch the bus, and Sherman has been ringing the bell on the door for fifteen minutes, I better walk him.

Ich bin geliebt

Translation, "I am loved"
Anyway, it is Sunday, glorious Sunday, I have to study sometime today in-between work and church. I promised Daine we would go, he really wants to, and I don't.
COFFEE! that might perk me up, I don't feel very perky, this is the beginning of the whole week again, its an endless cycle of me falling behind.
Work--school--home--kid--tests papers more tests. I really dislike this semester.

I'm over it

People usually resort to the lowest common denominator when they don't get their way. I should have known. It was too much to ask to be friends without emotional entanglement. I move on rather quickly you might notice.

I know this game

I have played it before. New rules! I don't give a damn if your pissed because I wont comply with your wishes.
You lose.
I don't do the guilt game you picked the wrong person.

Remember when I said "I'm not all that"? WELL I AM

Nearly all the guys that approach me online are looking for meaningless sexual encounters.
It's really stupid.
The last and I mean the last I ever give the time of day too, pretended he was just kidding when he made sexual innuendos... said he was being funny... RIGHT! here is your funny back in your face asshole. He was too cowardly to come out and show me what a jerk he was, so he disguised it as a lame joke.
I said, I had high standards and potential F--- buddies had to fill out an application. DO they think their fifth grade naughty boy conversations will impress me? JEEZ I can't believe grown men know so little about REAL women.
I am too annoyed to educate them, though I did do my little part, by telling them they are morons.
That's just me, a caring sharing individual.

Things I couldn't say, things I can't give

I wanted you to stay. But is that fair to ask? I didn't want to be alone, and I could feel you watching me, gaging me, wondering what you were supposed to say.
What a pair we are, one who cannot speak and one who cannot shut up.
You want something from me, but you don't know if you could handle it, I don't know either.
You are so many things, and I get all mixed up when I try and define what it is. I don't know myself, how can I know you, and how can I ask for something when I am not sure I can give it back?

Your Fate

FoookYoou

I feel like a little kid, I am not going to class today, and I am not going ever again.
I do not want to be ethnically invisible, I do not wish to be ashamed of my white European heritage, I do not wish to feel guilty for the privileges that I have received. I believe in being aware of the sufferings of other people, but this should not make me feel guilty for being who I am. This guy needs a dose of sesame street and Mr. Rogers... we all need to embrace the uniqueness of ourselves.

Doesn't look good

Well in spite of my dreadfuls, I am still working at the readings. It has taken nearly two hours to get through twenty pages of the "communist Manifesto" which the lauded professor said was an easy read. It isn't. I am going nuts trying to study for three tests write several papers and read this boring shit. Can I quit now? JEEZ I just can't concentrate.
I have to keep at it, I have to succeed. Dr. sugessted A.D.D. medicine, if it would help I would take it, but I have my doubts about any magic pill helping me right now, I have my doubts about everything.