Happy New year, though you are not here

Primitive Celebration

29000 BC
New Year's Festivities featured a primitive "BALL DROP" and an invertebrate.

Ewwwww

He is so positive and happy that sometimes it makes me even CRANKIER!

Tonight is any other night

Actually I am in such a mood this morning, that I know where I would go to have a private celebration for the new year. Unfortunately is is 700 miles away. Probably very wet and foggy as well, but I would go, I can drive it in the fog. I have gone there many times when the visibility was very bad. Deep in the woods by the Winchuck River is a place I can sit and sulk and be alone all night long. Perhaps break out a bottle celebration Scotch.
Relationships suck.
Happy New Year.
Grumpy Ole ME

Nights in white Satin

-- Justin Hayward--

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty Id always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I cant say anymore.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.

Gazing at people,
Some hand in hand,
Just what Im going thru
They can understand.

Some try to tell me
Thoughts they cannot defend,
Just what you want to be
You will be in the end,

And I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty Id always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I cant say anymore.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

It is not so much what he says, but how he sings it.

Busy Day

Back to back episodes of Law and Order

please

I want to steal you away from all the stressors of your day.

I want to take you on a walk where the only sound you hear is the rushing of the waves and the birds calling in the distance.

I want to hold your hand and kiss your neck, and tell you what you mean to me.

I love you.

live love laugh

Or something like that anyway.
I love this picture of Chelsie that her sister Janelle took. Janelle did a good job, I have saved it to my computer for a background picture. A wonderful example of a young mother and her adored son.
One can not explain the love of children to anyone. You can only know when you hold your own in your arms and feel the hard to grasp intensity that makes your chest hurt to breathe.

Sushi, daughters, and Number one Grandson

It was a memorable day. I was the butt of the jokes, the baby was so sweet, the sushi was so good, and I laughed so hard.

All Day

There is this unspoken feeling between us. It’s a want and a desire that goes beyond the knowing. I am so into you, your wants and needs. I could not imagine love like this in my wildest dreams. If it all ended tomorrow, I think I could live the rest of my life happy with all the remembering.

You are like an all day birthday party.

Love you

OH NO!

Sherman doesn't even like me talking on the phone to Steven. Sherman bit Steven when Steven kissed me.
Strangely, Sherman doesn't mind Paul one bit... one bite... OH HA HA HA AHAAAA

Free in a manner of speaking

Paul asked me out for New Year's Eve. I will go, it should be fun, and it will be much better then sitting home and dreaming of Sharkboy.
I cannot even ask, "What have I got myself into." I already know, I am too old to play dumb.
Mother said you cannot help who you love. I always argued, I thought love was an act of will, you just choose... OK, I was 17 when I had that idea. Sharkboy isn't really a good description of him. He is more wolf-like. Turquoise eyes,soft brown hair, lean and muscular. Sure in himself, and a good judge of character. He knew me when we first spoke, I thought it was a trick of my mind, but he continues to know me. It is like he picked up the book of my life and studied it carefully. I guess it is flattering to be the object of such close scrutiny, but it can be unnerving. I wonder if I am boring sometimes?
He says I am a constant surprise. I don't try to be.
I visualize him as part of my life, I have a feeling this is not going to end well. Who will pick up the pieces when I am broken?

Memory Box

I put it there, I won't ever forget. Sweet time together, no sleep, but I can sleep another time.
Work sux with two hours of sleep. OH but it was worth it.

Blob

I want to go out, I want to dance, I want to spend an evening with an enlightened companion, I want to be spoiled.
I don't want to be asked, "WHAT would you like to do?" I want the evening planned for me.
Theatre, fine dining, music and dance, walks in the park, or taking in downtown.
OTHERWISE< I feel I will turn into a blob.

WHOOOO HOOOOO!!

I got a B in every class but English, I got an A!!

Break out the champagne!! Party down, YAY>> oh yeah, I have to work... sigh.

"B"

Humanities and History grades are posted, I have a B in History and a B- in Humanities.
English grades are not posted yet, and I am not surprised... she missed several classes and didn't require reading, and was a spaz most of the time. English professors tend to be difficult I am noticing.

Wasted

Have you ever felt like you were just a waste of air?
Man I do lately, I have become belief-less, and damned and indifferent with a tiny edge of guilt.
I need some time to ruminate, just like an old cow with a mouth full of hay to chew on.
I think that now is all we have, and I think that I am too cowardly to really have a relationship that matters, and I think I am in love, and I don't think he is the wrong guy either. BUT I think he is going to drop dead of a heart attack before I can claim him as all mine. I think...too much... I think its hormones.

We belong together

I think.. I hesitate to say; that we belong together. This intensness of feeling doesn't happen every day. I live and breathe you.

History has been examined

We think that Cortez was the founder of Montezuma's revenge. I was thinking.. IF I make the professor laugh, will I get extra credit? PROBABLY not.

Weazled through the semester

The History Final is tomorrow, I took a break enjoying the flu, Days laying in bed trying to keep coherent, and now the day is here, if I get a good grade in any class this semester it is not because I deserve it.

No one was immune

Even the mighty have fallen. The grossest flu on record. It is supposed to be a 24 hour bug, but I think I am on 48 and counting, I have to go to work tonight anyway. The almighty Steve has caved in. It is so pathetic that no one is taking care of him, I feel bad he is all alone sitting on the floor in front of the toilet. At least my kids brought me a cup of chamomile tea in the midst of my pain and suffering.
Ok... Snicker....

Spooky

First I want you then I don't. I miss you, I don't think about you at all. You make me happy, you make me mad. Must be Love.

Man oh Man

I feel like I got hit with a truck. My whole body aches, my feet hurt too much to walk on. My bones pop when I move and my arms are numb.
Thursday I went to school till eight PM, then to work,after work I went to humanities class in the morning. Half hour drive home then bed. Four hours of sleep, then I got up to get the kids from school. My phone was buggy so I left it home and took the kids to Jack in the box. I feel terrible. After Janelle got home I took a nap, then I went upstairs to be company for her. All I did was doze off and snore loudly so she couldn't hear the TV show she wanted to watch.
I took ibuprofen, the pain should subside in a few hours. I am going to get me some good shoes, enough of this pain, I already threw away two pairs that were worn out. I Have a thing about throwing shoes away, but I made myself.
The brown lace ups I have had since Daine was a baby, and the black flats are about five years old. They are both very worn out. I put the miles on when I walk.

I AM doing my essay

Today At six thirty AM, Chuck pulled his truck up to the gate to talk to me. He is adorable, soft wispy blond hair and big blue eyes. Mark maneuvered himself in between us, so I had to look at the back of his big lumpy head. I noted that he had shaved little bald spots into his head. It was very odd, I wondered what type of instrument he had used to get that effect. Poor Mark, he blathered on and on about something totally unrelated to what Chuck had wanted to talk to "ME" about. If I didn't find Mark so tedious at times, my heart would break for him. He is homely,boring, stupid and has nothing to show for living 47 years of life on the planet.
Earlier before Mark had gained entrance into my interesting world, Chuck came to work with a cup of coffee for me that he had made. I like his coffee. I will be leaving this site soon, and I would like to go out with Chuck, but it looks like I might have to say so.
I left at seven AM, Steven had forgotten he had invited me for breakfast before I went home to sleep. I didn't remind him, he has a big job of doing payroll today. He said after his luncheon meeting he would like to come and wake me up. I said I would like that.
Lord! what an understatement. I was woke up to kisses and the sweetest embrace. There is so much chemistry between us, it nearly makes me nuts with desire.
Sherman came downstairs and in puppy fashion, began to pop Steven on the face with his soft paddy paws. I think it was Sherman's way of saying, "Don't kiss my mommy."
Sherman got the boot, and I got the rest of my afternoon wake up. I would like that every time I wake up, but you cannot get that when you are falling for someone that has previous connections, I have no one to blame but me, and his blasted turquoise eyes.

Wart Hogs in the work place

The evening watch at the shopko distribution center was uneventful. Then Mark came in at six AM loaded for bear. I was the primary target. I was not in the mood. I told him to shut up. Among other things, his look of shocked surprise was well worth the effort. So I called my supervisor and gave him the heads up, I told him, to please get me off that site or they will be filing a missing person's report on the wart hog in charge.
Lord Mark is so vile and pompass. He tried to tell me that I must never have an evening off without his approval. I told him that I only take orders and I hadn't asked for the evening off, it had been arranged from management. As usual he didn't listen and went on and on for a total of fifteen unbearable minutes.
Not only is he boring, never listens, talks incessantly, his teeth are rotten and he always spits on me when he gets too close. IF someone is going to spit on me, it better be Steve in a moment of passion.

I didn't work last night

IT is cold, seventeen degrees, I am supposed to run some errands. I am in jammies e-mailing Steve back and forth. YES YES< Out of the pan and into the fire.
well.........I was cold!

I am that woman

Ok. however I just want more and more.

Dating

At work,Chuck said he would put a phone number in my cell phone, then he laughed and looked embarrassed, as he tried to speak again, Mark interrupted as per normal, and began going on about himself, and Chuck smiled gave me a salute and went back to work. The next morning Chuck tried to ask me what I was going to do for the weekend, Mark interrupted and began going on about his plans. Chuck looked sheepish, saluted me and went back to work. I would have said, YES.

I told Sharkman that I would go out with Chuck, as long as S is not single, I am not committed. Brave words when all I want is to be with S.

OK, they all seem like that at first

Could I dare believe?
Just about the time I think of giving him the boot, he says the right thing again.
JEEEZ I love him.

So now you know

Someone once said about Mothers, "You love your daughters, but you fall in love with your sons."
I asked Chelsie if she understood now. She nodded with tears. Chelsie is in love with her new son.

Nosella

Winding up to the final night of working seven days straight. I don't like this site. Mark makes me nuts. HE never shuts up. I know more about his whole life history then I know about my job, what a shame.
I had an enlightened thought. "If you spend your whole life talking and never listen, you miss out on important, maybe even life changing ideas." How narrow is Mark's life, I don't believe he has ever heard a word anyone has said to him. I get complaints from other employees. I am hopeful that my knight in shining armour will get me out of that gig soon.
SPEAKING of which, I am going to ask Blue eyed wonder out, if I get up the nerve, and he isn't married... SHEESH. I don't want a relationship where I can only call after certain times, and use certain numbers. IT REEKS.

My little girls

Quinn Michael

Baby Quinn

Born around 11:00 PM November 24th, 2006. He is 8 pounds 1 oz. He has a fever and the cord was wrapped around his neck. His breathing is labored. The doctors think he will be fine, Chelsie is doing well, I am sure she is anxious about her son. Donald fainted and threw up. Ahh Fatherhood.
I am not at work, I want to see my daughter and new grandson. I called my field supervisor, and she said she would cover for me. SO Lumpy and I have a date tomorrow at 11:00 PM OR as we say 2300. The jerk will never know what hit him. WEll he might.

HA late for work

Baby Quinn is crowning, last I heard, Janelle isn't home so I cannot leave. So my unpleasant descent into hell with lumpy has been postponed till further notice.
I shall go to work after Baby Quinn arrives, and The fat spoiled Dykeeni is making me nuts. She doesn't want anything, so she is yelling and I am holding her, bouncing her, talking to her, feeding her, giving her drinks out of a cup, but she wants to throw my cell phone to the cell phone eater.

Bc is dialated to a four

labor is going slow for chelsie. She already has an epideral, her sister is there with her, and I am home with the CHILDREN, who are driving me nuts.

I am working graveyard tonight with Rock for brains, we shall see how it all goes, but I suspect working with him will not be my favorite thing.

Wednesday before Thanksgiving

AHH I need to get into the shower, I am taking Paul to Securitas to fill out a job application. He is a bit shaky about job interviews and I am offering moral support.
We are going into the lion's den. "He" will not like me showing up with another man. I haven't told Paul. I haven't told Steve that we are coming either, I am hoping to weasel through this with my usual finesse. I want to help Paul, but I do not want to see the fire burning in Steve's eyes when I am there.
Then tonight, I am working a prisoner watch at the hospital, the upside is I get to wear civilian clothes not the stupid Securitas clown outfit.
Soon my son and I will be taking my horrible cell phone eating dog and moving into our own place. Paul said he would like to help me look. I will take any help I can get.
I need a two bedroom, that allows pets and is relatively cheap. GOOD LUCK!

Anyway

I will take you anyway I can have you baby.

I will cheat

I will dance in front of the full moon. Fill a champagne

glass with moonlight, and drink it while whispering your name.

I will draw your name in the sand and let the tide take it out

I would, to keep you with me.

I would make a pact with the wind, and renounce my beliefs

I know we knew each other before somehow,

because you feel like home to me

this comes from my heart,

I am not good with words

I don't understand poetry.

I don't have to.

History Repeating itself

My passionate nature is messing me up again. Another attached man, another strange pulling at my heart strings. I don't care if: (Insert all the lines married men use) Creep, Jerk, Sweet waster of words. the one who is manifesting the war in me doesn't have a vital arguement.
ALONE remember alone is good.
All the reasons why not loom in my foggy brain, then he smiles at me and calls me "Lady" and I am finished arguing, till I am alone again.
I went out on a lunch date yesterday with my friend.
Jerk in question didn't like it. I said, "There is no 'we' till there is no wife" I am not going to be responsible for causing some one's pain if I can help it. Whether she deserves it or not remains to be seen and isn't my judgement call. As all of us single women know; NO MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS OR CHARMING,THERE IS SOMEONE AT HOME TIRED OF PUTTING UP WITH HIS SHIT.
He seems like no other, and he seems so like me, and he seems so wonderful, and he seems so out of reach.

History 101 essay Rant

Things I pull out of my behind, and other select writings of Glena Jean Dusky.
We read, we pondered and we came up with the consensus that we did not give a flying rodent…
Neither did the flying rodent in our case studies. HOWEVER the stupid Essay is done, lets hope Professor doesn’t realize that I just made it all up and used big words, and mentioned that this study changed my life.. NOT.

Who cares about Edward Gibbons?

The historian Edward Gibbon believed that Christianity bore the ultimate responsibility for the fall of the roman empire. What argument to you think Gibbon would have made to support his position? What arguments can be made against Gibbon’s
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The History paper is due this evening. I am doing research. sorta kinda..

I am listening to “Don’t fear the Reaper”

It’s after twelve and I am still in flannel jammies, bare feet on the dog under my desk.

AND I don’t care.

Ava Rae's Evil Week

At last she sleeps

Rainy Wednesday

I took Sherman for a walk in the park yesterday. My friend Paul came and brought his little Schnauzer named Jasmine. She and Sherman got along very well, so did Paul and I, except he makes lousy coffee...

indecisive woman

I wonder if it flys? or demands to be fed?

I am miss goody two shoes, I don't like to play with RULES. I like rules, rules are there for a reason, if they don't work correctly examine them and make changes.
However.. isn't there always a however?? I want, I squirm with anticipation, I argue with my good twin, the bad one says, "Go with the flow, don't worry" I worry anyway. Then I go back to wanting.
Eventually all will be revealed, I just hope the experience doesn't turn me into a bloated sack of protoplasm with no will of my own.
AHHH insantity is human nature.

Patchouli and rain

The rain comes down with helpless abandon, somewhat like my will power.
You are strange and beautiful, I don't really want complication in my life, heaven forbid moth to flame attraction. Heaven forbid.
You look at me and I want to touch you. I shake when you get too close, and I feel like I have no control over what will eventually happen. The best way around this situation is to run. I have run out of places to hide.
Are you an angel or devil?
Patchouli and rain, speaks to me of leaving.

Don't mind me

I am feeling a strange lack of ambition lately. Ahh heck be honest, Most of the time.
I am listening to Scott Weiland sing, "fall to pieces" over and over again. He is one of my favorite singers. I miss the Stone Temple Pilots, but it's ok as long as he keeps singing.
I wonder what would happen if David Draiman and Scott Weiland did a duet? Both of them are the awesome voices of this age.


Just my unsolicited opinion.

They are gone

Do we have a cat killer in the neighborhood? Shadow went missing two months ago, now Caspian and Luna within a few days of each other. I walked the neighborhood looking yesterday, NO SIGN>

What its all about

I may have a chance to move out. Big old house needs a lot of work, I can rent it for 450.00
I am worried I am not up to the work that needs to be done, I am going to think it over till Thursday morning, then let them know.
Its the kind of house I would like to buy. The kind I would re-finish to its original state. Hard wood floors, glass tile bathroom....
...Sigh...

Trick or Treat

Sherman trys to figure out why the kids are throwing perfectly good paper wrappers away.
We had no trick or treaters again, where ever I live the children don't come to the door.
Years ago it was because MY CHILDREN had spread rumors about me being a real witch, then they got all the left over candy.
I am perfectly nice and I love children... and NOT as a side dish either.

No work tonight!

I don't have to work tonight, the downside is I have to get up at Five A M and go to work tomorrow.... I like it this way better.
WELL I am so going to flunk the midterm in Humanities today, better get going and face my doom.

Baby Dragon in the house

I am at work...REEElly

I am in a glassed in office sitting on my butt. The gentle fall sunshine touches my uniform pants, and creates the smell of burning cat.
It is lovely to be warm, because the minute I walk outside the wind will blow right thru these worthless polyester trousers.
Yes I know, we have established that I hate these uniform pants. I stole my son in law's cotton polo, so at least I don't have the vile polyester shirt on.

Whining works wonders

So sad, goodbye graveyard shifts at the state house inn.
I liked the job and the people, and hated the hours. I am apparently going to a more difficult site, but the hours are a little better, Saturday, and Sunday, 2:00 P M till 10 P M. Daine is glad, he hates me out late.