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Sunday, January 21, 2007

Rabbie Burns Night


I wish you could have been at the dinner last night. It was more wonderful then I could have imagined. The music was spectacular. Chelsie's son Quinn is only a month old and he loved the bagpipes. They had a singer that had such a smooth lovely voice, I think she should be a recording star. One of the ladies there last night had been going to the Robert Burns dinners for seventy five years. I didnt know it is one of the longest running celebrations in the world.
There were lots of kilts, bagpipes, dirks, and sporans last night. Daine was most immpressed by the fancy drumming done by a band called the "Sleekit Beasties. We feasted on Roast beef and Haggis. I liked it, it was a bit like a spicy rice pilaf, or bulghar wheat, which I used to make all the time. Daine met a little boy who was one of the clan that started the celebrations, his grand father was a guest speaker. The little boy named Collin was wearing a kilt all the way from Scotland. He decided that he and Daine were friends, and they went all over the place together, I liked him very much. They held the dinner in the Jordan Ballroom, and I felt that I wasn't quite dressed up enough. All in all I thought the evening was well worth the money. Chelsie said she enjoyed it very much, and Daine says we have to go next year.

Friday, January 19, 2007

is no news bad news?


I never had so much trouble trying to rent a place before, this is ridiculous.
The word now is, "Our new company in California is inundated with all the many applications." Bet you wished you had kept the old company now don't you? Their problems fast become my problems, and so I wait. They have missed out on a whole months rent due to the incompetence. February is coming fast, and I would have liked to be moved before I was full face into school work. I have something every day of the week, from School to work, and kids and back again. I am hoping that I get a little "ME" time or I may get resentful. At least I can do most of my studying on the weekends at the Motive Power site, because that job is mostly sitting on my behind and watching.
The upside is, how thankful I will be when I am moved in to my new apartment.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Waiting on the Apartment People

We continue to be optimistic.

Nothing is ever sure till the paper work is signed, and ONE has their possessions firmly planted in the right spot.





AND one’s evil dog guarding the door.

Songs of the seventies, ahh nostalgia


Pictures of Home
(Blackmore/Gillan/Glover/Lord/Paice)

Somebody's shouting
Up at a mountain
Only my own words return
Nobody's up there
It's a deception
When will I ever learn?

I'm alone here
With emptiness eagles and snow
Unfriendliness chilling my body
And whispering pictures of home

Wondering blindly
How can they find me
Maybe they don't even know
My body is shaking
Anticipating
The call of the black hooded crow...

I'm alone here
With emptiness eagles and snow
Unfriendliness chilling my body
And taunting with pictures of home

Here in this prison
Of my own making
Year after day I have grown
Into a hero
But there's no worship
Where have they hidden my throne?...

I'm alone here
With emptiness eagles and snow
Unfriendliness chilling my body
And screaming out pictures of home

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

fuzzy logic


I might regret it but I do it anyway.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Gladys Carp Obit


We have new hair. Steven doesn't like it, he sweetly said, "How long will it take to be straight again?" he asked it softly, and I laughed. The most diplomatic man in creation, he missed his calling I think.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

here we go


School starts Tuesday, runs till May 11. Here we go again. Scared and overwhelmed. I hope I can use my time more wisely. Daine and I are moving out hopefully, I dread that as well. I wish I was Samantha, and I could twitch my nose and it would all be finished. Not the school part, I enjoy that, I savor it. But the move and the unpacking part I hate.
I have a ton of stuff, literally, I weighed it once.
I hope I still have money in the bank. Probably not. Deposits, bills, needs, etc.

Snowy Sunday

Four in the morning came early. The second day of my weekend job is the hardest. I laughed at the cockerspaniel, he was at the foot of the bed wrapped in a blanket snoring. He didn't get up with me when the alarm went off. This is a mixed blessing, I didn't have to deal with him following me upstairs to be let outside. As with a lot of small dogs, I have to stand outside and wait for him to do his business. If I go inside he thinks he is being left and scratches at the door.
After he is finished he goes into the little girls rooms and snatches barbie dolls to chew up. He is really a big pain in the tush, why I love him so much I don't know.
I cannot recount how expensive he has become. Ipod, cell phone, several barbie dolls, two controllers for a game boy 2,10 pairs of shoes, clothes, underwear,socks, hair ribbons, scrunchies,books, papers, cups, boxes, he even eats my bills if I don't put them high up.
He never has accidents in the house, and he is sweet and loving, but so bone headed. I keep working with him, he might be a good pet yet. He is being raised to the status of service animal. The apartments don't allow pets. SO he is Service Animal.. we think serviceable for what? Mostly nuisance. I have to decide which one of us, me or Daine requires the therapy animal. I think ME. Dr. Armentrout doesn't care, he is willing to certify me nuts if I want... hmmm maybe that isn't such a good thing.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Small times

I called the Idaho state tax commission and got a nice lady named Leah. She said the records showed that the lien was paid in 1996 as I originally thought, she is going to send out a copy of that to me, and it looks like we are a go for the apartment.
Sheesh.
Leah is a bagpipe player she will be at the Caladonian Society dinner, that I am taking Daine and Chelsie to on Saturday. We shall have Haggis, and listen to Robert Burns Poetry and bagpipes.
I wish I could get Daine a kilt before the dinner, but he said he WOULD NOT WEAR IT!!
But he would be so cute.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Is it ok?


Is it ok if I say, I wish I were lying on the couch with you listening
to music and feeding you from my hand?

Is it ok if I say, I wish you would never leave me to sleep somewhere else?

Is it ok if I say I never want you to touch another woman, unless it is a daughter’s cheek in a loving gesture?

Is it ok, if I lay claim to you as one in my heart

The man I love is you.
I want more of you all the time.

F L: Y

Ahh there is always a fly in the ointment. The rental property called me, she said that in 1996 there was a tax lien on me. AHEM.. I was divorced in 1995 and the ex had some unpaid taxes, they happily grabbed it from me, the single mother. SO now why is this popping up 11 years later? I have rented for years, for petes sake.. to be sure if the government thought that I owed money, they would have extracted it from my bone marrow by now.
I still feel optomistic. My kids looked a bit deflated, they want that extra room so bad they are drooling in anticipation.

Friday, January 05, 2007

New Shoes!

OK... I admit that I have a problem, this is the first step to stopping the addiction? I think.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Almost time to move




Euro Syle Hardwood Cabinets
Walk-in Closets
Breakfast Bars

Large Patios/Balconies
Central Air
Reserved Covered Parking

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Happy New year, though you are not here

Primitive Celebration


29000 BC
New Year's Festivities featured a primitive "BALL DROP" and an invertebrate.

Ewwwww

He is so positive and happy that sometimes it makes me even CRANKIER!

Tonight is any other night

Actually I am in such a mood this morning, that I know where I would go to have a private celebration for the new year. Unfortunately is is 700 miles away. Probably very wet and foggy as well, but I would go, I can drive it in the fog. I have gone there many times when the visibility was very bad. Deep in the woods by the Winchuck River is a place I can sit and sulk and be alone all night long. Perhaps break out a bottle celebration Scotch.
Relationships suck.
Happy New Year.
Grumpy Ole ME

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Nights in white Satin


-- Justin Hayward--

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty Id always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I cant say anymore.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.

Gazing at people,
Some hand in hand,
Just what Im going thru
They can understand.

Some try to tell me
Thoughts they cannot defend,
Just what you want to be
You will be in the end,

And I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty Id always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I cant say anymore.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

It is not so much what he says, but how he sings it.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Busy Day


Back to back episodes of Law and Order

please



I want to steal you away from all the stressors of your day.

I want to take you on a walk where the only sound you hear is the rushing of the waves and the birds calling in the distance.

I want to hold your hand and kiss your neck, and tell you what you mean to me.

I love you.

live love laugh

Or something like that anyway.
I love this picture of Chelsie that her sister Janelle took. Janelle did a good job, I have saved it to my computer for a background picture. A wonderful example of a young mother and her adored son.
One can not explain the love of children to anyone. You can only know when you hold your own in your arms and feel the hard to grasp intensity that makes your chest hurt to breathe.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Sushi, daughters, and Number one Grandson




It was a memorable day. I was the butt of the jokes, the baby was so sweet, the sushi was so good, and I laughed so hard.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

All Day



There is this unspoken feeling between us. It’s a want and a desire that goes beyond the knowing. I am so into you, your wants and needs. I could not imagine love like this in my wildest dreams. If it all ended tomorrow, I think I could live the rest of my life happy with all the remembering.

You are like an all day birthday party.

Love you

Sunday, December 24, 2006

OH NO!



Sherman doesn't even like me talking on the phone to Steven. Sherman bit Steven when Steven kissed me.
Strangely, Sherman doesn't mind Paul one bit... one bite... OH HA HA HA AHAAAA

Free in a manner of speaking

Paul asked me out for New Year's Eve. I will go, it should be fun, and it will be much better then sitting home and dreaming of Sharkboy.
I cannot even ask, "What have I got myself into." I already know, I am too old to play dumb.
Mother said you cannot help who you love. I always argued, I thought love was an act of will, you just choose... OK, I was 17 when I had that idea. Sharkboy isn't really a good description of him. He is more wolf-like. Turquoise eyes,soft brown hair, lean and muscular. Sure in himself, and a good judge of character. He knew me when we first spoke, I thought it was a trick of my mind, but he continues to know me. It is like he picked up the book of my life and studied it carefully. I guess it is flattering to be the object of such close scrutiny, but it can be unnerving. I wonder if I am boring sometimes?
He says I am a constant surprise. I don't try to be.
I visualize him as part of my life, I have a feeling this is not going to end well. Who will pick up the pieces when I am broken?

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Memory Box

I put it there, I won't ever forget. Sweet time together, no sleep, but I can sleep another time.
Work sux with two hours of sleep. OH but it was worth it.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Blob


I want to go out, I want to dance, I want to spend an evening with an enlightened companion, I want to be spoiled.
I don't want to be asked, "WHAT would you like to do?" I want the evening planned for me.
Theatre, fine dining, music and dance, walks in the park, or taking in downtown.
OTHERWISE< I feel I will turn into a blob.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

WHOOOO HOOOOO!!


I got a B in every class but English, I got an A!!

Break out the champagne!! Party down, YAY>> oh yeah, I have to work... sigh.

Monday, December 18, 2006

"B"




Humanities and History grades are posted, I have a B in History and a B- in Humanities.
English grades are not posted yet, and I am not surprised... she missed several classes and didn't require reading, and was a spaz most of the time. English professors tend to be difficult I am noticing.

Wasted


Have you ever felt like you were just a waste of air?
Man I do lately, I have become belief-less, and damned and indifferent with a tiny edge of guilt.
I need some time to ruminate, just like an old cow with a mouth full of hay to chew on.
I think that now is all we have, and I think that I am too cowardly to really have a relationship that matters, and I think I am in love, and I don't think he is the wrong guy either. BUT I think he is going to drop dead of a heart attack before I can claim him as all mine. I think...too much... I think its hormones.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

We belong together

I think.. I hesitate to say; that we belong together. This intensness of feeling doesn't happen every day. I live and breathe you.

Friday, December 15, 2006

History has been examined



We think that Cortez was the founder of Montezuma's revenge. I was thinking.. IF I make the professor laugh, will I get extra credit? PROBABLY not.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Weazled through the semester



The History Final is tomorrow, I took a break enjoying the flu, Days laying in bed trying to keep coherent, and now the day is here, if I get a good grade in any class this semester it is not because I deserve it.

No one was immune



Even the mighty have fallen. The grossest flu on record. It is supposed to be a 24 hour bug, but I think I am on 48 and counting, I have to go to work tonight anyway. The almighty Steve has caved in. It is so pathetic that no one is taking care of him, I feel bad he is all alone sitting on the floor in front of the toilet. At least my kids brought me a cup of chamomile tea in the midst of my pain and suffering.
Ok... Snicker....

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Spooky


First I want you then I don't. I miss you, I don't think about you at all. You make me happy, you make me mad. Must be Love.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Man oh Man

I feel like I got hit with a truck. My whole body aches, my feet hurt too much to walk on. My bones pop when I move and my arms are numb.
Thursday I went to school till eight PM, then to work,after work I went to humanities class in the morning. Half hour drive home then bed. Four hours of sleep, then I got up to get the kids from school. My phone was buggy so I left it home and took the kids to Jack in the box. I feel terrible. After Janelle got home I took a nap, then I went upstairs to be company for her. All I did was doze off and snore loudly so she couldn't hear the TV show she wanted to watch.
I took ibuprofen, the pain should subside in a few hours. I am going to get me some good shoes, enough of this pain, I already threw away two pairs that were worn out. I Have a thing about throwing shoes away, but I made myself.
The brown lace ups I have had since Daine was a baby, and the black flats are about five years old. They are both very worn out. I put the miles on when I walk.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I AM doing my essay


Today At six thirty AM, Chuck pulled his truck up to the gate to talk to me. He is adorable, soft wispy blond hair and big blue eyes. Mark maneuvered himself in between us, so I had to look at the back of his big lumpy head. I noted that he had shaved little bald spots into his head. It was very odd, I wondered what type of instrument he had used to get that effect. Poor Mark, he blathered on and on about something totally unrelated to what Chuck had wanted to talk to "ME" about. If I didn't find Mark so tedious at times, my heart would break for him. He is homely,boring, stupid and has nothing to show for living 47 years of life on the planet.
Earlier before Mark had gained entrance into my interesting world, Chuck came to work with a cup of coffee for me that he had made. I like his coffee. I will be leaving this site soon, and I would like to go out with Chuck, but it looks like I might have to say so.
I left at seven AM, Steven had forgotten he had invited me for breakfast before I went home to sleep. I didn't remind him, he has a big job of doing payroll today. He said after his luncheon meeting he would like to come and wake me up. I said I would like that.
Lord! what an understatement. I was woke up to kisses and the sweetest embrace. There is so much chemistry between us, it nearly makes me nuts with desire.
Sherman came downstairs and in puppy fashion, began to pop Steven on the face with his soft paddy paws. I think it was Sherman's way of saying, "Don't kiss my mommy."
Sherman got the boot, and I got the rest of my afternoon wake up. I would like that every time I wake up, but you cannot get that when you are falling for someone that has previous connections, I have no one to blame but me, and his blasted turquoise eyes.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wart Hogs in the work place


The evening watch at the shopko distribution center was uneventful. Then Mark came in at six AM loaded for bear. I was the primary target. I was not in the mood. I told him to shut up. Among other things, his look of shocked surprise was well worth the effort. So I called my supervisor and gave him the heads up, I told him, to please get me off that site or they will be filing a missing person's report on the wart hog in charge.
Lord Mark is so vile and pompass. He tried to tell me that I must never have an evening off without his approval. I told him that I only take orders and I hadn't asked for the evening off, it had been arranged from management. As usual he didn't listen and went on and on for a total of fifteen unbearable minutes.
Not only is he boring, never listens, talks incessantly, his teeth are rotten and he always spits on me when he gets too close. IF someone is going to spit on me, it better be Steve in a moment of passion.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I didn't work last night


IT is cold, seventeen degrees, I am supposed to run some errands. I am in jammies e-mailing Steve back and forth. YES YES< Out of the pan and into the fire.
well.........I was cold!

Monday, December 04, 2006

I am that woman



Ok. however I just want more and more.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Dating


At work,Chuck said he would put a phone number in my cell phone, then he laughed and looked embarrassed, as he tried to speak again, Mark interrupted as per normal, and began going on about himself, and Chuck smiled gave me a salute and went back to work. The next morning Chuck tried to ask me what I was going to do for the weekend, Mark interrupted and began going on about his plans. Chuck looked sheepish, saluted me and went back to work. I would have said, YES.

I told Sharkman that I would go out with Chuck, as long as S is not single, I am not committed. Brave words when all I want is to be with S.

Friday, December 01, 2006

OK, they all seem like that at first


Could I dare believe?
Just about the time I think of giving him the boot, he says the right thing again.
JEEEZ I love him.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

So now you know

Someone once said about Mothers, "You love your daughters, but you fall in love with your sons."
I asked Chelsie if she understood now. She nodded with tears. Chelsie is in love with her new son.





Nosella




Winding up to the final night of working seven days straight. I don't like this site. Mark makes me nuts. HE never shuts up. I know more about his whole life history then I know about my job, what a shame.
I had an enlightened thought. "If you spend your whole life talking and never listen, you miss out on important, maybe even life changing ideas." How narrow is Mark's life, I don't believe he has ever heard a word anyone has said to him. I get complaints from other employees. I am hopeful that my knight in shining armour will get me out of that gig soon.
SPEAKING of which, I am going to ask Blue eyed wonder out, if I get up the nerve, and he isn't married... SHEESH. I don't want a relationship where I can only call after certain times, and use certain numbers. IT REEKS.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Friday, November 24, 2006

Baby Quinn

Born around 11:00 PM November 24th, 2006. He is 8 pounds 1 oz. He has a fever and the cord was wrapped around his neck. His breathing is labored. The doctors think he will be fine, Chelsie is doing well, I am sure she is anxious about her son. Donald fainted and threw up. Ahh Fatherhood.
I am not at work, I want to see my daughter and new grandson. I called my field supervisor, and she said she would cover for me. SO Lumpy and I have a date tomorrow at 11:00 PM OR as we say 2300. The jerk will never know what hit him. WEll he might.

HA late for work

Baby Quinn is crowning, last I heard, Janelle isn't home so I cannot leave. So my unpleasant descent into hell with lumpy has been postponed till further notice.
I shall go to work after Baby Quinn arrives, and The fat spoiled Dykeeni is making me nuts. She doesn't want anything, so she is yelling and I am holding her, bouncing her, talking to her, feeding her, giving her drinks out of a cup, but she wants to throw my cell phone to the cell phone eater.

Bc is dialated to a four

labor is going slow for chelsie. She already has an epideral, her sister is there with her, and I am home with the CHILDREN, who are driving me nuts.

I am working graveyard tonight with Rock for brains, we shall see how it all goes, but I suspect working with him will not be my favorite thing.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Wednesday before Thanksgiving

AHH I need to get into the shower, I am taking Paul to Securitas to fill out a job application. He is a bit shaky about job interviews and I am offering moral support.
We are going into the lion's den. "He" will not like me showing up with another man. I haven't told Paul. I haven't told Steve that we are coming either, I am hoping to weasel through this with my usual finesse. I want to help Paul, but I do not want to see the fire burning in Steve's eyes when I am there.
Then tonight, I am working a prisoner watch at the hospital, the upside is I get to wear civilian clothes not the stupid Securitas clown outfit.
Soon my son and I will be taking my horrible cell phone eating dog and moving into our own place. Paul said he would like to help me look. I will take any help I can get.
I need a two bedroom, that allows pets and is relatively cheap. GOOD LUCK!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Anyway







I will take you anyway I can have you baby.

I will cheat

I will dance in front of the full moon. Fill a champagne

glass with moonlight, and drink it while whispering your name.

I will draw your name in the sand and let the tide take it out

I would, to keep you with me.

I would make a pact with the wind, and renounce my beliefs

I know we knew each other before somehow,

because you feel like home to me

this comes from my heart,

I am not good with words

I don't understand poetry.

I don't have to.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

History Repeating itself

My passionate nature is messing me up again. Another attached man, another strange pulling at my heart strings. I don't care if: (Insert all the lines married men use) Creep, Jerk, Sweet waster of words. the one who is manifesting the war in me doesn't have a vital arguement.
ALONE remember alone is good.
All the reasons why not loom in my foggy brain, then he smiles at me and calls me "Lady" and I am finished arguing, till I am alone again.
I went out on a lunch date yesterday with my friend.
Jerk in question didn't like it. I said, "There is no 'we' till there is no wife" I am not going to be responsible for causing some one's pain if I can help it. Whether she deserves it or not remains to be seen and isn't my judgement call. As all of us single women know; NO MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS OR CHARMING,THERE IS SOMEONE AT HOME TIRED OF PUTTING UP WITH HIS SHIT.
He seems like no other, and he seems so like me, and he seems so wonderful, and he seems so out of reach.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

History 101 essay Rant


Things I pull out of my behind, and other select writings of Glena Jean Dusky.
We read, we pondered and we came up with the consensus that we did not give a flying rodent…
Neither did the flying rodent in our case studies. HOWEVER the stupid Essay is done, lets hope Professor doesn’t realize that I just made it all up and used big words, and mentioned that this study changed my life.. NOT.

Who cares about Edward Gibbons?

The historian Edward Gibbon believed that Christianity bore the ultimate responsibility for the fall of the roman empire. What argument to you think Gibbon would have made to support his position? What arguments can be made against Gibbon’s
-----------------------------------------------------------------

The History paper is due this evening. I am doing research. sorta kinda..

I am listening to “Don’t fear the Reaper”

It’s after twelve and I am still in flannel jammies, bare feet on the dog under my desk.

AND I don’t care.

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