She wants a pearl necklace

Darkness and a certain moistness is in the air. It feels like an Oregon morning. The smell is dank as if things were beginning to grow. The boy is groggy, he gives me a sleepy smile. The three of us drive to my daughter's house. The boy the puppy and me. It is five A.M.
The puppy is mischievous he wants to steal toys from my daughters yard and not cooperate about getting into the car. I guide the boy child to the couch at my daughters house.I cover him up with a stolen blanket from Kayla's bed. I wish him a good day, and head out to the car. The puppy wastes ten minutes trying to be disobedient. Eventually he weighs out staying in the yard with the stolen toy or going to work with me. He drops the toy and hops into my car. We head off to Jack in the box for a quick breakfast. I don't really want that for breakfast, but my kitchen is not put together yet, and I don't have any food in the house. I have a bottle of scotch, but I don't think I would like that for breakfast either.
Daine mentioned yesterday he would be very glad when I was cooking again. So will I.
I drive to work with a hundred thoughts crowding my head. Things I should do, things I would do, things I would like to avoid, they are all jumbled together. I know I will waste time and not study properly for my Sociology test tomorrow, but perhaps I will be able to get the gist of it before tomorrow evening.
Gladys Carp would have a few things to say about my gift of wasting time. I have a few things to say myself, but none of them are working. I approach my work place in the darkness. I get out of the car, and I hear a voice over the fence. It is as if it was waiting for me anticipating my arrival.
"Good Morning your loveliness." Oh what a nice thing to say, I call back. Then I think perhaps he meant my dog. Ahh well, the dog is lovely I think.
No the voice meant me, the owner of that voice shows up at the door to the security shack to get a closer look at me and my dog. The dog acts like a perfectly well behaved cocker spaniel. And I smile and say "Good Morning."
One of my favorite people is here. Linda. I want the long version of her story of when she was a nun, so many years ago. She starts to give me the short version, I told her I can wait. I do want all of it, not the readers digest abbreviated version.
Some things must be savored. To mention a few, Chocolate, good booze, sex, company, holding a sleeping baby,petting a soft puppy and a good story well told.
As I look out the window of the security shack where I will spend 8 hours of my day,I make note that the sky is getting lighter, and the wet feel is still in the air. It is this type of weather that makes me think of traveling again. Only I promised my little guy we would stay in Nampa Idaho. So we stay, and I think of leaving. Maybe when I get my kitchen together and I can cook, I will feel permanent.
To me nothing is permanent or stationary. I love, it dissipates, I eat, and I hunger again, I look in the mirror, I have grown old.
None of this is getting me through my sociology studies..... SIGH

quick!

I want you to look at me like that again.
His face softens when he looks at me. Has anyone looked at me like that before?

outsmarted again.

Damn that man is good.
He said, "First of all we are friends. Friends don't desert friends in their time of need." Then he said, "besides I love you and it isn't all about me (Steven)."
Little did he know, I KNEW it was all about me (Glena). He will figure it out. He is so sweet when I least expect it.
So there is no Giving the Boot at this time.
Just remember, I gave him an easy out.

My timing has always sucked

I am going to take about three steps away from you this month. I have been very difficult, and though I know it is not my fault, I feel things unraveling and I don't want to mess up the good.

Analyzing isn't helping me, perhaps meditation will.

My number one priority is school, and getting my apartment loaded. I am not even sure how I can do it alone, but I am sure I will figure it out, I always do.
I would like to be out of Janelle's home today, knowing I don't always get what I want, I am going to try and work toward that end. I think I can take the seats out of Janelle's van and fill it with mattress' etc.
Please don't be surprised if the phone is turned off today, I need to focus.

I am thankful for how helpful you have been. I am going to be one less of your troubles right now. Maybe I can see you in a few days.

I have no regrets, to me everything is a growing and learning process.
Glena

My pleasant little reality

Sleep one hour wake one hour, it was about equal all through the night. I was queasy but I figured it would pass. I was wrong.
Five Thirty AM I sit on the toilet, having a horrible spell while I barf into my hands and bleed like a sieve. It is so lovely being me. So gross I cannot talk to anyone about it. Least of all prissy Steven.
I do have to talk to Steven.
How? I don't want to live with you, I love you, but I don't want to live with you. How should I say?
YOU Steven pissed me off when you made light of marriage and being my son's legal father. You hurt me when you mentioned you didn't need a key to my new apartment. I have not forgotten your expression when you made light of my wishes. I have to draw boundaries somewhere. I don't think we are ready for that step. Besides, I always told you, I don't want to live with a man, I am an all or nothing kind of woman, this is why I am still single. AND Yes dear Steven, I am single.
Ahhh but I love you.
Wolf-like predator, turquoise eyes, lean and mean, smart and fair. BUT you cannot move in. Just breathe a sigh of relief and be thankful I thought of it first, you know I am right.

The price of wanting to feel "Normal"

I dealt with things on my own for years. All the punishment I am getting for merely wanting to take care of things with out turning into a blithering idiot. I am pissed. Do you know, if I believed in religion this would be a "YOU should only trust the Lord, moment."
Everything pisses me off at this moment.
Withdrawals, flu, started my period, moving, school, Steven, N O I S E S in my head are going to drive me over the edge.
I shall prevail, DAMMIT.

Big fucking Confession

Okay out with it. I take Paxil for anxiety. It worked fairly well, meaning I get out for drives, go to work, buy food, etc. Things some people take for granted I have to make myself do. It never seems to get easier, hence... when I used to sing, I sang all the time,(I was a soloist) I got so frightened I started standing behind things, or singing more and more duets. One day my throat closed up and I couldn't sing anymore. People always say, "Oh just keep doing it, it will get easier." In my case it does not get easier.
This last time I started Paxil in May of 2006. I had withdrawal symptoms the whole time I was on it. Mild ones but still annoying. I am careful to take it the same time every day, and I do not drink, and watch my caffeine intake.
The sexual side effects were not a big problem because I am not married anymore and I thought I would just give that part of my life up anyway. It is now January of 2007. I started weaning myself off gradually a few weeks ago. The sounds in my head are nearly unbearable, I cannot hear what people are saying because of the white noise in my head. I talked to my Life Coach, and he was upset that I had been dealing with this alone for so many months. He wants me off Paxil. He thinks it is bad for me... OK some times he is the master of understatement. HE watched my head jerk, and my eyes twitch like I had electricity going through my body and he wondered if I was even safe to drive home. Me too actually.
Yesterday I started throwing up and having the other horrible side effect.. the one where you don't dare let off any gas. Sounds are louder, Cold sweats, and my body hurts everywhere. I can't eat. I usually don't worry too much about this one, I am pretty robust. BUT I bought my favorite pizza for everyone last night and I couldn't look at it. This is cause for alarm.
So I am not unusual in the side effects of weaning off, but I wondered why I have them while taking the recommended dose?
I also wonder if I will ever quit hearing the noises in my head? I have to look straight ahead, if I turn my head too quickly I see colors. If I walk outside into the cold after being in a warm house, I see colors and hear more sloshing sounds. I feel like there are holes in my thinking. I really want to end this. I am not suicidal, but hiding under the blankets for a few days would be nice.
EXCEPT... I have school Monday Tuesday and Thursday, I work Sunday Wednesday Friday and Saturday, and different hours and I am moving next week, and I Can't read my homework due to all the other symptoms, I am afraid to talk about this to anyone.
----------------------------------------------------
Documented Paxil Withdrawals
------------------------------
http://www.quitpaxil.org/Main/symptoms.htm
------------------------------------------


- intense insomnia
- extraordinarily vivid dreams
- extreme confusion during waking hours
- intense fear of losing your sanity
-steady feeling of existing outside of reality as you know it (referred to as depersonalization at times)
-memory and concentration problems
- Panic Attacks (even if you never had one before)
- severe mood swings, esp. heightened irritability / anger.
- suicidal thoughts (in extreme cases)
- an unconventional dizziness/ vertigo
- the feeling of shocks, similar to mild electric one, running the length of your body
- an unsteady gait
- slurred speech
- headaches
- profuse sweating, esp. at night
- muscle cramps
- blurred vision
- breaking out in tears.
- hypersensitivity to motion, sounds, smells.
- decreased appetite
- nausea
- abdominal cramping, diarrhea
- loss of appetite
- chills/ hot flashes



Whereas the symptoms in the right hand column are a nuisance, and the ones in the middle column are barely tolerable, it is the left handed ones that redefine the term nightmare. Their nature is such, that you will find yourself questioning your sanity on a continual basis.
The duration of the withdrawal process seems to vary from individual to individual. In my own experience, the worst was over after the first two weeks. Still, three weeks into it, I was far from feeling ship-shape in Bristol fashion. It took around six weeks for the symptoms to subside.


-fainting
-"scratching sound" inside one's head
- constant white noise in the ears
- tingling sensation in cheeks, lips, tongue and surrounding areas.
- heart palpitations/ chest pain
- swollen and sore eyes
- fatigue
- extremely localized, bursting headaches
- lump in throat
- rash / dry, flaky and irritated skin
- grinding of teeth
- difficulty swallowing
- itchiness - numbness
- speech problems / inability to use or find the right word
- trembling
- seizures
- involuntary muscle twitching
- hallucinations
- diarrhea / stomach cramps
- heartburn/ gaestric reflux
- semi-orgasmic state (in women) to the point of irritation
- muscel aches
- possible disruption of menstrual cycle
- breaking into tears

------------------------------

- decrease your dosage slowly (check with your physician)
- if possible, book a couple of weeks off from work and send the kids to camp.
- don't be afraid to inform your friends and family if you find that the symptoms are noticeable to others.
- eliminate as many possible stressors in your life as you can, (e.g. finances, duties, chores) before starting withdrawal.
- find some kind of pleasant memory or thought which you can call upon in the darkest moment. This helps to provide context and hope to the struggle when it is most needed.
- surround yourself with means to distract yourself from the symptoms, e.g. books, films, games etc.
- if possible, engage in some physical activity (golf appears to be an efficient aid according to at least one visitor)
- stay away from recreational drugs, including alcohol.
- realize that there is an end to it.
- be in touch with your physician, if only for reassurance.
- to help you objectify the experience keep a written account of your the process.

Waiting on the Apartment People Part Three

Finally some good news. WE get the apartment, moving in January 30th.

Waiting on the Apartment People Part Two

Since you asked Kimmie! :))
I sent the pictures of Sherman, Copied my drivers registration and took pictures of my car licence plates... I showed the letter I wrote to Nevada for Daine's birth certificate. Nevada hasn't sent me the Certificate yet. I signed paper work,I copied my tax return from last year. I sang a little song, made a little lunch and got down tonight!! OK, not really on the last part.
I mentioned the words ANAL Retentive They are waiting for some more information to come back on me, like the official "IF I am a serial killer" kinda thing. Nothing about finger prints yet, I am going to give them my BUTT PRINTS if this doesn't end SOON. Any place else you wave money under their nose and you are the proud renter of an apartment. So far the money hasn't done much for them.
They will have to use a crow bar to remove my carcass is they ever try to evict me once I am in. MAD MAD MAD

Lady in the water

Click on the link for the "Lady in the water" Interactive poster.

These Dreams

I dreamed of dead animals everywhere. Squished, about to give birth. There were animal babies laying on the trail I was walking. They were looking at me with half dead eyes. I didn't know what I should do. I think there were about fifteen baby alligators in the stages of death. I wondered if I should ease their suffering, or leave them to nature. I thought maybe I could get my hands on a children's wading pool and fill it with small fish and water, and maybe the alligators could revive.
Dead bears,bear severed heads... I cannot imagine what it could mean or what I was stressing about. It stunk, I could smell the death in my dream. I was feeling sick with the strength of that smell.
The day before it was an elephant baby following me everywhere I went. It thought it was tiny, but I knew it would hurt me if I stopped running. I climbed to the top of a tower with narrow passageways and it ran up to me, wedging its way through. I realized it could get stuck and we would both die in the tower.
I don't believe in dream association, like if you dream of water someone is going to have a baby, or a ladder means death, or a dog digging in the yard means money... or what ever the dream experts make up to match symbolism. I do not, I think it is simpler then that, but I have no idea what dead animals and nuisance elephants mean, or even alligators seeking assistance.
JEEEZ could it be my family?
I think of them more like healthy zoo animals, playful and annoying all at once.
If it were a circus, I would be the trapeze artist, and I would fly high above it all.
If it were a zoo, I would be feeding and endless cleaning.
If it were a Forest, there would be blankets provided for the night, and food provided for the day.

SANCTUARY!

Daylight coming and me wanna go home

I could write two blogs this morning. The other one entitled, "Drum roll please"
I am supposed to call the apartment people today. I am praying for good news. Good news like, "MOVE IN PLEASE"
And the other part of my morning is, three kids (house apes) one infant princess, a baby pug, a cranky son in law, mucho homework, and my Oldest daughter is at clinicals till three. At which time we will all be nuts. I would steal the spoiled fat dykeeni, my son, and my dog and hide out for the day, but I am a nice person.
Mostly a nice person who honors family commitments while lamenting that I am merely the gramma of the two little girls, dykeeni, Labrador,rat terrier,and baby pug.
I get to walk free with the nine year old boy and cocker spaniel with the jaws from hell when my apartment is ready. Notice I said, WHEN not IF.. I am trying for optomism. Like Mr Hatch says.. he is positive all the time, he must have been born that way.
AHHH life could be very easy.

Rabbie Burns Night

I wish you could have been at the dinner last night. It was more wonderful then I could have imagined. The music was spectacular. Chelsie's son Quinn is only a month old and he loved the bagpipes. They had a singer that had such a smooth lovely voice, I think she should be a recording star. One of the ladies there last night had been going to the Robert Burns dinners for seventy five years. I didnt know it is one of the longest running celebrations in the world.
There were lots of kilts, bagpipes, dirks, and sporans last night. Daine was most immpressed by the fancy drumming done by a band called the "Sleekit Beasties. We feasted on Roast beef and Haggis. I liked it, it was a bit like a spicy rice pilaf, or bulghar wheat, which I used to make all the time. Daine met a little boy who was one of the clan that started the celebrations, his grand father was a guest speaker. The little boy named Collin was wearing a kilt all the way from Scotland. He decided that he and Daine were friends, and they went all over the place together, I liked him very much. They held the dinner in the Jordan Ballroom, and I felt that I wasn't quite dressed up enough. All in all I thought the evening was well worth the money. Chelsie said she enjoyed it very much, and Daine says we have to go next year.

is no news bad news?

I never had so much trouble trying to rent a place before, this is ridiculous.
The word now is, "Our new company in California is inundated with all the many applications." Bet you wished you had kept the old company now don't you? Their problems fast become my problems, and so I wait. They have missed out on a whole months rent due to the incompetence. February is coming fast, and I would have liked to be moved before I was full face into school work. I have something every day of the week, from School to work, and kids and back again. I am hoping that I get a little "ME" time or I may get resentful. At least I can do most of my studying on the weekends at the Motive Power site, because that job is mostly sitting on my behind and watching.
The upside is, how thankful I will be when I am moved in to my new apartment.

Waiting on the Apartment People

We continue to be optimistic.

Nothing is ever sure till the paper work is signed, and ONE has their possessions firmly planted in the right spot.





AND one’s evil dog guarding the door.

Songs of the seventies, ahh nostalgia

Pictures of Home
(Blackmore/Gillan/Glover/Lord/Paice)

Somebody's shouting
Up at a mountain
Only my own words return
Nobody's up there
It's a deception
When will I ever learn?

I'm alone here
With emptiness eagles and snow
Unfriendliness chilling my body
And whispering pictures of home

Wondering blindly
How can they find me
Maybe they don't even know
My body is shaking
Anticipating
The call of the black hooded crow...

I'm alone here
With emptiness eagles and snow
Unfriendliness chilling my body
And taunting with pictures of home

Here in this prison
Of my own making
Year after day I have grown
Into a hero
But there's no worship
Where have they hidden my throne?...

I'm alone here
With emptiness eagles and snow
Unfriendliness chilling my body
And screaming out pictures of home

fuzzy logic

I might regret it but I do it anyway.

Gladys Carp Obit

We have new hair. Steven doesn't like it, he sweetly said, "How long will it take to be straight again?" he asked it softly, and I laughed. The most diplomatic man in creation, he missed his calling I think.

here we go

School starts Tuesday, runs till May 11. Here we go again. Scared and overwhelmed. I hope I can use my time more wisely. Daine and I are moving out hopefully, I dread that as well. I wish I was Samantha, and I could twitch my nose and it would all be finished. Not the school part, I enjoy that, I savor it. But the move and the unpacking part I hate.
I have a ton of stuff, literally, I weighed it once.
I hope I still have money in the bank. Probably not. Deposits, bills, needs, etc.

Snowy Sunday

Four in the morning came early. The second day of my weekend job is the hardest. I laughed at the cockerspaniel, he was at the foot of the bed wrapped in a blanket snoring. He didn't get up with me when the alarm went off. This is a mixed blessing, I didn't have to deal with him following me upstairs to be let outside. As with a lot of small dogs, I have to stand outside and wait for him to do his business. If I go inside he thinks he is being left and scratches at the door.
After he is finished he goes into the little girls rooms and snatches barbie dolls to chew up. He is really a big pain in the tush, why I love him so much I don't know.
I cannot recount how expensive he has become. Ipod, cell phone, several barbie dolls, two controllers for a game boy 2,10 pairs of shoes, clothes, underwear,socks, hair ribbons, scrunchies,books, papers, cups, boxes, he even eats my bills if I don't put them high up.
He never has accidents in the house, and he is sweet and loving, but so bone headed. I keep working with him, he might be a good pet yet. He is being raised to the status of service animal. The apartments don't allow pets. SO he is Service Animal.. we think serviceable for what? Mostly nuisance. I have to decide which one of us, me or Daine requires the therapy animal. I think ME. Dr. Armentrout doesn't care, he is willing to certify me nuts if I want... hmmm maybe that isn't such a good thing.

Wink Wink!

Wild Monkey Love

Small times

I called the Idaho state tax commission and got a nice lady named Leah. She said the records showed that the lien was paid in 1996 as I originally thought, she is going to send out a copy of that to me, and it looks like we are a go for the apartment.
Sheesh.
Leah is a bagpipe player she will be at the Caladonian Society dinner, that I am taking Daine and Chelsie to on Saturday. We shall have Haggis, and listen to Robert Burns Poetry and bagpipes.
I wish I could get Daine a kilt before the dinner, but he said he WOULD NOT WEAR IT!!
But he would be so cute.

Is it ok?

Is it ok if I say, I wish I were lying on the couch with you listening
to music and feeding you from my hand?

Is it ok if I say, I wish you would never leave me to sleep somewhere else?

Is it ok if I say I never want you to touch another woman, unless it is a daughter’s cheek in a loving gesture?

Is it ok, if I lay claim to you as one in my heart

The man I love is you.
I want more of you all the time.

F L: Y

Ahh there is always a fly in the ointment. The rental property called me, she said that in 1996 there was a tax lien on me. AHEM.. I was divorced in 1995 and the ex had some unpaid taxes, they happily grabbed it from me, the single mother. SO now why is this popping up 11 years later? I have rented for years, for petes sake.. to be sure if the government thought that I owed money, they would have extracted it from my bone marrow by now.
I still feel optomistic. My kids looked a bit deflated, they want that extra room so bad they are drooling in anticipation.

New Shoes!

OK... I admit that I have a problem, this is the first step to stopping the addiction? I think.

Almost time to move

Euro Syle Hardwood Cabinets
Walk-in Closets
Breakfast Bars

Large Patios/Balconies
Central Air
Reserved Covered Parking

Love Bug

2007

Courtesy of MsTags.com

Happy New year, though you are not here

Primitive Celebration

29000 BC
New Year's Festivities featured a primitive "BALL DROP" and an invertebrate.

Ewwwww

He is so positive and happy that sometimes it makes me even CRANKIER!

Tonight is any other night

Actually I am in such a mood this morning, that I know where I would go to have a private celebration for the new year. Unfortunately is is 700 miles away. Probably very wet and foggy as well, but I would go, I can drive it in the fog. I have gone there many times when the visibility was very bad. Deep in the woods by the Winchuck River is a place I can sit and sulk and be alone all night long. Perhaps break out a bottle celebration Scotch.
Relationships suck.
Happy New Year.
Grumpy Ole ME

Nights in white Satin

-- Justin Hayward--

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty Id always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I cant say anymore.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.

Gazing at people,
Some hand in hand,
Just what Im going thru
They can understand.

Some try to tell me
Thoughts they cannot defend,
Just what you want to be
You will be in the end,

And I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty Id always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I cant say anymore.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

It is not so much what he says, but how he sings it.

Busy Day

Back to back episodes of Law and Order

please

I want to steal you away from all the stressors of your day.

I want to take you on a walk where the only sound you hear is the rushing of the waves and the birds calling in the distance.

I want to hold your hand and kiss your neck, and tell you what you mean to me.

I love you.

live love laugh

Or something like that anyway.
I love this picture of Chelsie that her sister Janelle took. Janelle did a good job, I have saved it to my computer for a background picture. A wonderful example of a young mother and her adored son.
One can not explain the love of children to anyone. You can only know when you hold your own in your arms and feel the hard to grasp intensity that makes your chest hurt to breathe.

Sushi, daughters, and Number one Grandson

It was a memorable day. I was the butt of the jokes, the baby was so sweet, the sushi was so good, and I laughed so hard.

All Day

There is this unspoken feeling between us. It’s a want and a desire that goes beyond the knowing. I am so into you, your wants and needs. I could not imagine love like this in my wildest dreams. If it all ended tomorrow, I think I could live the rest of my life happy with all the remembering.

You are like an all day birthday party.

Love you

OH NO!

Sherman doesn't even like me talking on the phone to Steven. Sherman bit Steven when Steven kissed me.
Strangely, Sherman doesn't mind Paul one bit... one bite... OH HA HA HA AHAAAA

Free in a manner of speaking

Paul asked me out for New Year's Eve. I will go, it should be fun, and it will be much better then sitting home and dreaming of Sharkboy.
I cannot even ask, "What have I got myself into." I already know, I am too old to play dumb.
Mother said you cannot help who you love. I always argued, I thought love was an act of will, you just choose... OK, I was 17 when I had that idea. Sharkboy isn't really a good description of him. He is more wolf-like. Turquoise eyes,soft brown hair, lean and muscular. Sure in himself, and a good judge of character. He knew me when we first spoke, I thought it was a trick of my mind, but he continues to know me. It is like he picked up the book of my life and studied it carefully. I guess it is flattering to be the object of such close scrutiny, but it can be unnerving. I wonder if I am boring sometimes?
He says I am a constant surprise. I don't try to be.
I visualize him as part of my life, I have a feeling this is not going to end well. Who will pick up the pieces when I am broken?

Memory Box

I put it there, I won't ever forget. Sweet time together, no sleep, but I can sleep another time.
Work sux with two hours of sleep. OH but it was worth it.

Blob

I want to go out, I want to dance, I want to spend an evening with an enlightened companion, I want to be spoiled.
I don't want to be asked, "WHAT would you like to do?" I want the evening planned for me.
Theatre, fine dining, music and dance, walks in the park, or taking in downtown.
OTHERWISE< I feel I will turn into a blob.

WHOOOO HOOOOO!!

I got a B in every class but English, I got an A!!

Break out the champagne!! Party down, YAY>> oh yeah, I have to work... sigh.

"B"

Humanities and History grades are posted, I have a B in History and a B- in Humanities.
English grades are not posted yet, and I am not surprised... she missed several classes and didn't require reading, and was a spaz most of the time. English professors tend to be difficult I am noticing.

Wasted

Have you ever felt like you were just a waste of air?
Man I do lately, I have become belief-less, and damned and indifferent with a tiny edge of guilt.
I need some time to ruminate, just like an old cow with a mouth full of hay to chew on.
I think that now is all we have, and I think that I am too cowardly to really have a relationship that matters, and I think I am in love, and I don't think he is the wrong guy either. BUT I think he is going to drop dead of a heart attack before I can claim him as all mine. I think...too much... I think its hormones.

We belong together

I think.. I hesitate to say; that we belong together. This intensness of feeling doesn't happen every day. I live and breathe you.

History has been examined

We think that Cortez was the founder of Montezuma's revenge. I was thinking.. IF I make the professor laugh, will I get extra credit? PROBABLY not.

Weazled through the semester

The History Final is tomorrow, I took a break enjoying the flu, Days laying in bed trying to keep coherent, and now the day is here, if I get a good grade in any class this semester it is not because I deserve it.

No one was immune

Even the mighty have fallen. The grossest flu on record. It is supposed to be a 24 hour bug, but I think I am on 48 and counting, I have to go to work tonight anyway. The almighty Steve has caved in. It is so pathetic that no one is taking care of him, I feel bad he is all alone sitting on the floor in front of the toilet. At least my kids brought me a cup of chamomile tea in the midst of my pain and suffering.
Ok... Snicker....

Spooky

First I want you then I don't. I miss you, I don't think about you at all. You make me happy, you make me mad. Must be Love.

Man oh Man

I feel like I got hit with a truck. My whole body aches, my feet hurt too much to walk on. My bones pop when I move and my arms are numb.
Thursday I went to school till eight PM, then to work,after work I went to humanities class in the morning. Half hour drive home then bed. Four hours of sleep, then I got up to get the kids from school. My phone was buggy so I left it home and took the kids to Jack in the box. I feel terrible. After Janelle got home I took a nap, then I went upstairs to be company for her. All I did was doze off and snore loudly so she couldn't hear the TV show she wanted to watch.
I took ibuprofen, the pain should subside in a few hours. I am going to get me some good shoes, enough of this pain, I already threw away two pairs that were worn out. I Have a thing about throwing shoes away, but I made myself.
The brown lace ups I have had since Daine was a baby, and the black flats are about five years old. They are both very worn out. I put the miles on when I walk.

I AM doing my essay

Today At six thirty AM, Chuck pulled his truck up to the gate to talk to me. He is adorable, soft wispy blond hair and big blue eyes. Mark maneuvered himself in between us, so I had to look at the back of his big lumpy head. I noted that he had shaved little bald spots into his head. It was very odd, I wondered what type of instrument he had used to get that effect. Poor Mark, he blathered on and on about something totally unrelated to what Chuck had wanted to talk to "ME" about. If I didn't find Mark so tedious at times, my heart would break for him. He is homely,boring, stupid and has nothing to show for living 47 years of life on the planet.
Earlier before Mark had gained entrance into my interesting world, Chuck came to work with a cup of coffee for me that he had made. I like his coffee. I will be leaving this site soon, and I would like to go out with Chuck, but it looks like I might have to say so.
I left at seven AM, Steven had forgotten he had invited me for breakfast before I went home to sleep. I didn't remind him, he has a big job of doing payroll today. He said after his luncheon meeting he would like to come and wake me up. I said I would like that.
Lord! what an understatement. I was woke up to kisses and the sweetest embrace. There is so much chemistry between us, it nearly makes me nuts with desire.
Sherman came downstairs and in puppy fashion, began to pop Steven on the face with his soft paddy paws. I think it was Sherman's way of saying, "Don't kiss my mommy."
Sherman got the boot, and I got the rest of my afternoon wake up. I would like that every time I wake up, but you cannot get that when you are falling for someone that has previous connections, I have no one to blame but me, and his blasted turquoise eyes.

Wart Hogs in the work place

The evening watch at the shopko distribution center was uneventful. Then Mark came in at six AM loaded for bear. I was the primary target. I was not in the mood. I told him to shut up. Among other things, his look of shocked surprise was well worth the effort. So I called my supervisor and gave him the heads up, I told him, to please get me off that site or they will be filing a missing person's report on the wart hog in charge.
Lord Mark is so vile and pompass. He tried to tell me that I must never have an evening off without his approval. I told him that I only take orders and I hadn't asked for the evening off, it had been arranged from management. As usual he didn't listen and went on and on for a total of fifteen unbearable minutes.
Not only is he boring, never listens, talks incessantly, his teeth are rotten and he always spits on me when he gets too close. IF someone is going to spit on me, it better be Steve in a moment of passion.

I didn't work last night

IT is cold, seventeen degrees, I am supposed to run some errands. I am in jammies e-mailing Steve back and forth. YES YES< Out of the pan and into the fire.
well.........I was cold!

I am that woman

Ok. however I just want more and more.

Dating

At work,Chuck said he would put a phone number in my cell phone, then he laughed and looked embarrassed, as he tried to speak again, Mark interrupted as per normal, and began going on about himself, and Chuck smiled gave me a salute and went back to work. The next morning Chuck tried to ask me what I was going to do for the weekend, Mark interrupted and began going on about his plans. Chuck looked sheepish, saluted me and went back to work. I would have said, YES.

I told Sharkman that I would go out with Chuck, as long as S is not single, I am not committed. Brave words when all I want is to be with S.

OK, they all seem like that at first

Could I dare believe?
Just about the time I think of giving him the boot, he says the right thing again.
JEEEZ I love him.