Let the public humiliation begin

I am going to quit, I am.
She talks very slow to me and uses small words when we are in public, like I ride the short bus or something.
In Albertsons, she took that attitude with me, I have given her credit for not feeling well, but there is only so much crap I am willing to roll in. People were giving us strange looks, I was so embarrassed.
She had mentioned earlier that if she taught me one thing, it was me having a back bone. Seriously, she has taught me patience, I have thought about walking out and leaving her with that hateful expression on her face several times.
SHE IS NOT NICE.
I have a bad cough and sinus congestion from her incessant smoking. BLAHHHH.
Here I have to work two twelve hour shifts at POH, then go and deal with her happy ass again on Monday. THEN Volunteer for the boys club for a few hours, then take Dainish to Karate. Did I mention that I am a home body. so much for that.

Oh Jeez I found Ogress' Picture

SANS the hat.
if she wore red it would be a dead ringer.

SO Bite me fickled finger of FATE!!!

First day of job number two. So far so good, the little optimist in me is cautiously peeking out.
Friday was mind numbing. I was a shaking hulk of despair after 8 hours of Ogress' psychoanalysis. On the way home one of my favorite angry songs was on the radio, Beck- LOSER, ahhh "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?" My radio would only turn up sooo loud, not loud enough to ease my agony.
I am already worrying about how I can tolerate Monday. Pick Pick Pick, and I remain silent to my credit, she says I have repressed anger and I am a very sad person. No she is misreading me I am a happy person and I am merely keeping my mouth shut while she goes on and on about my fallibilities. The look on my face is tolerance tending toward walking out the door. "FIND another care giver OGRESS!"
I guess I don't tolerate abuse very well. This is another life lesson in patience and tolerence that I did not ask for. I am good at keeping silent, but my face looks pained and I can feel that. I need a coping technique if I am going to stand this much longer. I think shorter hours, and I wish she would keep her hands off the chart. She picks over every word how she thinks her progress should be written. Can we just put in PIA? (pain in the ass)?? Angel is not my name.

remember?

When I think about the wind on my face and the ocean air salty and damp, I think about being free and no longer having to work for unpleasant people, or listening to long winded professors.
Am I still going to be young enough to enjoy what I am working toward?

They all like my fuzzy pink robe

I guess "them's black mail pictures", snicker... I told him to wear his own robe, so this is his own fault.
Dain has a nest on the couch and is watching 'Cars' He has Rota virus. I was forced to call in sick today, I explained the situation. I am not sick, but Rota has a three day incubation period, I don't dare expose my client to this virus. She has a compromised immune system, and something like this could end her up in the hospital, or worse.
So I am not going anywhere, I feel like we should put a big "P" for plague on the front door.
Dain is thrilled to be in a nest watching movies and being waited on. The pets like the nest too. No pictures of the sick boy today, poor little guy, he hates missing school. AND Me... I cannot afford to miss work, every penny counts, just when I thought I was going to get caught up on bills and rent. AHHHH well it shall be done eventually... after much groveling and complaining.

Ogress

Yes I know it is your show, and I know that the load you carry is very heavy. Do you know that you are very tedious and time wasting and unpleasant and mean sometimes? Do you know that I don't need to hear your medical prognosis for six hours? and do you know that conversation consists of two people bantering words back and forth gently? Not one person standing over the other refusing to let anyone else talk.
Jeez I know I can be talkative at times, but I am never rude and I do care about you, but you make it very hard.
I told you I had a cut thumb, that is not trying to "ONE-UP" your pain and suffering, I told you that I agree with you, that is not trying to over shadow your specific pain. I have kept my mouth shut and let you go on for hours and waste both of our time, but you still think that I am talking too much. I am certain that nothing I do, or don't do would please you in the end. I think you would try a guardian angel's patience to the point of screaming.I am empathetic, and I am also discerning and I can see how you have lived your life, and I can see in some ways why you are where you are now. A lot of loving people have tried to help you, but you always know best. I am very considerate that you are dying, and I want to be there for you. Yes I know you have boundaries and pride, but you still are unpleasant and in another life on another day, I would kick your ass for being mean to miss Glena Jean, who has a soft heart and really cares that your remaining days are filled with sunshine and laughter. Perhaps you will learn something too, even though you are so bent on teaching me.
you are teaching me what I already know, but I must remain silent while you smile that horrible smile that sends chills up my spine. I have seen that smile before, its the smile someone makes when they are about to say something incredibly short sighted. And my dear you are, you were not a caring giving person in life, and you are not a caring giving person nearing your death. I wish I was a better match for your needs, but I don't think anyone is. I wish you would quit complaining about how horrible all your last care givers were, because I am sure that I am next on your list of inept and stupid care givers. You do not give people a chance, nor do you credit anyone with intelligence. You really do not know best, but you are too young to die without learning more in this life.
I would not have liked you when you were well either.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

An ogre (feminine: ogress) is a large,

cruel and hideous humanoid monster,

featured in mythology, folklore and

fiction. Ogres are often depicted in

fairy tales and folklore as feeding on

human beings, and have appeared in many

classic works of literature. In art,

ogres are often depicted with a large

head, abundant hair and beard, a

voracious appetite, and a strong body.

The term is often applied in a

metaphorical sense to disgusting persons

who exploit, brutalize or devour their

victims.

Enough of this infernal inversion

I would like the days to get longer, and mornings to be warmer, and the air to be clear.
Enough of this over cast grey smelly weather ok?

Ava Rae, what the hey? doesn't have a lot to say.

Ava and I went to the bent corners book store yesterday. She was enthralled. she walked around the store picking out books for everyone. she found a Sci Fi book for me, a pop up book for her and several board books for "Wooby" I only got the pop out book and the two Rudyard Kipling "Just so animal stories" one for the grand daughters and one for the grand sons.
She was very good for a wild baby. We spent a total of six dollars, even I can afford that!
The bent corners was a good find.

Too old

Janelle says I am getting too old to shop with, she said, "How someone can stare at a roll of tape for ten minutes is beyond me." She was actually trying to get me to move from the scene of the crime committed by one two and a half year old blondy person. So she says now anyway.
Ava dumped a cup of hot cocoa accidently in the aisle. She then tried to clean it up with wet wipes, Ava is so precious.

Janelle is going to be ticked when she sees the flattering photo I have put up. hee hee

Musings of the wicked

I wanted to go to school today, about as much as I wanted to face a firing squad. I was filled with revulsion, anxiety and a certain amount of anticipation for what happens next.
-------Today I headed out into the blistering cold armed with my cellphone (set on stun) my ipod (armed with heavy metal bag pipe music) My warm wool coat and plaid muffler, my half finger gloves and a lunch packed for a long day in captivity. Bring it on! I did not read the assignment.
------Ahh this is just too much fun! There is cough girl, eat stinky food in class girl,there is dirty boots on the back of the chair guy, there's chatty Cathy yes! they are all here. I am here too, with my thick blondish hair wound up in a tight knot on top of my head, my pudgy fingers gripping the pen in anticipation, yes we are all here...and I feel CRANKY.
-----ENTER Geos Professor who sounds surprisingly like Herman Munster.

Busy Busy

Fibromyalgia is at an all time high. I am in so much pain these days, I think I should go see the Dr. its about time for the vile yearly thing anyway. EVEN my finger nails hurt, I am tired of this.
I want to bend over to pick up something I dropped and not wince in pain every time I move. OK? OK!

Grousing

Cover your mouth when you cough, for Pete's sake... I felt my hair move. I am sure your conversation is fascinating, but I would like to hear the professor, THANK YOU. Damn, why do people with gas sit down in front... why did I sit at the top? ewww
Professors that give a test on the second week are ASSESS.
Get your damn shoes off the back of my chair. what is this PIG WEEK?

Your attentionspan is deficient!

OK OK so the continental drift is true, the other two theories were found to prove how the continental drift happened. RELIEF! I am not sending my son to School with incorrect information.
Daine said he didn't remember our conversation anyway.... takes after his mother.

Your blond roots are showing

I think I followed most of the lecture on Continental Drift and Plate Tectonics With a little bit of sea floor spread? Hmm sounds a bit like my ass size.
I tried to stop my eyeballs from rolling back in my head. Some old dogs cannot be taught new tricks. I am going to read chapter two and re-read the notes and see if I can understand.
You know, we were taught about the continental drift theory in grade school, note: Our books were probably from the fifties. They probably were you know, most of the school board forgot about Pierce Idaho and thought that the little savages that lived there were beyond redemption, let alone anything resembling science study.
AND now I find that only a few days ago, I explained about continental drift to my son as if it were a reasonable law not an old theory refuted in the sixties. I am so embarrassed. I really did try to keep up on science you know. Damn, I wonder what else I have been telling my son that has been refuted in the last forty years??? YIKES!
Next time I am asked a scientific question I will research it before giving my answer.

Pomegranate Martini

2 tablespoons natural cane sugar
2 tablespoons water
2-3 ounces top-shelf vodka
2-6 ounces freshly squeezed or organic pomegranate juice
half of a lime
2 slices lemon
a martini shaker and glass
ice

Oh Gawd I am trendy. I just like them, and I would like one sometimes in the evening. I only had one. hick hick

It was seventy degree's and sunny with a light breeze

I am gone gone gone

Tomorrow I will be heading to the coast with Daine,Andy,Andrew and Sherman.
cold misty sea air, crashing waves, wet sand. I am going to like it.
Then there is the Aquarium. Thats lovely, not to mention the touristy things. I like Ripleys and the wax museum. Daine will be amazed. He doesn't get out much, snicker.
Andy will make the trip wonderful, he is the best traveling companion ever.

Remember Me?

Was she ever this young? My mother.
I am told I look just like her.

Janelle said, "at least you will know what you will look like when you are an old lady. Your mom was a pretty old lady."
I reminded her that I am four months from being the same age as my mom when she died.
52. OHH! right.
Well you look younger then your mom did.
Quick save Janelle.

sunday haze

It was church in the morning, lunch, visit sue, talk to Janelle kinda day.
I had a simple salad, romaine, tomato, green onion, and almonds. Liberally sprinkled with ranch dressing, actually I would have liked olive oil and rice vinegar.
I would have liked to create something beautiful, but its a hold your breath kind of day, and wait and see what happens next. DAMN I hate that waiting game. Where am I going to move? where am I going to work? I applied at something in Boise, I have to sign a lease in a few days, I have to get my books. Lazy Glena Jean is taking two classes this semester. I think I am going nuts, nah I am not, I am fine, well ok??
sherman is having the last of the salad I am too bored to eat.
I have to get up at four AM tomorrow. Andy will be talkative, then sleep soundly while I get up at four... I think if he wants to talk late into the night, he can get up early too.

My best friend is back

Everything falls into place, and feels right.
Three months apart and quiet reflection made us both realise that perhaps it is the great love of the century. Andyroo I love you.

my car is cranky

NOW< why did it run so beautifully yesterday. Today it won't start not even with the budging technique Andy showed me.
I called into work. This is driving me crazy, I have always prided myself on being dependable. I have to do something!!
well it looks like tea and crumpets and finish that lovely book I started, and then.. find out how much a starter costs.
At least I got groceries yesterday, so I can cook.

Beloved car broke

Guess it is the starter. Now I have to budge the car whilst in second gear with my ample ass. this produces a click, which in turn puts the starter in the correct position, WHATEVER that is, and the car will start.. in theory.
I got called off work today so I haven't tried my new found technique.
I cannot afford this. I am thankful that this foundling car, found in a field where it had sat for six years runs as good as it does. A tribute to Andy's genius.
It seems now that it is awake, that little cosmetic problems are going on with it. Like the heater vent buttons are stiff, the locks don't work, the doors don't shut, the doors don't open, the emergency break is iffy. However I get very attached to things, and I am fond of this car, I never named it though, I just call it Stanza.
It is faded blue and it has a few dings on the side and the paint has faded over the engine, and I think it needs oil again.
It ticks when the engine is running, what does that mean? NOT a rod. I don't know what a rod is, but they are very bad when they go 'tick tick tick'

Reign them thoughts in

It is an attention deficient type of day. I got stuff going all directions, and I would be eloquent if I could stop and focus.
I was thinking about death. I was thinking about the afterlife, and I don't believe in it anymore.
Too many holes in that theory children. This makes me a bit more selfish, there is no great reward for good deeds. Live a reasonable life, help people, and die. There is no returning there is no higher plane. Like a candle snuffed out, we like the lost flame cease to exist.
We did not exist before life, we do not exist after. So I am thinking, I better get it right, I better do those things I meant to do, because time is marching on and leaving me behind.
I don't like this getting a degree process, everything is on hold till I succeed in that genre.
Jenni asked me, (in regard to religion) "Are you still on our side?" I said yes to relieve her fears, but I suppose that I am not really on that side anymore. I am not bad, I am not inherently evil. I don't need a big god standing over me with a big stick to make me moral. I am what I am alone. I believe in honesty, I keep my word, and I do no harm to anyone. I find that I am more honest with people, perhaps more then most would like, but temperance is sometimes a lie. I do not like to lie.

YIPES bedtime

I am watching shrek, but I have to get up at five AM.
soooo I am going to bed. After much listening to modest mouse and having a pomegranite vodka martini... and thinking much, yes much.
I have decided that all is futile.
Goodnight sweet dreams.
G

Polar Opposites (Modest Mouse)

I'm trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away
-------------------------------------------
So it's a new siege. I am in a Modest Mouse kind of mood today, creative but no outlet.
Lonely but satisfied to be alone.
Wrapped in a warm blanket, I believe I will dive into a good book.
There are several bottles of wine untouched in the fridge....
-------------------------------------------
POLAR OPPOSITES
Polar opposites don't push away
It's the same on the weekends as the rest of the days
And I know I should go but I'll probably stay
And that's all you can do about some things
I'm trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away
Two one eyed dogs, they're looking at stereos
Hi-fi Gods try so hard to make their cars low to the ground
These vibrations oil its teeth
Primer gray is the color when you're done dying
I'm trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away
MODEST MOUSE

Head Trauma Dogs and Mad Cows

I brought Daine home a Lazar pointer thingy. He has been driving the cats and Sherman nuts.I didn't know that the dog would chase it too, so now they are running around the house full speed and trying to run up the wall, in Sherman's case into the wall. I said to the boy that it would be a nice gesture to stop before the dog hits the wall. Sherman being mostly beautiful and not very smart, we need to look out for his interests you see.__________________________________________
I was scheduled to work today, so I headed off to Boise, optimism in hand at around seven o clock this morning.The meeting did not go well and I left without pay. I so dislike welfare Prima-Donna's.I called the office and said, "Due the lack of graciousness of my client, I won't be going back." They called me a few minutes later and asked if I would return to the enemy's apartment and pick up her over due movies and return them. I said..No.
I said if she wants people waiting on her, she is going to have to try a different tact. One involving politeness. I don't deal well with rude people, nor drama queens.AHH and secretly I am so glad, I got my seventeen year old paraplegic back, and he and I get along fine without drama.

OMG!

I often feel like everything revolves around me.

O1_03_09

This is the last day off forever. I will begin working every day, and drive to Boise three days a week. and wish for something else. I heard something new, there is such a thing called Tax Credit Apartments, they go by your income.
Someone said, you probably will pay 260.00 a month. WHAT? I said, I cannot even begin to pay the 588.00 I am trying to pay now. I am three months behind, and my college money will go to catching up, then what? My income isn't going to cover rent even working seven days a week.Because I don't average 8 hours a day, but I must take what I get and suck it up and quit grousing about it. HUH? I need to be THANKFUL.
Grateful, some people don't even have work coming in, and while I was in the office yesterday, there were several calls for people looking for work. The office manager said, Twenty a day, and they are not hiring. OTAY< Glena needs an attitude adjustment.
EVEN So.. Grumpy says, what about an 8 hour job we like? WHAT ABOUT THAT????

Anna

I love my sister Anna. She is from Alabama. She has written a cook book called "Soy of the South" I have included a link to her web page.
Wish her luck, and check out her web page.

It is 2009

It is the new year, I cannot stop time no matter how I beg and plead. Once I was a twenty year old trying my best to fit into the scheme of things, now I am a fifty something still trying to do the same thing.
Someone said the more things change the more they stay the same.
People come and go into my life, I try to make sense of things, but as always, I take the good, leave the rest and know that whatever happens, I am most happiest with myself. I am alone, and it is good.
Sigh it is good, to be an excellent cook, and still sing in a loud clear voice. A voice flawed by time, but still good remotely.
Eyes are still big and green, hands are showing signs of age, knees.. don't even get me started, my knees ache. My mind is cluttered with what should be, and what isn't. I will work on mind clutter for my new year resolution. I will try my best to be honest with others, but mostly I must strive to be honest with myself.

Bees

Official Grades
COMM 101 Fund of Speech (B)
COUNSELING 294 Workshop (A+)
COUNSELING 494 Workshop (B)
SOCIOLOGY 230 Multi-Ethnic Studies (B-)

I am not going to mention Pre-Algebra.... vile

Dancing in the shadow of the dark

I am confused. For one never allowed in your life, or in your home, has no rights to you, then you have no reason to expect me to wait by the phone? as I have.
and you ended the conversation without saying anything that I could understand. Do you want to move on? You must do what you think is right, as I always try to do as well.
Then why do I feel like I have missed something very important?
Just so you know, I am trying as best I can, and I never meant you any harm, but I will accept what verdict you come up with.
I was sure it couldn't go on for long anyway.I do not lie, but you do not trust me.
Too many things are always left un-said, and I do not like the dark.
One who is night blind must always travel in the light.

Jammin!

you know, I am feeling a little down right now. Then "Jammin" by Bob Marley comes on. No matter how yucky I am feeling this song always brings a smile to my face. I don't know what it is, but the sound of Jammin, makes me think of people dancing around in their jammies, and I feel better. I have a pair of Gawd Awful ugly pink flannel jammies with kittys on them. I would wear them to work if I could get away with it. I'm Jammin!

mink

Hard to read, swept away by conflicting emotions, it's a possibility that I am wrong. Again.
I don't want this, can I have a user manual, or a rule book something? Please.
I cannot figure out what I am supposed to do. If I tell all the truth, do I lose eveything? If I lie, how do I feel? I know... bad. I don't lie easily. if even at all. It is easier to be alone. It is easier to close up my feelings and not worry about anyone anymore.

Phook Yooo

It is Sunday. I called walmart to see if they have any recipe card files. I am going to copy all my favorite recipes down for my Chelsie girl. I did it for Janelle a few years ago, and I don't even know if she uses them, but Chelsie has asked for a few recipes lately, like how to make rice, and my coffee cake etc..
walmart put me on hold. I held... I was listening to Phish, so I held longer... finally after twenty minutes I was pretty sure no one was getting back to me. So I called again, I asked the same question, I mentioned that I had been on hold a long time waiting to find out if they had recipe card files. She said, "ok, I will put you on hold..." Still listening to Phish... still holding,I gave them ten minutes this time. I called Walgreen's. The answering machine gave me two choices, cosmetics, or Photo's. I picked photos... the gentleman that answered was very nice. He put the phone down and ran down the aisles to look for Recipe card files. He came back in five minutes, he said they didn't carry them. I was just thankful that someone tried.
On to K-mart. K-mart is having a huge sale, they are busy, but still they have people in there running cash registers and helping customers. I found what I wanted in a few minutes, I went directly up to the check out and was out of the store in 15 minutes. Amazing. It would have been an hour at the dreaded walmart. Walmart REALLY does suck.
Renews my policy to never never shop at WALMART.
they might do an IQ check on some of their customer service representatives... oh they might have to fire the whole staff.

Blizzardly

Dream like, drifting, slick, and I am home making chili. Not too hot, I don't like things too spicy, and I have to feed the boy, boy's do not like spicy food for sure.
I took down the christmas ornaments, I put up my bird houses where the nut crackers had sat.
I know this is all so enlightening. I want to say something about dating, but too many people are reading this sucky blog now, and I am stuck keeping half my thoughts to myself.
Cesar. wake up and smell the coffee buddy!

well it was satisfying

The grand children are happy, the turkey was perfect, the gravy wasn't lumpy, and I enjoyed myself with my family.
I had a glass of wine and took a nap, I am such a light weight.
Tomorrow is work, and take down the decorations, I am ready for what little space I have to be back.
I didn't talk to Cesar much today, it was noticeable. I missed him. I talked to Sue several times, and I texted my friends on the cell phone. It has a cracked screen and I cannot always read what they text me back.
I ate too much, Linda's Salmon cheese spread was great, I made it with a few variations.
I put the parsley in the spread instead of rolled it in it. It was good that way and I left out the horseradish.

So, OMG! what was I thinking?

Left over mashed potatoes, and animal crackers from my stocking... that is what I ate for breakfast. I am not a kid anymore, my stomach is planning its revenge.

Dusky's Pets have Christmas

we got snow

This means I have to drive in it to work. HOWEVER it's an adventure at least, I do hope I don't end up in the snow bank or worse. The studded snow tires on the front do not help as much as I had hoped, I really think you need four of them, not two.
I am permanently cold. I wear flannel to bed, I wear long johns under my jeans, I wear gloves, and I am still cold. I do however have new boots to wear finally, yes yes, this was the high point of our mediocre day. such is life in the fast lane you know.
Daine's presents are wrapped, Sherman's will be wrapped on Wednesday night just before we unwrap them. I forgot to buy something for my stocking, the boy expects my stocking to be full like his is. Santa puts a present under my tree for me too, the lazy ass didn't even wrap it for me this year. (Santa) I suppose this is one of those funny family traditions that the children will remember in passing years long after the crazy old bat is gone.

Walmart sux, Walmart Sux, la la laaa la laaaaa

I found a pair of boots in my size for twelve dollars. they happen to be Turquoise suede, this might look very interesting with my scarlet coat with the black fox fur collar.OR.. I might look like a slightly faded trollop of the night. Cesar says if I can bake cheese cake he might forgive me. I can bake cheese cake, but one should really try my baked keylime pie, to die for!!

I still don't have any boots

STILL, I have avoided walmart for days, but it looks like that is where the boots are hiding out. I liked the red ones I saw on biz.com, but on sale for 150.00 is still no sale for me. sigh.....Walmart it is.

I YAM Hungry

Not that it matters, but SHIT it's nearly four thirty, hours since I had breakfast.
I have to quit the creative bent I am on and get cracking on that present wrapping that I was distracted from earlier.
Next three days I work, and boy is home, I need to get those presents wrapped now.
(he is still at his sisters')
Earlier, I wanted a new pair of boots, my pink plaid rain boots do not cut it in the snow, in fact they are down right chilly. I went to Ross's all they had were those high topped pointy heel things, sure to leave me feet up in the ditch somewhere. Sherman doesn't care about fashion sense, he merely wants to walk fast to the park and jerks the leash hard for a little dog. I could see exactly what would happen if I wore those kind of boots. I NEED winter boots. Apparently so did everyone else, there was limited supply of winter boots, except the dumb high heel ones affore mentioned.
I am still bootless in Boise, its nampa, but that doesn't sound as cool, Bootless in nampa...

The Morning after Let Down

Ya Know... that was one of the best times I ever had. Totally innocent and sweet. Simple enjoying the company of someone who is as un-complicated as a child. Makes me want to hand over the world without a backward glance. Now I am quietly contemplating four loaves of cranberry bread baked fresh this morning, a rug that needs vacuuming, dishes that need to be washed, laundry that needs to be finished, and business with Cesar that needs to be handled. I had a sad letter from him this morning and I do not know how I feel about that actually. I answered him back with honesty and temperance. Such as I can, I am so blunt at times. BUT I did mention a few things that have remained un-said. I don't do "UN-SAID" very well. Everyone knows that. Don't ask Glena anything unless you are prepared for the unvarnished truth.