YOU want me to eat what?!

Not a great day for baby Ava, she doesn't know why her mommie isn't here and why stinky old Gramma is trying to feed her a vile bottle.
Gramma gave up and gave her rice cereal mixed with breast milk and a small bit of banana.

School

And so it begins.... the first day of school tomorrow.

Grunge

Graveyard shift at the construction site last night. The world caved in on me this morning when I was trying to sleep. Kids looking for things, cats spitting at the new puppy, Leo diving into the middle of me to see if I would get up and feed him. I am tired.
Geeez! I have to shower and do it again.
LATER GATOR

So, when is it art.. or just plain stupid?

The only way Snoop can get a date?
Just wondering.

Sherman Sedgwick Dusky

Sherman the new puppy

I bought a new dog, I couldn't take the grief I feel. It is a male cocker spaniel from the Humane Society. Why anyone would give up this wonderful dog, I have no idea.
He is mostly potty broke, which is weird for a new puppy from the pound, and he has a sweet sunshine nature.
Daine said, "Lucy would have loved him."
Yes Lucy would have approved.

Goodbye best friend

I said goodbye to my best friend today.
Health conditions,quality of life... Etc. It still makes me feel like I did something wrong. We think she might have had cancer too. She was the funniest dog I ever owned. I remember her smile and the "quaff" noise she made, and how she didn't bark because she thought it was rude. She was a princess to the end, my friend Lucille.

I am so sick of this abuse of power

Troops 'took turns' to rape Iraqi

The case is the latest in a series of scandals for the US army
A US military hearing has examined testimony of how three soldiers took it in turns to try to rape an Iraqi girl aged 14 in Mahmudiya in March.
The girl and three family members were allegedly killed by four US soldiers.

Graphic details of the attack at the family's home came in a sworn statement by one of the accused, James P. Barker.

The preliminary hearing will decide whether to court-martial the four. The case is one of a series of atrocities blamed on US forces in Iraq.

Along with Sergeant Paul Cortez, Private Jesse Spielman, and Private Bryan Howard, Specialist Barker is charged with rape and murder.

The four are alleged to have helped a former private - Steven Green, who has since left the army - plan, carry out and cover up the attack. Mr Green has pleaded not guilty in a federal court and will be tried separately in the US.

A fifth soldier is alleged to have lied to cover up for his colleagues.

'Whisky and golf'

Investigator Benjamin Bierce interviewed Mr Barker, 23, on 30 June and took down his statement, he told the hearing at a US military base in Baghdad.




US investigations into deaths

On the day of the attack the soldiers had been drinking Iraqi whisky mixed with an energy drink and practising golf strokes at a checkpoint south of Baghdad, Mr Barker's statement said.

One of the soldiers, Steven Green, said he "wanted to go to a house and kill some Iraqis," it alleged.

The four eventually went to a house about 200 metres (yards) away and put the parents and their five-year old daughter in the bedroom, but kept the older girl in the living room.

According to Mr Barker's statement, he and Mr Cortez took it in turns to rape or attempt to rape her.

Mr Barker heard shots from the bedroom, and Steven Green emerged with an AK-47 in his hand saying "They're all dead. I just killed them."


Steven Green, who has pleaded not guilty, is being tried separately

According to the testimony, Mr Green then also raped the girl and shot her dead.

Her body was doused in kerosene and set alight.

The first day of the hearing on Sunday saw an Iraqi army medic describe how he found the bodies of the four Iraqis.

He told prosecutors he was ill for weeks after witnessing the crime scene.

Proceedings are expected to continue for several days.

D R A M A

Lucille and I worked the Skanska Target site last night. Of course, twelve hours of pretty much nothing to do. I dozed off, I woke up with the field supervisor parked next to my car... I haven't been snuck up on before. Lucille is fired.
She played vicious dog after she saw who it was, she really likes the field supervisor. Vicious dog is her showing her teeth in a big canine smile and making a noise like this,"Quaff Quaff"
I was anxious most of the evening, I kept watching every truck with a sleeper and double trailers pulling in and out of the construction site. Rob Anybody knows where I work and that I am alone.
After the night finally cools down, I roll up my windows and lock the doors. Of course Lucy isn't going to protect me.

PHONE SIEGE

If you call someone three times on one day, Five the next day then three the following day, and they do not answer... Do you think maybe they are unavailable...Heaven forbid DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOUR ASS!

Whatever you do, life is on a collision course

Sitting at the construction site with my dog, thinking to myself, " I don't want to do this today."
I cheated and wore thin cotton pants, instead of the horrible polyester uniform pants.
I drank a lot of water, so did the dog. We chased a ball, and doodled around.
A large truck had smashed into the curb and taken out a bit of it. He had blown three of the dual tires on the back.
He was having a bad day. He was stranded six hours waiting for help. He had lost his cell phone in a river the day before. I gave him water and loaned him my cell phone.
I have told myself time and time again... never make eye contact
He is thinking of moving to Boise because of me... one evening with me and he thinks he has met destiny, the answer to his questions, the reason for happiness. Which makes me think he is a few bricks short of a load. Don't get me wrong, I was interested in his life story and he is very nice.... but "DON'T MOVE SO FAST!! Ok?"
Warning bells are ringing again.

Best things are stolen from Janelle

Stolen fair and square from Janelle. It is a mutual thing. My clothes go to her, her ideas go to me.
HEY! where is my green shirt? Out walks Janelle sporting my green shirt.. it looks better on her anyway, alas.



Weyerhaeuser/Trus Joist site is now finished for me, I told the field supervisor that I would be working only one day a week after August 14th, because of school. So instead of waiting till then, they have decided to punish me early and give that site to someone else. I will miss the frogs and the owls. Last week, I was walking on the upper site, ( the whole walk outside takes me nearly an hour) and the owls flew out of their hiding place, not as voraciously as in the past. I was imagining that they were used to me now. Owls I have read are not the smartest of birds, but still wild things have instinct, and they must have realized I was too fat to fly and bother their nest.
I am no longer afraid of them, when I walk by they screech and fly away from their hiding place, but they do not swoop near my head anymore.
A few days later, I was getting ready to walk out of my starting place to begin my rounds, and there was a smaller owl walking around the pavement. It seemed to be calling to me, but I didn't have a mouse or frog handy to feed it. The bird allowed me to get closer and closer, but I did not want to frighten it away. It seemed un-afraid of me, and I was almost sure I could touch it, but I know about sharp beaks and claws, also respect, so I did not succumb to temptation and I gave the bird it's space. It is so beautiful.

Tortured Noises

Oranizing a small boy to help move furniture and clean up toys is more work then doing it yourself, however I think he needs the experience. I wasn't much of a self starter myself at his age.

I am Never bored.. or Rarely

They re-routed the freeway I think, cars all night trouping past my night watch spot. I could hardly get a nap in.
Lucy has worms I discovered. Next pay day... sigh....
Poor animal always has to wait for me to have money to fix her up right.
I am glad I worked on the construction site last night, I love having her company.
Today I am working there again, then tomorrow at the dreaded Truss site. I am being punished for not getting the other site down. What they don't know is I don't mind reading till the sun goes down, walking around in the dark and snoozing in my car in-between walk arounds.

Good Versus Evil

The Dude... Boss or whatever, he has decided he likes me so he put me on a new site.
This is less hours, extensive walking in the dark. The building is huge with several warehouses, offices, cubicles, and reception areas. I am to walk around for hours looking for silver dots to push a rod into, called a TOCO. The TOCO records where I was and at what time. There are research projects going on, there are angry owls waiting for my approach. The first night, the gentleman at that post was to take me around the site for two hours and "show me" there was great faith that I would understand my plight all too well. Being the sickening optimist, although.. a suspicious one, I jumped in with my usual enthusiasm and innocence.
He enjoyed talking, he is in his eighties and quite spree. I wrote notes, instructions, descriptions of where we walked and where the silver dots were, all to the background of his life story. I did not mind, but I was worried.. I know me very well.
After Jim left around 10:30 PM I was on my own. This meant aimless wandering around warehouses with no idea how to get out. Stairs, machinery, and signs that say, "DANGER DO NOT ENTER" were in my way. I found the boards that are put under pressure, I am to record what time they break. I am to open large over head doors to let in air, I am to check fans and machinery that I know nothing about.
I am not afraid of the dark, only what might be lurking in the dark... I wanted Lucy my trusty lab.. Or not so trusty, but company.
I found my way outside and began my long walk around the outer buildings, there were towers of various shapes and sizes. One was extremely antique,unused looking.It housed a family of angry owls. I admired their beauty and hoped they didn't dive bomb me. They did, a little, but not with a lot of ferocity. I felt they would not harm me anyway. But I did jump out of my shoes, (literally) when the first one screamed and flew toward my face.
I am not afraid of bats and birds usually, so I continued on my unsteady way. Eventually I found my way around the site, my shins hurt, I think I must have walked miles. I informed the boss the next day that I could not find all the dots in the dark, he said, if I was walking around looking, I was doing my job and not to worry. Easy for him to say, I hear there are others at that site that do care about those silver dots and will complain loudly when they see that I am not finding all of them.
HOWEVER.. part of me doesn't care, I am trying my best, I asked for another day of training, and I went last night.. same thing only worse, Jim figured he knew me now and talked incessantly and was reluctant to walk the site. So Tuesday I am going to show up on another person's shift without pay and walk it with them, I shall keep quiet about Jim and my problems finding my way, the less said the better. I have found that I give people a noose constantly and let them pull it around my neck. If only I was mute sometimes.

B O O F!

It's not so bad losing three days, I suppose.
I come home at six A M and go to bed. There is usually a small child asleep and stretched out on my side of the bed. It is hard to maneuver them away to the other side.
I sleep till three P M. I get up, eat, and do it all over again.
Monday I am a zombie, Tuesday I Feel almost normal, I dread Friday when I start it all again.
Lucy has been a great help. I am not nearly as terrified with her along. She perks up and says "BOOF" if anyone approaches my car.
She is a friendly dog, but people don't know that. She snores in the back seat, and immediately sits up if anyone drives down to the construction site we are guarding.. watching?
It's nice to have company for those twelve long hours in the night.

Come over to the DARK SIDE... we have cookies!

Hosted by Sparkle Tags

What you soul looks like

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Let's get Piffed

Working Grave Yard... Six to Six is making me have the dreadfuls.
I took my lab. when I go to the porta potty she sits outside the door and waits. Last night she took a walk, I don't know where, but I was a bit upset. I got in the car and drove around the construction site... in the dark... with many rocks.. in my little car that is too low to the ground. She showed up twenty minutes later, with that silly labrador grin on her face.
She never said where she went.

Random Amnesia?

Doctor A. said I have a type of amnesia, I am not just A. D. D. I have another thing going on.
Do you know? I know it, I gave up explaning it.
He thinks it is the result of head trauma... and how many times have I joked that I was dropped on my head too many times?
How many times I also joked that I had a wire lose in my head.
A person knows when things aren't "quite right."
I am also intelligent. Family memebers think, "Drama Queen" I have learned to keep it to myself.
The hours lost driving through familiar places but not remembering where I am going, or who I am exactly. I don't get upset, I know my memory comes back... randomly.
A long time ago, some doctor tried to say I was having Panic Attacks. I really hate to disagree, but I was never panicked, it has happened most of my life, and I know that it fades away. In the back of my mind is a tiny niggly fear that it won't go away next time, that I will remain in that pleasant feeling of not knowing what is going on. Up till now, it has always passed. I told Doctor A. that even after all our visits I still don't know how to find the door out, but I Fake it pretty good. It is embarrassing trying to go out a door you have gone out many times before, but you still don't know where it is.
I have learned to write everything down, even where I parked the car. I have managed to do this and survive. The only thing that is hard to hide is that my mind wanders off during conversations, I get labled "air Head" and I joke about that as well.
Sometimes I wish people could crawl inside my head and be me. It isn't so funny being the butt of the jokes, but then again.. it is.
I am glad Dr. A found me, because its been many years living with this, and hiding it, and pretending I am just "odd". Trying to explain to people that I don't remember how to get down town is hard. I have maps folded in my car, sometimes I don't understand them either. Please don't sigh in resignation, just give me a little space and time, I will get it, I promise!

EEEP!

I am working the graveyard shift tomorrow at the construction site.
That means twelve hours from six PM to Six AM.. alone in the dark. I am taking my dog.
If I have to be out there I am taking her.. and my daughter's dog too. He is more formidable then my dog is. My dog is a lot like me, she doesn't say anything but she gives great dirty looks. Leo, my daughters dog is very noisy and he means it.

Mother Lode

I could go to work in Jammie's.. I think it should be mandatory.
I am so amazed how I Find the weirdest jobs.
Yesterdays was a prize. I was to sit in my car for twelve hours, occasionally getting out to stare ominously at a building to make sure it was still there or not on fire.
I wrote copious notes on it.. mainly to mess with the powers that be.
"Building is secure" what did they think? It was going to run off?
However not to bellyache this time, I have hit the mother lode. I can walk and exercise, EXCEPT the uniform is polyester... quite fetching actually. The heat made my legs squeak when I walked in the lovely uniform... sporting epileps and a silver badge.
I can read hours of Sci Fi, and drink gallons of water and use the amazing porta potty.
I was all alone except for the occasional curious drive by people. Some must think I am formidable because after seeing me they drove off rather quickly. Perhaps it was the steam rising off the new polyester shirt that says, Securitas Security.
The company had offered me a matching hat....after giving them a wilting look I realized they were quite serious. I politely declined the matching hat...
I can work this job and go to school, isn't that great! The pay is very generous considering the difficulty of the task. HOWEVER never look a gift horse in the mouth, my mommy always said.. along with a lot of other useless things that pop up in my head at the most inopportune times.

I GOT a Job...

Security guard... OH ha ha ha ha

You will like her one day

I love that expression of total tolerance that only a small child can make.

Dreams slide into Real Time

I could have slept all day, but there were two cats nudging me, a black lab snorting in my ear (Where's Breakfast?) a nine year old making blanket forts in my bed, a four year old dragging books over the top of me, a six year old yelling for help with the milk, and a five week old yelling.
---SIGH---- isn't it nice to be needed?

Tomorrow is the last day of grade school

I hope I get the job with Securitas, then I can get Daine into Kung Fu lessons. He has been asking since he was four, I always find myself time challenged, or out of money.

Blogsphere

I am unemployed, however I have a full tank of gas, I think I will go to the mall today.
Dain would like to spend his birthday money on a game for his gameboy.
I like boys, they are so easy to please.

Daine will be nine tomorrow

I am holding the Vikings present for tomorrow. Anyone seen wrapping paper? Newspaper may have to do. My kids got him a Scooter. The kind that you put one foot on and push with the other foot. He will love it. My present... the gameboy will blow his mind. He is used to doing without. He doesn't think too much about it. He is the kind of kid that is unspoiled and happy with anything. It is good I don't have more money, I would spoil him rotten.

Coffee!

So I turned 49 and nothing catastrophic happened. Here it is Tuesday night. I have six more days of taking care of Mr. Zerza. I wish I could have done more for him. I think he prefers me to his home health nurse however. I don't do anything he doesn't want to do. She had the audacity to check out his scar from his surgery last year... hee hee, the look on his face was priceless.
Daine got a singing part in a school play. He sings me the song, and he is quite good. I will see the whole play Thursday. I cannot believe he is in a play let alone even tried out for the part, he is so shy.
I am a proud Mama as usual.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Daine and I are about to be nine.
Daine will tell you, "Only SHE has a four in front of her nine."
...what's that line from Terry Pratchet? Oh yeah, Bugger Off Darling, I am busy.
I am going to be nine and that is that, thank you very much.
Daine will be nine a week and a day later. I got him the most awesome present, I have been hiding it for months. This is not easy for my spontaneous nature. I bought it back in February, lucky that I did, I have only four dollars in my checking account. It costs me 80 dollars a week to drive to my job, and I get 100, so that leaves me 20 to pay my bills. I suspect that this isn't going to work. ANYWAY.. I bought his present early, so I am very happy about that.
I emailed my employer, and I told her I would finish the month out,because I really don't want to leave them in the lurch. She came to the house, and told me that they were so lucky to find me etc... so I said, I would stay, but it would have to be four hours one time a day, instead of one hour twice a day. She said she would think about it. I don't care for the job anyway, my elder gentleman wants to see the back side of me. Sigh must be the end of an era, I finally met a man I could not charm... actually I can think of a few, but I won't go there. 93 is usually the age that finds me most attractive.

baby ava rae

Waste of Ass Hair

I finished my finals last week, and started a new job today.
My day.... Get Daine and Kayla up, make sure they are dressed and have eaten breakfast, make a lunch for myself... Two whole wheat buns, some soft Austrian cheese, water, grapes and carrot sticks. DRIVE 25 MILES to Boise.
Drop kids off at school. Get lost... Find job site. Sit for an hour in my car, pretending to do paper work as the neighbors come out and look me over.
FIRST DAY.. Christopher, is 93 years old. He doesn't feel well, and he isn't about to be bossed or cajoled into eating and drinking fluids if he doesn't want to.
I won round one.. he won round two.
I suspect this will be a short job. His repirations were high, his blood pressure low.. poor color, sleeping a lot, acid reflux. As charming as I am, I don't think he liked me much. I would cook for him, spoil him, but he wants to sit quietly in his chair and die.
I am sad, but I know this is the way of the world. I am not a forceful personality, perhaps he needs Nurse Ratchet, not Glinda the good witch???
ten thirty to eleven thirty.. then I am suposed to sit in my car for a few hours and come back at 2:30 to 3:30 for another hour. I thought when I took the job that I would have one shift, for a few hours, not two one hours shifts. Its not worth the gas I am thinking. I will sit this out, however because I don't know what else to do.

Egg

NO Prince Charming

I went to funny bones with Pat and Ray and Melissa last night. I decided it's the last time I go anywhere with Pat. He is a nice person, but he is on a mission to save the world, and because of that he doesn't have time for his friends. He also makes everything a big ordeal. Nothing is ever simple and he is almost always late. Lately I can barely stand to talk to him. He called me up yesterday and started going on and on about all the things he was doing, and he called me just before he had to be somewhere else and was in a hurry to hang up, so I told him to please slow down, and tell me when he was picking me up for the show on Wednesday. I wish now I had said that I didn't want to go. Last minute preparations make me nervous and are annoying.
He also invited my daughter and son in law, the day before the show. Their baby is just over a week old. I tried to explain about how you cannot leave a breast fed baby, and he just kept ignoring me and talking over the top of me like he knew all about it. I wonder how many white trash cows he has dated that know anything about nursing anyway? I should know by now to keep my mouth shut, because he talks to hear his head rattle anyway. If you hear anything on the news about a fat old broad stuffing a skinny ex hippie into a trash can, its probably me... would you bail me out of jail?
AND soooo after the bitch session on
You know who... he called to say, change of plans... yet again. I knew there was a problem when he first said, he would be by between five thirty or six fifteen, BUT for Heavens sake!! He has another meeting to go to first before the comedy club. I don't even want to go, I should have said " I can make it a lot easier for you, one less thing to do, I will stay home."

I swear to all the forces of evil, I SHALL never put myself in this position again, its like freakin dating an alcoholic. OH yeah he is one drink away from a relapse.

...so many AA affiliates are no different then the drinking variety.

OK< I am back to my usual nice self.. Smile Wink....
SO, he was an hour late, he managed to get here after seven. He was on his cell phone to some woman. He stayed on his cell for twenty minutes, at which time he got another call from a different woman... then a guy then another woman.
I really decided this is the last time I go anywhere with him.
I felt bitchy the whole evening, I loved seeing Ray, and his wife Melissa is a sweet heart.
The comedy show was good, I laughed my behind off through most of it.
Pat hogged most of the conversation with information about different people he is helping. I have a definite opinion about it, but I bit my lip. I just don't think he is qualified to be helping people. He cannot fix his own life.
I felt unimportant the whole evening as he talked to everyone else. While I sat silent.
HE doesn't get the whole picture.
I have never been out with anyone that talked on their cell phone most of the evening. I told him it would be nice if he shut it off, he said he couldn't, it was his job to be available. I think... NOT.
That's it for me, I am not going with him anywhere ever again, I don't like being made to feel like I am third best, or of no importance at all. It's not like I want the lime light or all the attention either but he actually put his back to me during the comedy show so he could talk to another table. Common courtesy, and politeness is universal.
I always think if people cannot treat me with the same respect that I treat them, they are not worth my time. I don't intend to go out with people who make me feel like I should not be there. HE invited me.
Later we went for chinese food with his friends, Dave and Crystle. Both of which I liked very much. Dave hinted that he keeps close tabs on Pat. I hinted that someone needed to do it, because I sure as hell wasn't up for the job. GAWD I gave a bad immpression, I never felt so bitchy before.
NEVER AGAIN>>> repeat after me, NEVER!!

AAAAAHHHHHRRRRRRGGGG!

Today on the agenda is the Psych 120 Finale it is at 1:00 PM, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
I was thinking about worm sanctuaries during the storm... dead worms all over the sidewalk, something should be done, I mean REALLY!!
Tomorrow I don't have any pressing business, I think I will vacuum up pet hair in my dungeon. Maybe suck up the cat as well.
He deserves it, I won't let him run free outside, so he had a temper tantrum and tipped over my garbage can and spread paper all over my room. Stupid Cat.
I have been walking my legs off all morning and now I need a nap. I sold my books. GEEEZ, I am not ungrateful. I got 92 dollars for 400 dollars worth of stupid books, YAY! (sarcasm) I expect as much, because some instructors are not teaching any more... Joan's book fetched 20 bucks. OH and they wouldn't buy the stupid psych 120 book back,the cashier said, "it's worth nothing" HOW APROPOS I thought. The class was a waste of ass hair.
Someone thought Psych majors should have Psych 120. this will be going into my book of "Don't Do's" I could be home napping you know... or eating, two of my favorite past times.
I should be wearing the Green NO FEAR sweatshirt, its one of those kind of days. But the sun is still shining, and the walk was breezy and beautiful, and the air smelled of spring and leaving. AHH But we know we cannot leave we have to stay, damned promises anyway.
I am killing some time. I have Nothing to do until I take the final, I took the kids to school and day care respectably. Olivia hanging onto my arm and screaming, "Don't leave me Gramma." She doesn't like me much anyway, its just that I am the less of the two evils.
Kayla doesn't like me at all. Daine adores me. He is the only one with common sense in that crew. I told my daughter, having kids doesn't necessarily mean you will like them, I was lucky, I liked all my kids.
All the power is off in the Educational Building and Multi Purpose. I was going to work on a computer in the multi, but to no avail. I think the porta potty boys severed a line.. I betcha! they look pretty proud of themselves outside suspended up in the air. They moved the porta potty to the ground, so now they must bungee jump off the building if they have to go.
I hope you have a lovely day. I am off to find a nap place.

Happy Birthday Rolf Nordahl

Happy Birthday Little brother where ever you are.

Things flying in the air

I am SOOO not into this "Writing Thing" today.
I am sitting in the Educational Building working on my paper labeled
"Dead Souls" My mind wanders off.I have lost my train of thought again.
The woman next to me starts to laugh, and says,
" Wow that's something you don't see every day! A flying toilet."
I look up and a Crane is waving a porta potty in the air.
I might have missed it if she hadn't said anything.
Yes, things like that make my day. I still can't concentrate on my paper.
The work men have set the porta potty on the highest level of the
unfinished building next to the multi purpose building.
I am wondering if someone had to "GO"! I guess men
aren't too bothered by things like that.. sitting up there in full view.
It will probably help them avoid the temptation of peeing off the
building sprinkling the college students scurrying to class below.
However.. other thoughts come to mind unbidden. I was thinking
of the sound level in those damn things... how the bowl acts like a
mega phone amplifying the sounds of bodily functions, and now
suspended over our heads... ahh well, I should be worrying about my paper.

Ava Rae is here

She was born Thursday and weighed in at nine pounds five oz... puny little thing.
Mom and Ava are doing great! Dain is in love with her.

over and over in my head

I can't even sing it on tune....
so... I sing over and over, "Over my head, over my head, over my head"
I haven't been able to shut it off for days. That's bad isn't it?
I haven't woke up from day light savings yet. I don't adjust to change very quickly.
ALSO< I have become so self conscience of my writing, thanks to English 102, that I am afraid to write anything anymore.
COWARD!

STUPID SONG!

Over My Head (Cable Car) The Fray lyrics
Artist: The Fray
I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears and

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
You find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between and

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind

Everone knows I'm in
Over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm over my

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Bad Girl

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 30% Good and 70% Bad You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes. But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

How evil am I?

You Are 82% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

Somebody ate my chips!

Over the next few days I have more doctor visits scheduled then I want. Total of four. No Likey!
Heart stuff, pap stuff, anxiety.. I think.. Personally I am just a neurotic fat old lady who wished to be left alone.

Morning of the first weekend in March

Why am I here?

Faced with the mundane.....

Gramma! you look like a stranger.

Silent All These Years

TORI AMOS LYRICS

"Silent All These Years"

Excuse me but can I be you for a while
My dog won't bite if you sit real still
I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again
Yeah I can hear that
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say you know
But nothing comes
Yes I know what you think of me
You never shut-up
Yeah I can hear that

But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it's been here
Silent All These Years

So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts
Boy you best praya that I bleed real soon
How's that thought for you
My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there's a heaven
Where some screams have gone
I got 25 bucks and a cracker
Do you think it's enough
To get us there

Cause what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it's been here
Silent All These...

Years go by
Will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by
If I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds
Raining in head
Years go by
Will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left
One more casualty
You know we're too easy Easy Easy

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But baby don't look up
The sky is falling
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress
It's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you here
Take hold of my hand
Yeah I can hear them

But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice [x3]

And it's been here
Silent All These Years
I've been here
Silent All These Years

BITE ME TED!

OK OK< so I am not going to write a three page report on why we should legalize marijuana, and three pages why we shouldn't.
I researched it. I DID TOO! instead I am talking to Anna, and thinking of folding more clothes.
I finished the other psych class, its a load of gas, but its done till next week.
I am forgetting something very important, but I cannot think what it is. I need to read 8 chapters in INTRO To drugs, I read one chapter. ITS BORING. I dread English tomorrow, I have to turn in the dead souls paper, and I am thinking last minute, something else to write. BUT my creative energies are tapped out for the week me thinketh.
The kids are at the enemy's house. I laugh when I say that, it's just the past biting me in the ass, I don't want to deal with the past, I want to live in the now.
Ted my friend of 18 years found me again, he says, it's good that I am single. ASSHOLE, good for him to say. I have wondered from time to time about Ted... nah.. I expect I should leave well enough alone. The man is happy, that is enough for me to leave that thought alone.. the thought that I MADE a big mistake honoring my marriage when Ted asked me to run away with him. Holding to my beliefs and integrity, has seemed to hold me hostage to evil. Dammit.
STILL>>>>> Very odd don't you think? I think of Ted and he finds me. He said, perhaps the love spell I put on him all those years ago still works, AHH shut up and kiss your girlfriend. ME? I am a married man magnate, or a freak attractant. The good men that I have wanted ,were previously engaged and I DON'T believe in messing up relationships, that's BAD BAD Karma, so much for me being such a paragon of virtue, shit, I am rambling again. Happy Valentines day anyway!

Someone take these dreams away

I wonder why I am writing this. I tried to resist, but the thoughts won’t go away, they hold me hostage, then I realize partly why. It is an anniversary. My meager psychology courses have taught me about anniversary dates for trauma victims. The anniversary date comes, the victim becomes increasingly agitated. I must now impose on your indulgence. I wish there was another way, but the voices are calling me, and I have to.
We watch the Movie, “The Crow” 1994, Brandon Lee. It all ties together with the song “Dead Souls” by Nine Inch Nails.
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/album/7818.html Interview. Originally released in 1994, Trent Reznor created THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL as both a concept album and modern day classic. This influential 90’s classic is Trent Reznor’s industrial cum-tragic opera view of the world and the soul’s sonically detailed fall from grace. The Downward Spiral delves into despair and anger with hard guitars and brutal beats. . .
That pretty much sums it up, “Despair and anger”. It is a victim’s song.
We talk, we rehash, and we wonder what we could have done to hold off the catastrophic event. There is nothing to protect you. You do everything you can to be safe, then realize the front door is unlocked, how futile how foolish we are.
Listen to the quiet desperation in the song, the steady beat, like a war march. It brings to mind that in spite of the event, nothing will hold us prisoner; we will do what it takes to get through this invasion of peace. The feelings of anger have resurfaced, so we need to work on them some more. We work on them again and again.
Perhaps I am a bad mother; I let the victim, watch the movie. It is not a child’s movie. Most of his life I have protected what he watched and carefully guarded what he read. After he was brutally raped and tortured, I thought his world of “Veggie Tales” and nursery rhymes had been dispelled. A victim deserves a powerful movie of violence and the weak winning. I was correct, he relates to the movie, and it opened doors for more discussion. I asked him if he understood why I let him watch such a powerfully violent movie. He said he knew. He knew because the good guy comes back from the grave and puts everything right as best he can. He likes the crow watching over the fallen hero, he likes the soul being carried to the grave after the evil have been punished. Then he asks me, how long will Patrick be in prison for what he has done? I do not know I reply, but he cannot find you here. We are safe, we are a big family. I check to make sure the front door is locked.
The little Viking is in counseling, he is fine the doctors say, he will grow to be a good man, he will not do this to others.
Yeah Yeah he is fine... he is NOT freaking fine. He slept in a nest on the floor for a year, and I had to get rid of his toys and bed, anything that he associated with the crime. WE are not fine.

Dead Souls, I wonder how many walk amongst us without warning labels. I wonder why the crime is not punished by death.
The line, “figures from the past stand tall”, speaks to me of the power the past can have over us, it can still hurt us. We grow, we become stronger, and we become smarter.
Dain is currently in the second grade, he moved here from a small coastal town in Oregon to be around his sister and family. He shows signs of brilliance and amazing sensitivity to others.
Patrick Peil is a predator, he is in prison, we do not know how long, but I fear that the powers that be are more concerned with criminal rights then the rights of the innocent.
When this all came about two years ago, I could not get the parents of the other victims to help me put the monster away, no one wanted to talk of it or be aware. I had to fight it myself, I went on a campaign to alert the whole town, I did it so well that for my son’s privacy we had to move.
I still ask, “Someone take these dreams away.” I wonder what the Viking asks for.

Dead Souls

Dead Souls
Nine Inch Nails

Someone take these dreams away
That point me to another day
A duel of personalities
That stretch all true reality
They keep calling me
Keep on calling me
They keep calling me
Keep on calling me

When figures from the past stand tall
And mocking voices ring the hall
Imperialistic house of prayer
Conquistadores who took their share

They keep calling me
Keep on calling me
They keep calling me
Keep on calling me

Calling me, calling me
Calling me, calling me

They keep calling me
Keep on calling me
They keep calling me
Keep on calling me

Written by: joy division
Performed by: trent reznor

Song lyric essay assignment

I had to tell the tale, I am so angry. I am filled with so much raw hate, when I think I am doing better it comes back to haunt me. There is no cure for a pedophile, they should all be dead, and they should be dead before they touch a child.
Reflecting? It is what I do, every day every waking moment. I have darkness in me that I cannot share with anyone. I hesitate even now, but I am consumed with grief for innocence murdered, and trust broken into a million pieces.
You cannot imagine the worst thing in the world happening to your child. You cannot even think such a horrible thought.
A mother prepares for the day he arrives, she imagines what kind of person he will be and how she will love him and nurture him. I dedicated myself to him and my love for him was so great that his fat little feet didn’t touch the ground till he was two years old. My angel boy my gift, his name had come to me in a dream. So he was Dain, a Viking warrior, a fat little cupid, that laughed continually.
I wanted to write about something else, I want to write about a Green Day song, that’s all about being different, and free from popular opinion. But this evil comes back to haunt me, if I write this essay, will it leave me in peace? Will it leave my dreams alone? Can I ever rest in simplicity, knowing what I recognize?
I am going to wish I had not started. The most difficult part of writing this assignment, was worrying about shocking people, or distressing anyone. Most people don’t like unpleasantness in any form, I am one of them. I prefer g-rated flicks to horror. I prefer fairy tales to shocking news stories, but like it or not I was forced to face one of the biggest challenges of my life, and now I am likening a song to it. The song is Dead Souls, which is what Pedophiles are. They steal virtue for their pleasure, they take what is not their’s with no sorrow.
My favorite part of the assignment was listening to music, trying to guess what I would pick. My eclectic taste, leads me to Moody Blues, Green Day, Nine Inch Nails, Orgy… I was searching for happy music or at the very least a fun protest song.
There it was, the blue eyes searching my face, the boy telling me that he felt ruined, that he didn’t know what to do with knowledge that wasn’t innocent. We talked and I told him because of what happened to him, he felt loss of control, and he wanted it back, I told him I would find him a counselor again, and he could talk about anything he wanted, but he must never share the knowledge with a child. I turned my face away so he would not see my misery.
I failed my only son, the child of my heart. I did not protect him from the evil that lurked in our lives, I did not know there was such evil, and nothing I can do will ever put it right. Fucking Nothing!
My least favorite part of this assignment was conjuring up the bad memories, and my desolation. I hope to exorcise this devil instead of feeding it.

Cluttered Writing

Who can understand the workings of an intelligent mind? When I read a paragraph written by a scholar; I am to understand the sentence and then feel enlightened and at ease with the new idea. However this was not the case when reading philosophy. It was like lawyer speak, I thought, “I must be so dumb, that I have to read this diatribe six times to understand a word of it”. I secretly thought. There are too many words; there are too many big words when a small word would have sufficed wonderfully. I felt sorry for the editor that had to wade through the muck of ideas. Oh man! If you could have read some of that stuff, I would love to quote, because you simply cannot imagine. Our professor likened philosophy to the roots of a tree, these roots spread out far and wide. Very wide.
Here is Dr. Schoedinger’s definition of “An essential characteristic”: Schoedinger, Andrew. "philosophy 101."
“An essential characteristic, a characteristic without which a thing would not be the type of thing that it is.”
I am not kidding he wrote that run on sentence.
Nevertheless, now that I have your shocked attention, let me get on with the point of this writing.
A writing teacher, named William Zinsser talks about how writers clutter up the page with unnecessary words, it was great text and I was overwhelmed with tears of joy that another old fart could actually complain about how writers resort to pompous frills and meaningless jargon. AMEN the people said.
William Zinnsser is no stranger to life or a newcomer, he is 84 years old, and about how old I estimate our revered philosophy professor is. Not that it matters, old people can be open minded and full of fresh ideas’ as any 20 year old, it depends on the thinker, not the thinking.
I highlighted most of what Mr. Zinsser wrote. It was wonderful, and I plan to use his ideas to help improve my writing, his ideas may have changed my life, now if I can only apply them.
Mr. Zinsser also said that if the reader is lost trying to read clutter, then it is not the fault of the reader but the fault of the writer, and what he said made a lot of sense to me. Keep in mind who your audience is, remember to simplify and make it interesting, not an easy task, but I am up for it.

ahhh there's the thumbtack I misplaced earlier!

Unfortunately I am sitting on it.
Evil cat doings last night: consisted of a stolen doll diaper and a vengeful cat.
Do you think he has a bone to pick with the little girls?
Apparently the start of it was they were playing noisily in their room with their dolls, one of the dolls apparently needed a fresh diaper (I am afraid to ask)The next sound was, "CASPIAN!",but the kitten was never found, not until I was asleep and it was about three A M. (KILL KITTY) When I heard the unmistakable sound of paper being shredded. I had no idea what it was, but knowing the kitten pretty well, it couldn't be good. It might be an essay I had worked on,(Stolen from my back pack)Or it might be a bill I am not going to pay, who knows, I was too tired to find out. I am not the most coherent of people when suddenly awakened from a deep sleep and a Sci Fi dream. I felt around on the bed, grabbed the rattley thing and gave it a toss. Dumb move, of course the little bugger went and retrieved the thing and brought it back to my bed for more tearing. This time I snagged it, having no idea what it was because of the darkness, and stuffed it under my pillow. Caspian's plaintive cries didn't bother me at all, and I returned to my dream.
Next morning, I remembered and I found the thing under my pillow, a tiny doll pamper in shreds. Who knows what gets into the kitten? I am sure I don't however the entertainment is non stop.

Shadow is camera shy

OK< I am merely stalling, I have to finish chapter three in anthropology, figure out what the hell I am doing in "Essential Concepts for Healthy Living" atempt a job resume' for Psych 125... finish reading in "An intro into drugs" Check my Essay over for English 102 tomorrow, dread dread dread. So taking amusing pictures of my shy cat is better.
I made Saur Braten, Salad, and a rice and crab Casserole for dinner, now I am back staring blankly at the computer. Will I succeed? I don't know, but not if I cannot even figure out the assignments.

It's a Kitten Thing

Caspian is one of the oddest cats I have ever met. He pulls the thumb tacks out of my bulletin board and scatters my papers all over the floor. The last few mornings I have woke up to a line of rubber Duckies on my bed room floor. They are all parked nose to tail in a row of three or four. I cannot imagine how they got there. THEN... I saw him, he had a duck in his mouth and was carrying them from upstairs to my room and setting them on the floor in my room.. WEIRD CAT. This morning I woke up to a strange noise. Sounded like gnaw gnaw gnaw, then Clunk.
The cat was pulling my spoons out of their rack on the wall and dropping them to the floor. He has to balance on my closet to do this feat of amazing dexterity.
Now after waking me up early in the morning, he is having his nap... stupid cat.

What if?

What if I didn't really exist? What if I get to say whatever I want whenever I want?
Jeez I might as well, daughter number two has a bee in her bonnet over a CAREFULLY MADE COMMENT I made to her about her and "the Donald" moving to Ok, with a girlfriend from high school and new husband..(Who she hasn't seen in years)
I had my proof readers carefully go over the letter with a fine toothed comb looking for any signs of insult or patronizing. I thought it was a nice letter full of Motherly concern. I added a gentle touch of humor and I get back, "HOW RUDE!" from daughter two, who is acting like NUMBER TWO.
To make matters worse, she told the enemy (ENEMA) all about it. The ex.. Ex best friend who is married to my ex.. SHIT! Then tells daughter number one,'We are in town, tell MOTHER we really want to see her." Daughter number one who cannot be caught up in any family dynamics says, "Tell her yourself." SOOO I figure in ten or twelve years when daughter number two pulls her head out of her ass, and I hear it all the way from Oklahoma, I will give her a call, maybe. HEY I didn't start it.
Communication.. I said, I was interpreted to have said, but I meant....

Myrrh and Tarot

Tomorrow.... it begins.
I cannot figure out which books go to what class, so I will bring most of them.
At least I only have one class tomorrow. Wednesday I have three.
English, Anthropology, Psychology..Something.. There are three psychology somethings each week, but I haven't figured it all out yet.
One of them is an online class.
Ahh I know that it all becomes clear in the first week, or at least it did last time.
Today I got the brilliant idea to rearrange my room around again, it is better I think? Man I am the master of small spaces.
During this dangerous moving of heavy furniture, I gave the kids my tarot cards and told them to build card houses, snicker..
BUT now the 8 year old wants to know what they are really for. figures, he never leaves things to chance. I have polished all the antique wood with Myrrh oil, now it smells of longing and magic. OH WHATEVER!

I would have SOOOO past the test

ORGY LYRICS

"Fiction (Dreams In Digital)"

she's lost in coma where it's beautiful
intoxicated from the deep sleep, deep sleep
do you wonder what it's like
living in a permanent imagination?
sleeping to escape reality, but you like it like that

[Chorus:]
guilty by design
she's nothing more then fiction.
she dreams in digital,
cause it's better then nothing.
now that control is gone,
it seems unreal,
she's dreaming in digital.
she dreams in digital.

and your pixel army can't save you now
my finger's on the kill switch
i remember i used to compose your dreams
control your dreams
and don't be afraid to expose yourself
before i shut you down
you made some changes since the virus caught you sleeping

Anti Resolution

After the horrible picture I posted, *the one that is going on the bathroom mirror so the kids remember to put the lid on the toothpaste* I thought I might add, that my anti new year's resolution is as follows.... I am not going to lose weight, and I am NOT going to talk to anymore seemingly nice men on Yahoo Messenger. Done finish.. I am not going to work on my attitude, I am going to glory in my crankiness.
I am NOT going to get a job, and I am not going to do anything that I don't want to do, No reality TV, no language courses, and ABSOLUTELY no socializing.

Not a woman to be trifled with

Why is it the garbage men will not empty the white garbage can? Is it some polically correct issue that I am unaware of? TODAY.. I chased the little bastards down and made them back up the truck and I emptied it myself.
He said, "We don't empty those little cans." I said, " I noticed, I shall do it myself."
My daughter said, " I cannot believe you backed up a garbage truck."
Me either, but lack of work efficiency ticks me off.

Break out the Champagne

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hanging out with the PG one

When your incredibly bored there is only one thing to do, eat ice cream.
Last night her highness had a craving and her husband rushed off to the store to fulfill the craving, it was rocky road icecream and whip cream. We all reap the benefits.
I am not really a sweets eater but watching T V with the Viking on the over stuffed couch eating ice cream was the epitome of comfort.
We should be reading something enlightening or having an intellectual discussion, but we were eating icecream and watching "House" and I expect those things are remembered far more then the "GOOD" we try and instill into our kids.

Tuesday

Survival of the fittest or at the very least the most obnoxious. Don't you think so?
I am still cranky.
I soaked for an hour in lavender scented water, the petals stuck in my hair, but that part didn't make me cranky.
I think its just the aftermath of holiday, I enjoyed my children so much, now its back to business, sheets need washing clothes need folding, rooms need cleaning... Sigh.

My beloved family

The annual exchange of the nose rings. We always do that every year...
others may not understand the sentiment.
Then I was looking on at my youngest daughter and her husband,
and I said, what do you think Donald did to deserve you?
She replied, " I think he won a burping contest or something."
Donald just looks on in awe.. I suppose that is best in light of the circumstances.

OOOOH How I hate Walmart!

YES! Sing it with me, "Oh How I hate Walmart"!
So I received some Christmas money and I was supposed to be decadent... Yes.
I want a pair of slippers I ended up with a TV dinner. Why does everyone look at me and smile? I touch my hair self consciously ... Its all there... OK I bought a large bottle of wine and a TV dinner, maybe that's what the smiling is all about?
Ok and a chocolate bar, I can have that can't I?
I wanted slippers, Pink fuzzy ones if you please, the aisle was BLOCKED and I mean blocked by festive shoppers touching every single pair of slippers. Also the really grumpy woman in the fuchsia pant suit... she looked like a toddler in that hideous matching pant set. NO wonder she was so grumpy.. I tried my smile on her, every time she blocked me from touching the slippers on the shelf, she snorted and blocked me even more.
I wandered off to the wine aisle.
I didn't get any slippers, and I am not going to try it again.
I haven't had slippers for months, and I think the German Sheppard knows why..

Happy News!

So some happy news today... right...
I am officially bored. Stir crazy, no place to go, but the weather is warming up. The ducks are daft with joy, they have a swimming pool of melted snow.
I smell patchouli and rain I wonder what that means?
Maybe spring is here early? the birds think so, I think it's a crazy trick and tomorrow it will be cold again.
It is Wednesday, the middle of the week. I think Chelsie and Donald will be here tomorrow or the next day, but they cannot call me, the phone is disconnected.
AHHH life is grand! Thankfully I only have to stand it in bits and pieces.. remind me again why I stay single? Oh yeah...

Dancing Pigs

You can dress a pig up, but you still cannot take him to dinner.
LIKE I didn't know that after being married?

Rich in anxiety

you put too much importance on yourself.
I just thought you were more of a person then you are.

Strange And Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You)

Artist: Aqualung


I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart
Unseen
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me

Yeah
Ye-ah

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do
Sometimes

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
Cause I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me, yeah

Yeah
Ye-ah
Yeah
Ye-ah