Waiting and anticipating

Well I gave her two days, and I called. I got the job, saturday and sunday...
Security watching the gate at the county fair.
I am SOOO grateful.

Failure to communicate, secrecy, dishonesty....

The card at the top right represents how you see your partner. Falco (The Hermit), when reversed: Detachment based on fear, irresponsibility or naiveté. Self-imposed isolation from friends and loved ones. Listening to the wrong advice or ignoring good counsel. Concealment, disguise, and unreasoned caution.

12012

Boy those grand kids can sure leave a trace of where they have been in such a short time.
I forgot how much I liked the movies 'Ice age' and 'Little Bears great adventure' Now I want to watch the 'Emperors new groove' I especially like musical cartoons, baby Ruby gets her groove on. Its very funny.
Daine left with them when they left.... sigh... I will be glad when its him and me again. Miss the little blighter.

Och!

Glena,

Och Lass! Methinks mayhap a spell has been cast that ye no ken who ye be!!!!
Hence, I am duty and honor bound to remind ye!
YE BE SCATHATCH! YE BE A WARRIOR !
Me thinks that slow times have mad ye daft to be feeling sorry fer yeself!
A warrior needs challenges to survive Lassie!! Tis why life deals ye such! Do ye wish to just whittle away to naught as an ol' hag or do ye wish to meet your Lord with pride in the skills he's given ya?
I will hear no more of sobbing and ranting fer yerself Lass. Leave off yer arse and fight!
Mayhaps the man Andy kens he's not man enough for such a woman as ye. He has put his tail betwixt his legs and run as the coward he is!. Good riddence I say!
Ye need a man that meets yer passions not only in the bed, but in life! Tis fine to dally with such cowards as ye seek til ye find that which ye deserve. But mind ya, do not confuse the two together Lass.
Ye heeded the words of a soothsayer once and have let the words lead yer life hence forth.Leave off with these thoughts and live!
Ye will know yer warrior. He will challenge every breadth of your being. And he willna run from ya Lass, no matter how ye challenge him back.
Ye warrior will be looking for that which also matches his passions and desires. Think ye he sees that when he looks upon ye now? Nay, he will see a weak whinning Lass not to his liking. Think he will find ye huddled away in yer domain?
Be yer true self Lass, and that which you seek, shall also find that which he seeks also.
With all me Love and faith in ye Lass,
Cindy

11987

There is a way to speed up the demise of a relationship that you are not sure of. Introduce him to your family. It is not your family that causes the relationship to end it is the certainty of longevity. Most dead weights cannot stand the idea of tomorrow; day after day.
So they hop the next train to singles-ville without so much of a backwards glance.
Now you know.

there are many here among us that think that life is but a joke

Must be the forces that exist in this world know that I am here.
Yesterday after making my muscles very sore moving furniture around in my room. I discovered I was pretty hungry. Probably about nine hours since breakfast. Its HOT outside, and bout ninety degrees in here, I didn't feel like cooking, but I remembered the container of cottage cheese in the fridge. I ate it, I wasn't interested in creating a culinary delight, just taking the edge off my hunger. Man I was hot, so I laid down on the couch, feeling kinda crappy, waiting for the Gut Bomb to hit me,(Lactose intolerance) that I sometimes forget, sometimes ignore, sometimes cannot ignore...
And the cell phone rings, I answer it because I don't recognise the number. It is Sue, her foot is infected and could I drive her to immediate care? yeah, I wasn't doing anything too exciting just laying on the couch waiting. I pick her up and take her to the docs, the docs verdict is a bit grim and she needs to be on antibiotics immediately. She asked me if it was ok if we drove to Freddies for antibiotics, I said, CERTAINLY< I wouldn't have it any other way, and its really no trouble. She handed me five bucks for gas, which I normally would have turned down, but I haven't put gas in the car for two months, and its nearly on empty, and it doesn't look after four days that Androo, alias asshair is ever coming back.
We have to wait for the medication to be filled, so I ask her if she would mind if I picked up my groceries? I know how fast I can do that, even though I don't know freddies very well, but I got everything in twenty minutes, even after trying to find potatoes three different times... We pick up the meds and I take her home.
I am still thinking about how hot it is, and I am thinking that I will have steamed brown rice with chopped bok choi and some pea pods for dinner. I bought some Tahinni, so I can make Hummus if I am so inclined... and I thinking what a gourmet I am. I put the soy milk in the fridge and see that the cow milk has gone past date. (Daine has't been home in a few weeks to drink it on his cereal) SO I pour the milk down the sink, and it doesn't go. both sides of the sink fill up with milk and just sit there. I glance at the clock, 7 PM< so I know the apartment office is closed, this fiasco doesn't look like it can wait till Monday. I call the dispatch and the gentleman told me in a very disinterested voice that someone would be over shortly. So I walked Mr. Bell Ringer, he said he had wanted a walk for hours and where the hell was I, and how dare I leave the precious puppy home alone..? So I walked him and he had to sniff every bush and tree along the way, and he didn't go number 2 meaning he was saving up for later so I could walk him again, emotional black mail!
The apartment Maintenance man showed up fresh from the bar with his best pool partner. He was gracious enough about being interrupted in one of the best games he had played in weeks. Now the games really began. Fifty feet of snake wouldn't unclog my sink, he was telling me that it might have to wait till Monday, and I was mentally kissing my steamed rice dinner goodbye.
THEN there was a loud "GLURG" and sloooosh and everything happened at once, Spaghetti now decorated the walls of the laundry room, it was everywhere. WE now know that we do not run leftover spaghetti down the garbage disposal... HE RELUCTANTLY (right) left me with the mess and went back to the bar to play pool with his buddy. I looked at the mess with dismay, Sherman wanted to help clean it up, even the three cats were curious about the Glurg and Sloosh noise. I was sore, sweaty hot and really feeling resentful about spaghetti at that moment. An hour later I had it cleaned up, but it was pushing nine o clock PM and I was't in the mood for cooking dinner, and I needed a shower, so I proceeded down the hall to the bathroom... weird noise coming from the bathroom. I opened the door and the toliet was running over from the tank. The whole bathroom was flooded and I had no idea how to stop it. Did the snaking out of the lines cause the hose to pop off the toilet? Did the maintance man cause this when he flushed down some of the spaghetti? I pulled off the tank lid and discovered the hose was spraying straight in the air, kind a cool really. I mopped and mopped and got that mess cleaned up, threw the towels and bath rug in the wash, and I had my luke warm shower trying to wash off the nasty day.
After I was in my faded worn out uglier than sin jammies, Sherman started ringing the bell on the front door frantically. (ASS) I walked him around the back of my apartment, which is on a busy road, and I bet the picture I presented will bring lasting memory to a few people. Fat old grammie walking sleak black cocker in her jammies. He still wouldn't go, and I mentioned stapleing his butt shut if he pooed on the carpet during the night. I took a pill and went to bed.

There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief

I rearranged my bedroom. Always a nice change. Several times I got stuck behind the iron canopy bed. I am not a good planner, I start stacking and pushing furniture. Just like my life, POOR planning.
I broke the head on "the sweetest flower" a china headed baby rat that I have had for a million years. Someday when I have money coming in I will have to see if I can find another head.
I bought her in Seattle when Chelsie was three. I am certain they are not made anymore.
If I cannot find a baby rat head, (which sounds thoroughly disgusting) I will find a baby doll head and replace the broken rat head.
suddenly not attached to it anymore. Perhaps its because I am numb over asshair leaving without a word?

No reason to get excited the theif, he kindly spoke.

I think its odd that he can be gone 3 days and it is like he was never here.
I sleep alone, I pile blankets up by the front door, and I clean up the puke fest from the cats this morning. I walk the dog, I fry and egg, I have a cup of tea, and it is the same.
Only the folded pile of men's clothes in the basket. Should put them by the front door in case he slips in while I am gone.
ODD ODD ODD ODD
and the only thing is I am at peace and happy.
I have quit thinking that I am wrong. Wrong to dislike all the users in his life. Thieves, crack heads, liars, users... useless people that I have no time for, I don't have to put up with them anymore. Gawd. I am glad I am alone again.
All that's left is waiting for the final talk.

11912

Phantom James was missing all day. So long in fact that I finally did an in house search. I was wondering if he had slipped out when asshair had left for the day.
I finally found his large fluffy body hidden in my closet. Not careing that he had knocked several blouses that I praise on the closet floor and slept on them with his fine white hair everywhere. Someday I will clean the closet.

I don't care, what you do, I wouldn't want to be like you!

Well you know it's done when you don't care anymore.You know when your standards are not the approved standards of the home.
When HE does what he pleases, breaks promises and comes home long after he promised to.
It is over all that's left is to find the reason why, it's over and I still can't say goodbye... goodbye...

Stench

The stench of cooked cabbage every time someone opened the refrigerator proved too much. Even though the dinner got rave reviews, I knew I wasn't going to eat it again, so I put it down the garbage disposal. Then I boiled ground cinnamon and cloves with orange oil and dispelled the horrible aroma. I mean! Every time someone opened the fridge it smelled like a giant fart in here.
I will not have learned my lesson; I will attempt something vile again, but in the mean time I Think sautéed chicken with some new potatoes is for dinner tonight.

BLECK

YOU MADE IT< YOU EAT IT
Normally my experiments are not vile.
However this one... What am I going to do with the leftovers?
Take 2 pounds of hamburger, fry.. add one onion, one cabbage (chopped of course) and one red pepper.
Cook the whole mass, then add garlic, soy sauce, and a teaspoon of cornstarch.. it turns out YUCk.
OOOH and serve over soggy over cooked white rice.
The best part of this experiment is the "apparently unaware of how rude they are" new neighbors get to smell cooked cabbage all day. As I have smelled their stinky cigarettes, and listened to their conversations conducted over the balcony and directly under my living room window. PLUS they sound like a herd of wild Buffalo up there, dammit.
CAUSE for moving.

My life according to the Shins (facebook)

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. addicting...

Pick Your Artist: The Shins

Are you male or female: Girl on the wing

Describe yourself: Weird Divide

How do you feel about yourself: Mine's not a high horse

Describe where you currently live: Australia

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Gone for good

Your favorite form of transportation: Sea Legs

Your best friend is: Saint Simon

Your favorite color is: Pink Bullets

What's the weather like: Black Wave

Favorite time of day: A Comet Appears

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called: Sleeping Lessons

What is life to you: Spilt Needles

What is the best advice you have to give: Those to Come

If you could change your name, what would it be: Pam Berry

Your favorite food is: Phantom Limb (snort)

Thought for the Day: Kissing the Lipless

How I would like to die: Pressed in a Book

My soul's present condition: One by one all day

The faults I can bear: Caring is creepy

My motto: Know your onion!

STUPID COW

Unemployment is sure highlighting the assholes in this world. I have had more scams offered to me.
I wrote Miss Lucy, and told her that I had alerted the police about her little scam.
THOUGH Naive as I am I believe its probably a BOT and no one will receive my little diatribe.PISS ME OFF.

WOW!! LOOK at this, to think she will send me the money

--- On Tue, 5/19/09, Lucy Roark wrote:


From: Lucy Roark
Subject: Typist / Data Entry Post .
To:
Date: Tuesday, May 19, 2009, 1:49 PM


Typist / Data Entry Post .

How are you doing , My Name is Mrs.Lucy Roark and I want to Introduce my job to you as a Certified Payroll Specialist (CPS).

I work for some companies on their payroll activities. I use to encounter alot of difficulty when going about my daily run around. I want a trust worthy person as my data entry / typist Assistant from home , If you have a computer experience with a computer connected with internet at home who want to work on flexible hours on part time basis and earn extra income, My Brother used to help me with all activities but he is back to school ,so am all alone and will like to know if you will be trustworthy enough to entrust mine and my clients company's vital informations and signatory with you, Be sure to earn $1,500 monthly salary for a start and on level of you activity i would increase the pay. please get back to me today to know your interest .

**** For you to start the job you would need the following items :
* VersaCheck Gold 2008 software. It will come with 150 blank checks
* VersaInk Nano' 4X Life MICR Ink - 94MX Black
* Versajette M400 Print, Copy, Scan Inkjet Printer

All this cost $400usd But don't worry about the funds because i will be providing that if you don't have the materials.i will send you money to purchase all the materials needed to start the job .You should email me back as soon as possible and I will let you know when to start working from the comfort of your home at the most convenient time for you (you will only be working 1 to 2 hours - 3times weekly).

Note: If you don't have the materials , I will send you the money needed to buy the items,
Best Wishes.
Mrs.Lucy.

Will I get a job this week?

The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. Three of Pentacles (Works), when reversed: Delays in the commencement of business, commercial transactions, or employment. Holding back or failing to use one's abilities to their full potential. Shoddy workmanship and lack of attention to detail. Being hamstrung by convention, or failing to temper artistic fancy with an understanding of reality.
The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Queen of Cups, when reversed: The dark essence of water, such as a deep and foreboding lake: Discomfort with the worlds of mind and matter, leading to a retreat to the spiritual. The embrace of negative relationships, driven by the desperate fear of being alone. Devotion to fantasies and daydreams, to the exclusion of practical skills or the pursuit of knowledge. Insecurity leading to dishonor, vice, and undue susceptibility to outside influences.
The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. Two of Swords (Peace): Contradictory characteristics brought together as a means of resolving a conflict. Refusing to be ruled by negative emotions. Strife brought to a close through clarity of mind and restraint of force. Turning a blind eye to the minor infractions of others.
The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. Three of Wands (Virtue): Personal fortitude and strength of character. Accumulated power set in motion towards a distant goal. The initiation of an enduring partnership based on absolute trust. Honor maintained in a time of desperate struggle. Taking full responsibility for a decision, and bearing the solitude of leadership.
The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. Four of Pentacles (Power), when reversed: Using your power freely for your own enjoyment and the betterment of others. Coming to grips with progress and using your position to help it along. Finding security and identity someplace other than in the possession of material things. Letting go and encouraging others to find their own path. Being magnanimous and generous with your success.
The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Justice, when reversed: Lack of balance, harmony and integrity. The suspension of action until a decision is made. Lawsuits and prosecutions. Unjust decisions and the consequences of those decisions. A turn for the worse in legal matters.
The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. The Magician: Mastery over word, mind, and matter. The ability to turn ideas into actions, handle problems, and control one's life. The initiation of new projects, great works, or a new way of life. Eloquent and moving communication. Arcane and eldritch technologies.
The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. Ace of Cups, when reversed: The seed of a destructive relationship or spiritual collapse. A missed opportunity for joy, contentment, fertility, or enlightenment. Failing to understand the emotional needs of those around you. May represent an unexpected message, a chance meeting, or the start of a friendship or romance.
The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Four of Swords (Truce): A time of tranquility and intellectual repose in the midst of a great struggle. A temporary retreat from stress to regather inner strength, reaffirm convictions, reorganize thoughts, and formulate a new plan. The need for vigilance in a moment of calm. May suggest a withdrawal from the material world to find spiritual guidance.
The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. The Tower: Unforeseen catastrophe. An abrupt change, perhaps leading to a new lifestyle and enlightenment. May indicate a broken relationship, divorce, or failure in business or career.



Copyright 1993-2009 Facade. All rights reserved. Copying any image or other content on Facade is strictly prohibited. The services of Facade are provided for entertainment purposes only. Please view our Privacy Policy and our Terms and Conditions of Use. Images from The Phoenix Tarot are copyright 2003 Paola Angelotti. All rights reserved. Hosting by Entertainment Earth.

11603

All I do is look for work, I have applied for over thirty jobs. It's an employer market right now, and they are showing what type of assholes they really are.
YOU think, it would be courteous to send a note saying, "We have hired another candidate, thank you for your interest in our company." YOU think... I remember when good manners were expected of employers as well as employees. I am so amazed at whats turning up in the job market...$6.50 an hour for a busy receptionist, 10 dollars for a social work degree? If the economy turns and I Think it will, these same employers will be talking a new line... STUPID RUDE< I am amazed.

11584

No results on my final grades yet.
I have a bad feeling anyway. Mental health issues and school don't mix, do they?
I was wondering when this friendship became about you and me, and left being about us?
You are off again, leaving for days at a time, not bothering to call. I know I need to let it all go, we have nothing. I Thought we could build. but there never was any attraction, nor deep rooted respect. I don't like how you deal with things, and I don't like how you act and I mostly don't like the worthless pieces of shit that you cling to.
Cling ons, all of them, looking for an angle or another drug. Useless wastes of air.
I vowed that I would not waste my time on people like that, but you! You wallow in the mud and shit with them, you allow them to bring you down to your level. You think you are lifting them up, you are wrong, they bring you down, and you want them to touch my life? NO I don't think so.
I have made my best effort to take care of you, but you are still a feral cat, and you cannot give back love. You do not love me, or anyone as far as I can tell. I welcome the day when we are finally through. For good, no looking back, I won't look into your soggy blue eyes and feel pity anymore. I have given you my best, you have barely given me anything at all.
It was so hard for you to act civilized and come home at reasonable times, and not keep secret conversations with your ex. GAWD Andyroo, you don't know a good thing when you have it.
I am opinionated as you say, but I am right.
Adios MF your on your own.

11466

THE Final Countdown... (sang in a loud whiny nasal voice)"The Final Countdown" is a rock song written by Joey Tempest for the Swedish rock band Europe.
Pretty obvious why they are off the map so to speak.
ANYWAY I digress, I got two more tests.. three. And I just hope for the best, then I am really going to look hard for work. I have most of the rent for May. But I won't have bill money, ya know? I don't think the forces of goodness are on my side much. The difference is I don't care and I don't cry "UNFAIR" cuz it is unfair, but I don't care.
Andy is looking for a motorhome. Old affordable and clean. We have till august, I will not sign another 6 month lease here, we will move out and put everything in storage, thats the way it is. Three cats, one dog and one kid in a motor home is going to be unpleasant, but I am not going to be in debt for rent, the end.

Port of dispair

Grounded again. Jobless, this is such a example of never letting your guard down.
The boring details later.
AR remains optimistic, I am irritated.
Just remember, right around the corner from Nazarene College, schools, churches and local shopping area's live a dozen dangerous inmates that the prison can no longer afford to keep.
They are allowed to come and go pretty much as they please. I never knew abut them, I don't think most of the communtiy knows.
Beware.

11409

Just a ruin.
Sometimes AR surprises me. I give up hope on feral cats too soon.
Since I have met him I have been aware of the most INHERENTLY evil people ever. They attract to AR like bugs to a light. He would do well to get rid of them. I told him a few days go, one of the check lists that might be helpful to you is:
1)Have they ever done an ounce of good for anyone in their lives?
2)Do they have ANY redeeming qualities?
3)will anything that you do for them, NOT backfire and make you regret helping them?
4)Do you add any enlightenment to their lives?
5)What good comes out of any transaction with them?
EVIL begets EVIL, and like a stack of dominoes, their bad decisions seem to topple us over as well.
I WISH he would get a backbone and get rid of these cling on people!
Eventually I will have enough of this shit and I will leave him to them, and they will consume him, because they are not good people.
He does not take into consideration those who give without ulterior motive. He does treat all people the same, bad and good, interesting perspective he has.

11398

And TAA DAA! it is Thursday Night, or actually very early Friday Morning, looks like we survived the week, and I still did not donate my time to the boys and girls club, Must get this done, I am running out of time, May is around the corner.
Pay check was puny.... sigh. 389.00 what the heck am I supposed to do with that?
Several versions of the murdered inmate. I have had nightmares about work. Anything can happen, and as Alan reminds me, it has always been this way, we are just more aware of it after a dark tragedy.
THEY walk among us.

Smoke!!

Well crap, someone caught a pancake on fire in the microwave. We had to evacuate and stand outside in the cold wind and wait for the fire fighters. I am amazed to say that the Nampa Police Force do not answer their freekin phone. I was supposed to alert them that the fourteen inmates standing outside were not committing mutiny and I was not under a hostile take over. I did drag out the smoking garbage can when we evacuated the building, I should have brought marshmallows, we could have roasted them over the smoldering fire while waiting.
My hair smells like smoke.
My bright hot orange Reebok's brought many interested comments from the inmates. I suppose a woman who would wear pink shirt and belt with hot orange Reebok's is cause for concern.

Thousand Mile Wish by Finger Eleven

(I think I posted this song before but it's worth repeating)
Forgive me if now I wear the face of worry
This time alone could never cause any doubt
But I’ve been cold too long
Such a strange time to find myself coming down as the rain
With all these holes my love,
To fill up from the middle
This storm could stay all night

So can you stay until we close our eyes
Til your dreams hold mine
Just stay until we know we tried one more time

Cause laughing lovers can overcome their closest demons
And they’ll go on and they won’t let go
They saw something that they know
Has never come so close
Can it stay here for us, for now?

Can it stay until we know ourselves?
I’m torn as I tell
You’re the story that I know and fell from
I’m so far into your story I don’t know why
We think we’re in control
When we lie between the lines

We’ll find a line to follow
It’s got to show real soon
Or we’ll never reach this high

We climb a little further
Cause there’s nothing we can’t get around together
Further gets colder until nothing was all that I saw around

So we stay until the ground
That we can’t come down from splits us away
Maybe stars know why we fall
I just wish they were thinking out loud
Oh, I could wish all night

Darkness of the mind

Graveyard isn't a good shift to analyze one's life. I am like a frozen computer, expectant,optimistic, but still waiting. Waiting on what? I keep thinking about what my oldest said, "there is no such thing as waiting for your real life to kick in, this is your life and you are living it now." Yeah, "she who waits" gets pretty old sometimes. All the time I think. I do not know what I want to do anymore. I dream too much, I think too much I lament too much.
Still plugging away at school and my choices are becoming more limited as I find math looming ahead in the near distance. I don't want to waste anymore time on that shit. I just want my degree and I want to work in a field that I am good at, and confident. I think the best work experience I am getting is at the half way house. Though I remain frightened thinking about how I am out numbered by people who have experienced things that I never will. I learn and I listen. Drat the graveyard.

Melon Head

I still think you are a melon head. You talked to Stephanie, you tried to send her a picture of you, you lied, then you act mad at me for checking on you. YOU would not act like that if you were innocent, I would not charge down the hall naked and wet if you were looking at my cell phone, I would not care in the least. If you want this relationship to work, you are going to have to make an effort, because frankly I like you less today then I did yesterday, and I am not going to sit back and watch while you enable jack assess in your life. I am here for a brief time, either appreciate me and my honesty or if its not working for you, you need to find something that will make you happy. If its not me, then please move out, we can be friends this time.
At this point in time, you are my driver and cat box changer. You are not anything else,I can not be around people I do not trust.

Disconnect

We are so different. I am honest and forthright, you keep things dark. YOU withhold the truth, you are not as honest as you would like to claim. I would like to kick your ass.
I feel nothing when I think of coming home tonight. You have been sneaky before. YOU can have what every you want, just not "AND" be with me. To be with me you have to give up your shady habits and Stephanie. THERE I said the "S" word. Do you think that I would not find out? Ahh the lovely vision of you jumping out of the bath and running down the hall leaving soapy foot prints because you thought I might look at your cell phone. AND of course I did, I don't trust you, I am astonished at your duplicity. Why don't you leave for good. I will not think of you when you are gone, but I can guarantee you will think of me.
Melon Head!

Bird by the sea

 

One walk on the beach. The rain the mist the sounds of surf. Wish I could have stayed longer, but it was beautiful.

Fired? sorta

this company has taken away the control of the care giver and given it to the client. I believe they have made a big mistake. I was fired from a seventeen year old paraplegic because he wanted a cuter younger care giver. (she was twenty and have a large chest) I was not to take offense to this, but I had two weeks without work because of his preference. Another woman was fired because her client thought her care giver was too fat.
Today I took in my two week resignation, and they called me later this afternoon and told me I was not welcome back and they were giving MF (the ogress) a new caregiver on Monday, and would I kindly bring her things that I purchased for her off hours now. I said I would when I pick up my pay check in the morning.I was rather shocked by their attitude. So I asked, "is there a problem?" they assured me there was not, but it felt strange, and perhaps I am being overly sensitive, but usually my instincts are quite right. So I am out of two weeks of work, but it is worth not driving fifty miles back and forth, plus all the things she has me do. It is not right for her to have a shopping day at will any time she pleases, the Medicaid states she gets one shopping day a week, but she finds all kinds or reasons, most of them life threatening why I have to do it.My boss totally supports her whims. Someone will be getting a very disgruntled Ogress on Monday, but it won't be me, and I am not sad about that, only that my reputation is important to me, and I think its just been tainted.

Things were going all right in the beginning with the ogress yesterday, she took the access bus to the doctor and I went along, I was thankful to get out of the smoke ridden house. I now smoke 18 hours a week (not by choice) because she is a chain smoker and keeps everything closed up tight. I smell so bad when I leave her employ that I have to come home and shower before I go anywhere. I drive the 25 miles home with the windows down trying to air myself out, it doesn't work.
We got back to her home from the doctor, and I got a lecture on the proper moving of a wheelchair. I get this one three times a week, and I quietly bear it. Then I was told to go to the pharmacy and drop off a prescription and then drive further to a different store to get some supplies. She hit the roof when I got back for two reasons. ONE. I had mistakenly gotten chicken of the sea tuna instead of bubble bee. I meant to get bumble bee, but got forgetful at the last moment. TWO.. The pharmacist had explained to me how to use her new medication and had not hand written her a special note. She likes special notes, even though all the information is on the bottle and can be easily read. I made sure there was no child proof bottles because she has a hard time opening them. I made every special effort for her sake.However I knew there would be something to cause her anger, and of course there was.She made me late clocking out again, she likes to start explaining things when it is time for me to go. She does not care if I get paid or not by medicaid.I left her and hour later then planned, and gave her a sweet smile, asked her to get some rest and said I would see her on Friday... Stinking and sweating (another blasted hot flash, which makes my cheeks turn very pink) I headed to my car, sprayed myself liberally with fabreeze knowing it wouldn't help, dumped off her garbage at the Dumpster, mailed her letter, later bought her the correct tuna, which turns out is a dollar more a can, so I lose out on that deal, I had to take the wrong tuna home.I had a message on my cell phone from Dwain. He and I had talked if I got more hours at the Port of Hope, I could quit working for assisting hands. He okaed it with the boss, and gave up one of his graveyard shifts JUST FOR ME! and I can now work graveyard shift on Thursdays. this will work for me, I can go to classes, then come home and sleep then go to work for 8 hours then sleep. Saturday I would work 6 to 6 and Sunday.So it's 32 hours a week at the same place, no more driving around for the ogress or who-ever else assisting hands sends me to. I worked for a little boy from Africa that has sickle cell anemia, I have worked for a new mother with two small children, I have worked for stroke victims, I have had some difficult cases. The trend seems to be with a lot of these people is the more they get the more they want. They have a sense of entitlement and are not in the least grateful. I would be if someone came to my house and helped me. But very few of the worthy poor are happy with what they get, they quietly look around for more. I of course do not feel it is my place to tell them this, and quietly go about my chores and wish that I can quit.Thanks to Dwain, I am trying to write a resignation letter today.
I think simple is best. I had already tried to explain to my boss how difficult MF (ogress) is and he didn't believe me as I had mentioned. She oozes sweetness on the phone to my boss, how wonderful glena is, what an angel glena is... She always treats me like I am a big idiot.I do not know what type of person should replace me, but certainly one not so submissive as I am. Someone who has quiet dignity and will re-direct the negative flow from ogress. I wish her well, and I hope she gets a nice caregiver who cares about her as much as I did. For all my grousing, I always wanted her utmost comfort, but I will not think of her when I am gone.

All good things come to an end

I am off to battle again, not the battle of swords, but the battle of silence and temperance.
I hope a few days away have given me fortitude. I don't feel ready.
Ogress declined another helper. She awaits me, her angel. Right. I do not feel very angelic, but I feel a bit like a tortured saint, without the saintly qualifications.
Am I nuts?
The boss mentioned me making up hours with her. I SAID< "NO PLEASE, it tires "HER" out too much" meaning me actually.
Today tomorrow the next day, I did the figures in my head, I cannot afford to quit yet.
So two jobs it is, and very little time for anything else. Geology is still a drag, and Social work is my favorite class.
It has been my favorite through out my life, oh that sounds sanctomonious doesn't it?
Off I go, my sactomonious butt off to the ungrateful, and surely the unworthy.

The essentially happy person

IS CALLING IN SICK!
well sick sounds better then the water heater exploded, the fridge is leaking, and the toilet needs a new seal. Needed a new seal means they have to pull the whole thing up out of the floor, and I must hide my alarmed contraband cats. I am allowed one kitty, I have three.. I just can't count. ok? Nobody would fall for that one.
Anyway, me of small attention span, must stay home one day and get all of this stuff done, its becoming emergency proportions.
Important stuff.
I Toast the Ogress, may she find a lovely thick skinned caregiver.
I will enjoy torn up floors and nervous cats far more. I shall sing my happy song, and practice my very sick voice before I call in, must not expose the ogress to my illness...

Let the public humiliation begin

I am going to quit, I am.
She talks very slow to me and uses small words when we are in public, like I ride the short bus or something.
In Albertsons, she took that attitude with me, I have given her credit for not feeling well, but there is only so much crap I am willing to roll in. People were giving us strange looks, I was so embarrassed.
She had mentioned earlier that if she taught me one thing, it was me having a back bone. Seriously, she has taught me patience, I have thought about walking out and leaving her with that hateful expression on her face several times.
SHE IS NOT NICE.
I have a bad cough and sinus congestion from her incessant smoking. BLAHHHH.
Here I have to work two twelve hour shifts at POH, then go and deal with her happy ass again on Monday. THEN Volunteer for the boys club for a few hours, then take Dainish to Karate. Did I mention that I am a home body. so much for that.

Oh Jeez I found Ogress' Picture

SANS the hat.
if she wore red it would be a dead ringer.

SO Bite me fickled finger of FATE!!!

First day of job number two. So far so good, the little optimist in me is cautiously peeking out.
Friday was mind numbing. I was a shaking hulk of despair after 8 hours of Ogress' psychoanalysis. On the way home one of my favorite angry songs was on the radio, Beck- LOSER, ahhh "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?" My radio would only turn up sooo loud, not loud enough to ease my agony.
I am already worrying about how I can tolerate Monday. Pick Pick Pick, and I remain silent to my credit, she says I have repressed anger and I am a very sad person. No she is misreading me I am a happy person and I am merely keeping my mouth shut while she goes on and on about my fallibilities. The look on my face is tolerance tending toward walking out the door. "FIND another care giver OGRESS!"
I guess I don't tolerate abuse very well. This is another life lesson in patience and tolerence that I did not ask for. I am good at keeping silent, but my face looks pained and I can feel that. I need a coping technique if I am going to stand this much longer. I think shorter hours, and I wish she would keep her hands off the chart. She picks over every word how she thinks her progress should be written. Can we just put in PIA? (pain in the ass)?? Angel is not my name.

remember?

When I think about the wind on my face and the ocean air salty and damp, I think about being free and no longer having to work for unpleasant people, or listening to long winded professors.
Am I still going to be young enough to enjoy what I am working toward?

They all like my fuzzy pink robe

I guess "them's black mail pictures", snicker... I told him to wear his own robe, so this is his own fault.
Dain has a nest on the couch and is watching 'Cars' He has Rota virus. I was forced to call in sick today, I explained the situation. I am not sick, but Rota has a three day incubation period, I don't dare expose my client to this virus. She has a compromised immune system, and something like this could end her up in the hospital, or worse.
So I am not going anywhere, I feel like we should put a big "P" for plague on the front door.
Dain is thrilled to be in a nest watching movies and being waited on. The pets like the nest too. No pictures of the sick boy today, poor little guy, he hates missing school. AND Me... I cannot afford to miss work, every penny counts, just when I thought I was going to get caught up on bills and rent. AHHHH well it shall be done eventually... after much groveling and complaining.

Ogress

Yes I know it is your show, and I know that the load you carry is very heavy. Do you know that you are very tedious and time wasting and unpleasant and mean sometimes? Do you know that I don't need to hear your medical prognosis for six hours? and do you know that conversation consists of two people bantering words back and forth gently? Not one person standing over the other refusing to let anyone else talk.
Jeez I know I can be talkative at times, but I am never rude and I do care about you, but you make it very hard.
I told you I had a cut thumb, that is not trying to "ONE-UP" your pain and suffering, I told you that I agree with you, that is not trying to over shadow your specific pain. I have kept my mouth shut and let you go on for hours and waste both of our time, but you still think that I am talking too much. I am certain that nothing I do, or don't do would please you in the end. I think you would try a guardian angel's patience to the point of screaming.I am empathetic, and I am also discerning and I can see how you have lived your life, and I can see in some ways why you are where you are now. A lot of loving people have tried to help you, but you always know best. I am very considerate that you are dying, and I want to be there for you. Yes I know you have boundaries and pride, but you still are unpleasant and in another life on another day, I would kick your ass for being mean to miss Glena Jean, who has a soft heart and really cares that your remaining days are filled with sunshine and laughter. Perhaps you will learn something too, even though you are so bent on teaching me.
you are teaching me what I already know, but I must remain silent while you smile that horrible smile that sends chills up my spine. I have seen that smile before, its the smile someone makes when they are about to say something incredibly short sighted. And my dear you are, you were not a caring giving person in life, and you are not a caring giving person nearing your death. I wish I was a better match for your needs, but I don't think anyone is. I wish you would quit complaining about how horrible all your last care givers were, because I am sure that I am next on your list of inept and stupid care givers. You do not give people a chance, nor do you credit anyone with intelligence. You really do not know best, but you are too young to die without learning more in this life.
I would not have liked you when you were well either.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

An ogre (feminine: ogress) is a large,

cruel and hideous humanoid monster,

featured in mythology, folklore and

fiction. Ogres are often depicted in

fairy tales and folklore as feeding on

human beings, and have appeared in many

classic works of literature. In art,

ogres are often depicted with a large

head, abundant hair and beard, a

voracious appetite, and a strong body.

The term is often applied in a

metaphorical sense to disgusting persons

who exploit, brutalize or devour their

victims.

Enough of this infernal inversion

I would like the days to get longer, and mornings to be warmer, and the air to be clear.
Enough of this over cast grey smelly weather ok?

Ava Rae, what the hey? doesn't have a lot to say.

Ava and I went to the bent corners book store yesterday. She was enthralled. she walked around the store picking out books for everyone. she found a Sci Fi book for me, a pop up book for her and several board books for "Wooby" I only got the pop out book and the two Rudyard Kipling "Just so animal stories" one for the grand daughters and one for the grand sons.
She was very good for a wild baby. We spent a total of six dollars, even I can afford that!
The bent corners was a good find.

Too old

Janelle says I am getting too old to shop with, she said, "How someone can stare at a roll of tape for ten minutes is beyond me." She was actually trying to get me to move from the scene of the crime committed by one two and a half year old blondy person. So she says now anyway.
Ava dumped a cup of hot cocoa accidently in the aisle. She then tried to clean it up with wet wipes, Ava is so precious.

Janelle is going to be ticked when she sees the flattering photo I have put up. hee hee

Musings of the wicked

I wanted to go to school today, about as much as I wanted to face a firing squad. I was filled with revulsion, anxiety and a certain amount of anticipation for what happens next.
-------Today I headed out into the blistering cold armed with my cellphone (set on stun) my ipod (armed with heavy metal bag pipe music) My warm wool coat and plaid muffler, my half finger gloves and a lunch packed for a long day in captivity. Bring it on! I did not read the assignment.
------Ahh this is just too much fun! There is cough girl, eat stinky food in class girl,there is dirty boots on the back of the chair guy, there's chatty Cathy yes! they are all here. I am here too, with my thick blondish hair wound up in a tight knot on top of my head, my pudgy fingers gripping the pen in anticipation, yes we are all here...and I feel CRANKY.
-----ENTER Geos Professor who sounds surprisingly like Herman Munster.

Busy Busy

Fibromyalgia is at an all time high. I am in so much pain these days, I think I should go see the Dr. its about time for the vile yearly thing anyway. EVEN my finger nails hurt, I am tired of this.
I want to bend over to pick up something I dropped and not wince in pain every time I move. OK? OK!

Grousing

Cover your mouth when you cough, for Pete's sake... I felt my hair move. I am sure your conversation is fascinating, but I would like to hear the professor, THANK YOU. Damn, why do people with gas sit down in front... why did I sit at the top? ewww
Professors that give a test on the second week are ASSESS.
Get your damn shoes off the back of my chair. what is this PIG WEEK?

Your attentionspan is deficient!

OK OK so the continental drift is true, the other two theories were found to prove how the continental drift happened. RELIEF! I am not sending my son to School with incorrect information.
Daine said he didn't remember our conversation anyway.... takes after his mother.

Your blond roots are showing

I think I followed most of the lecture on Continental Drift and Plate Tectonics With a little bit of sea floor spread? Hmm sounds a bit like my ass size.
I tried to stop my eyeballs from rolling back in my head. Some old dogs cannot be taught new tricks. I am going to read chapter two and re-read the notes and see if I can understand.
You know, we were taught about the continental drift theory in grade school, note: Our books were probably from the fifties. They probably were you know, most of the school board forgot about Pierce Idaho and thought that the little savages that lived there were beyond redemption, let alone anything resembling science study.
AND now I find that only a few days ago, I explained about continental drift to my son as if it were a reasonable law not an old theory refuted in the sixties. I am so embarrassed. I really did try to keep up on science you know. Damn, I wonder what else I have been telling my son that has been refuted in the last forty years??? YIKES!
Next time I am asked a scientific question I will research it before giving my answer.

Pomegranate Martini

2 tablespoons natural cane sugar
2 tablespoons water
2-3 ounces top-shelf vodka
2-6 ounces freshly squeezed or organic pomegranate juice
half of a lime
2 slices lemon
a martini shaker and glass
ice

Oh Gawd I am trendy. I just like them, and I would like one sometimes in the evening. I only had one. hick hick

It was seventy degree's and sunny with a light breeze

I am gone gone gone

Tomorrow I will be heading to the coast with Daine,Andy,Andrew and Sherman.
cold misty sea air, crashing waves, wet sand. I am going to like it.
Then there is the Aquarium. Thats lovely, not to mention the touristy things. I like Ripleys and the wax museum. Daine will be amazed. He doesn't get out much, snicker.
Andy will make the trip wonderful, he is the best traveling companion ever.

Remember Me?

Was she ever this young? My mother.
I am told I look just like her.

Janelle said, "at least you will know what you will look like when you are an old lady. Your mom was a pretty old lady."
I reminded her that I am four months from being the same age as my mom when she died.
52. OHH! right.
Well you look younger then your mom did.
Quick save Janelle.

sunday haze

It was church in the morning, lunch, visit sue, talk to Janelle kinda day.
I had a simple salad, romaine, tomato, green onion, and almonds. Liberally sprinkled with ranch dressing, actually I would have liked olive oil and rice vinegar.
I would have liked to create something beautiful, but its a hold your breath kind of day, and wait and see what happens next. DAMN I hate that waiting game. Where am I going to move? where am I going to work? I applied at something in Boise, I have to sign a lease in a few days, I have to get my books. Lazy Glena Jean is taking two classes this semester. I think I am going nuts, nah I am not, I am fine, well ok??
sherman is having the last of the salad I am too bored to eat.
I have to get up at four AM tomorrow. Andy will be talkative, then sleep soundly while I get up at four... I think if he wants to talk late into the night, he can get up early too.

My best friend is back

Everything falls into place, and feels right.
Three months apart and quiet reflection made us both realise that perhaps it is the great love of the century. Andyroo I love you.

my car is cranky

NOW< why did it run so beautifully yesterday. Today it won't start not even with the budging technique Andy showed me.
I called into work. This is driving me crazy, I have always prided myself on being dependable. I have to do something!!
well it looks like tea and crumpets and finish that lovely book I started, and then.. find out how much a starter costs.
At least I got groceries yesterday, so I can cook.

Beloved car broke

Guess it is the starter. Now I have to budge the car whilst in second gear with my ample ass. this produces a click, which in turn puts the starter in the correct position, WHATEVER that is, and the car will start.. in theory.
I got called off work today so I haven't tried my new found technique.
I cannot afford this. I am thankful that this foundling car, found in a field where it had sat for six years runs as good as it does. A tribute to Andy's genius.
It seems now that it is awake, that little cosmetic problems are going on with it. Like the heater vent buttons are stiff, the locks don't work, the doors don't shut, the doors don't open, the emergency break is iffy. However I get very attached to things, and I am fond of this car, I never named it though, I just call it Stanza.
It is faded blue and it has a few dings on the side and the paint has faded over the engine, and I think it needs oil again.
It ticks when the engine is running, what does that mean? NOT a rod. I don't know what a rod is, but they are very bad when they go 'tick tick tick'

Reign them thoughts in

It is an attention deficient type of day. I got stuff going all directions, and I would be eloquent if I could stop and focus.
I was thinking about death. I was thinking about the afterlife, and I don't believe in it anymore.
Too many holes in that theory children. This makes me a bit more selfish, there is no great reward for good deeds. Live a reasonable life, help people, and die. There is no returning there is no higher plane. Like a candle snuffed out, we like the lost flame cease to exist.
We did not exist before life, we do not exist after. So I am thinking, I better get it right, I better do those things I meant to do, because time is marching on and leaving me behind.
I don't like this getting a degree process, everything is on hold till I succeed in that genre.
Jenni asked me, (in regard to religion) "Are you still on our side?" I said yes to relieve her fears, but I suppose that I am not really on that side anymore. I am not bad, I am not inherently evil. I don't need a big god standing over me with a big stick to make me moral. I am what I am alone. I believe in honesty, I keep my word, and I do no harm to anyone. I find that I am more honest with people, perhaps more then most would like, but temperance is sometimes a lie. I do not like to lie.

YIPES bedtime

I am watching shrek, but I have to get up at five AM.
soooo I am going to bed. After much listening to modest mouse and having a pomegranite vodka martini... and thinking much, yes much.
I have decided that all is futile.
Goodnight sweet dreams.
G

Polar Opposites (Modest Mouse)

I'm trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away
-------------------------------------------
So it's a new siege. I am in a Modest Mouse kind of mood today, creative but no outlet.
Lonely but satisfied to be alone.
Wrapped in a warm blanket, I believe I will dive into a good book.
There are several bottles of wine untouched in the fridge....
-------------------------------------------
POLAR OPPOSITES
Polar opposites don't push away
It's the same on the weekends as the rest of the days
And I know I should go but I'll probably stay
And that's all you can do about some things
I'm trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away
Two one eyed dogs, they're looking at stereos
Hi-fi Gods try so hard to make their cars low to the ground
These vibrations oil its teeth
Primer gray is the color when you're done dying
I'm trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away
MODEST MOUSE

Head Trauma Dogs and Mad Cows

I brought Daine home a Lazar pointer thingy. He has been driving the cats and Sherman nuts.I didn't know that the dog would chase it too, so now they are running around the house full speed and trying to run up the wall, in Sherman's case into the wall. I said to the boy that it would be a nice gesture to stop before the dog hits the wall. Sherman being mostly beautiful and not very smart, we need to look out for his interests you see.__________________________________________
I was scheduled to work today, so I headed off to Boise, optimism in hand at around seven o clock this morning.The meeting did not go well and I left without pay. I so dislike welfare Prima-Donna's.I called the office and said, "Due the lack of graciousness of my client, I won't be going back." They called me a few minutes later and asked if I would return to the enemy's apartment and pick up her over due movies and return them. I said..No.
I said if she wants people waiting on her, she is going to have to try a different tact. One involving politeness. I don't deal well with rude people, nor drama queens.AHH and secretly I am so glad, I got my seventeen year old paraplegic back, and he and I get along fine without drama.

OMG!

I often feel like everything revolves around me.

O1_03_09

This is the last day off forever. I will begin working every day, and drive to Boise three days a week. and wish for something else. I heard something new, there is such a thing called Tax Credit Apartments, they go by your income.
Someone said, you probably will pay 260.00 a month. WHAT? I said, I cannot even begin to pay the 588.00 I am trying to pay now. I am three months behind, and my college money will go to catching up, then what? My income isn't going to cover rent even working seven days a week.Because I don't average 8 hours a day, but I must take what I get and suck it up and quit grousing about it. HUH? I need to be THANKFUL.
Grateful, some people don't even have work coming in, and while I was in the office yesterday, there were several calls for people looking for work. The office manager said, Twenty a day, and they are not hiring. OTAY< Glena needs an attitude adjustment.
EVEN So.. Grumpy says, what about an 8 hour job we like? WHAT ABOUT THAT????