I know this game

I have played it before. New rules! I don't give a damn if your pissed because I wont comply with your wishes.
You lose.
I don't do the guilt game you picked the wrong person.

Remember when I said "I'm not all that"? WELL I AM

Nearly all the guys that approach me online are looking for meaningless sexual encounters.
It's really stupid.
The last and I mean the last I ever give the time of day too, pretended he was just kidding when he made sexual innuendos... said he was being funny... RIGHT! here is your funny back in your face asshole. He was too cowardly to come out and show me what a jerk he was, so he disguised it as a lame joke.
I said, I had high standards and potential F--- buddies had to fill out an application. DO they think their fifth grade naughty boy conversations will impress me? JEEZ I can't believe grown men know so little about REAL women.
I am too annoyed to educate them, though I did do my little part, by telling them they are morons.
That's just me, a caring sharing individual.

Things I couldn't say, things I can't give

I wanted you to stay. But is that fair to ask? I didn't want to be alone, and I could feel you watching me, gaging me, wondering what you were supposed to say.
What a pair we are, one who cannot speak and one who cannot shut up.
You want something from me, but you don't know if you could handle it, I don't know either.
You are so many things, and I get all mixed up when I try and define what it is. I don't know myself, how can I know you, and how can I ask for something when I am not sure I can give it back?

Your Fate

FoookYoou

I feel like a little kid, I am not going to class today, and I am not going ever again.
I do not want to be ethnically invisible, I do not wish to be ashamed of my white European heritage, I do not wish to feel guilty for the privileges that I have received. I believe in being aware of the sufferings of other people, but this should not make me feel guilty for being who I am. This guy needs a dose of sesame street and Mr. Rogers... we all need to embrace the uniqueness of ourselves.

Doesn't look good

Well in spite of my dreadfuls, I am still working at the readings. It has taken nearly two hours to get through twenty pages of the "communist Manifesto" which the lauded professor said was an easy read. It isn't. I am going nuts trying to study for three tests write several papers and read this boring shit. Can I quit now? JEEZ I just can't concentrate.
I have to keep at it, I have to succeed. Dr. sugessted A.D.D. medicine, if it would help I would take it, but I have my doubts about any magic pill helping me right now, I have my doubts about everything.

Home today

I am not going to work today, I called in sick this morning, my stomach had sharp pains. Rather convenient at times, I am working on Literature and staying close to home.
We are watching Star Trek and arguing who takes the stupid dog out when he rings the bell.
He has got me, I shampooed the carpets on Friday and I don't want any mishaps.
Ring Ring Ring... "take out the dumb dog."

We never had a song, but if we had

Artist: The Fray
Album: How To Save A Life
Year: 2005
Title: Over My Head (Cable Car)



I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

And everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm in over...

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind
---------------------------------------

CUZ I knew all along I was in over my head and I would lose you effortlessly, Damn it feels so good right now, quit messaging me jerk.

ONE Date Wonder

The date went well, Daine was the nervous one, he talked like a magpie through the dinner, revealing all my dirty little secrets, THANK God he doesn’t know everything!

HE (the date) said he had a hard time keeping his hands off me… YAY!

Anyway, I think I like him.



"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde

Wave wash over me

Overwhelmed. The bank beat me to my account, I'm overdrawn, pay day will be in a week and it will be short. I need to go to the finance department and get another loan, I kinda knew that four hundred a month would be hard to squeak by. I cannot fit another work day in my schedule. My car is acting up, and it needs work. My son has outgrown all his clothes, I am not doing well in two subjects at school.
Today is going to be a beautiful day, I am going to work on some homework and clean the house and take a walk in the sunshine, I am not going to stagnate today, I am not going to worry about every little thing.

English from Hell

I wrote the damn paper, but its hard finishing an assignment from an ADD professor, he is so brilliant and all over the place with his ideas that I cannot follow him.
I did my best, but I am finding that my best isn't good enough.
Dr. Armentrout says I will not hit a wall I will succeed. GAWD I hope he is right, I got a very bad grade on the art test, I am so disappointed, I read everything and I studied, but I over think the questions, and she asked them in tricky ways.
I got a very bad grade on my history exam too. What the hell? I am going to talk to the history professor, what does he mean Thesis form?
I wished I had found easier professors this time around, I am beginning to feel like I need to ride the short bus this semester.

Dramatica (Orgy) Its a band ok???

The dandy contacted me on MSN messenger today. He invited me for lunch sometime in the distant future. I am not impressed. Did he think I would be?
Curiosity is a mortal sin. I think so anyway.
I immediately contacted Tom. He set me straight. He is my man interpreter.... and he knows shit when he hears it. I wish Tom was closer, we would have lunch.
ANYWAY back to the dandy, why would I consider lunch with him? I am going to say no if he asks again, I feel good, I don't want to mess that up.
Four glasses of wine later... I still don't want to have lunch with the dandy a root canal sounds better.

Short cut to monkey brain

What would you think if you read this blog? Would you know its all about you, and the disdain I feel for your dishonesty? I know you do not have the power in you to love. You knew that too didn't you?
Weeks have gone by, and I am fine, I do not miss your touch or your crooked smile. I do not miss your blue eyes or your broken promises and stolen moments. I do not miss you, I am F-I-N-E.

Alien Ant Farm

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A good sign

I don't know how many weeks its been since I broke up with the Dandy, but I feel like me again.
Sundays are kinda good, Daine and I do things together before church, then come home for our dinner and a nap, then I work from 4 to midnight, I am tired Monday morning and have to get up early for school in Boise.
The continuation of duty is my sanity, I don't really like my job, but it is do-able and not as vile as past jobs I have had.
I would like someone in my life that keeps his word to me and doesn't lie.
I would like someone that has the intellectual ability to hold a conversation that doesn't revolve around sports and nascar. I would like a spiritual man that isn't overly religious, but would come to church with me, lastly I would like a good lover.

Main Entry: 1 dan·dy
Pronunciation: 'dan-dE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural dandies
Etymology: probably short for jack-a-dandy.
1 : a man who gives exaggerated attention to personal appearance

I dont like carrots in my soup

Well that fixes that. Shit, I thought I could change my major to elementary education and be a school teacher. All the courses that I have taken were social sciences, which means the only direction was social work. I had considered that but rejected it, mainly I want to work in the community and like what I do.
Psychology is too long, and Elementary would mean starting all over again, everything I accomplished doesn't count toward a degree in education. I think the rules are too limited.
However I think I can live with this and I am glad I started heading in that direction now instead of later. I don't have to have Anatomy and Physiology or as much math.. so those are good things, I have to start taking math courses right away though.
I keep moving I keep going through the motions of life, it is getting easier. I need someone to hold me right now, but needs are not often met. I hate you hatcher I hope your dick drops off.

Really Stupid Dog

I bought a new lunch pail for work at target. I bought sherman a bone. I took a nap, Sherman had left the bone on the couch and climbed up on the table and got my lunch pail down and ate it. He was suposed to outgrow this.

wet wash rag

Professor Emery was fired. I wonder what horror they will put in her place. This means I will actually have to work in Lit class now. I was hoping for an easy A.
Today Dwain turns thirty, Daine is spending the night over there and I am home alone with the ungrateful dog that ran away this morning. He nearly got hit by a car, he just stood in the middle of traffic with an enthusiastic expression on his face. He eventually ran to an apartment complex and a nice gentleman caught him. Daine was nearly in tears, we did think the dog was going to be hit by a car. Part of me hoped it would be a quick death. Stupid Dog!
Armentrout saw me yesterday in his new office. He said, Hatcher was gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe, scuff him off and go on about my business. Good advice. Depression continues to drag on, a glass of wine and early to bed, tomorrow is a new day, the more time that passes the better I will feel eventually.
I have a history test on Monday and an Art test on Wednesday, I really think tests should be banned. Tests are unreal. I am going to change my major, I just don't know how to go about it yet. I have to find out. I am going for a degree in elementary education instead of Psychology. I am losing interest in addictions and counseling, perhaps when I feel better again?
Bruce invited me over tonight, but after nine o'clock PM, and I think I will be in bed by then. I declined the invite, an earlier night would be better because I have to get up at five thirty tomorrow to get ready for my lovely day at DTV. I wonder why Mr. Hanson didn't call me as he said he would? He is missing out on a chance to meet a great person. I find I lose interest pretty fast in people who don't keep their promises. Hatcher all over again, The woulda's coulda's and shoulda's begin to add up to a big nothing.

six days

And it doesn't matter much anymore, does it?
Art class is interesting and a challenge. Some guy sat next to me and started up a conversation, so I invited him into my study group with Christy and Kelly.
He did think he was excruciatingly interesting and insisted on adding his comments to the study guide put out by the professor. He was cute, he hinted his bike was broke down and gave me a patient look. I gave him a blank look and said, "thats a bummer." Baby boomers rule in cunning... He is probably about ten years younger then me and not as cunning.
I was not taking the hint of driving him home. My car was parked a quarter of a mile away from the university, and I didn't know him. Charming cute and odd. Why me anyway? freekin weirdo magnate.

Forget

It is Tuesday, five days later. I had a toasted cheese and ham sandwich, is it a sandwich with only one piece of bread?
I am listening to Alien Ant farm, I love the understated anger.
I am planning on skipping Lit this afternoon, I can't skip Psych in Boise tonight. I got Dain's pay as you go phone re-charged with money so he could come with me. His mood is like mine and I know it's my fault he mirrors my depression, he skipped school today, he said he needed a day off, his company has helped me lift up. We do daily tasks, cleaned the fish bowl, picked up our living space, washed rugs walk the dog, it goes on. I see Dr. Armentrout tomorrow.
I am beginning to feel angry. I won't do anything about it. Took me five days to feel it. Wishing all kinds of maladys to befall the insignificant other. Douche bag.

spell of light

I was trying to write something positive something beautiful and it wont come out.
I am haunted by what I lost and haunted by what is to come.
Haunted by what never was,
there comes a time when we must ask ourselves if we wish to remain unhappy and depressed. Do we want to wallow in self pity, or truly enjoy life?
OH Fuck it I just need a good lay and perhaps a drunk to go along with it, not laying a drunk however.
He never answered my questions, and perhaps I know the answers with out having to ask, but I ask anyway, because I waste time, to waste time is to put on hold the grim reality that I was not loved and I am easy to forget.
I want to be thought of as special and unforgettable. He was the wrong one.
Still the pain persists, and I feel like a blob.
Tomorrow I will do better. I promise.

Quit yer bitchin

I knew a lady that sang the blues, I asked her for some happy news, she just turned and walked away...(the day the music died)
JEEZ I am sick of myself. I don't like unanswered questions and the doubt that I feel, but that is the way it's going to be. With Steven there was always doubt, and I didn't quite trust him, is this how I wanted to live? You cannot be happy with something you have to hold on to tightly.
The guy at work that I started to ask out the gave me a horrified look? well he came up to me yesterday and made a point of saying "Hi Glena." he even knew my name, I am not interested though.
Butch says he would like to go to the Billy Joel Musical playing at the Morrison Center. I can bring Daine. I think my son would like it.
Eww I just looked at the tickets,65 to 40 dollars each, I think we might be listening to old Billy Joel Cd's at home and drinking beer, not Daine...
I have a history test tomorrow and if I don't start reading that chapter I will certainly fail, and I am not going to let Steven's memory interfere with living anymore. I MEAN IT!

1 Thing

OK, one thing I would ask if I didn't have so much pride eking out of me...
"Steven, were you relieved? Were you wanting to end it but you were too much of a wimp to do so?" Cuz I wonder what the hell I was doing those ten months being in love with your selfish time depraved ass. I sure wonder, but I know it is called L O V E. who ever said Love was a four letter word was right.
Everything I went through these last few months, I went through alone.

Crap I feel sick today

Can't sleep can't eat.
The animals decided to surround me last night, that was odd. A dog on one side of me and the cat on the other. They never do that.
I must be putting out a bad aura.
my pride says, he has started a cycle of treating me off hand, and it will never get better, he made no effort to stop me yesterday
he turned white when I told him I was done, and he said, "I wish it was different" It seemed cowardly to me. I never thought of steven as weak, but this is how it looks to me now.

I did it

After careful consideration and feeling empty about my relationship with Hatcher, I gave him the boot.
Man it hurts.
My prediction is he will get over me, way too easy. I never held a place of importance in his heart.
I will whine more later.

Mcdoodle

last night I had to drive to Boise for Psych class, the class runs six to nine PM, and I leave Daine home all by himself

I decided to take him and get him dinner on the way, but it takes nearly an hour to get there,and I was running out of time to get to class, so I gave him twenty bucks and told him to play at the student union building while I was in class

this was a bad idea, all I could do was worry about him

what if he didn't find the sub, what if he got lost or bored, what if someone kidnapped him

class got out early, it was only an hour and a half, so I hurried across campus to go and find him

he was happily playing a video game and had survived all by himself. We walked to the car in the rain and had a McDonald's dinner with the left over quarters, I am glad we had that experience, but I wont do it again, too many things could go wrong.

psych whatever!

So here we have September, and my depression is finally lifting, I think hormones are to blame... (when aren't they?) Psych whatever, I worked damn hard to read the first two chapters, then went to west campus to download the notes for class tonight. The notes didn't remotely resemble the book I had been reading. I Mentioned this to Dr. Professor whatever, he said, "Oh no, I will explain that later, we aren't going to use the book after all." MMM 65 dollars for the used version of the stupid text book. I have the receipt, I hope I get my money back. There is a deadline on getting your money back, I don't think it has past yet.
I took Daine with me, I let him go to the Sub by himself with twenty dollars to play video games. I had a panic that perhaps I had done a bad thing, he is only ten, what if he gets kidnapped or lost? I had a hard time concentrating in class, worrying about what I had done. We got out an hour and a half early, this was good, I high tailed it to the Sub and found the little boy happily playing video games all by himself. I am not going to do that again, I worried too much about him, even though he was fine, I had no way to check up on him while I was at the other side of campus in class. Stupid Me.

Bean Brain

You don't even get me! your whole goal is to find someone to hook up with sexually. You pass up what could be a great thing to settle for mediocrity.
I don't even want to put you on the defensive to explain it to you, but frankly you screwed up. Every chance you get you talk of sex and snuggling, you don't even give a woman a chance to meet you and get to know you. You are a fool mr. online dating man, may your goals of scoring be met and may you never have a meaningful relationship.
Dildoehead!

today was the first day of school, I wonder what I am doing. I went to history and thought, "this is going to be a lot of work." Why?
Am I barking up the wrong tree?
I really miss Janelle, the turkey had to go and graduate, so now I am all alone.
I decided to keep at it even though I wonder if I am wasting my time.
I am taking the hormone pills, I wondered if I was supposed to bleed after I stop them in ten days or during the taking of them?
I am so hungry right now I could eat anything that didn't walk away, I feel pregnant, that must be what the hormone pills are doing to me.
Energy seems to be a thing of the past, but I am not giving up yet, I still take the iron pills and hope they work. I haven't got a parking permit yet, so I parked pretty far from the university, I don't know how far exactly, but the walk this morning felt good. When it gets cold I like the walk even less, but right now it was in the fifties and a brisk walk to class got me feeling awake.
I worked late last night and had to get up early for school today, four hours of sleep doesn't quite do it for me, I had a long nap after lunch.
Thank goodness I took that walk to class, its the only exercise I am likely go get today, I feel very drug out and tired.

assignation

Main Entry: as·sig·na·tion
Pronunciation: \ˌa-sig-ˈnā-shən\
Function: noun
Date: 15th century
1: the act of assigning or the assignment made
2: an appointment of time and place for a meeting; especially : tryst But hardly that, I just couldn't think of the word, and it drives me nuts when I can't think of a word.
Today is the first day of BSU, and I am nearly sick with anxiety. I am going to fight it and show up for history class, I am an adult (mostly) I can do this.

Blah

SOOOO I was going to ask this guy out at work, but the look of sheer horror on his face when I asked him if he was single put me off a bit.
Sigh.. am I that scary?

New day new color

So today I think I like it best black. I get tired of red hair on me. I feel limited. I clash with some of my clothes.
GAWD I know how superficial I sound. I am BoReD.... Steven is off to California to see his son. I think he and his wife should get counseling and I should back away... BACK slowly away from the man!
ok, that made me laugh.

FOUR hours!

It took them four hours to groom my cockerspaniel. I should be shot.
Poor baby he looks like a disgruntled miniture labrador. He is happy to be home, and the groomer beamed about what a well behaved dog I have.... NOBODY else believes me.
Except for the occasional weird eating fetishes, like my bras, and duct tape, he is a good dog and we love him.

Ohhh How I wish it would rain

If my money ever comes in, I will put gas in my car, if I put gas in my car I can get groceries, if I get groceries we can have a picnic.
THE DOG NEEDS GROOMING, he looks horrible and unloved. Yesterday he ate a half a roll of duct tape. Little jerk! some of it is still stuck in his unkept hair. I need a hair cut too, but I am not going to get one.

not cancer

I am going to be ok after three months of treatment. I will spare the graphic details...

My money isn't in yet and I am now very overdrawn, it seems bills come due three days before you have the cash, and they were the kind of things that get shut off if you don't pay them. I really want to get my school books and parking permit. I AM READY PEOPLE! put the damn money in my account.

weird thing I learned

I wanted to write a thank you note to my ex best friend. I wanted to tell her she did me a favor all those years ago. You see, one should never hang on to things that are finished and she knew that. I am not saying she had my best interest at heart, but my marriage was over and I hung on in fear and rage and lived a horrible existence. When I finally had the courage to let go, against my will I might add, I learned all about the strength and beauty inside me that I never thought I had.
I hope her marriage to Michael (THE EX) is long and happy I only wish them well. I think I have truly evolved.
Now I wish that Sharon knew the things I know, her marriage is over and has been a long time. Holding on tight to Steven only makes everyone un-happy, but I know why she is doing it, I know too well, but I really doubt she will be thinking about writing me a thank you note one day I really do.
Come what may I am going to win this one, it is my time.

as much as I dont want to...

I will be there. At work. Dammit anyway.
Work is such a waste of ass hair. Drive fifty miles to work four hours.
Steven came by to check on me today. sigh... love that man.
Saw Pastor Steve this morning, what a nice talk we had. I feel better about my spiritual issues and My lean machine Steven H.
Pastor said, "Sometimes we cannot help where our heart goes." That would certainly explain everything.

it went without a hitch so to speak

The needle in the taa taa wasn't so bad. Took all of fifteen minutes. I am not even bleeding. I took 800 miligrams of ibuprofen before and I haven't had any cramping. I saw what she stuck in me, it was five feet long at least, but I only felt a little discomfort, and it was finished before I had time to complain. I think the worst part was the stinging of the iodine that they put everywhere on my skin and cervix.
so in a week I find out what is wrong with me, I hope anyway.
So depending on the results,I either get the knife or the torch... neither sounds good to me.
she had said that if it's hormone imbalance, they will cure it with pills.

Head Ache

Blinding ear splitting crashing headache. Debilitation exhaustion. YOW spent the whole day sleeping off my non existent hang over, what the hell is wrong with me? I found I had forgotten coffee, so I drank a cup. Dainish over-nuked the last hot dog, so I ate a handful of raw almonds. I gotta get some gumption somewhere, I did a load of the child's laundry and hung them up to dry, then slept three hours. I am taking the iron the Dr. prescribed for me, I tried it on an empty stomach like it suggests but I felt like I was going to hurl.
So Sweet Bruce gave me some sweet corn and zucchini along with a bunch of cherry tomatoes from his garden. I ate the cherry tomatoes at work last night, (sorry Daine) I am going to drag my sorry ass to the kitchen and cook that corn if its my last attempt before another nap. I am pathetic, my floors need vacuuming, I cannot get the strength. Steven offered to come over and clean my house, I don't even want him to know how dirty it is.
Steven drives me to the Dr. tomorrow for the medieval torture chamber. I REALLY don't want to go.
MORE freeking drama! Huh Kimmie??

Stupid

So guess what I found out you stupid self serving arrogant bitch?
This isn't the 19th century, someone can get a divorce without spousal permission. YOU don't have to sign the freeking papers, he can divorce your all mighty self anyway, what do you say to that? Now I just have to see if Wonder Boy is really serious. He sounds it.

Picnic in the park

Today I feel better then yesterday. I had blood drawn this morning. They can now tell what my blood has been doing for a three month span, isn't that amazing?
I took a picnic lunch to Caldwell to be with Steven. We had a lovely time. He told me his wife has a message for me.
What a shit she is. She said, "TELL HER< I will never never let you go and I refuse to divorce you, I don't want to be divorced." She doesn't care that she and Steven are both unhappy. She doesn't care what Steven wants, she only cares for what she wants.
I got news for her... I am going to keep being my sweet self and see what happens next. What a jerk!

SO, yeah, I know I know

I don't feel it coming from you anymore. I think you are perplexed, sad, un-certain,scared,stuck in limbo.
Do you change your mind? Do you want to be married still? Are you just afraid you cannot make it without her?
I think I am ready to let you go, I keep trying, but my heart calls me back.
I think I have to make it on my own, we are supposed to be friends, you are supposed to be here for me, and you really do try. I think being sick makes me ugly to you. You think I look like hell, and looks are so fucking important.
My eyes are hollow, I want to sleep, I have nothing cute to say, I am feeling down, and I don't feel like keeping a fake smile stuck on my face, like some fat barbie doll.
I think once we get the anemia and bleeding stopped I am going to be all right, I don't think it's cancer, I think its some hormone defeciency. I do feel and look like hell, and I am depressed, have been, I am going to quit the psychotropic drugs, I am still anxious, and I think I will just have Dr. Armentrout help me set up some type of care plan. I will have to get out of the house every day when school starts. Anxiety will just have to be ignored, I am tired of dinking around with drugs that are suposed to help, but give more side effects then benefits.
BITE ME!

Chatty Cathy

forty five years ago there was a little girl who loved her Chatty Cathy very much, and an evil big brother that took the doll apart.
I found this one on ebay for fourteen dollars, they usually go for around 200.00, I have washed and set her hair. Yes I am pleased. she is around fifty years old and doesn't talk anymore, I bet people wished I didn't either. HA

Dragging my ass

Today walking from the bedroom to the kitchen is a big ordeal.
IS knowing why, making me even more tired? I am trying to clean house, I give up, my bed says, "Glena Glena" so I am going to crawl into it for a few hours. Poor Daine, his mother is the most boring on record.

Ok

So I am severly anemic.. I supose seven months of period contributed to that.
HOWEVER and this is a big one, last year my pap came up abnormal and no one called me.
Now I have to have some horrible procedure done to me including but not limited to a wire being shoved gently into my taataa and getting a specimin from my uterus>>>>>>>> Barbarians.....

Morality fluctuates

I question whether conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances.
I am moral by my own standards.
I believe that morality is what best suits the occasion.
I believe that not all things work for all people.
Standing firmly in the middle of the road, ME.

Yet Again

Daine waited up for me last night, I thought it was so cute. He barely made it to bed without falling over.
----------------------------------------
I see Dr. Keif today about my on going period. seven months. WOW< I probably should have seen her sooner, but I have no pain, so I didn't think it was that big of a deal, my age you know?
Then Dr. Turner said, "Uterine Cancer" and I decided to take this seriously.
----------------------------------------
I told Bruce all about Steven. I am getting the impression he wants to compete. It isn't about that, I just wanted to confide in a friend, and Bruce is my friend. He said he could suck his initials in my inner thigh if I wanted to truly get rid of S. Intriguing idea? NOT!

Randomisms again

It's Saturday night. I am too tired and broke to do anything... surprise all the prince charmings who wanted to ask me out haven't come up with anything imaginative.
I have decided that I am not dating any of the yahoos. I don't want to go to some one's house and sit on my ass and avoid seduction. I am tired of being on the menu.
What I want is to go OUT dammit, see things do things, not be DONE

Randomisms from an Attention deficient

I survived the night, I paid the rent, I borrowed money, AND I got stuck with the bail bond, Thank you Su Ling Garcia. Thank you for not making an effort, thank you for being a putz and a loser, and re-newing my vow not to help people anymore.

SLLLLLLEEEEEP!

I can't sleep and I am tired. I have to work midnight tonight to 8 A M tomorrow.
All I want to do is play, and quit worrying about money for a change.
I still have to come up with twenty bucks for the rent, not a large amount, but I don't have it. HOWEVER I rejoice, my paychecks have looked better lately.
I am making a chicken thing. I marinated the chicken in a cup of mayonaise, quarter cup of soy sause,two tablespoons worchestershire, 2 tablespoons of chili sause,ground fresh ginger and garlic.
After I soaked the chicken breasts in that for an hour, I put them in the oven at 350 degrees, I will see what happens next. They smell really good.
Add some baked potatoes and fresh salad, (As opposed to stale salad) and we got dinner. I am still tired, I need to take a walk with the annoying cocker spaniel and equally annoying boy.
Steven has decreed that I need a walk around the park every day.
He is right, I feel better when I get out.
Still having a period, this has lasted since February. I should have went to the Dr. earlier, but I thought it was just the change and it would ease up. It hasn't.
So I see Dr. Keif on Monday, she with the personality of a rock. I really cannot stand that woman, but I think she is a good Dr. and will find out what's going on with me.

They make me feel good

The yellow ones smell like honey,the orange ones smell like skunk!

Time is a runaway

AAAAAH the sodden wet blanket of depression. One has a weasel and the other has a flag. SHIT! I feel so disjointed, I have been fighting it for days, I am ready to let it roll over me, taking no prisoners.
I really need to get out some. I really need a darling man to pay attention to me, I need that child to be less up my butt. Stupid DOG stupid CAT, gold fish are even needy.

where to begin

It's not august yet, and I am thinking of my favorite month October. I can still wear my Reef Flip Flops, but my toes get cold in the morning. I can dress in orange and proudly display my halloween collection (WHICH if anyone noticed is up all year around!) Autumn is that magical time of year I love so much, but I am still stuck in July, with 103 degree days.There is only a light cooling off at night.
It's so hot it almost hurts to breathe, the air is dry and my hair crackles with electricity. My skin itches, my eyes fog. Don't get me wrong I love summer, but Autumn is my favorite, only I miss the flowers growing on the porch then.
Right now, I have Moon flowers winding there way up my fence on my tiny little patio.

Ipomoea alba, otherwise known as Moonflowers are so called because they bloom in the evening. They have large 4 to 6 inch fragrant, white or pink flowers on twining vines. The flowers open quickly in the evening and last through the night, remaining open until touched by the morning Sun.

Moonflowers grow to a height of about 15 feet. The leaves are rather large which allows the plant to be used as an annual in a northern garden. Propagation is usually by seed. The seed should be nicked with a file and then soaked overnight before planting. Moonflowers should be planted when the Moon is new or increasing in light!

Now I gotta cook dinner

I am thinking about the baby sitting in a huge claw foot bath tub and refusing to get out. She knows whats good.
I would have felt the same way.

Thats what Glena's are

Spent the day with my oldest daughter and three grand daughters. That baby Ava is wild. She lifted up my shirt to blow raspberries on my belly and gave me a filthy look and slowly put my shirt down. I don't know what she was thinking.
She fell off the coffee table twice, talked on my TV remote like it was a cell phone, fed the dog a cranberry popsicle and turned the TV off and on several times. MAN! I love babies. I cannot imagine why she is so plump, she never stops.

Frozen Burritoes and dirty looks

OK, I miss that little boy. It's not as much fun without his inquisitive glance and incessant questions about everything.
The sprinkler outside is stuck on my window, the noise of it over powers the Jethro Tull I am listening to without rebuke.
EXCEPT the cat is giving me a dirty look, and I don't know why. He doesn't eat burritos. MAYBE? he hates Jethro Tull? This look I am getting is a bit unnerving.
Earlier when I got home from work, the cat thought he would go outside while I walked the dog, and I had to put him firmly in his place.
James is a deep thinker, he probably planning on biting my toes after I fall asleep. Considering the yawns, it won't be long till I am in bed and out like a rock.

The boy is gone

Big brother just swooped in and took the boy. The rest of my day is going to be busy, I am going to a late lunch with John, then taking Sue around to pay bills and run errands and co-sign on a bail bond, I don't know for sure what that means, only that I am screwed if she skips bail.
I am going to have to walk the dog to the park every morning. Little boys are very useful, and OH that reminds me feed his little gold fish.
I hope they make it till he gets home.

Boredboredboredbored

I was looking for inspiration in the dirty dishes stacked in the sink, I was thinking of making the un-made bed, I went by the boy's room and noticed it needed picking up, I put the photo albums in the credenza. Credenza! Don't you love that word. In this case it means and old stereo cabinet filled with high school annuals and 33RPM records. The legs were falling off once, Dwain helped me screw those back on, and told me to empty it before moving it from now on... as he rubbed his sore back from helping me move all my stuff into his house.
I was going to put on some Jethro Tull, I got a dirty look from the boy of the house, and so we are listening to Bob Marley. I love Jammin', its funny it always makes me smile. "Movement of the people" does not bring pleasant thoughts, I think of bran muffins and stuffed up toilets... SORRY!
But I digress, I cleaned house, but I am not satisfied with it, OH no not me, I am thinking what else can I pitch out in storage, its looking less crowded in here, but my bedroom... oh dear, its got the old pop bottle cases nailed to the wall filled with shells and rocks, bottles of sand and bells. Perhaps I will grow up one day?
Nahhhh

Jack-in-the-green

JETHRO TULL LYRICS

"Jack-In-The-Green"

Have you seen Jack-In-The-Green?
With his long tail hanging down.
He sits quietly under every tree ---
in the folds of his velvet gown.
He drinks from the empty acorn cup
the dew that dawn sweetly bestows.
And taps his cane upon the ground ---
signals the snowdrops it's time to grow.

It's no fun being Jack-In-The-Green ---
no place to dance, no time for song.
He wears the colours of the summer soldier ---
carries the green flag all the winter long.

Jack, do you never sleep ---
does the green still run deep in your heart?
Or will these changing times,
motorways, powerlines,
keep us apart?
Well, I don't think so ---
I saw some grass growing through the pavements today.

The rowan, the oak and the holly tree
are the charges left for you to groom.
Each blade of grass whispers Jack-In-The-Green.
Oh Jack, please help me through my winter's night.
And we are the berries on the holly tree.
Oh, the mistlethrush is coming.
Jack, put out the light.

OK... the Jethro Tull siege is not over yet.....

so far there is still thirty dollars in the checking account

Did I mention that four men asked me out this weekend? Technically three, I invited myself over to B's house. I enjoy his company and his stories, and can sit and listen to him for hours without a hint of boredom. He at least takes the time to talk to me. S is still in Montana with the wife.I am getting a gripe list on him. It's getting longer and longer. The gist of the problem is I am always way down on his list of things to do.. did I mention things to do? Snicker. Well what the hell did I expect, I suppose I am rather pleasant in that department, enthusiasm counts for something.
What is love? I don't know anymore.
A wants me to meet him,C comes up with easy ways for him to go out, but more inconvenient for me. I guess the price of gas has made everyone cheap and less romantic, but really, give me a man who will come and pick me up and take me home after the date any day over these gentleman who want you to make their life easier.
I think I will get some flak for saying that but it's true. Not enough respect for women anymore or romance.
J is new, he had been building up courage to ask me out for over a month now. I knew this. I smiled at him one day at work, and I could see him blink in surprise. I should not complain that I still can have that effect on some men. He made it a point to come downstairs to the security desk where I was sitting and say hi to me every night we both worked. Yesterday he gave me his number and asked me out for dinner on Friday. I do hate telephones, most people know that. I think they are reserved for a courtesy call, like "HEY I am on my way over, get decent!" Or "do you have my kid? because he is missing."
So I don't like chatting, I cannot do anything with a phone stuck to my ear, and I am perpetually busy, even when I am not busy I am doing something which usually requires hands. Which reminds me I need to call my youngest daughter. I still have her birthday present in the car.
I will get up my gripe list on S soon, I guess he and I need to talk, especially if I am dating again and he doesn't know about that.
Maybe he should call me when he is finally on his own? However I think he will never leave her, its going to be like this forever. I don't like it this way.

Pink Dreams

I bought pink sheets two days ago, and now I am dreaming in pink.
The first dream, I was sitting on a bench next to a pink lake and grounds filled with pink grasses, the sky was pink. A lady with fuzzy white hair came outside and said, "why are you here, this is private property." I said, " I had to come, I match." I was completely dressed in pink.

Red Wool Talon Coat

"The minstral in the gallery"
Jethro Tull siege continues.


I see myself in a red wool Talon coat.
I am going to have it made with turquoise buttons and trim. It shall make me look facinating with my wild red hair.

JR Simplot Patrol

HELP! I am being held hostage to a big screen TV that shows nothing but pictures of food and non stop country music being piped in. CORNEY country music. I did find the volume control button, but I cannot shut the whole thing off.
Pictures of roasted baby bakers, avocado dices, flame roasted onion,J.R.'s buffalo slices (potatoes really!)and some dude bellowing over my head, "Baby hold on!" What a sense of humor the fates have for me.
The original buttery basted bastard? NO, that's not right and what do we do with FROZEN MASHED POTATOES? I am perplexed, roasted baby spears? Does Mr. Simplot have a lasting dislike for babies? He probably had some ad company name the different types of potatoes and sadly me sitting here with cold pizza and crystal lite for dinner. I wouldn't object to a flame broiled potato stuffed pepper. Maybe someone left me one upstairs in the test kitchen? They have a test kitchen somewhere in the facility.
NOW! to find the control for that vile music.

J.R. Simplot

Waiting on his ass again

Some days I am not photogenic. Beauty must come from within... and I am lacking inner beauty or something.
Waiting on Steven who called at seven thirty to tell me he would be over, its now nine thirty, and I can bet it might be eleven when his other important pressing problems are all solved. He wears a superman suit over his monkey suit, didn't you know?
Daine laments, he wants to know when the Jethro Tull siege will be over. HE said, "Why don't you get on a Bob Marley kick or something?"
Can you believe that kid is ten? He is sitting in his underwear watching TV in his room, because... I am playing Jethro Tull in the living room and pretending to create something beautiful. I did fix him a couple of fried eggs and toast. That is something beautiful isn't it?
I am having coffee with that delicious coconut cream creamer. Its so good it is wicked.
Well that is the big highlight of my day other then waiting on you-know-who.

2 weeks in a row

I do feel like a spy from the outside world, but I am staying inside the doors, open minded; singing the songs; and watching.
It's hard to explain the feeling of interloper that I have deep inside. The imposter who knows things they in their innocense could only guess at.