Scary Old BEEoch

I really dislike that saying, "It could always be worse."
I dislike "Money doesn't buy happiness." As well.
Neither does poverty, PEOPLE!
I am not one of the "privilege" people.

I am however quite pleased with circumstances at this unexpected moment. I am at peace in spite of the fact that I live in a room off someone's garage, I am covered in cat hair, and I've had nothing to eat and I slept, maybe four hours last night.

The lack of sleep due to reading assignment after assignment, watching the time fly and wishing I "got it"

In week one I think I am most overwhelmed.

My brain hasn't grasped thinking in this manner yet.

YET! Meaning I think I am going to get it.

Last night inbetween the total chaos of kids, books and mess, I managed to dye the cat orange. He didn't care

The kid's say, "Gramma you're funny." I am not.

Prince Caspian is evil, he needed a skunk stripe down his back. Only it's not white, it's orange. I have no idea what made me think of it. I was tipping the Viking's hair and the kitten got in the way. As always whatever I am doing Caspian has to be involved.

If I am cooking, Caspian is stealing scraps, if I am reading he parks himself on my book. If I am typing he lays on the keyboard. I have a canopy on my bed. He likes to swing off the material like a small furry Tarzan.

No rest for the wicked applies to Prince Caspian.

Today I want to be invisible.

Today I don't want to appear as the oddity that I am.

I would go home, but I might miss something and I am sure I don't want to look at the black kitten with the orange stripe.

The Little barrel of understanding

The little barrel of understanding. Something we try to break out of all our lives
Caught inside by emotional, philosophical,mental, spiritual, and physical handicaps.
Try to pry off the lid and allow more light in.
With each new understanding another crack develops- making more light more understanding.
Through the process of learning and opening, many elderly people are barely contained in the barrel, they have broken free!
Others have a small crack they peek out of, they like it this way. They do not require change or enlightenment.
I do. I have wanted to be more enlightened most of my life.
In my twenties I discovered I was simplistic, childish, and un-educated. I was swallowed up by religious beliefs and what I was told, was Right and Wrong. I allowed others to do my thinking for me. The rebellious streak came about when I faced abuse.
I decided I could not allow the situation to continue. Education is power, someone said. I believe that, but who's education? Who's opinion?
Is it true there is no right or wrong? Only what is culturally acceptable. I do not know.
All the knowledge we have is what is inside the barrel with us.
It can become a bucket of doom, keeping us prisoner to our own archaic idea's or it can be a way to learn more, and break out.
I prefer to keep learning, to keep seeing.

Day Two PHILOSOPHY..oh joy!

AHH jeez, there was "Coffee broad" who needed two seats, one for her big ass and the other seat for her Moxie Java.. The class was already filling, but she still needed two seats.
She kept staring at me... Then there was " I need that chair" Man that sat down next to her and forced her to remove her Moxie Java. While this was going on, "My skirt wasn't short enough before" came limping by about to show us everything she wore underneath.. I wondered.. Who the hell dressed these people today?
Then after the dust settled from her limping entrance, the star of the show waltzed in " Bug Eyed Drone" man. I watched him with great interest. This was to be my teacher for the next few months... WHY OH WHY? It took me fifteen minutes to figure out how the desk top fit down the side of my chair, " I need that chair" man didn't figure it out as smoothly as I did, and kept hitting me in the butt. Needless to say, after I gave him a pointed look he quit after three more tries. WHO invents this equipment anyway?
I tried to read chapter one.. but I didn't understand most of the words in it, and gave up after I found I had read it three times and it still didn't make any sense.
HATEFUL STUFF!
Class was over after my twenty fifth stifled Yawn, and "Coffee Broad" said, " I just wanted to tell you, I LOVE your hair."
oh.... so being my clever self, and feeling guilty for glaring at her earlier, I said " It's called, I cannot afford a haircut."
She said "OH I will cut it for you!" AHHH the true nature of her verbal contact with me, she wants a TEST PIG.
I smiled and said, " that's ok, my daughter wants me to keep it unkept and gray."
Let a stranger cut my hair? I don't think so.
Oh by the way, The Professor wrote his own text book and doesn't mind quoting his brilliance constantly.
I haven't figured out what I think about this yet.

The first day of school.
I sat through Anthropology, because I didn't want to interrupt the professor when I discovered I was in the wrong class... Thankfully I figured it out, I had an hour before Theatre... I don't know how to tell time...
Psychology is going to be a bugger. There must be three hundred students crammed in there.... Actually there is, the Professor said, it only seats 290. There was standing room only.
I was brain dead after English.
The brain hasn't been used in years. Smoke must be rolling out of my ears, visible for everyone to see.
I hope it all comes into place soon.

Five Hundred Cd's

ITs a bugger puting them away.

There is a decided Crisp feeling in the air.

It's coming! Autumn. Last night the harvest moon sat on the mountain looking like a large piece of custard pie.

I took Dain and Kayla to see, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" Neither one moved an inch through the entire thing.

I found myself laughing loudly, I will purchase that movie when it comes out.

More work on my bedroom today, and I have to go to the University to collect my books!

I got my English 101 straightened out finally. The professor didn't read my original letter, told me I could sit in his class, I needed a code to stay in class... SECRET codes already... it is all about me.. I TOLD YOU SO!

I am happy.

I don't have all the answers, but I got the clues, and as always the rest isn't worth pondering anymore.

So the cooler nights are on the way, the crisp mornings, and the leaves to crunch under my feet.

Kayla starts Kindergarten, Daine goes to the second grade.

It is all good.

Lord of the Weasel's

Weasel Vision?

When it comes down to that last little bit... people come and people go.

Not sure about the abrupt departure of some.. perhaps IT IS ALL ABOUT ME? I originally suspected this.

someone who calls you daily suddenly doesn't call anymore or return your latest call or email.

Betcher Gay!

Nomnot!

Yeah, that explains a lot. WEASEL!

TIME... we ran out of time.
The aligator Excursion was one of the high points. Bone fish Willies was incredible...
The waitress was a cute little thing, she came to our table and sighed, she was having a bad day... then spotted my pink leather watch with the diamonds floating in it.... we talked pink for a few minutes... when the bill came, I put the watch in the tray with the money for our meal.
She was so excited, she almost wet herself, then all the other wait people came over to say how nice that was.... Kevin said, they were checking to see if I had anything else to give away, LMAO!
St. Augustine's was the best, Seeing my long time online friend Anna. was wonderful, she is like the sister I wished I had.
Kevin was generous and thoughtful through the week.

Flight to Boise

I had a wonderful time, I didn't want to go home.
I think I could get addicted to Florida, it's a pretty place, so much to see and do.
Kevin was generous, making it possible to see Anna, I was thankful for that Too.
I made the flight to Phoenix with five minutes to spare, I was the last one on board. The plane was nearly empty, I had three seats to myself!
We had bad turbulence, and it was similar to riding a Grey hound bus... in fact, when the stewardes' chickened out and took their seats, I said, " Hey it's not so bad if you just think your on a bus."
I had terrorist's sitting in front of me, he reminded me of a bobble head... constantly putting his seat back, then up again, he was about to tip over the scotch.
I only screamed once, when the plane dropped about fifty feet.
When I screamed it started a chain reaction and several other people screamed as well.....

Phoenix to Boise was tamer at least.
The plane was nearly a half an hour early getting to Boise.. THEY don't know how to say Boise properly... foreigners!!

I don't think I could compare that visit to anything thus far!

I rode an airboat in the swamp and watched alligators.
the Dainish is at home, sigh, He would have peed his pants over the alligator adventure.
I talked to him on the phone yesterday and he told me all about the cat falling into the bath tub, inbetween giggles.
I am going to have to come back again with him.
Look up St. Augustine Florida, I think you should plan a visit there one day, I know I am going to love every minute of it, I have so far loved Florida... (a place I never wanted to go)
I gots mosquito bites all over my legs from the swamp adventure, I guess they enjoyed the lovely scented Off crap...
but there is this thing that walmart sells, that has butane or propane or somthing in it. It is the size of a cell phone, you turn it on, and within ten minutes all mosquitoes are gone in a fifteen foot radious... we were just getting eaten waiting for it to kick in. NOW It really works, its about 25 dollars, I would buy one for our next camping adventure.
If it works in the swamp, the woods ought to be no problem.

Malabar

See ya in a week!

Angry Alien

In poor taste and extremely funny.

Ted Nunes Dream Sheep

I love this cartoon. I saw it in 1999 and have become a fan of Ted Nunes.

Charlie Horse comes to visit again

The light of day does not get into my new room. ( Padded Cell?)
My grand daughter came in to wake me up and I told her to get lost. Not very nice of me.
I thought it was very early in the morning.. NOW I find I have slept till 9:00 AM? I never sleep like that.
The night was full of Charley horses in my legs, and a headache between the eyes.
I simply need to drink more water I bet, it was in the hundreds yesterday.

Daine and I spent part of the evening with Jackie and Al.
I loved every minute of it.
Great food, Great company... They truly have the gift of hospitality.
I almost brought home a baby last night, Brayden her grandson (15 months) and I clicked. Mutual liking society. What a darling baby he is, and Crystal his mom was a treat to talk to.
It was a nice change of pace for all of us.

Raccoon Eyes and Fuzzy Hair

I figured out an important pondering.. .It goes like this, Chelsie told me this ( my youngest daughter) a man looks at me and thinks beautiful! He could never hope to catch a butterfly so fair... Then by luck, somehow he catches me, opens his hands and looks and says, " HEY WAIT! It's a bug...."I think it was Greta Garbo that said, Men always want to go to bed with Greta Garbo, but they wake up in the morning with just me... There is something to that, the mystery is gone in the morning when I got raccoon eyes and fuzzy hair.
NOT that I am Greta Garbo, or who ever it was that said that. Somebody said it, I read it somewhere.
Anyway.. I like mornings, I like waking up with the gift of the " morning wood fairy" It would be a shame to waste such a gift. Sigh... Celibacy sux rocks.

Florida in six days

I don't fly, if I were meant to fly I would have wings.
If I think about it now, I will be worrying for the next six days.
It will be fun... I will like it..
I DON'T want to go.
Malabar Florida... What am I thinking, trying to please everyone again.. Over analyzing what is best for me again.

I should have said no when I had the chance, now because of being dependable, people counting on me, I must go.

It's coming up too fast. six days.

Super Hero Dancers

So, she is the mother in law of my ex...

Or, her daughter is married to my ex husband...
It was nice seeing Ellen again. She wanted to invite me down to her apartment.
Am I hypersensitive? They all act like it was never my house, like I was never married to selfservingbastardboy.
ANYHOOO, I declined out of respect for T H E I R feelings, not like anyone cares about mine.
FUCK NO I don't want to see my old house and how they have decorated it.
I can get on with my life very well thank you, as long as I don't have to have my nose rubbed into the " Might have been's"
But it's been ten years... Yes it has, however some things fester in your soul no matter how you convince yourself how well you feel.
I feel fine... I sing, I am happy, I look YOUNG, I love my children...
BUT I don't want to see my house on Garden street... Ok their house, used to be mine.
Now I get a back bedroom at my kid's new house, and I am thankful they like me enough.. NOW I get to go to school and decide what I want to do when I grow up.
Never have to put up with yelling and hitting again.
I found true happiness the day I saw his backside while I was driving off to the Oregon coast, some 700 miles away.
Stirring up ghosts is never my favorite pastime.

Fritz

Sigh... I think it's time for another impromptu visit you gorgeous man.

Early in the morning

Is Justin Hayward
Gay?
Nobody knows.
I finished cleaning my apartment yesterday, it took 8 hours. Mostly because it was so hot, that I had to keep resting, 104 degrees yesterday, I think.
I dropped the washing machine lid on my left hand, its puffy and it hurts to type..
I hate this "waiting" feeling that has overcome me. Waiting for what?
I don't know, maybe I am waiting for routine.
Janelle's house is full of spontaneity. I prefer to plan mine... can you?
Planned Spontaneity, Faked sincerity?? Justin Hayward's Sexual preference.... These questions and others may never be answered.

So being a bear of little brain (winnie the pooh) I forget I asked and move on to the next pressing dilemna, what to have for breakfast?

I have a Green Day song stuck in my head again... "Waiting" Better then a Neil Diamond song I supose. WAKE UP!

Waiting-- Green Day

I've been waiting for a long time For this moment to come I'm destined For anything...at all Downtown lights will be shining On me like a diamond Ring out under the midnight hour No one can touch me now And I can't turn my back It's too late ready or not at all I'm so much closer than I have ever known... Wake up Dawning of a new era Calling...don't let it catch you falling Ready or not at all So close enough to taste it Almost...I can embrace this Feeling....on the tip of my tongue I'm so much closer than I have ever known... Wake up Better thank your lucks stars.... I've been waiting for a long time For this moment to come I'm destined for anything at all Dumbstruck Colour me stupid Good luck You're gonna need it Where I'm going if I get there... At all.... Wake up

Got Can Opener?

I found my feather boa.. I DID not find the can opener, or my hair brush.SO I look quite fetching in the feather boa opening a can of tuna with a screw driver and a pair of scissors.



always get what I want, whether I appreciate it or not is the question.
What I want:
The freedom to think how I think when I want to think.
The freedom not to think at all.
Freedom... Pure and simple, it's wonderful really.
NO guilt.
I love guilt when it is happening to someone else.
I like being alone, no no! I really do. I find my own company quite soothing.
I don't play games, I don't seek attention, and I have no jealousy if I am talking to someone else.
I don't have to compliment myself needlessly so that I think I am sincere.

I don't have to wonder what I am thinking if I am having a moment of silence... And when I talk too much, it doesn't annoy me greatly.

Ok, this is sounding a little weird, but.. It's Glena's Blog, what the hell did you expect?
I am still mad about Danny, I think I shall go let the air out of his tires..

I know where his bike can be found.... Anyone want to do it for five bucks?

out!

It was Friday night, or was it Saturday? The Overland bar was tedious with it's drama as usual. The crack heads, the pot heads, the tweekers...

My date was getting sossed. My daughter was making everyone around her laugh, she is better to hang out with then most anyone.

I sang "welcome to my nightmare"

I really enjoyed myself... The standing ovation, may have been because I was finished with the song, I am not sure.

vanity suggests it was the romantic sexy stylings of Glena Dusky.. Reality suggests that nobody gives a shit anyway.

The evening did progress, and we managed to make our escape.

AHH the Blue Bouquet. After carefully getting lost in the dark, I FOUND IT! Not bad for being night blind in a most unpleasant way.

The band was finished. My stomach was growling. Was it really nearly 2 AM? jeeez.

I wish we had ditched the Overland bar sooner, now I was disappointed.

It looked like we would get no more music tonight, but perhaps a polish dog in the square.

A lively diatribe from the fifteen year old business manager, of " Dad's Deli"
She said, her Dad really shouldn't expose her to the evil of downtown night life.

I had to agree, but she is such an old soul for fifteen.

Her dad was kind of a ditz, but made great polish hot dogs.

My date was feeling sad for the past, and his father that was more of a man then he would ever be. My daughter was bored with the whole event. It was time to drag ourselves home.

Enough said

This is about as much fun as writing about Jackson's.

HE said yesterday he was coming right over!
hours passed, and no Danny Boy. I was not surprised. I did not call him back or track him to his hideout.
MOVE along people, we are done here, nothing more to see.
Wiped his phone numbers out of my cell phone, and Disgruntedly, move on.
One has to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

Test results in

YUP! he is a jerk.
I liked the sincere whine in his voice the best.
I told him, make it easy on himself. Say goodbye now.
AHH but he wants to see me.
He was at the overland playing pool last night, imagine that!
He is sorry for the blatant disregard for my feelings.
It is so tedious.
I told him I wasn't angry, I just realize how unimportant I am to him, and that is all I needed to know.
The rest will sort itself out I think.
He said he will be over later to help with some of my packing. I think if he even does show, which I doubt very much...(the overland calls) it will be the last time, I cannot help feeling bitchy.
Miss Perfect I am NOT.

I got this feeling

I can certainly make someone out to be nicer then they truly are.
If I had carefully inspected the Overland Bar last night, I think someone might have been there, that was supposed to be over here.
I would hasten to say, he blew it.
No call no show is pretty high up on my list of dislikes.
It will be interesting to see what happens next.
Will he call with an elaborate excuse, will he never call again?
I think it is done, as before. Only he is taking the coward way out.
Once again, a person shows their true side eventually. We can implement all kinds of wonderful qualities into their character, but if they don't have it, they DON'T.
My friend Roger said, if you give people enough rope, they will hang themselves eventually, except me.
BUT we know, I am rare indeed.

Curry permeates my thoughts

Someone is cooking with Curry.
That assails me with memories.
The Bon Marche is no more, it's Macy's now. I used to smell curry when I was walking down town Missoula Montana, there was an Indian Restaurant called the Gilded Lily.
I never ate there, I thought about it, but it was enough for me to walk and shop alone, eating in a restaurant would have been too much for me.
I don't know when I learned to do things on my own, but it took me years.
I hope I am turning into the person, I always wanted to be. I will never be brave, but I will take care of business.

basscythb

basscythb
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

Louis says, A woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle

I think...... I came at an odd time for Danny, he is going through growing pains, I think I was pain relief, and because I am a nice womean (at times), he feels guilty because he realized that he only wanted a temp.
but I know.... When a man tells me over and over I am a good woman, and I am soooo beautiful, he is merely trying to convince himself... I am not comfortable with so many compliments.
I think we all play games on some level, without meaning too. I am not sure what my game is with Danny... I think, it's the wait him out... I am sooo wonderful bullshit game
but I would rather have it over, then pretending it's going to go anywhere.
And in all my loving, I think I like my freedom best.

Hide the Red Shirt!

It's finished.
I figured out the guilt thing, I didn't work as hard the last two days as I usually do, so I didn't think I showed my usual integrity.
This is phaze two.
Preparing for school, moving to a new home, getting to know a brilliant man.
I get to enjoy things now, no more of the horrible dread associated with working at Jacksons, I cannot say I am un-grateful. BUT I am mostly relieved I am finished with that vile place.
I have a bucket of Moon Flowers ready to plant at the kids new home. It looks like they get the keys Friday.

Just think! no more low life scum hitting on me, no more back breaking work that goes unnoticed and unappreciated!
I am so Thankful, for everything! the learning experience, and that it is finished.
Now on to phase two!

My life is a song from the eighties

High on you!

Ok, orientation at the U of I today, I am a bit nervous.

Date tonight... nervous about that too.
What to wear? Should I fix my hair? oohhhhh
he is so
Gorgeous, clever, articulate, interesting.
Someone I want to know.
The spark is there too.
Like a magnate he draws me near, and all I can do is smile.

Cuz you Know your Speshule

I worked 12 hours, six PM till six AM.
My kids had my car and they forgot me, so I walked six miles home on aching feet.
Now I am sitting and thinking, I feel guilty for some reason. Maybe I think I should still be working for Jacksons?
Maybe it was the pranks I left for them to find later?
hmmmm Dunno, guess I will sleep on it.

I think it is sinking in

I have been told over the years, that when you are finally satisfied with who you are to a certain point, you no longer require others to verify, or validate your self worth.
Finally I think I got it.
I am in charge of my own happiness, not some wonderful man who must rub my feet, and tell me I am gorgeous every day.
I already KNOW!
and I got a little plastic thing with nobs on it and I can rub my own feet.
I buy my own roses, and if I don't like something about myself, I work on changing it.
And if somebody doesn't like something about me, I don't care a heck of a lot.
I really don't spend evenings wondering why nobody likes me. They don't have to.

What did I say?

Did I say, let the Terror begin?
Last night was beyond all comprehension. At least I had a fleet of nice officers with me till 3:30 AM.
That cut down the customer level for awhile.
ABC Cab driver tried to kill someone in our parking lot.
I saw the guy clear the fence, running. One would have to be really mad to try and run over somone. THERE were times I wanted to run over my ex.

Mmmm Ok, on a happier note,
Sandcrab's Photo Site.
Much better to look at his amazing art, then talk about the VILE WORK PLACE.
NEED I say Dave Bennett is a genius? see for yourself.

http://www.outdooreyes.com/list/thegallerys.php3?photoid=1209&first=first&wh=1

In case of fire, break glass!

Man!
I am so opinion-less today.
ME? I mean the one that talks about everything...
I have nothing to say, I am even writing about nothing, nothing at all.
I am bemused, bewildered, analytical... but OPINIONLESS.
Listening to Toto in the background, listening to the neighbor child scream, does he need help? does she need help?Oh it's not the neighbor at all, it is Daine watching something on TV.
Caspian is home from his surgery and bouncing off the walls, he gave Shadow a big hug and bite on the neck He smells of surgical soap, and medicine.
Nothing slows the kitten down, I wish I had some of his energy, my high point of the evening will be shuffling into the kitchen to make something for dinner.

I will be working into the early morning hours.. unfortunately this is Friday night... the terror will begin.
I find out tonight, what the schedule is for the rest of the week. (she puts the weekly schedule together on Fridays.) I am hoping Monday is the last day I work.
I am hoping I get this apartment packed up soon, and onward to the new place.
I am still flying to Florida in august, I think the tenth or eleventh. I will see Kevin, my old room mate from Oregon, and Anna, my online friend for the past five years.
I hate to fly, I usually wrap my arms around the seat in front of me and hyperventilate.
Too proud to show up drunk, perhaps this time I should.

I don't really want to go, though I look forward to seeing Kevin again, and meeting Anna for the first time. I try to tell myself I can fly without the fear thing, but I know from the past, that it happens whether I want it to or not.
I wasn't meant to fly, I have no wings, even though you say I am an angel.
We both know I am something a bit more earthly then that.

The Cure

Watching Me Fall
The Cure
WATCHING ME FALL ~ yeah I'VE BEEN WATCHING ME FALL FOR IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS ~ WATCHING ME GROW SMALL, I WATCH ME DISAPPEAR ~ SLIPPING OUT MY ORDINARY WORLD, OUT MY ORDINARY EYES ~ yeah SLIPPING OUT THE ORDINARY ME INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE ~ INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE... ~ THERE'S A THIN WHITE COLD NEW MOON AND THE SNOW IS COMING DOWN ~ AND THE NEON BRIGHT TOKYO LIGHTS FLICKER THROUGH THE CROWD ~ I'VE BEEN DRIFTING AROUND FOR HOURS AND I'M LOST AND I'M TIRED ~ WHEN A WHISPER IN MY EAR INSATIABLE BREATHES ~ "WHY DON'T YOU FOLLOW ME INSIDE?..." ~ yeah THE ROOM IS SMALL, THE ROOM IS BRIGHT ~ HER HAIR IS BLACK, THE BED IS WHITE ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ IS ALWAYS YOUNG... ALWAYS YOUNG ~ THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG... ~ yeah I'VE BEEN SEEING THEM STRIP TO THE BONE IN THE MIRROR ON THE WALL ~ SEEING HER SWALLOW HIM WHOLE LIKE IT'S NOT ME AT ALL ~ SHE HOLDS OUT HER HANDS AND I FOLLOW HER DOWN TO MY KNEES ~ AND THE SUCKING INSIDE INSATIABLE SMILES ~ "YOU WILL FORGET YOURSELF IN ME..." ~ yeah THE ROOM IS SMALL, THE ROOM IS BRIGHT ~ HER EYES ARE BLACK, THE BED IS WHITE ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ AND THE NIGHT GOES ON AND ON ~ AND THE NIGHT IS ALWAYS YOUNG ~ AND THE NIGHT IS NEVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER... AND THEN IT'S GONE ~ AND THEN IT'S GONE ~ yeah THEN IT'S GONE... ~ yeah IT'S A CRUEL MEAN COLD NEW DAY AND OUTSIDE THE SNOW IS STILL COMING DOWN ~ AND IN THE BLOOD RED TOKYO BED I WATCH ME COMING ROUND ~ SHE PULLED HIM DOWN FOR HOURS ~ DEEPER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN ~ AND AS I FALL IN THE MIRROR ON THE WALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ I'M WATCHING ME SCREAM ~ yeah I'VE BEEN WATCHING ME GO FOR IT MUST BE YEARS ~ WATCHING ME GET SLOW, I WATCH ME DISAPPEAR ~ AND ONE DAY, yeah I KNOW, I WON'T COME BACK AT ALL... ~ AND ALWAYS OVER AND OVER IN HIS ORDINARY EYES ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL ~ I'M WATCHING ME FALL

sunday

sunday
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

Your part

life will take us where it is supposed to, the part we play is to keep our eyes open and learn what we can.
After that... PARTY!

dogs butt

It is Tuesday, I worked into the early morning hours, and I smelled sulfur all night, but I did not see the fire works.
I am having a fat tire ale before bed.
I gave my two weeks notice today, Jayne made no response... she is probably doing the happy dance today!!
Mr. Singletary was in the parking lot trying to get my attention this morning, I pretended not to notice.
I figured he was in jail for getting into tweek again.
The high point of my evening was the woman waiting on a friend to bring a hand cuff key for her girl friend cuffed to a chair at her home.
She said, she received a desperate call, that the boyfriend had cuffed her to a chair, and the key failed to release her, so she came to our store to meet someone with a key... JUST more of the bull shit that greets us every evening at the Jackson's on Chinden Ave.
The sweet young thing asked me out again. I reminded him that I had plants older then him.
WHAT is it with the twenty somethings?? I told him another time, I don't date men that I could have given birth to.
He laughed and asked me out again.
( does he have a death wish?)
Someone thought I was cranky and left a box of tampons on the counter for me to see.
BIG WHOOPE.
I was cranky tonight, I do not like people that yell at me across the store when I am waiting on customers. THEY can wait their turn.
TIGGER SYNDROME

I'm the only one!
I am going to strip naked and sleep in my feather bed in a few minutes.
OR perhaps one more beer.
Man I sound decadent.
TWO WEEKS TWO WEEKS TWO WEEKS TWO WEEKS!! Yah babybaby.

You are living proof, my love is alive and not dead

I thought about you today, I didn't mean to, but there it was. The thought crept up and filled me.

Hope your happy, I hope you found what you wanted.

No hard feelings, you saved me from some fate worse then life.

I shall not think that it's the Merlot, and the clove cigarette, I haven't smoked for a year.

I have come a long way from the woman that you left standing with heart in hand and hopeless feelings of love lost.

I am the blessed one, the one who sees the good.

I am happy.

bugger it!

"I wish the goblins would come and take you away. Right NOW!"

Say_What_You_Feel

Say_What_You_Feel
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

Vexed and Glorious

Ahhh Susan.
Lies allegations and things left unsaid.

What bothers me is he lies when it isn't necessary.

So you wanna be a kept woman? you should make a more sensible choice in men. OR actually Pick a MAN.
This one is on the edge. a socialpath by nature, going through the motions of emotion, but never truly feeling love.
Interesting... All the women in his past have done him wrong, and he is such a GOOD MAN.
If you believe that one, I got a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn.
I think my favorite lie up to date, is the " I need time" when he was really going back to his ex wife to make one more effort.
After a few weeks, she realized that she had made the right decision to get rid of him, and he came racing back to me, " OH how he had missed me."
It didn't ring true, I knew he was hiding something and lying to me, but I didn't know how much.
I wonder what lies he will tell you? Because obviously, he is getting quite used to being dishonest, and you are getting quite used to being in Denial.
Just remember this, most women tell the truth when it comes to a relationship, so if women complain that he is an asshole, you might give that some thought... YOU might think about it.
I think I hold the record up to date, he asked me to marry him after three days, you had to wait, what? Three weeks?
Don't you think that is creepy? Well you should.
There is no such thing as Destiny, and OH how he is such a good man, and you are the right woman for him, the one he has waited for.
He would take his ex wife back in a flash if he could.
He would lie steal and kill to be thought a good man, HE isn't.
He is a promise breaker, liar, manipulator, weasel, and thief.
He isn't what he pretends....
Tell me? Have you heard this line before?
"This is Ricky, the man who loves you." OR " I am not like other men, I know how to treat a woman right."
He wonders why I was so pissed off all the time.
BECAUSE I was on to his stupid game.

The truth will set you free.

Salt

I keep forgetting to buy salt, plain salt, not the idodized type I have. I need plain salt for the Vaporizer.
I am actively exhausted. Don't know why exactly, but I am so tired, my brain isn't functioning. I work today from 2 PM till 10 PM.
We are at the five week mark, but I have to figure out when my orientation is with the BSU, and I have to figure out if I am still going to Florida to Visit.
Waiting for information on the house, Janelle and Dwain want.
Praying for God's will. I supose it is no secret to God that I doubt there is a will for my life, merely survival and he doesn't know that I am here.
Like the Israelites, I have forgotten the past answers to prayer and his loving guidance.I need to remember again.

GT_4Wands3

GT_4Wands3
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

Four of Wands
in the Future position.

A card in the right position indicates your questions future.

You have achieved a satisfying goal. Take time to celebrate this. Be proud of what you have done.

GT_AcePentaclesrev2

GT_AcePentaclesrev2
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

Ace of Pentacles - Reversed
in the Present position.

A card in the middle position indicates what is affecting your question at this time.

Be aware of the temptation to undervalue or squander this gift because you consider mundane and a true gift of the universe.

GT_20Judgement1

GT_20Judgement1
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

Judgement
in the Past position.

A card in the left position indicates what has happened to affect your question in the past.

The message of Judgement is clear. You are being called to do something. You might not want to hear it and are actively drowning it out with noise of your daily life. You might be afraid of the call and the changes it will bring. Listen to it and face it with courage and action. It promises a more fulfilling life.

Yahoo! Mail - glenadusky@yahoo.com

tweenagers are self conscience and feel unbearably embarrassed about everything thing.
Some of the programs offered were... LAME. like the after school dance near railroad street when Janelle and Chelsie were teens.
My kids went twice and the door was locked and no one was there, they eventually closed.
You need promotion and incentives... Perhaps bringing people together with like interests, Maybe, Pet day, every kid bringing a pet gets a treat for the pet.
Find out which music is popular, make sure to have that stocked in the juke box.
I think Jacque is the right person to orchestrate something like this, and be a wonderful role model for the teens.
Oh what do I know? Pierce built a community center, we went.
We roller skated on the weekends, had beauty pageants, whole city sleep overs (girls only)
Took trips to other cities with chaperons, I didn't even know that I was privileged to share in so many experiences in a small town.
it cost five dollars to go on the 6th grade forestry tour. We stayed for three nights in the woods and visited a fire lookout station deep in the woods, I found out I was afraid of heights. Climbing that winding stair to the top was almost my undoing. There was a suspended bridge to cross over a raging river as well. I did it, but it was paralyzing fear and my fellow six graders were not very sympathetic, pretty typical for kids of that age.
Pierce didn't have crime, or much in the way of entertainment.
There wasn't that poverty hopelessness that I see in Brookings.
Most people were foresters or loggers, and the rest were supplying needs to those people. People hunted to fill the freezer for the year.
We had one department store, one gas station, one grocery,one bank,a post office,and three bars, no doctors or dentists, we had to drive forty miles for that, but if one was still alive by the time you got to Orofino, you would risk the next forty miles to Lewiston, because the doctors were better there.
If we wanted to see a movie, it was either 80 miles to Lewiston Idaho, or 40 to Orofino.
We rode snowmobiles most place, we had long winters, and mild summers.
Anyway.... back in Boise.
The crack whore was playing his blasted rap music so loud it woke me up, I will be tired tonight, and "Fearless Leader" is on one again. She isn't what we would call a team player, more of a blamer. She proceeded to yell at me about stocking milk and something else, after working all night, I wasn't in the mood, I told her, It was done, I cannot help what happens during the next 18 hours when I am not here. I gave her a look, she flinched and shut up, so apparently I looked quite fierce. SIGH..
six weeks six weeks, is my mantra.
Last night I had naked people in the parking lot, people on the roof, drug deals going down in the alley.
that had me wondering, what will the weekend be like.

Opportunities

its always strange to me how people are connected.
When I lived in Boise and was contemplating picking up and moving to Brookings ( transfer from Good Sam) I met people who were
from Brookings area living in Boise.
Many were homesick, but also appreciated the diversity of Boise.
A few weeks ago, I was standing outside Jackson's around 3 AM watching the sky, when a man who drives the street cleaners truck
stopped by for a brief visit, Turns out he is next door neighbors with an old high school chum of mine from Pierce Idaho.
Course, there aren't too many places to go when you grow up in Pierce Idaho, some went to Missoula Montana, (Where I lived for
about nine years) others went to Boise Idaho.. Or Spokane Washington.
WE are all connected in some odd way.
I always meet people who know someone I used to know.
Did I ever mention that I have lived in seven states?
I have traveled a lot, but I want to move to Olympia Washington eventually, I miss the sea, but I do not want to go back to Brookings,
I think I learned everything I was supposed to learn there, and I have to move on.
The part I didn't love about Brookings was the extreme poverty, and the wealthy buying land and rentals and making it impossible for
the poor to have a home, and the taking.. the taking and not putting back into the community, is like rape to me.
Those with privilege should put back.
If I were rich, and I MEAN really rich, I would build a community center for the youth, it would offer, Self defense classes, sewing,
arts, dance, would have a game room, a gym, swimming pool, it would have offices.
and free after school care.
It would be run by the community for the community. I dreamed of this constantly, watching our youth, park at abandoned buildings
trading cigarettes, the hopelessness of nothing to do, lack of opportunity.
Eventually missed opportunities results in crime.

Road Your On

I am a free spirit, but as a wise old friend said, it comes at a high price and it doesn't really mean free at all.
It means that I like going my own road, and sometimes others would not have chosen that path for me, I still have to walk it,
with my integrity and humor in place.

Greeneye

Greeneye
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

cabbagehead

cabbagehead
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

Ode to a Cabbage

Cabbage Dedication

Quantity: 6 servings Preparation time: 0:15 hr.
Cooking time: 1:00 hr.

Ingredients
1 medium sized red cabbage
2 medium sized apples
1 oz butter
6 to 8 tbsp wine vinegar
6 to 8 tbsp water
salt and pepper, to tase
4 tbsp red currant jelly
1 tbsp sugar (or more)

Directions
Remove coarse outer leaves and stalk from cabbage and shred finely in the food processor.

Peel, core and grate apples.

Melt butter in heavy kettle over low heat. Add cabbage and apples. Stir for 5 minutes. Do not let scorch. Add vinegar,
water, salt and pepper. Cover and cook over low heat until cabbage is very tender (60 to 90 minutes).

Add red currant jelly and sugar. Bring to boil again.

This is best if made a day ahead, and reheated slowly. Delicious with roast goose or duck

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crockpot Beefy Cabbage Soup

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 head of cabbage, chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
1 large carrot, thinly sliced
3 to 4 tablespoons rice
2 ribs celery, sliced in 1/2-inch pieces
1 teaspoon garlic powder
3 cups beef broth (can make from bouillon or base and hot water)
1 or 2 meaty soup bones or beef shanks, about 1 pound
2 cans (14 1/2 ounces each) tomatoes, diced
coarsely ground pepper
PREPARATION:

Combine all ingredients in the slow cooker/Crock Pot. Cover and cook for 8 to 10 hours on low.
Taste before serving;
add salt and more pepper if necessary.
Serve with biscuits or crusty bread.
Beef Cabbage Soup Recipe serves 4

OH! Don't be stupid

Today I feel bad, it's because I know that life is too short to remain in a uncomfortable place for hours on end... Like my marriage.
I stuck it out for 18 years, and now I am less likely to endure things.

IF I could, I would give Jackson's two week's notice right now.

If I could, I would move out of this apartment that I cannot afford and turn everything off.

If I could, I would get caught up on my bills and breathe a sigh of relief.

Theme day at work, I call them that when the same thing happens over and over.
Several customers were asking me for food, cigarettes and money.
I don't get it.
I finally told one older gentleman, "I have obligations to take care of my children, if I had any left over I would buy you a beer,
but I think buying my children food is a HELL of a lot more important then buying you a beer.
He said, " I WILL NEVER ASK YOU AGAIN!" and I answered, " That's a good thing, isn't it?"

BOOM!

No rap music today, instead I hear a giant explosion, did my neighbor "the crack whore" blow up his meth lab?
I do not know. I supose I would know if he had, since I am so lucky to share bedroom walls with him.

I have to work Graveyard tonight, I am sad.
Christie got sick, so I am the chosen one.

Home of the 3D Internet, Virtual Reality and Community Chat

Home of the 3D Internet, Virtual Reality and Community Chat



two hours of sleep in two days, and the neighbor thought I wanted to enjoy his taste in obscene rap music, so loud it shook my bed...
I would like to pull his tongue out and wrap it around his ugly head.
However, I called Boise's finest instead, and they sent a nice officer out to tell him to shut it off
I am sure, being the wise man that the officer was, he probably pointed out my apt window to the Mexican Mafia
and the Labrador went back to bed so she is no help at all.
The officer in question left a terse message on my cell phone, assuming that because I didn't answer him, I was not interested in
filing a complaint against the Evil Rap Perpetrator.
I thought Officers weren't supposed to assume things?

If I could ask for Magic on his Birthday

I took Daine's presents over to Janelle's apt. He was thrilled, he is so easy
to please.

When I got home, preparing for my sleep of the day, his butterflys were coming out of their chrysalids. I called
his sister and she told him. I don't think his feet touched the ground all the way home. He
ran over here. We made sugar water for them, and he carried
them back to share with his Nieces, Kayla (5) and Olivia (3)
I am glad they hatched on his birthday, NOW I get to go sleep,
while they play.

I ordered him the catapillars two weeks before his birthday, so I kinda
thought they might pop out of their chrysalids today, I couldn't have planned
it better.

Tweekers

Tweekers
Originally uploaded by Glena Dusky.

Tortured Noises

Like?

Over Used Words

Premium- can mean anything from a car to cat litter....
Premium cat litter, Premium telephone, Premium service... DUMB

Closure- RIGHT? we need closure for past loves, closure for The door, the flys are getting in.
Closure..the next time I hear, " I need closure" I will say, there is the door IDIOT!

Space, I need space, I have space between my ears,

Tortured Noises

I don't want this to be the summer I wish away. I need to try and enjoy all the good stuff.
Right now I feel like crap.
Some idiot tried to kiss me last night, and grabbed me and pulled me toward the bathroom. JEEZ then there is the guy who wants to buy me lottery tickets and watch while I scratch them. I TOLD HIM I don't play them, nor can I scratch them on duty. .
The Mexican man, who flirts with me, came in and told me off last night, because I complained to management about him.
I told him, " I am here to work, not flirt, if you want to buy something please do, then move on."
I usually have a hard time being that direct.
BUT I am fed up with it. I am a captive audience for 8 hours then I go home, and I wouldn't want to know most of these people outside of work.
Tonight is Friday, I was ready to quit last week.
Lets hope this isn't going to be a repeat performance.
I dread the weekend with increasing fear.
Tomorrow I turn eight... yippee.
Daine made me a birthday card. I suppose that will be about it. I better not tell the dregs of society that it's my birthday, Heaven only knows what they might want to gift me with... I shudder at the thought.
I hope I get two days off next week, I only got one this week, and it just isn't enough to recover.
I smashed the passenger side of my car in.. It isn't too bad, but I felt bad just the same.

Time is Time was, Time is to come.

Tortured Noises

I don't want to make this a "bitch about work" blog.
However, last night surpassed Friday by many points.
I, at least got to meet the police several times, and they do come when you call.
I need to talk to our fearless leader about getting off of Graveyard. I don't want to experience that much humanity in one evening ever again.
It was so bad that several times customers stayed until the alarming people left. It is nice when someone feels uncomfortable for you and stays till they think you are safe.

Do Over

I have to do this again?
I just woke up around 3 PM and I feel shaky and disconnected.
I drank coffe and ate a scrambled egg sandwich.
I hurt so bad, I don't know how I will make it through another night.
Tonight and Tomorrow, then Monday and Tuesday off, unless they
call me in, because Kim got chosen for jury duty.
I have a meeting with the university on Monday though, and I cannot
change that.

You are a corn fed chicken in pink leggings

Well it was a wild and wooley evening at Jackson's on Chinden Blvd.
A Mexican man playing lottery and refusing to leave, he calls me bonita, and makes remarks about my mouth in spanish. I am sure I would be ticked off if I understood what he was saying.
kids drunk in the parking lot, women hiding from potential stalkers, brawls in the store, cops everywhere.
I should have got it on film.
ANYWAY, I am tired,.
I got a five dollar tip last night for some dumb reason.
ANYWAY I got five dollars!! whoo hooo
My pay check was around four hundred dollars. sux, but that's life.
I am having a Fat Tire ale before bed... Hope I am not sinking into an all time low.

This is only a test

I sit staring out the window at the rain.
I don't feel real, again.
All I can think is I don't see how I can do this all summer, day in and day out, coming home at 6 00 AM exhausted and bummed out,wracking pain in my legs and back.
I know that I had to face the really awful prospect of doing this for the rest of my life before I made up my mind to change.
But.. Will I really get into school? Will I succeed? I have to, but I know how things sometimes go and how things sometime don't go. I know that something odd can happen at any minute and change my whole life path.
NO I am not a pessimist, I just know this.
I want stability, and I get chaos.
I could use some money right now, I face bankruptcy, well what did I expect? One cannot go months and months without a steady job and hope to stay afloat.
Thankfully we still have a place to live.
The state of California in it's optimism hopes to get some child support from David Nedervelt. Not for Dain's good, but for them I suspect. I don't care, David is the victim here.
He did not ask to be mentally ill.
I didn't understand, society expects the mentally ill to pay attention like the rest of mankind, but they cannot. If I had been more enlightened I would not have told the truth about Dain's father. It is not Dain's fault, it is not David's fault, it is mine.
I do not expect anything from David, in the perfect world, David would have paid for his child, but this is not perfect. In the perfect world, David would have been the man I wanted and Dain would have a father.
If David was not mentally ill, he could accomplish all his dreams. When ever I think life isn't dealing fairly with me, I realize how nice sanity really is. Anyone can say I am crazy, but I know what crazy is, having had a basis for comparison, and I am pretty normal how be it, compulsive,childish and helpless at times.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OH jeez I am about ready to wet myself, after all my complaining about life's strange unexpected path ways, a pop up notice that I had email from the university blocked my vision.
With shaking hands I clicked on it and opened the email.
My financial aid has been decided.
IT IS REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN!!!
I had to read thirty pages of information and take a test. One can only miss two. I missed two, I GOT IT. My first test.... Sigh.

Its all Good 

Letter to a dear friend

It's a rainy day in Boise, and I am on temporary again. When I met you I was on temporary... I keep waiting for my "REAL" life to kick in.
I suppose it is all real.
I am not wearing the correct hat, I am NOT a convenience store clerk, I am Not overweight and over forty.
I am still idealistic, happy and hopeful for the future.
I think I did get everything I wanted.
Alone is not so bad, I am eccentric and I dance to the music in my head, some people would not like that.
You never minded, you just stepped around me.
I put Genesis on today, and heard Silver rainbow, good rainy day song.
Lucy dislikes house cleaning days, she thinks the vacuum cleaner is evil and going to bite her.
I used to like when I put on a random CD and you would say, " Good Choice"
We agreed a lot.
I am trying to live in the now, trying to accept that working graveyards at that store would be hard, but I can do this, I have a goal.
Something that is for me, for a change.
I will get a degree, I will succeed.
I have always drifted from one thing to the next. Now I want something, and I ask the forces that be, to be on my side for a change.
Life has been awful and wonderful all at once. If I never had children I would never know what a broken heart can feel like.
A relationship can do that, but it is not the same.
A mother puts everything she has into loving her children, and she hopes for the best.
Janelle will embrace the good lessons, Chelsie will think of the bad times. That is not really fair to Chelsie, she has become philosophical in a sweet way.
Daine is so very like me, he lives in the now and thinks that life is good.
Daine says the best time for him was living with you. He felt secure.
Strange that his best time came right after our worst time, but of course I did not know that at the time.
The more I know the more I want to be a hermit and be left alone.
I can give my coat away, I can even give my heart away, but I will always keep my head.
I am far more analytical then anyone would guess, far more realistic when you peel off the layers of romanticism.
A puff of smoke ready to float away again.
Sometimes I think, " I can do Idaho, I can live here and fit in."
other times I think, GAWD Get me out of Idaho.
I do not know what will happen, but I think it is all good, when you weigh it all at the end, it was all good.
Even Carl was good, and I am thankful that is over.
Because with every experience I learn and I grow and I try harder to be strong. Not only strong, but Smart.
You are probably wondering why I am dropping this drivel on you, I am not sure. Perhaps I think we didn't always communicate on a deep
level, we can be very surfacy when we want. Nobody really gets into our heads, they only think they do.
We are experts at putting blocks up and smiling widely at everyone in our path....thinking what fools people are.
I know you.
I am glad that I know you.
Glena


A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Tortured Noises

I am going into counseling.
Maybe addictions, but I was thinking more toward behavior modification. This type of counselor helps people change, without the use of drugs.
I am a firm believer that we are who we are, and modifying drugs are only a temporary fix. I have been on anti depressants before, and though a temporary fix,, they don't cure the major problem, Meaning you still have to wake up with the person you are, and you better love and respect that person. Work on the things you can change, and the rest isn't very important.
EASY to say...

Anyway, Boise State University Accepted Glena, heaven help us both!

Roasted Red Pepper Spread

Roasted Red Pepper Spread
To roast peppers: Cut peppers in half lengthwise; remove stems, seeds, and membranes. (When working with the chili pepper, cover your hands with plastic bags so the oils in the pepper don't burn your skin.) Place, cut sides down, on a large foil-lined baking sheet. Bake in a 450 degree F. oven for 15 to 20 minutes or until skins are blistered and bubbly. Fold up foil on baking sheet around peppers to form a packet, sealing edges. Let stand for 20 minutes to loosen skins. Peel peppers; cut into pieces. 6 Make-Ahead Tip: If desired, roast the peppers ahead, then cover and refrigerate for up to 24 hours.
Ingredients
4 red bell peppers 1 tablespoon fresh, chopped dill 1 cup non-fat cream cheese 1/2 cup non-fat sour cream
Preparation Cook:30 minutes 1 Roast, peel and seed the red peppers. See Roasted Red Peppers for instructions. 2 Puree the peeled peppers and dill in the food processor. Add the cream cheese and process until the mixture is smooth. 3 Add the sour cream and pulse until combined. (Be careful not to over process or the mixture will liquify.) 4 Transfer the spread to a serving bowl and garnish with dill sprigs. 5 Serve with pita wedges, baked tortilla chips or carrot sticks.

I despise men who want something for nothing.
As if I was so undeserving that I should want to cater to a man who has a commitment to another woman, a family?
I must seem so vile so worthless in their eyes that they should suggest such a thing.
I want my own, not someone else's life.
I don't steal, I don't cheat.
The next married man that approaches me with that faux understanding smile is going to get my boot in his ass.
I only worked at this place two days and it's starting again.
Passing me notes, mentioning how his wife doesn't sleep with him anymore.
HIS problem, I do not care, I am not the married men sexual release system.
The meaner I am the more they seem to think it's a challenge. I pity them.
I burn a candle and say a prayer for the victim who has the misfortune of calling them
husband.
AND I praise my GOD that I am single and do not have to put up with lies.
I do not encourage lying men. I wish more women would put a stop to this crap

I know being bitter is useless, but sometimes I have to fight it.
Let's look over our past adventures, we realize that something good
always happens, just look for it.
Something good happens, it just looks like the scales are
not tipped in my favor. They are. OK go eat chocolate moose
and drink diet coke, I won't try and cheer you up anymore today

there is an exhilerating feeling I get from being on my own.
My own things surround me and bring me peace.
I love nightly rituals, and frown on them being interrupted.
Daine's Dinner at six, bath at seven, stories till 8 thirty.
Tuck the little bugger into bed and pray with him.
Then I research, read anything I can get my hands on, or if
PBS has something good on, I will watch that.

Bedtime, and bad dreams for me. Worry endless in my head.
Will this nightmare ever end?
Good Bad Ugly, but it is all mine.
I got one more month till I cannot pay rent. Ticket is due, cable, cell phone,
car payment, car insurance, and still no job.
Hope is flickering off and on.
I can sing the " If Only Blues"
I ask to be given clarity, I need to know what I did to cause this situation.
Or is it not special? millions of others are in my predicament?

Pam, Director of Healthy Beginning's Daycare in Meridian Idaho.
I wish I had a lawyer over the last fiasco...
The job was so horrible and went against what I believe in, so much that I am convinced to go to school and get a degree and make a difference in this world.
Pam fired me, but she and owner said that I was cussing and swearing and they had to give me a discipline action, and that I walked, they didn't know I wasn't coming back, then they held my paycheck for a month. Where is that paper that says, fired as of Feb.18th? Why hold my paycheck a month, then cheat me on time and money?
How can Pam and Kasha sleep at night?
It so clearly didn't happen like that. But I have no recourse. I am just an unemployed loser with two people's word against mine.
The good thing, is I know that I am right, I told Janelle every day what happened over the course of the day, and she knows. So good to have family gather around you when you are persecuted.
I learn something from every trial.
I just hope this doesn't come back to haunt me someday.
I Felt anger when the unemployment office called me and told me what Pam had said. I was shocked into silence, then I told him, "But that didn't happen, everyday they told me that I Was too gentle and quiet with the children," and I told them I have a "no yell policy", and if I had to yell then I was out of control. that must have sunk in, because they used my words against me later.
HE SAID< I don't want to hear all that, I just want the facts. I couldn't blame him, but I was so taken off guard by that bit of information.
I called Pam after I talked to the unemployement office and asked Pam why she was lying. She said, " I think you better ask Kasha that, have a nice day." then hung up the phone.
There is no labor board to report their behavior too in Idaho...
I cannot report them to the better business bureau.
There has got to be someone. They cheated me on my hours and my pay as well.
My friend Fritz says, I have spent too much time being upset over it, and to move on. I feel he is right, and I Hope that they get caught in their lies one day.
AND I hope the daycare goes under, because I wouldn't put a precious child in there. TOO much chaos and yelling going on, the shy children suffer anxiety.
I have heard workers threaten children with punishment constantly, if they have to do that, they need to RE-check their methods.
So much injustice in this world, so little time for the caped crusader.... Super Glena.
I am putting a page on my website called stupid people network, I shall add " Healthy Beginnings Child Care" as one of my main subscribers.
For anyone thinking of puting their children in " Healthy Beginnings" daycare in Meridian Idaho, I wouldn't do that, it is neither healthy, nor a good
beginning for a precious child. I wouldn't let them watch my cat.
I was told I could bring my son with me on the days he didn't have school. I couldn't bring myself to bring my own child into my workplace.
So that tells you a lot.
I supose there are more horrible places to put a child during the day, but I have not seen one.

I want to be a behavioral specialist.
I want to work with people with phobias and depression, by using behavior management,
instead of anti depression drugs.( I also might like helping abused children get a handle on their life.)
I think that we take pills too often for a quick fix when the problem is long term, and needs time to work it out.
There are emergency situations where drugs have to be used, such as severe depression, but I don't think drug
therapy should last for more then a year.
And I know directly of what I speak, my phobias, and fears of inadequacy have caused me much failure in my life.
But I got this amazing daughter that tells me, " mom you didn't go to school, you didn't do a lot of things because
you were raising kids, do you think that you have worn that excuse out by now?"
And I thought, I am too stupid to go to school, and because of my directional dysfunction, I would never find the classroom,
and on and on...
But when you cannot get a job, and you realize that you were qualified for the last 30 jobs you interviewed for,
you are forced into plan B.
Plan B, is go to school, and get a job that is better then the gas station job, you didn't get hired for....
IN YOUR FACE!!! you Jerks!.
My success will be my justification

http://duskydawn2.tripod.com/
I get so angry at times.
Things are so unfair, justice is not served, the truth is not known.
No wonder people go nuts.
Put it in the hands of God?
OK, but maybe God enjoys watching me squirm like a worm on a hook.

Do not waste time on stupid people.
Life is short, but I think it will seem longer with non kindred spirits. LONG and DRAWN OUT AND TEDIOUS.
Oh yes, Life has appointed me in charge of stupid people. I would hesitate to say God, I am not sure of his opinion of me sometimes.

Dear Owner of Healthy Beginnings Child Care,
You were standing in the kitchen when Pam fired me, I do not understand why you are expressing otherwise.
Pam said that if I did not sign a paper stating that I was insubordinate that ' We were Through." I said, " so you are firing me because we have a difference of opinion?" She said, Yes.
Check your memory, I think you will find that is the way it happened, I also asked her if she had my paycheck ready, and she stated that she didn't have to have it ready. At this time you intervened and said, 48 hours was the allotted time.
I wrote my address down and asked the paycheck to be mailed.
The statements being made to the Dept. of Labor by your company are erroneous, and I plan to take further action.
One cannot continue to do things that are not in accordance with the law and expect to remain unscathed. Also stupidity is not a handicap.
Search your heart, the truth is always the best way to go.
I did a good job while I worked for you in spite of Pam's hate campaign, saying anything different is a lie.
Sincerely
Glena Dusky

I will alert the highway patrol that I have decided to leave my safe nest in Boise.
Sometimes it is tedious being me.
I spent a few unsettling minutes trying to find my way out of Julia Davis park, when all I wanted was the job service.I realize that this is my "little thing", and I read about it, its called Directional Disability....Yesterday I proudly arrived one half hour early for my appointment, only to discover it was the wrong place.
I have a stack of notes in my car, because I never know when I will suddenly forget how to get somewhere that I used to know how to drive to.
Repetition helps, but how soon I forget.
Janelle says, ' Mom? How will I be able to tell when you are senile?"
She won't .
I am trying to talk my navigator into coming with me, The little girls could stay with Janelle's dad and wife. Then I won't feel so afraid. Janelle is piled high with homework, she knows if she comes with me, she won't do it, I am the best excuse for procrastinating.

( I hear the Canadian Countryside is lovely this time of year.)

http://www.bigwoods.allhell.com/moonphase.html
Ahhh me like.
*******************************************************
News of the day, I deleted my website of five years.
I was sick of it, sick of how the pictures wouldn't lay how I wanted them to, sick of all the old news, old stories, memories.
Not so interesting news of the day, 75 percent of the employees at the daycare hate me, 98 percent of the children like me.
More un-interesting news of the decade, Duck takes longer to cook then you would think.
Cambells soup tastes pretty good when you tired of waiting for duck.
My most favorite job of all is being mother.
THERE is much to be thankful for.. once again, Thank you Heavenly Father for my freedom. Thank you for YOUR wisdom. Thank you that you are in charge of things instead of me.
Many thanks for the catch and release system of dating. SUCKERS!!!
Especially oh Lord! thank you for the noisy boy up in his bed, that isn't asleep yet.
Thank you for allowing me to see my Oldest daughter and her two little girls all laying on the floor together reading books, while their mommy was studying for school. It was a precious picture, I will keep with me.
Thank you for the rose, that my son in law thoughtfully picked out for me. It's a lovely shade of pink.
Thank you for the gift of discernment, help me to use it wisely.
G-Night.

I think that men that break up, just before a holiday are cheapskates.
I think men that whine about how much they love you, then run like a chicken when you say it back.... are typical.
I think men that say, They know what they want are delusional.
I am going to write a book on Catch and Release Dating.
I think it will be a big seller if I can focus long enough on the subject.

If your gonna break up with someone have the decency to spell their name right.

Glenda,This is going to be hard...No Drama as you would say.I dont know if you noticed yesterday when we spoke on the phone i mentioned i had lots of things to get done.Things in my life ARE really messed up and you helped me through these times ,in more ways than you will ever know.I am so glad you were there for me.Love is a funny thing you can love someone and love some one but i guess they have different meanings.I dont want to hurt you, never did ..I just wanted to be there for you.Well I know this is not what you want to hear right now in your life .But ive been up every nite and its on my mind all the time lately. I just cant commit .I just have to figure out what i want .and have too much to do before i can commit fully to anyone.PLEASE FORGIVE ME YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD PERSON ANDDESERVE BETTER..I WILL CALL LATER IN THE WEEK .........JUST NEED TIME

The Shadow Truth spread provides insight into your attitudes and hidden feelings. This spread is used when you are having trouble confronting something, or fear that you are concealing something from yourself. The Aquatic Tarot is a modern watercolor interpretation of the classic Rider Waite symbolism. It is rapidly becoming one of the most popular decks, due to both its spectacular beauty and its traditional imagery.

The card in the center represents the attitude you assume. Queen of Swords: The essence of air behaving as water, such as a refreshing mist: A person gifted with both keen logic and natural intuition, giving them uncanny powers of perception and insight. One who easily sees past deception and confusion to the heart of a matter, and understands both sides of any argument. The embodiment of calm, forthrightness, and wit, in the face of even the most trying circumstances.

The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. Five of Pentacles (Worry): Hard times brought on by addiction, wasteful spending, ill health, or an outside event. Rejection, loneliness, and the need for comfort. May suggest unemployment, a catastrophe in personal finance, or a turn for the worse in business.

The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. Six of Cups (Pleasure): Opening your heart to the simple pleasures of life. Fond memories fuel the playful embrace of love and life. Experiencing the joy of youth and sexual innocence. Engaging in acts of gentle kindness. Harmony of natural forces without effort or strain. Meeting an old friend.

The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. The Tower: Unforeseen catastrophe. An abrupt change, perhaps leading to a new lifestyle and enlightenment. May indicate a broken relationship, divorce, or failure in business or career.

The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Eight of Cups (Indolence), when reversed: The realization that a matter thought to be important was actually of little consequence. Moving on from something in which you had invested great love and devotion. The start of an inner journey to find higher aspects of life. Reflection on what is truly fulfilling in life.

HA HAAAHHAAAHAHAA
ahem.
The boy had eggplant casserole for dinner last night, he looked at me and said..... " I already ate a bite before I knew what it was, do I have to eat anymore?"

To be honest, I didnt mind the Gramma bit, I minded knowing that I am done, I will never give birth again.
As I put Daine's baby clothes on a life sized doll that looks like him.. I think "THANK GOD they all feed themselves now".
however.. that soft baby feel and smell, and the way they grab your nose when you say "Hi baby"!
The way that Daine only wanted me... no where in my life have I ever been so adored.. except the dog.
MADAME Lucy is six I think.. I got her at the pound before Kayla was born. She is so smart I tell her to get her leash, and she looks at me and sits, waiting for a biscuit.. and she knows that Mcdonalds doesn't give out treats for dogs, you should see the dirty look they get as we drive by... and Lucy stares at them too.
Cloudy cold day today, I would take her for a walk. I keep thinking this is temporary and I get to go home soon, Where is home? I don't know.
The Canadian figures into things.. complications.. I very much tried to keep him away, he creeped me out because he liked me so much.
I think I will keep him, but I am still keeping both eyes open, we shall see.
I feel good when ever he is around.
Lucy likes him, even the Catman like him, he hasn't barfed on him yet either.
Catman barfed on most of my dates... more then once.
This cat, (that Daine calls Shadow) is so weird he picks up his toys and puts them in his box when he is done with them, I have to get it on film, because I keep thinking its a fluke, then he does it again.
Cats soon bore of things, and soon he won't do it anymore.
IF he sees me with a camara he runs.

Favorite Food: Sushi

Hobbies: gluing stuff, painting stuff, cleaning up spilled plants from the Catman

Favorite TV Show: I SOOO don't have one.

jobs you have done: Mother, Daycare worker, Sunday School Teacher, Pet store manager, Librarian, Dishwasher, Maid, File Research expert for credit bureau, Order taker for distributing company,Pre-tester for Eye Doctor, Night stalker for grocery store, CNA, Home health aid for medicaid, Customer service rep... and funniest of all, Telemarketor.

What did you want to be when you grew up? I’ll let you know when I get growed up

Favorite Vacations Spot: San Francisco

In the film version of your life, who would play you? Rose Ann

Pet Peeves: People who refuse to do what I order them to do.

Favorite Teams: Seattle Mariners, Seattle Seahawks

Favorite Book: The Inn Keepers Song, Peter S Beagle

Favorite Singer: David Draiman

People would be surprised to know that I: Used to be a woman

The one thing I can’t stop spending money on: Food and Rent, go figure

Before I die, I want to live forever.

Family: Janelle, Dwain, Kayla, Olivia, Chelsie, the Donald, Daine
HomeTown: Pierce Idaho

Secret Ambition: To do exactly what I want when I want.

I once Met; Governor Cecil Andrus, twice actually, once at my highschool graduation and twenty years later in a Zamzows pet store, I sold him dog food, what an amazing guy.

I would like to meet: Justin Hayward

My prize possession is: My big wrought iron bed with cassa blanca canopy, (carl don't know he bought it.)

Zodiac sign: Gemini

Best thing I love about Boise: Climate, and the people

Worst thing about Boise: Its very hard to see the beaches from here.

Feather Boa 

Telemarketing is fun


I am looking for a job.
Telemarketing and the right to work, have appeared together in too many work places.

In Idaho it means treat your employees like numbers.
Tired of unlimited phone calls, tired of being told, "If you are not selling you are Nothing."
I could not pick up the phone one more time.
I tried each day to make it to our ten minute break, then the employee encouragement speech,
(Rag Session) then I would say, if I can just make it to lunch... then break so on and so on.
HOWEVER I could not do it one day, I stared at the phone and I thought, I cannot make another
phone call, this is it for me.
So I called the head hench man over, the one that always told us, if we are not selling we are nothing,
and GENTLY told him in a calm and mostly (WE HOPE) clear manner that I was not cut out for his fine
establishment, and it was a waste of time to hand me a paycheck when I was so underserving... and
I WOULD like to work for a place where I make a difference, and am not just another number...
completely replaceable... so on and on, and NOW I am freakin.. looking for work again.

Weird day at telemarketor hell yesterday.
The anniversary of the death of my little brother.
He was a carpenter.
Seems this time of year brings nostalgia... I am thinking of my ex in laws, and wishing Daine had a father,
on the other hand the way we got things, is pretty nice.
Nobody to argue with if I am a little light on discipline, he will survive inspite of me I am sure.
We read stories every night, and... I cheated, Santa wanted Daine to have the kipling books early,
WE are really enjoying them.
Just so Stories... we read the Elephant's Child.
I haven't opened the Christmas ornaments yet, I have long since bagged up all the girls ornaments
and gave them to them. The little dancing fairies from the sugar plum fairy, the teddy bears, each ornament
I bought them. Usually one a year.
There are cardboard rings painted with finger paints, and hideous pinecones dumped in glitter, trash mostly,
but of course they all go up on the tree.
Daine just presented me with a bag, stapled shut, it says Sira the goat on it. He said it's my present.
I told him when We put up the tree we will put the present under it. From the concentrated look on his face,
I bet he spent a lot of time on it.
Don't be sad, remember the good stuff, I am trying to.

Daine Bennet Dusky

he has an incredible mind, and I secretly think he picked me to be his mother before he was born.
It's my job to encourage that mind, so I read him novels, and science books and have taught him all I know... not a lot in that department.
He is seven years old and one of the most interesting people I have ever met.

YEAH I am on Santa's bad list... and it explains a lot.


Daine refused to watch the lighting of the Christmas tree downtown Boise.
He cried...
I said " do you miss Brookings?"
he nodded.
He has lived his whole life in Brookings and every year we go to the light festival, his sister and I have always taken him.
I told him, we will make new traditions in Idaho, don't worry baby.
This year we are enjoying our poverty, but Christmas always brings miracles.
I asked the boy if he could have anything he wanted what would he wish for.
He said, he would like a computer.
Hidden in my closet is a nearly new refurbished computer given to me by a friend... what strange coincidence?
We celebrate on Christmas Eve.
I will set that computer up and have it ready to roll when he discovers it on his desk with a red ribbon and a note from Santa.
He has been a good boy, but even if he had not, Santa would be generous, because this child is much loved and cherished.
Glena Jean... the bad elf.

Well this doesn't sound very positive.
The election is really terrible, we have no real choice... and I am the one
calling everyone to annoy them further with silly slogans and more mud
slinging... Senator John Edward's gets millions of dollars from lawyers, and
won't support Medical reform.
mmm somebody in Missouri is pro choice but has a million kids of her own
Please vote NO on initiative 1560 in Wyoming.Seattle needs transportation
change... I am SICK to death of the whole thing.
If you ever get a call from a telemarketor, the kindest thing is to hang up
gently on them. Some tell me to get screwed, Others call me a
stupid )(*)(*$*)*(_)+(()# B...H... it's so much fun, I ended up laughing at
someone last night, after the creative way he told me to get off!
One man went into a colorful diatribe and I told him 'thank you very much,
have a wonderful evening.'
They can hang up.... they can be kind for five seconds.. .yes I KNOW they
probably got fifteen calls around dinner time, but only one of them was
me... so My apologies to all who have had their dinner hour interrupted...
it will be over in another day.

We moved here two months ago from the Oregon coast. I miss my wet misty breezes and cool air.
I have the directional sense of a drunken gnat.. on a good day, some days I Forgot where I am and why I am here.
I have a few favorite places however....
I love the Blues Bouquet, downtown on main street, usually any day of the week you can find great music. The Boise down town night scene is a circus of people and sound.
If your feeling very brave you can walk over to the balcony in the sandpiper restaurant. There you can guess who is the transvestite and order micro brewery beer, cheerfully served to you by the floor whore... who is a very cranky waiter.
and if that isn't enough, there is a hot dog vender on every corner for the after drinks munchies..
My other favorite place is municipal park, I like watching the trout or just kicking the leaves up in the park.
SEE? It's not just about gun waving at the local mall.

Whitehall Lane Winery

I suddenly remembered this wine. I was twenty eight, staying at the Hofsas Haus with a friend. Visiting places of wonder to me. I was a small town girl after all, and it was all magic to me.

http://www.hofsashouse.com/default.html

Pinot Noir, A wine for sensualists. Makes the great reds of Burgundy and good wines from California and Oregon. More delicate than Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot, with strawberry and tea-leaf aromas and flavors, excellent with grilled salmon, roast chicken and grilled lamb.

We tried it with Cream Havarti Cheese and French bread. that was to be our diet for the next ten days.

In ways one cannot imagine. Thoughts assail, time moves on. Think on the things that make you smile.

hmm Boise's finest shoot the victim

August 12, 2000/Boise, Idaho: A woman was mauled by a tiger at a fundraiser for Zoo Boise after the cat escaped from an unlocked cage. She was hospitalized in serious condition with a broken leg, puncture wounds, and a gunshot wound that she received when police fired their guns to scare the tiger away.

On Sunday I took Daine to the zoo.
His excitement was most annoying. we ran to all the animal exhibits, and ooh and awwed over the bats,
which he and I like the best.

We were standing near a Jaguar cage and one of them Jumped at him, actually hit the fence, Daine screamed and fell down it scared him so much.

I wondered if the cat thought he was going to have a little boy for breakfast, or if that is Jaguar humor....
"HEY Larry, watch this!"

I told my daughter about this, and she said, a few years ago a woman was attacked at the zoo.
so I looked it up.

Next visit to the zoo I am wearing cat proof armor, just in case.

Last night while I was explaining to the "Date From Hell" that free spirit also means, one can say NO,
and stick to it.
I am not sure how a pleasant movie watching and wine drinking session turned into a tussle.
Meanwhile during the fight, my phone decided to Call Carl...
Why? why did my phone call Dwain when we were out Friday night, and why did my phone call Carl
when I was fighting off Ninja Man.
AND the big why.... the place that I am applying for work today, the five hour interview that I am sweating.....
he is affiliated with that company.
OOH brother!
I thought as I drug him to his feet and put his coat on him, then opened the door and shoved his carcass out,
that.... this may not bode well for the interview tomorrow.
Shoot me now.
He called me when he got home and he messaged me, he apparently has no idea that it was a disaster of an
evening... if I can just lie low the next few days.
Free Spirit Indeed!
But as a wise friend once said, 'If life didn't suck, we would all fly off the planet."
SO I am off to my interview, wish me luck... or perhaps someone else's luck.

I can almost smell the air.
Misty wistful, full of promise for things that can never happen.
"It's that day like today" thing again.
I am mystified that I am in Boise Idaho.
HOW did I get here again?

Oh babybaby, fill my head with dreams of autumn boat races, leaves burning, secret meetings in the grove.

I wear the purple velvet cloak with the silver clasp under my throat.

The Labrador runs after hidden prey.

The breeze blows my unkempt hair out of it's confines.

I can hear Lucy barking in the distance, and I call her back, she didn't catch her victim.

Will I catch mine?

I went on an interview yesterday, I was so excited about this job, the inventor of the building contractor software wanted to see me...
he told the job recruiter that my enthusiasm was refreshing but I was too hyper... They were supposed to call me yesterday... But didn't..
I have a 50/50 chance of getting this job...
Its hard being me... I am very excited about being around this new technology, I got on his website and tried to learn everything I could... I know I am a good choice for his company... But somehow I presented the wrong image.
I asked him, 'How did you get from contractor to inventor?" I was fascinated by everything..... Anyway....Maybe he thought I was putting him on. I don't kiss butt, but sometimes I may seem insincere because I am so overwhelmed with interest.

Boise is lovely... This is that time of year that gets to me.. Crisp mornings, leaves changing, wonderful smell in the air. The days are still warm, the evenings cool for walking, Janelle and I are walking at night now.

I had a lovely date last night, with a micron technician. He is in r and d, you know I love hangin with the smart people...
It was Puke fest last night... what got into the animals I don't know.
My cat has become weird, wont let anyone touch him, but went over and barfed on Nick's shoes... Then Lucy barfed, then What showed up for a visit and her dog barfed, then the cat walked over and barfed on his shoes again......
I was mortified about the animals... Dinner and disgrace could be the theme of the evening.
HE is a music technician and has a recording studio... Guess what I get to do?? HE listened to me sing, he says I have sub tones/? Or something, anyway he told me about my voice, he knew what he was talking about, he wants to try some different type of boxes to bring out certain sounds, it sounds like a blast to me.

I got the interview with the inventor on Thursday.. Only I have to find the place... This will of course be interesting...
I will not wear the red dress.... Perhaps the pink church lady dress... We noticed we are getting wide of girth... Its not fair... I barely eat.. ITS going to be tough to get rid of that ass....SUX, because I walk everywhere....OKAY truth be told its not really the ass that's the trouble, its the tummy..... The butt is a bubble butt, not wide but.. You know...MY dear brothers called me bubble butt since I was a small fry.

ahem... Sorry again, I am so open with things...

ANYWAY the reason I prevail is I finally beat XP at its insidious game, it hid a file from me. I FOUND IT... whoo hoooo! (insert happy noises here) I downloaded DEAD MAN"S party, the techno version... Ok, one has too much time on her hands.. It will all end when I am working again, I will be hard to find... Mostly because I will be cruising the Canadian farm land, wishing I was finding my way home.

My son thinks I am funny,he has been laughing so hard he is drooling.

Janelle and I were reminiscing on some of my mothering skills when I was a young mother like she is now....

MOVE IT< OR I will kick you so hard you will be wearing your butt for a hat....

I said that... she is still laughing over twenty years later...

I Was always a good mother.

my approach is being documented today.

SOMETIMES I wish I could go back and be twenty again... living in Montana with my goats and my two beautiful baby girls.... Janelle and I used to ride my bike seven miles into Missoula and have tea at Alice's Restaraunt.

She doesn't remember now.... it was a lifetime ago.

I shall not be sad, this is now, and I have another young child that makes me laugh... sometimes I wish I could have another... but at my age, I would put the baby down and forget where I put him.

blond... and now impending dementia......

Lucky I am still beautiful.. not that it accounts for anything.

Obsessive

I have played "GLOW" by Alien Ant Farm over and over, I am so glad no one
can hear me... can they?
I am dancing, the dog is hiding, the cat is looking alarmed....

I should go through my closet and find a conservative dress.
The corduroy is out.. I have a short waist, and.... bubble butt, it seems to
focus on my AHEM
area's.. that may be why the cat hit me when I wore it last week.
I KNOW too much information.
most of my stuff.... is kinda retro hippy....I GIVE UP, I do not look
conservative.

The green velvet gothic.....The black silk with the purple boa??

The pink frilly one... EWWWWWWWWWWWW looks like Mrs. Church Lady.

The red one? that one always gets me into trouble...besides.... its a bit
snug on one's derriere....

I could send you a photo show... my daughter always says, "It looks good
mom." I think she does it on purpose, and laughs all the way home....

She is used to me, to give her credit. so perhaps I look normal to her.

OK OK< Smooth Criminal...... cover by Alien Ant Farm... they do it better
then Michael Jackson. I am.. not changing out of the baggy green
sweatshirt....and birkenstocks.

Janelle swiped my "NO FEAR" sweat shirt. I stole it fair and square from an
ex boyfriend... BONUS!! One must always have a collectable from each
affair... Glena's closet should be full... SIGH...

Well the cat doesn't dance we find out.. too late